Onew Pov

"Onew, you need a girlfriend" my best friend of three years, Joon said as we walked home from school. I just nodded and he just sighed, and that's how it's always been because I was the quiet, and clumsy one while he was loud and sociable. "I can set you up on a date with one of Hyuna's freinds. She told me Jessica thinks your cute" he said excitied. I on the other hand could care less, but I still nod so he thinks I'm interested. Truthfully I'll never be interested in any of the dates he sets up for me because I like him. Yea, I have a crush on him. I have for a year, but he has a girlfriend, Hyuna, and I respect that, so I just stay here by his side whenever he needs me.

"Onew if you never open up to anyone other than me you'll never have a girlfriend" he says as we finally make it to my house. We enter and were greeted by the smell of home-cooked food. I went to the kitchen to see a table full of food and a post-it left by my mom that said:
Dear Onew
I won't be back 'til late tonight there was an emergency at work. It shouldn't take way too long, but I can't let my little rabbit son die so heres your food
~ love umma
"where your umma" Joon asked unwrapping the food. "she had an work emergency and had to leave" I said softly, and he nodded while going to grab us some plates and chopsticks. I wasn't really that hungry so I decided to just get some Kimchi fried rice while Joon ate buloggi, kimchi, and rice. Once we got our food we went to sit in front of the tv to eat. It was something we always did when we ate and I loved it, especially when he decides I haven't eatten enough and he feds me. Even though I usually don't do skinship I do love when Joon does small stuff like that even though he doesn't know how fast he makes my heart beat.

"Onew, feed me" he says pouting, and might I say it was an adorable sight that made me blush slightly because he usaully feds me and the other way around I became alittle shy. "O-okay" I muttered and fed him a little of the rice. He closed his eyes and made the most heavenliest sound. "ah, that was delicious because my little rabbit fed it to me. Ah, seriuosly I'm gonna die it was to good" Joon said while overacting. I giggled quietly, and he smiled. He often told me he liked hearing my laugh.
"lets watch a movie, Joonie" I said going to get the remote, while he nodded and went to put up our half eatten food, and get us a blanket. By the time I found the remote, in the upsatirs bathroom Joon was puting on his shoes about to leave. "Joonie" I said confused as to what he was doing. "Hyuna just called, Jessica's having a party and we're going. Come on we have to hurry, before someone steals Jess away from you." He said nearly tripping from rushing to get his shoes tied and his jacket on. He looked so excitied that I couldn't say no, so I put my shoes on and my jacket.
"That's the spirit Onew, now lets get you a girlfriend" he said pulling me out the door.

Since Jessica's house was 3 blocks away from mine we got there pretty fast, but it still wasn't fast enough for Joon to see his 'adorable Hyuna'. I sighed as he once again dragged me through the party to where Hyuna and Jessica were talking. He smiled at Hyuna and gave her a kiss, while I tried to ignore the pain in my chest. "Hey Onew" Hyuna said cutely and hugged me.I hugged her back, because I could never hate Hyuna. We  were frinds for 4 years, her me and Joon, and it wasn't her fault that he liked her just as much as she liked him.
"Onew this is Jessica, Jessica this is my rabbit best friend Onew" she introduced us before going off to dance with Joon. "So, Onew would you like to dance, or we could go somewhere quiet t-to talk" she said nervously. "lets go somewhere quiet" I mumbled and followed her upstairs to what I assume was her room. We sat on the bed and she looked at me nervously. "S-so what do you want to do" she asked nervously, as she tried to descreetly move her way cloder to me. "oh, nothing really. Joon just dragged me here. I'd rather be at home." I said honestly and I could see her disappointment, but's it's better to let her know what I feel now than later I suppose.
"Oh well, uh..."
"I think I'll just go home. Sorry Jessica-shi, nice party see you later" I interupted and she just looked at me surprised before quietly mumbling a bye. I gave her a small smile before leaving the room and goin back downstairs to the party. I had to push my way through the crowd to get to the door only to find out I had pushed my way to the kitchen where Joon was holding Hyuna and she was playing with his hair.  She kissed his nose and he kissed her lips and they smiled at each other like they were in love. For the second time that day I felt my heart being shot at. I just wished he would look at me halfway like he does her. I bit my lip to hide and tried to hold back my tears. I saw the cooler on the other side of the kitchen filled with soju. I closed the distance between me and the cooler and grabbed one. I chugged it down and made my way out of the kitchen being pushed by the noisy drunk teenagers, only to bump into the happy couple.
"Onew your drinking." Joon said worriedly finally realizing my presence. I ignored him and walked quickly out of the kitchen. This time I had found the door and had tossed the empty beer bottle before grabbing a new one.
(if you know anything about soju you know its supeeeeerrrrrr STRONG. like 1 bottle and your drunk.)
I walk out of the house and started to walk home. It was however difficult because I was starting to realize just how drunk I was. I could barely walk straight and I kept tripping. I was usually very clumbsy but I could barely even stand. "Onew" Joon said helping me stand. "When d-did you get here" I asked confused. "I followed you out here. Onew, whats wrong. Your drunk, and you only drink when your upset. Was it Jessica. " He asked worriedly. I groaned and tried to pull away from him, but only ended up falling into his arms. "Onew, whats wrong you've never acted like this before." he said grabbing my arms to keep me from struggling. He looked into my eyes and I looked away feeling my tears glide down my face. " Onew w-why- what happened. Just tell me please don't cry." he said holding my face.
"l-leave me alone" I said pushing him, but it was a weak attempt. "Dont touch me, j-just go with your girlfriend" I cried out helplessly. ''No Onew your my best-"
" your b-best friend. I know, and I hate it, you dont know how much I hate it"
"Onew what are tal-"
"I LOVE YOU, okay I love you. I dont want a girlfriend. I want you. I want you to look at me the way you do Hyuna, to hold me, put me first, pay attention to me, to love me but you dont so j-just leave me alone. You probably hate me now anyway, so just...just go" I cried my heart out, and he finally let me go, looking shocked. I let out a bitter laugh and turned to stumble home. Once I finally made it back to my house I went to my couch and wrapped myself in the throwblanket on the couch andd cried. I cried so hard that I started to hiccup. and my throat started to hurt. I cried so much until I just fell asleep.

