Woo Jiho || Zico

Another day at the Block B dorm. Kyung had invited me to come over, seeing as it was the beginning of summer break for my university. He and the others were also on a mini-vacation, a small treat given to them from their manager. Shielding my eyes from the glaring sun, I quickly punched in the pass code and closed the door behind me, shutting away the intense heat.

“I’m here,” I called out through the seemingly empty dorm.  Taking off my shoes and placing the bag of drinks I’d bought for them in the kitchen, I quickly searched for the others. How could seven grown men possibly be difficult to find?

“Where could they be? Why would Kyung invite me over if he’s not even here?”

“We’ve called you here on a mission,” a deep voice boomed from behind me.

“Pyo Jihoon, what did I tell you about scaring me like that?” I groaned, clutching my racing heart as I turned to face the younger male.

“Sorry, I couldn’t help it,” he replied with a cheeky smile. I reached up and pinched his cheeks, causing him to scrunch up his face in discomfort.

“It’s about time you came over,” Kyung called, emerging from his room. Jaehyo followed behind him, tugging a blanket behind him. He looked half asleep, which was odd because it was already past noon.

“Sorry, I stopped by that bubble tea shop you all like,” I explained, pointing to the eight cups of milk tea that sat on the kitchen bench top.

“You bought us drinks?” Yukwon exclaimed, emerging from his bedroom door, his eyes bright with excitement. For an idol, he sure was easy to please. Minhyuk trailed behind him, his headphones placed firmly over his ears. He gave me a small smile and walked towards the couch. I’d gotten used to Minhyuk’s silence. He didn’t speak often, but when he did, it would often be about something of interest.

“Yukwon, put the tea down. Everyone, gather at the couch. We have a convention to hold,” Kyung ordered, elbowing Jaehyo’s shoulder.

“Convention?” I asked, pushing Jihoon towards the couch. Minhyuk moved to give the rest of us room, but Kyung shook his head and pointed towards the single arm chair. Confused, I moved and sat in the chair, facing the six men on the couch.

“Have you spoken to Jiho lately?” Jaehyo asked softly. I knew something felt different. Jiho wasn’t here with the rest of them. In fact, it seemed as if Jiho wasn’t even in the dorm. How had I not noticed?

“I spoke to him on the phone yesterday, but only for a few seconds,” I said.

“Did he sound different?” Jaehyo continued. The rest had gone quiet, as if waiting for me to confirm something.

“Not really. He sounded really tired though, and he didn’t want to speak for long. He just kept going on about having to ‘get it right’. I tried calling him again last night, but it just went straight to voice mail. I assumed that he was already sleeping.”               

“So he’s ignoring you too,” Kyung murmured.

“Ignoring me? What do you mean?”

“We’ve been calling him since yesterday, and he hasn’t picked up his phone once. The last time we spoke to him, he was leaving yesterday morning, saying something about going to the recording studio,” Yukwon answered. “He hasn’t been home since.”

“You mean he’s trying to disappear?”

“And it seems as if he doesn’t want to be found,” Minhyuk whispered.

“What’s wrong with him?”

“Do you remember the incident that happened few months ago?”

Of course. How could I forget? It affected the entirety of Block B, especially Jiho. He had blamed himself, and he’d even shaved his head to display his remorse and guilt. I will never forget the look of disappointment and utter failure that fill his eyes every time he looked at his group. He’d changed after that incident. He wasn’t the same happy-go-lucky, confident young man I’d first met. Something had clicked inside Jiho’s mind, and it constantly broke my heart to see him in such pain.

“He still hasn’t forgotten about it,” Minhyuk continued.

“None of us have,” Jihoon murmured sadly, and I knew that the incident still brought back horrible memories.

They’d received hate, death threats and all sorts of negative feedback, and unfortunately, this resulted in Jihoon becoming sick, almost to the point of depression. I remember coming over to the dorm during the time Jihoon was in hospital, and all of the members had resorted to locking themselves up in their rooms. Jiho would lie in my lap, tears streaming out of his eyes, but he tried his best to hide them. He did a horrible job of covering his feelings up. He could lie to everyone else, but never to me. I knew him too well. It took several weeks to get them all back into the normal world, and even now, I knew Jihoon still suffered from severe nightmares from the incident. They all did. Even Jiho. Whenever I’d stay over at the dorm, I’d often lay awake by Jiho’s side and hear him whimper in his sleep. On the bad nights, he’d wake up screaming, covered in cold sweat and a terrified expression in his eyes. I would have to lull him back to sleep, holding him tightly in my arms. At those times, I felt weak and useless.

“Of course we haven’t forgotten about it Jihoon,” Kyung sighed. “But Jiho, well, it’s unnatural the way he’s acting.”

