People say I don’t deserve to live, because I’m so weak. This world in this era where the weak gets defeated humiliated and destroyed. Yet, what’s so different between you and me?

I was casted aside from my own community at birth, just because I didn’t get the vaccination in time. You may be asking why I can’t get it now. Well first of all, I am already banned from the community, from my own home. I was sold to the Plazatium wolf clan, too. And second, I’m already infected with an illness that no human made medicine can save me. Some pills can reduce the disease, but sooner or later, I’d die (but it’s not like I care).

Surprisingly, the wolves in my clan are afraid of no disease, and they live with me like I’m not a major problem to their health, even though they, too casted me to somewhere secretive, no men can ever step foot in here twice. I have a secret though. I can actually heal myself and others—when they are desperate.

My patrons are only a few regular customers, mostly wolves that are wounded badly and have no time for its injury to heal by itself. I mean, half of them are people who happen to stumble pass my tower that I call home.

I remember, in my lifeless and caged life up here, I’ve met a funny guy. He said I was pretty. I wonder what that meant. Or more like, what he intended to say? I have long golden locks, it’s extremely long, like literally. I would throw my hair down for that funny boy to climb up. He’s the first one to use my hair as a utensil.

“Sweetheart, please let your hair down.” He would call after a few trips here. It’s surprising to know that he can find my tower for so many times without getting lost in the woods. There’s a spell that hides me.  

After I let down my hair and he takes it to climb up, I would always ask him the same question every time. “Aren’t you afraid of me?”

“Why would I be afraid of you? I don’t care about your contagious disease.” He would bow and plant a kiss on my hand. No one has touched me so many times before.

“Are you a wolf?” I asked when he first came. He doesn’t look like one. He doesn’t have any special traits that indicate him as a Plazatium. Yet, he has the heartiest looking face ever, but he doesn’t seem like he’s human, either.

“I’m not anybody but me. I’m Luhan.” He toys with my hair. “Your hair is really pretty. Just like yourself.”

“I’m weak though.” I reply. “I don’t have enough will to explore the world.”  

Luahn continues to examine my hair, letting a thin strand of hair glow in the immense sunlight. He has his small eyes squinted and his nose scrunched up. What is he actually? He’s not afraid about my disease; he shouldn’t be after all those visits. But he shouldn’t get closer to me, I’m dying. And I plan to die alone, with no regrets.

He’s definitely making it harder for me to live. Each time he comes, he would praise me of my beauty, shrug off the fact that I’m ill, encourage me to explore outside of the tower, jeer at the worthless humans in my community, and complain about how the wolves don’t pay me much attention at all.

I noticed he would come at the same time each day, but one day, he didn’t come at the exact time, but later. Two weeks later he managed to show himself up. I was bothered by the fact that I’m worrying about where he went and why he went. It’s not something I should feel.

“Why isn’t it something you shouldn’t feel?” Luhan asked.

“I’m dying.”

“You can’t use ‘dying’ as an excuse to block out the world. You’ve been granted the gift to see, hear, feel and speak. Yet you’re saying that you shouldn’t do all those things because you’ll be gone. That’s not right.” He retorted.

“Then what’s right?” I cross my arms, disliking the fact that he’s correct.

“The definition of dying without regrets, isn’t it the same as living your life to the fullest? You’re supposed to experience things or else your life would be of no meaning, sweetheart.” Luhan smiled. “I was gone for two weeks, because I went to get you this.” He reaches for something in his bag and pulls out a small circular thing.

“What’s that?” You immediately question.

“A promise ring. I know promise rings are not supposed to be used this way, but I want you to promise me that you’ll try new things, with me.” Luhan slips the golden ring into the accurate finger and caress my hand. Then, he leans in to brush his lips against my nose.

Perceiving. I’m feeling perceiving something tingling in my stomach. It’s not the first time these stirrings have showed up in my body. It’s been happening a lot lately, and it seems to happen every time when I’m with Luhan.

“Is there a spell within the ring? I won’t get punished for not fulfilling the promise right?” I raised my arm and viewed the golden band from different places. It’s so shining.

Luhan laughs. “Of course not. Who would be that crucial?”

“My community.” I whisper, just enough for Luhan to catch the words. He immediately frowned. I had a feeling that he’s going to start ranting. I cracked a smile and held onto his hands. They were soft, silky and…icy cold.

But instead, he slips his hand away from mine and backs off. I was curious, so I took a step forward as he continues to walk backwards. I don’t know what he’s doing. If he’s playing some games with me, I’m totally not buying it.

“What’s wrong Luhan?” I point my finger at him, accidentally yawning. It just came out like that. I watch him rub his thumb against his temples continuously.   

“You…What do you feel for me?” He asks sternly, ignoring the sound I made, but he must have heard it.  

That’s a funny question coming from a funny person. “I don’t know. There’s just these stirrings that…that stir inside my mind, my body and my…my heart.” I mumble, suddenly knowing what he’s meaning.

I’m in love with this unknown creature called Luhan.

“Wait, are you saying I’m not supposed to love you?” I stare at him.

“No. I didn’t say that. I just thought…I saw you coughing blood yesterday. I think you and I know perfectly well, what is about to happen.” Luhan replies. “I’m sorry. It’s my entire fault.”

“Why?” I press him harder. It’s true that I’ve been coughing up blood recently, I’ve been feeling numb from head to toe each morning, sometimes, my vision blurs and half of the time, I feel like sleeping. I’m dying, I know that, but Luhan’s finding it his fault? He’s wrong.

“Because I hastened your process of dying!” He screams. 

“Huh?”

“Do you know that you’re in a mental state right now?” Luhan fiddles with his clothing. “Me…I’m just something your mind thought up. I don’t know what made you create me all of a sudden. That’s something only your mind can comprehend.” He says rather hollowly.

I don’t even know the answer myself. All I know is that, no wonder he’s so funny, because he’s not real. No one would be that magical to not get diseased with me, no one would rant about everything that’s unfair in my life, no one would have come back to my tower for so many times, no one would have given me a promise ring, promising something that’s so absurd in my state, and nobody would have loved me like he did to me.

“Luhan?” I ask.

“Yes, sweetheart?”

“Nothing. I just want to make sure of you.” I whisper.

“Make sure of me?” He questions.

“You made me happy.” I say slowly. “I love you.”

Luhan sags into a chair; his body seems to be weighed down. He doesn’t look at me. I start to fume, yet I’m so tired. I haven’t gotten a good sleep in so long, I wonder what it’s like to just lie down and rest. “Go to sleep.” He murmurs.

“Stay with me?”

“Always.” He gets into the bed beside me. He uses his arm as a pillow for me to place my head. Being loved is something I’ll never regret. I yawn and before taking one last glimpse at Luhan, I doze off—knowing that I’ll never wake up again.