Morning

''Aaah my head" I groaned in pained grabbing my head. I looked around and saw I was in my room.I got up and made my way to my dresser to get some asprin for my hangover when everything that happened came rushing to my head. Me drunk, crying, and confessing to Joon. "Oh god what did I do" I groaned helplessly feeling tears immediately rush to my eyes.
"Well I see-  Onew, whats wrong" my mom came in and rushed to my side envolping me in a hug. "I-I did something s-stupid, and lost my best friend." I cried into her sholdier. "What, im sure its not that bad. You know Joonies dramatic he'll forgive you I'm su-"
"No, he wont. He probably hates me." I cried even harder. I can't believe this is happening, it can't be happening, I lost my friend, my best friend, the person I love deeply just because I couldn't hold in my emotions. "Onew, come here sit, and tell your Sunny umma what happened okay." my umma cooed pulling me to sit up on my bed. I took a deep breath and stared down at my hands before I turned to my umma. "I confessed t-to Joon" I said quietly. "and what did he say" she asked holding my hand, as if she were telling me everything would be okay. "he said nothing. He just looked at me . So I left, and he didnt even try to stop me" I explained the all to familar pain settling back into my heart as I said the words aloud.
"Oh my baby. Im sorry you had to go through that, but trust me things will get better okay. I know it doesnt seem like it, but they will. Maybe you don't belong with Joon. Maybe you belong with someone else. Someone much more understanding and loving and handsome" she said the last part smiling and poked my cheek to get me to smile. I let out a small chuckle at her silliness. "See thats my boy, you'll find someone better than that Lee Joon. Oh what about Minho-shi. You know Sooyoung son, ahh you two would be perfect to-"
"Umma I don't want to start moving on right this moment" I said stopping all her dreams of me and Minho-shi, I mean I had only seen him once. "Okay, Okay, but I have his number if you change your mind. Now, I'm going to go make you some breakfast and then we'll spend the day together ok" she said happily and I nodded my head yes, feeling better if only for a little while.