“We need you to talk to him,” Minhyuk stated. “We need you to bring him back. We need you to bring him home. You’re the only one who can do it. He’ll listen to you.”

I contemplated what he was saying. I didn’t want to be useless anymore. I love Jiho, and I didn’t want him going through this self-induced pain any longer.

“You’re right.”

I stood up and grabbed my purse and the drink I’d specifically ordered for Jiho; his favourite, black milk tea with pearls, and slipped back into my shoes. Just as I was about to open the door, I felt arms weave around my waist.

“Jiho needs you right now. We all need you,” Jaehyo whispered weakly in my ear.

I felt tears well up in my eyes as I whispered back, “I know. I need you all, too.”

The BNS building loomed in front of me; the once warm and inviting building now felt like a cold prison. With a deep breath, I enter the building and approached the reception desk.

“Son Bi, I’m looking for Ji-,” I began, but she merely nodded.

“He’s in the recording studio,” she answered, a small smile gracing her face.

“Thanks.”

I trudged through the halls, greeting the staff who kindly bowed to me. I’d been here often enough to be on a first name basis with almost everyone. Despite the brightly lit halls and the smiling faces of the employees, an air of gloom hung over the place. It was unnerving, and I felt my stomach do little flips as I clutched onto the now cold drink in my hands. Finally, I arrived in front of the frosted glass door that read ‘Recording Room’. With a small sigh, I quickly mustered up the biggest smile that I could and opened the door.

“Jiho, it’s me,” I exclaimed, my small voice resonating throughout the entire room.

Silence.

My eyes fell on the figure sitting in front of the computer screen, unmoving. His head was covered with a beanie, something he constantly refused to take off, with tufts of his growing black hair peeking out from underneath. His chin was covered with a small amount of stubble, and dark circles framed his eyes. I slowly walked into the room, almost tripping on boxes of untouched food. Some had sticky notes on them, reading "Jiho-sshi, please eat “. I placed the drink beside all the food, sadness filled my heart as I approached the statue-like figure.

“Jiho,” I breathed, draping my arms over his slumped shoulders and placing a small kiss on his unshaven cheek.

He jerked awake, and I realized that he’d been sleeping. Seeing his face much closer revealed just how tired and gaunt he really looked. His cheeks had lost their pink tinge and had grown shallow, making him look thinner. His lips were torn and cracked from biting them in anxiousness.

“What are you doing here?” he croaked, exhaustion flooding his voice.

“I should be asking you the same question,” I murmured, taking a seat on the arm rest of the chair. I gently his cheek, rubbing my thumb on his temple. “Come home with me Jiho.”

His eyes suddenly widened, and he stood up, a terrified expression in his eyes. “I can’t. It’s not perfect yet. It’s not good enough.”

He looked at me with desperate eyes, as if he were trying to get me to understand his dilemma.

“Jiho, you need to rest, come on let’s-.”

“No, I can’t. I can’t let them down. I have to make it perfect. I don’t want to be irrelevant!” Jiho half-shouted, his hands curling up into tight fists.

This was the first time I’d ever seen Jiho so… Vulnerable. He’d snapped. It suddenly all made sense to me. He felt responsible for the incident. He felt the need to make it up to s. He was exhausting himself for the idea that if he could somehow make it up to everyone, he’d be redeemed. Jiho desperately wanted someone to find him relevant.

“Jiho, you’re flawless.”

The words flowed out of my mouth, sounding natural and seamless. He sank down to his knees, a loud sob emanating from his body as tears began to flow freely from his eyes. I kneeled down beside him, gently holding his face in between my hands. I barely noticed the warm sensation trickling from my own eyes.

“Woo Jiho, you are perfect. You are the most talented, humble, compassionate human being I have ever met. You’re loved Jiho. We all love you. Your fans, Kyung, Taeil, Yukwon, Minhyuk, Jaehyo and Jihoon. You are not irrelevant. We need the old you, Jiho. The one with the bright smile. The one who’s strong no matter what happens.  You don’t need to change Jiho. You don’t need to prove yourself to anyone. You’re strong. You’re flawless, Jiho, and I love you.”

I held him in my arms, and slowly, his sobs lessened. We stayed like that for what seemed like an eternity. His breathing slowed down, and eventually, he pulled away from my arms, only to gently caress my tear stained cheeks.

“Will you come home with me Jiho?”

A small yet genuine smile spread across his lips, and he let out a breath, as if a weight had been lifted from his shoulders. He wiped a stray tear from my cheek and then gently placed his lips on my own.

“I love you,” he whispered softly on my lips, and I knew at that moment that Jiho was finally at peace.

“Don’t ever change. I love you, flaws and all.”