I Cannot Even Think of a Title for This Madness
Hunhan and Taoris Go Shopping
A/N: Omg what is wrong with me? O__O Seriously, did somebody put something in my cereal this morning? Well, anyway, I hope you enjoy this madness. It's 10x as crazy as "Hunhan and Taoris Get Cable". I have warned you. Oh Dear Lord.....
And without furthur ado...here's Part 1 to the prequel ^-^ Enjoy~Comment~Subscribe~blah blah blah :D
“Tao, your outfit looks good enough. Can we just go already?” Sehun whined from Tao’s bedroom.
In the bathroom next door, Luhan added, “Kris, stop putting on so many facial creams. You’re not going to get wrinkles.”
“Excuse me for trying to take care of myself. And you know…you could use some, too.”
“Hey!! Look at this face! LOOK AT THIS FACE!” Luhan pointed his finger to his milky white face. “It’s beautiful, man.”
Kris stared at Luhan’s face for a moment. “Honestly, Tao’s looks a bit brighter.”
Luhan stepped back and gasped. “What? Do you want me to look like flour? Or the sun?!”
Kris rolled his eyes and continued smearing his face with various creams and facial products. The bathroom counters were covered with all of his facial creams. You couldn’t even see what color the countertops were.
While Kris plastered his face and Luhan stared at his reflection, thinking, I am beautiful, Tao and Sehun were arguing in the next room.
“How many outfits are you going to try on? We’re just going to the mall, Tao.”
“Hey, I want to look good when we go out in public. This body deserves all the best clothing.”
Sehun rolled his eyes and crossed his arms. “Well, someone took an extra confident pill today.”
“Kris has been translating Tumblr blogs for me,” Tao said with a smirk, “And let me tell ya, those fans are not as innocent as they seem.”
“So?”
“Main point is…I. Am. Gorgeous.”
Sehun blinked. “Yeah that’s great. Now can we go already?”
“Was Rome built in a day?”
“No. But putting on clothes doesn’t take more than 5 minutes.”
“Well then.” Tao motioned his hand to the door. Sehun rolled his eyes and walked away. “Fine then. Just be ready soon.”
Tao continued looking through his closet for something Gucci, Luhan was still looking in the mirror, Kris was applying anti-wrinkle creams, and Sehun, annoyed and tired, went to look for Luhan. He slightly pushed the bathroom door open. “What are you doing in here? You’re not putting on facial creams, too?!”
“Of course not! Does this gorgeous face need facial products?!” said Luhan.
“Well…it could use a little,” said Sehun.
Luhan pressed his lips together. “Did you and Kris make a pact or something? The Tell Luhan his Face isn’t Beautiful pact?”
“That’s a really long name for a pact.”
“What is it with everyone today!!!!???” Luhan dashed out of the room and into the living room. He grabbed the keys that were sitting on the kitchen table. “Fine! I don’t need anyone! I’ll just go to the mall by myself!” Luhan headed for the door, but before he could leave, Tao interrupted, “You wouldn’t leave.”
“Oh yeah? Well I am! And Imma buy all the Gucci I want!”
“Wait…Gucci?” Tao dropped his smirk and looked serious now.
Kris entered the room and stood next to Tao. “Did you say imma? Have you been watching MTV or something?”
“You know what?! I’ll leave you too! Oh, and I heard there’s a sale on BB Cream today. Maybe I stop by and pick some up…for myself!!!”
“Hold the phone.” Kris stood up straight and put one hand in front of him. “Did you say….BB Cream? O.M.G.”
Sehun comes into the room. “What’s all the commotion about? I haven’t seen Luhan this mentally strange since the Donald Duck incident at Disneyland.”
“Is that in the pact, too? The Tell Luhan he’s Mentally Strange and Hideous pact?
Kris and Sehun shook their heads and gave an annoyed look. “Are you alright, Luhan?”
“Never better! Never better!” Luhan replied.
Tao confidently walked in front of Kris, Sehun, and Luhan. He took the keys with his index finger and thumb and walked out the door.
“Where does this kid think he’s going?” Luhan asked Kris and Sehun.
Kris laughed. “Yeah, like he’s going to start the car and drive himself to the mall.”
Sehun and Luhan started laughing, “And use all his billions of dollars to buy Gucci,” Sehun added.
Luhan couldn’t help but join in. “That he got from modeling designer buffalo suits in Paris.”
And then they heard a noise outside. Their faces became as still as rocks.
It was Tao starting the car engine.
The remaining three dashed through the door and onto the driveway. The car was already moving onto the road. Kris, Sehun, and Luhan ran as if there were meteors falling from the sky. “TAO!!”
By the time they reached the car at the stop sign, they were panting and needed water. “Oh my knees hurt.”
“My back is killing me.”
“My hip is going to give out.”
Tao rolled down the window and revealed his face. He was wearing designer sunglasses and the music was on full volume. “Oh I have visitors,” he said in a diva-ish tone.
“What do you think you’re doing?” Kris asked, back hunched over and hands resting on his knees, still trying to catch his breath.