Once breakfast was ready my umma called me down to eat. "Now hurry up and eat so we can go shopping. I want to buy you some new clothes so you can get a man" she said with enthusiam. I nodded smiling at my umma. She sure does know how to make you smile. After I finished my breakfast my umma followed me to my room and picked out an outfit for me to wear to the mall. "This annnnddd.....Oh Theese" she exclaimed excitied handing me a low cut black graphic v-neck and ripped red skin tight skinnies. "U-umma thoose pants are really tight. I dont really wear them, they were a present from uncle Key. " I explained looking at the pants with doubtful eyes. "Your wearing them, and thats that now hurry up. Theres a sale at Etude house, and you know I need me some BB cream" she advised me before shutting the door.
With a sigh of defeat I changed into the clothes and made my way downstairs where my umma was waiting. I quickly put on my shoes and followed her out the door and to the car.
"Okay, first we go to Etude house and beat all the old fat cows for the make up and then we'll go where ever you want." she said smiling evilly. She always gets like this when it comes to sales.So I just silently agreed and looked out the window as we sped down the road. Luckily it didn't take us long to get to the mall and that we didnt get pulled over by the cops. We quickly exited the car and I lauged as my umma pracically hopped to the opening doors. "Onew, I know you dont want to look for makeup with me so you can walk around until im down and we'll just meet up later." she said smiling happily as she eyed the sale signs. I agreed and she sprinted off while I went to the food court to get a smoothie.
For a Saturday the mall wasnt that crowded. It was just a few small kids and ther parents and a few teens, but I wasnt complaining. I liked when their wasnt alot of people around. I would usually just come on a Monday or Tuesday with Joon since it wasnt so busy and we'd just hang out. I guess that wont be happening anymore. "a medium mix berry please" I ordered from the small cafe. A girl with light purple hair handed me my drink and I sat in one of the booths in the back of the resturant. I slowly drank my smoothies as I thought about all the things I would be doing alone now that I dont have Joon.
No more Joon means no one to talk to in school since he and Hyuna were my only friends, and I dont think she would want to talk to me if Joon told her about my drunken coffession. And that meant I would be alone, just that quiet clumsy kid who use to be Joon's friend sitting in the back of class. Nothing exciting in my life, just staying home regretting my actions and wishing that he would come apologize and say he loved me too, but that would be selfish wouldn't it. He is happy with Hyuna, she is happy with him. I'm so selfish for trying to break apart their love just so I can be happy. 
I don't even care if he doesn't love me back, which I know he doesn't I just want to be able to be near him, and now I can't. Maybe...maybe if I apologize he would understand. We could forget what happened and everything would go back to how it was. 
I would move on and he and Hyuna would be happy. If only it was that simple, if only this was a mere crush and not love that was hidden for so long. But maybe, if I just tried.
I got up from the booth and took my smoothie with me and left the small shop. I took out my phone and dialed the number I knew by heart as I walked aimlessly around the almost empty mall. I placed the phone by my ear and waited for him to answer if he did. It rang,and rang, and finally I was answered by the voicemail. I felt my throat tighten, being choked up by the tears that were now falling so fast. He won't even talk to me. 
I tried to speak, but for the first couple of minutes my words were jumbled together and drowned out by my crying.I stopped and took a shaky breathe before continuing. "Joon Hyung,I-I sorry. I-I am, so-sorry, okay. I d-didn't mean it I-"
I bummed into someone, and before I could fall they caught me. I looked up to see it was Joon. I started crying even more. I hugged him tightly and cried in his chest. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean it o-okay, just p-please d-don't leave me. I'm sorry, just pl-''
''Onew calm down, stop crying" Joon pulled me away from him, and I tried to calm down and wipe my eyes but it didn't really work. "I'm sorry'' I mumbled one last time and he sighed. "Look Onew, right now I don't think it would be good if we or you and Hyuna stayed friends. " I felt what was left of my already broken heart die. " Joon please d-don't do this. I-I'll move on, a-and we can forget all this h-happened, and I won't t-tell Hyuna. J-joon please " I fell to my knees and begged. But he didn't show any change in emotion. "Goodbye, Onew" He walked away, out of my life. I stayed on there where I was for awhile with tears falling down my eyes, until my umma came and took us back home.

                                                                 ________________________________________________

Ever since that day, Joon hasn't talked to me. Neither has Hyuna, I guess he told her what happened. I haven't made any new friends, because now I was known as the weird, clumsy gay kid, since it was only my umma that knew I was gay. No one really ever bullied me, but they just all decided to stay away from me, whispering things about me behind my back. I became more quieter, I rarely ever talked to anyone now, except my umma and the words said to her were very limited. She became so worried over me, but I constantly  told her I was fine. Why bother her with the truth, I told Joon the truth and it only resulted in heartbreak. Its better to just lie, and pretend to be someone else if this is what it's really like to be yourself.
To be shut out, talked about, and looked down on why would I even want to be myself. For no one to except me, to love me, I hate it.
I hat myself, if I wasn't myself non of this mess would happen, I would have Joon, I would have people to talk to other than my mom, I would be excepted.
But I guess we can never have it the way we want because sometimes you don't get have a fairy god-mother to help you get your prince charming and happy ending, instead we get hurt and locked away and wait to die, because we're not the princess just the ugly step-sister.