Insecurity

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Different

The perfect word to describe yourself as you stare at the reflection in the mirror.

From your waist long haired it was cut to shoulder length , your long fringe was now gone and was replaced with full bangs. You’re jet black hair was now in a shining chestnut color complementing your pale skin. The glasses were not to be seen as you decided to use contacts instead. Simple changes were just done which you call as baby steps. Only a day had passed by when you decided to have a makeover. After your shift ended you asked your co-workers where is the best salon to have your hair style in a more contemporary look and luckily one of your co-workers volunteered to take you at that salon and accompany you.

The hair cutting was something that made your stomach churn at first, but when the scissors took the first snip you knew you couldn’t back out. Keeping a straight face was definitely your forte as you remember the times you and Suho were cuddled up in his couch and him playing with your hair, running his fingers through your locks; simply him playing with it. Then you would bring up the question if you should get it done but he would retort saying that you should keep the way your hair looks because it’s defines you and your personality plus the compliment that was never forgotten about how beautiful you were with your straight jet black hair.

With those memories clouding your mind, your heart was silently screaming yet you refuse to look stupid in front of the stylist since you were the one who decided to have it cut so why cry about it right?

When the service to you hair was done you thanked and bid goodbye to your co-worker saying she should head first since you still have to be somewhere.

Which was the  Eye Care Center that’s about another street away, you felt you have bothered her too much so you decided to head there alone plus you wanted to clearly think without much distraction.

Is this really the right thing to do? Was it a bit impulsive? You thought as you tucked your hands in the pocket of your trench coat since it was kind of a chilly night. Sighing you shook the thought out of your mind since another one came up

Heck I already did the first step, it’ll be a waste if I back out now. You thought as you just realized that you’re now gonna cross the street.

As you came to a stop waiting for the red light to turn green you took a time to look up in the sky.

No stars. You thought as a heavy sigh was produced out of your mouth

He told me when were both not busy he’ll take me out of the city to see the stars.

That distant yet memorable promise you still held dearly into your heart.

Snapping out of your reverie you noticed that people were now crossing the street, clutching to the straps of your tote bag you walked beside them

Upon arriving at the Eye Care Center you greeted and bowed at the staff and politely ask if they can assist you as you have said you wanted a clear contacts that would be best suitable for your eyesight.

After that and thanking the person who assisted you. You went to the cosmetic shop and asked for assistance because you only knew the basics in which you feel that was not enough seeing how plain you look in the mirror. After buying everything and trying to recall which one’s first you were going to apply then the other you finally felt that it was time to head back home.

And that was how you ended up as the gaping view in your work place.

It was way out of your comfort zone since all your life you were used to being a wallflower and seeing the reaction of your co-workers you didn’t know if you should take it positively or negatively but seeing their smiles you finally decided it was the first one.

They greeted you and did a little interrogation of what was the reason for this sudden transformation.

You shrugged and simply told them

“Building up my self-confidence I guess.”

Even though you were getting positive response you still thought that you would need to at least upgrade your clothing to a more contemporary style that still shows simplicity.  It’s not like you were aiming for a 180 degrees change you still wanted to preserve your timid and demure characteristic which you want to portray in your clothing.

An there’s the thing you dreaded the most but thought it was a must since you were going all out with this make over so why not learn how to walk in it?

The heels.

If you thought back now you would always choose you ballerina flats over those high looking piece that could pass as a killing possession.

You never did understand the logic of wearing it to just look good but paying the price of aching feet after.

But now you were also planning on buying a pair and practice walking on it in your dorm since you wouldn’t dare walking with it right away in the streets since you value your safety first.

~oOo~

When your shift was done, thankfully no sign of Suho yet. You went to COEX Mall and bought what you needed. With this transformation your savings was decreasing but you kept on convincing yourself that this is for the better plus you view it as another chapter and another opportunity in your life so you buried the thought of your savings in the back of your mind.

Finding the perfect heels for you was a hassle.

Well that was the understatement of the day.

As you scanned racks of heels displayed you were being practical.

Practical in a way that the price is something you must consider and your safety.

There were pretty ones that had a really slim heel which you though would not be a great thing for starters since you didn’t want to fall flat in your face when you accidentally trip and lost your balance.

The other ones had thick heels but too much in height.

The details on the heels was too much or too plain.

You also would think about the durability of it, inspecting the sides of the heels and such.

So you ended up with a wedge style heels that has a weave pattern on the side with simple brown lace on them the length if it was not too high or too low perfect to walk on and you thought it was gonna be easy on learning how to walk in them. Plus it was easy to match with any clothing since the color was pretty much neutral.

Since the article pieces of clothes you bought were some white blouse or sleeveless blouse, lace dress, floral patterned shorts and a cardigan looking jacket it was in pale pink which you thought was perfect though it was kinda pricey you still bought it since it pretty much drew you in.

~oOo~

A week has passed and everything was slowly going your way though you still yearned to see Suho but the other half of you was afraid to see him, since the hurt was still pretty much in you.

But you want to see him when you were ready when you knew your transformation was complete when you were finally used to what you look, to the reflection you now see in the mirror.

Today was your day off so you decided to head to the library first then to the park to enjoy a book near the pond seeing all your home works were done plus you’re dorm was already cleaned you had nothing else to do inside the dorm which would be a waste of a beautiful day.

After choosing a good book.

‘To Kill A Mockingbird’

You have always had your eyes set to read the book and your friends gave positive reviews about it so it really did caught your attention but sadly things got in a way so you never really had a chance to have a grasp of it until now.

As you were walking, finally thank the heavens you were now used to walking in your wedge which you categorize your walk as decent enough. You chose to wear the clothes you bought the white blouse and floral shorts paired with the jacket cardigan like clothing article and you had to admit you look pretty damn good.

Finally finding your favorite spot.

The bench which was about twenty inches away from the silent pond.

The vibe of the place easily soothes you and makes you relax. The silent chirping, the quiet humming of the breeze, the soft sunlight beaming down at your face, just the warmth was something special.

This place was special.

Too special.

Refusing to reminisce on this lovely day because it would lead to you sulking and thinking of the what ifs

And you simply refused to. This was the only time for you to unwind and recollect your thoughts and self.

Sighing out and finally forcing yourself to give your undivided attention to the book.

Reading for about thirty minutes left you parched. Looking around you saw a café not that far deciding to pay a visit you gathered up your belonging before slinging your tote bag’s strap at your shoulder with the book on the other hand.

Making your way you saw it was milk tea shop which was perfect because you were craving for some popping boba since it weirdly makes you happy and giddy each time you chew one and it would burst.

Upon arriving at the counter you smiled at the person who was in the front and you couldn’t decide on what flavor so you asked them what was their best seller and the person on the worker replied, winter melon so you agreed that you would have that.

After your order was done you thanked them and were making way out of the shop.

As you were about to walk back to the park bench someone gripped at your wrist making you stop at your tracks and look alarmingly at the person who grab hold of your hand.

“Can we talk?”

Suho said to you with pleading eyes.

You weren’t prepared yet you thought as your heart was racing and your mind was now in full alert which was shown in your face as you looked at him with wide eyes and lips slightly parted.

Finally gaining back some sense you looked at your wrist then nodded at Suho.

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Sorry for the long wait but I decided to make this longer about 5 or 4 chapters. So please stay tune and I'm really sorry for not updating this and thinking of abandoning it but I won't!

Again thank you for the wait and I hope I don't disappoint you