Tao flipped his imaginary hair. “Oh me? I’m just going to the mall. And what are you people doing? Starting some new fitness program? Have you been watching those paid programmings at 3am? Or was it the Today Show? You know that Matt Lauer.”
Sehun rubbed his hip and tried to catch his breath. “We don’t need a fitness program. We’re in great shape!”
Tao laughed. “Oh yeah. Great shape. And who ate all of Xiu Min’s steamed buns?”
Kris looked at Sehun and Luhan. “The nerve of you two!” He shook his head in disappointment.
“Hey, and who was it that said ‘Hey guys, Xiu Min’s not here, let’s eat his food!’?” Luhan said, eyes wider than D.O’s.
Kris gasped and put his hand to his chest. “I can’t believe you would make up such lies! O.M.G!”
Sehun crossed his arms and shook his head. “I am disappointed in you, Luhan.”
“Hey girls, are you done yet? Want to talk about your latest manicure or something?” Tao interrupted.
“Look who’s talking! You’re addicted to Gucci!” said Sehun.
“Gucci is classy and many men enjoy it,” Tao said sternly. “Like Kris.”
Kris gasped again. “I can’t believe you would make up such lies!”
Tao rolled his eyes. “Okay, I’ve been at this stop sign a little too long. Are you guys coming?”
“Shotgun!” Kris yelled.
“You never let me sit in the front!” Sehun whined.
Kris calmly said, “Hey, roll like a buffalo.”
“Yeah Sehunnie,” added Luhan, who was happily sitting in the right seat.
The younger boy pouted and sat in the left seat.
Tao rolled down all the windows and blasted the music.
“Oh yeah. This is my jam. And not just cause’ my beautiful voice is in it.”
“I still can’t believe SM took out ‘roll like a buffalo’. That was legendary. Legendary,” said Kris.
Tao nodded and reminisced - reminisced about the line‘s beauty. “I was about to write a strongly worded letter to the company.”
While Taoris were enjoying their conversations and their song, Hunhan were sitting in the back seat tired of having the same song on repeat. “Hey don’t you think we should change the song already? It’s been played, like, 30 times already.”
“NEVER!” Tao demanded.
Kris looked at Tao. “Just let me put my jam on once.”
Tao nodded in approval. “Sure, Gege.”
Kris took the iPod and looked through the songs for the one he called his ‘jam’.
Kris pressed play.“Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. This is my jam. Just listen to that. Magical, is it not?”
Luhan and Sehun blinked. “What. Are. We. Listening. To?”
“This, my friends, is Gotye.” Tao said, while Kris was bopping his head and swaying his arms.
It got worse. Kris started singing. “BUT YOU DIDN’T HAVE TO CUT ME OFF!!!”
“Gege, not in public,” Tao said softly, but Kris didn’t hear anything but the music.
It got worse. Is that even possible, you’re thinking? Oh yes. Yes it is. Kris popped his head out the window….and started singing to the people passing by.
Luhan and Sehun face palmed. They slouched in their seats to avoid being seen by normal human beings.
And in between lyrics, Kris would repeat the words dramatically or as if he was preaching in a church.
He popped back into the car. “Great song, huh guys?! Huh!?”
Hunhan were silent. “It’s beautiful, Gege,” Tao lied. He didn’t love the song all that much, but he did love Kris.
It gets worse. Oh. Dear. Lord.
Kris pops out of the window again and starts yelling out the song lyrics. He starts pointing to random people and singing directly to them. It was a nightmare.
“Hey you! Yeah, you! YOU DIDN’T HAVE TO CUT ME OFF!!!!”
“Hey Kris. I think they get the point,” said Tao.
“They never get the point.”
Fortunately, Tao, Luhan, and Sehun would only have to bear through a few more minutes of Kris singing to random citizens - the mall was close by now.
The parking was hard to find - which meant a few more tortuous moments of Kris singing Gotye - ‘his jam’
Finally Tao noticed a car backing out of a front parking. It was a great spot, but they had to wait a few more tortuous moments because the driver was an old lady who took a lifetime to check her mirrors and put her seatbelt on.
“She needs some Gotye in her life,” said Kris, who had finally calmed down.
“You need some therapy in your life,” Sehun muttered from the backseat.
“Hey little boy! I heard that! Gotye’s not playing, so I’m fully alert right now.” Kris said.
“I like Gotye, Gege,” Tao chirped.
“Yes I know. You’re a good boy.” Kris ran his fingers through Tao’s soft hair.
“Why don’t you touch my hair like that, Hyung?” Sehun asked Luhan.
“I bought you bubble tea, Sehunnie.”
Kris interrupted. “Oh, a materialistic relationship? That’s not a good thing, you know.”
“Tao cons you into buying Gucci. Now, isn’t that materialistic?” said Sehun.
“I do it out of love.”
“You do it out of Tao’s aegyo.”
Luhan rolled his eyes. “Can we just go shopping already?”
-END OF PART 1-
^ Makes it more dramatic, huh? :D
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