Tao could keep pace with Kris, despite his legs being not quite as long, and followed the older boy in silence as he led the way to a secluded area on the university campus where a large oak tree provided shelter from the relentless heat of the sun. The tree was surrounded on four sides in a square shape by a ledge high enough for people to sit down on.

Certain they were alone, Kris heaved a sigh and plonked down onto the ledge. He winced in regret as pain flared to his bottom as soon as it met with the concreted surface. Tao remained standing and watched with concern but didn’t speak, not wanting to upset Kris further.

The silence was palpable as the each boy observed the other, Kris in uncertainty and Tao in worry. Time seemed irrelevant in the little world they had found themselves in, it was as though it wasn’t passing them by.

“Kris,” Tao couldn’t bear the quiet any longer. “What’s wrong?”

“I could ask you the same thing.” Kris muttered, eyes avoiding the younger male.

Confusion settled through Tao. “What?”

“I said I could ask you the same thing.”

“What do you mean, Kris? There’s nothing wrong with me, I’m just worried about you.” He moved closed to the older boy and went to place his hand on his shoulder when he thought better of it, retracting his hand back to his side. “Why are you being like this?”

“Tao, I have something to ask you.”

“Ask me, then.”

“I don’t know if I want the answer.”

Tao paused. “Well, it can’t hurt to ask anyway, can it?”

Kris let out a huff of air from his nose, finding absurdity in the younger boy’s words.

“It can hurt, it can break everything.”

“What hurts can be healed, what’s broken can be fixed. Tell me, Wu Fan.”

The use of Kris’ full name ignited mixed feelings within him. He sensed a whirlwind of disappointment, regret and yet a tad of joy taking place within himself. Even at that point he didn’t know what he wanted, what he was going to do. He was going to go by his heart, though. His head was too rational, had too many expectations his heart couldn’t fulfil.

“Where were you on Saturday night? Who were you with?”

The panic in Tao was visible: his eyes widened and darted to and fro, he gulped, his fingers became fidgety and he was unable to form words, standing there gaping at Kris.

Tao didn’t really know why he went out with his wushu friends, he’d been looking forward to heading home and hanging out with Kris. He’d been meaning to get to know Li and Zhixin for a while, though, and so he compromised with a few spending only a few hours with them.

He hadn’t expected them to be so outgoing and he found himself enjoying his time with them and their friends.

When a thin, shorter, dark-haired boy cornered Tao on his way out of the bathroom, Tao shoved him away.

“What the hell?!” He shouted.

The boy was persistent though, grabbing Tao’s hips and pulling him closer to himself.

“I have a boyfriend, stop!” Tao struggled against the surprisingly strong grip.

“So do I,” the boy whispered right into Tao’s ear, the raspy voice sending chills up Tao’s spine. “But I can’t resist you, I’ve been watching you all night. Everything about you turns me on.” At that the stranger pressed his crotch to Tao’s thigh, his arousal now very much evident to Tao.

Tao felt his resistance slipping. He wanted to be appreciated, to be touched and held.

Tao felt the stranger’s smirk grow as the last of his defences fell, bringing his lips to meet the other boy’s, grasping his hips.

“Your name,” Tao murmured. “Tell me your name.”

“Baekhyun.” The boy whispered, grinning as his fingers met the firm abdominal muscles hidden beneath Tao’s shirt.

“I-I-“ Tao swallowed. “I’m sorry, Kris. I’m really sorry.”

Kris’ heart sank as the hope he hadn’t realised he’d been clinging onto was crushed.

“No,” Kris shook his head, leaning his elbows on his thighs and placing his head in his hands. “No, if you were sorry, Zitao,” he spat the younger boy’s full name. “You wouldn’t do this. You wouldn’t try to sweep it under the mat. That’s not what apologetic people do.”

“All I can say is I’m sorry, Wu F-.”

“I don’t want to hear it.” He cut Tao off.

“What do you want to hear, then?”

“Why? Why’d you do it?”

Tao sighed. “If I’m being honest,” he moved and sat beside Kris, making sure to leave some distance between them. “Then I suppose it was out of insecurity.” The younger boy stared at his hands as he tapped his fingertips against each other speedily out of nerves, embarrassment and shame. “You’re this tall and handsome and kind and thoughtful and just perfect person and I found myself constantly comparing myself to you.” He watched Kris out of the corner of his eye now. “I just can’t measure up. I’m not good enough for you. I don’t deserve you… and yet I can’t let you go, I want you to be mine.”

There was silence as neither of the two spoke.

“Kris?” Tao turned his body wholly to face Kris.

“Mm?” The older boy remained as he was, leaning forward on his elbows with his hands clasped.

“Do you hate me?” The words s out of Tao’s mouth and he readied himself, preparing for an answer he never wanted to hear.

There was no reply. They younger boy didn’t know whether to laugh or cry.

“Please,” He whispered, desperation creeping into his voice. “Please don’t. I need you. I need you to love me.”

“Do you love him?” Kris’ voice was flat, no emotion or tone in the words he spoke.

“Who, Baek-?” Baekyeon? Baekhon? Tao stopped himself and shook his head. “No. No, he’s not-, I’m not-“ He shook his head again. “I don’t love him, I love you, Kris.”

There was silence once again.

Tao studied Kris, the way his leg rapidly bounced on his toes whenever he was nervous or stressed out, the curve of his back as his elbows rested against his thighs, the creases that formed on his forehead as he frowned, deep in thought and the fidgety nature of his fingers as they seemed to move about of their own accord.

Kris’ movements came to a halt and he sat up, turning to face Tao. The look in his eyes sent shivers down Tao’s spine, seeming as though it could pierce through his flesh and bones and examine his conscience and thoughts.

The pounding of Tao’s heart seemed to blur out all other sensations, its dominant beating was all he heard and the pulsations of his vital organ were all he felt.

It overwhelmed him to think in a matter of seconds his world could come crashing down as his actions caught up and sunk their teeth into him with the ability to tear at the skin, muscle and tissue, leaving behind a bloodied and broken boy.

Tao struggled to remember his life without Kris. It had been over two years since their first meeting in their drawing class.

Room A3b. A3b. A3b. Tao chanted the name in his head, searching for the well-hidden art room. A smile broke through as he spotted a door with “A3b” written in a small, neat cursive font.

He bustled into the classroom, a few minutes late and began bowing in apology to the teacher. He blushed when his phone slid out of his shirt pocket and he bent down to pick it up in front of the fifteen-odd students. He sat down, face flaming red, at the spare desk beside a strikingly handsome boy with model-like features. His heart raced as he attempted to focus on the teacher as she spoke. The class were instructed to draw the person beside them as they saw them.

Tao turned to the other boy and gulped. “Hi, I’m Tao.” He reached out his hand to shake the other boy’s.

“Hi, I’m Kris.” He replied speaking in Mandarin as he’d noticed Tao’s prominent accent whilst speaking Korean. Tao grinned, excited to be able to switch to his native tongue.

The next half hour was spent in relative silence as they both focused on their own sketches, making small talk during flicks of their wrists and dashes of their pencil lead on the pure white paper of their art books.

Kris finished first, smiling as he put his book face down on the table, facing Tao to look into his eyes and study the younger boy as he drew so intently. Tao sighed as he finished, unsatisfied with his attempts to capture Kris’ seemingly flawless features. He too turned his book face down onto the table.

“Reveal on 3?” Kris smiled, nearly knocking Tao out with its radiant beauty. Tao nodded, swallowing down his nerves.

“3…” Tao’s heart pounded as he watched Kris out of the corner of his eye. “2…” Beads of sweat formed on Tao’s forehead as his nervousness and anxiety soared, his heart continuing to race. “1…” The grip Tao held on his book tightened as he gulped, preparing himself for the reveal. “Turn!”

They both flipped their art books so their drawings could be seen by both of them. Tao breathed a laugh as he took in the cartoon panda Kris had drawn. The bear dangled from a branch, trying to catch a bamboo stick it had dropped.

“I don’t look like that,” Tao said, sobering up.

Kris gave an incredulous look. “You’re covered in pandas - your bag, phone cover and even your pencil has pandas all over it.”

Tao blushed as he glanced down, shoving his pencil into his pencil case, away from sight.

“It’s cute, though.” Kris smiled as he took in the sight of Tao’s reddened cheeks.

Ever since, the two had been practically joined at the hip, quickly becoming best friends, a relationship which, despite some difficult confrontations with their feelings, evolved into becoming lovers.

Kris’ mouth opened as he prepared to speak and Tao strained his ears to hear over his thumping heartbeat.

“Tao,” His voice was soft and gentle, planting seeds of hope within Tao at the degree of change within the older boy’s tone. “I- I don’t want to lose you. I can’t bear this feeling of disappointment and guilt, though.” Kris sighed, gingerly holding Tao’s hand in his own significantly larger ones. “I never knew you felt that way. You should have told me, we could’ve avoided this.”

“I know,” Tao’s voice squeaked with the flood of emotions he was experiencing. “But I just couldn’t, I was too ashamed.” The younger boy stared at the ground, his foot tracing patterns on the concrete as he avoided Kris’ gaze.

Kris tenderly took hold of Tao’s jaw, turning and tilting his head so that he could look into his eyes but Tao continued to avert his eyes. “Hey,” Kris breathed. “Look at me.” Tao met his eyes reluctantly and the corners of Kris’ mouth upturned, his almost-black eyes glistening. “We can get past this, Tao. We’ll learn and grow from it so don’t be ashamed.” Kris brought his other hand to Tao’s face, cupping his chin to turn Tao’s face towards himself and look into his eyes. “This is my fault too, okay?”

“No.” Tao shook his head furiously, loosening from Kris’ grip on his chin. “No, it’s-“

“Listen, Zitao.” Tao quietened his protests at the use of his full name. “I should have made you feel appreciated, I should have shown you how much you mean to me but I…” Kris looked down as he paused. “I guess I’m not so great at that, showing emotions and stuff.” He looked up at Tao again, smiling as he placed his hand on the younger boy’s leg. “You mean the world to me, though. I was so scared when I found out about… this, I didn’t want to lose you, I couldn’t, I can’t.”

Tao’s lips quirked up in a faint smile and he kissed away the stray tear that escaped Kris’ eye, wiping away the ones that streaked down his own cheeks. “Let’s get over this together. Not forget it, just learn from it, like you said.”

Kris smiled, a sight which snatched all the breath from Tao’s lungs, and cleared the tears from the younger boy’s cheeks. “Alright, Zitao, let’s do that.” He whispered before he kissed Tao’s lips.

A/N: Finally finished this fic! Woo! Sorry it took more than a month for this part but I was really unsure of how I wanted it to end plus school was cray cray. Not sure how I feel about the ending but I wanted to leave it open to your own interpretation. Thank you to all those who read this fic, much much much appreciated ♡