[ an update omg.  the song referenced is 'monster', just to let you all know. c: i tried to lighten the mood some, but... i didn't want to do it oo much. AFKJNDKAJ ENJOY]

10:23 pm

Thump-thump thump-thuuump.

"I'm not lovin' you, way I wanted to, what I had to do, had to run from you."

"Seunghyuuun... what's wrong, ba--"

"Don't call me that. I told you already."

His unusually-pensive stare was focused on everything except for the whining, underdressed female clinging to his side. 

Thump-thump thump-thuuump.

"I'm in love wit'chu, but the vibe is wrong, and it haunted me all the way home."

The girl with modelesque features rolled her eyes, annoyed, and slipped away and into the throng of sweaty, gyrating bodies decorating the dance floor and bar of the loud club he had made the mistake of believing would be a fun distraction on a night like this. Well, Seungri had been the one to suggest it. "C'mon, TOP-hyung," he'd grinned like a twelve-year-old boy who had just been allowed to date, eager and excited that someone had finally given in to his unrelenting whining of going to places by himself and being judged for it unfairly on variety shows. "You might meet someone, you never know. And the women... Beautiful and--the best part--they keep quiet." Which was a good thing. Scandals were easily avoided due to the fact that the women who lurked around these types of places only wanted to have fun, regardless of who it might be with.

Clearing his throat, Seunghyun took a sip from his glass of Jack Daniels--the only drink that was easy enough to make and his familiar club buddy once the maknae ditched him to flirt with five different girls at once--and uncomfortably walked through a small group of girls who were eyeing him with hungry looks on their faces. It made him sick to his stomach. None of these women would do for him. It was pointless, really, and he mentally scolded himself not to even bother coming again, no matter how many promises the little Seunghyun would make.

For him, none of them came close to her.

The one he had let slip through his fingers, as if the love he once held with her had eroded into filmy grains of sand that he could no longer fathom holding.

Due to his fault.

His stupidity.

His deep brown eyes brimmed with a flash of sadness, and he took a deep breath.

Be careful with the thoughts.

Downing the rest of the raspy, bitterly sweet liquid in one giant gulp, he shook his head from side to side. He needed to get out of there. It was nauseating now, the flashing lights of the club and the people pressing in close around him that were only searching for lust when he knew that what he was looking for could never, ever be found in a place like this.

------

"But I don't want to go. I have all I need right here~" A delicate pout had played on your lips, and you'd snuggled your face into his chest, breathing in his warm and comforting scent as you'd stubbornly pressed yourself close to him. His deep chuckle reverberated through him, and it made you break into a smug smile. 

"Yah! She's just like you... Noona, when did you get so boring?! Is it because of being around TOP-hyung too much?" Seungri's voice had interrupted your little moment with his accusing voice, Youngbae and Daesung echoing laughter and, surprisingly, agreement with him.

Seunghyun's arms had encircled around you tightly then, and you watched in complete adoration as the corners of his beautifuly content eyes gazed into yours lovingly.

"She can never be around me enough. I want her with me forever."

------

"Aish, hyung we just got here! The party hasn't even really started yet!"

"That's why I'm the one leaving. You stay here, don't have too much fun. I'll see you later."

The maknae's annoyance dissipated once a group of fangirls (or, fanwomen?) surrounded him the minute he stepped foot back into the loud club, shooting Seunghyun a knowing smirk before he entered a cab. He blinked a few times, leaning forward to mumble the address of the dorm building where they were all staying now. Well, he had been staying at his own condo, but after a recemt night of heavy drinking he'd been forced to room with the rest of the boys as it was safer for them all. He stared solemnly at the blurry nightlife Seoul offered sliding by him out of the window, the lyrics briefly rewriting themselves into his mind.

It was the song.

The song that they'd just finished shooting the music video for, the one that somehow, Jiyong had been able to capture his feelings in.

His fingertips tapped along the car door's armrest to the melancholic beat of the piano's opening notes, murmuring to himself. 

"You’re a lingering attachment in my heart."

It'd been a year, one year since he'd last spoken to the love of his life...

You.

He'd tried. He'd tried so hard to get you to realize he didn't want anyone else but you. The last day that you'd told him that you were giving him up, he'd called you. He blamed it on the photographs that littered his apartment, from childhood birthday parties, when you managed to be snuck into various awards parties just to be with him... and mostly on the wedding rehearsal photos that he'd somehow received, one of the two of you off-guard, laughing at something. The aura of pure love was evident in the way you two had been gazing at each other, and he'd treasured it dearly, despite how it had all ended in disaster. How he'd wished he had been able to convince you that while the other woman may have been his first foray into the world of a real relationship, you had been the one that had buried yourself deep into his heart. That was irreplaceable. No one else could claim that.

And they never would.

"...Seongsaenim?"

The young driver's timid voice interrupted him out of his little emotional reverie. 

"We... We are here now." 

Seunghyun briefly wondered how long had it been that they hadn't been moving, and he hastily exited, watching in subtle embarassment as the car sped off just as the door shut behind him. His hands found their way into the pockets of his trousers, and he turned to face the building, the darkness of the night making the trees and foliage seem sad as well. He rounded the curb's corner, keeping his head down in case any passersby could see him, and he lifted his gaze from the cracked pavement to glance around for a moment. His eyes settled on a very familiar car parked just behind the car Youngbae's manager allowed them to use if they didn't have a driver on call to take them around somewhere.

He slowed down by it, squinting slightly in confusion as he pressed his hands near the glass of the window, staring into it. There were a few folders littered on the passenger side, one big one marked with the YG insignia.

No... It couldn't be.

Yes, he'd seen her when he'd been at the YG building--or rather, heard her: he was unable to bring himself to let his eyes run over her. Cool indifference had been his stance of choice. But she wouldn't be here. Why would she? Aish, Choi, pull it together, man, he thought to himself.

He took a few steps back, shaking his head as he resumed his way up a flight of steps to the dorm entrance. A wry chuckle escaped his lips, the sweet night breeze ruffling his honey-brown locks, a few stray tendrils floating over his eyes.

"See, that's what happens when you think too much," he mumbled to himself, feeling like a babo. "You start seeing her everywhere."

His fingertips settled on the doorknob of the front door to his destination, a tired groan emitting from his mouth when he entered the dark home, as he'd promptly hit his foot somehow when swinging the door shut. 

"Agh... they couldn't have left one light on before sleeping?!" He growled in frustration, smacking the area on the wall where the light switch for the hallway was. 

The foyer lit up in bright, warm light, and he trudged past the open living room, hitting another light switch as he entered the half-kitchen. Rubbing his foot with a hand, he pouted slightly and scanned the fridge, lifting out a chilled bottle of soju. He thumbed the cap, annoyance imminent as it refused to come off. 

"Jjinja..." He muttered when the cap shot off, hitting him in the cheek before flying onto the countertop.

A soft giggle cut through the air, and he lifted the bottle to his lips, taking a long swig before imitating the laugh in a high-pitched voice. He opened the fridge again, finding another bottle and wondering if maybe Daesung or Youngbae wanted to stay up with him for a drink also since one of them was awake.

"Drink?" He asked out loud, not bothering to turn around to see who was in the living room.

A second of silence passed before an answer came.

"You must have forgotten, Seunghyun," you stated quietly, watching through half-blurred eyes as he dropped the bottle in his hand to the floor. "I don't drink."

His eyes widened in shock.

------------------------------------------------

Disappear without a trace

Turbulent sleeps in discomfort, and coarse sweat flows

I startle myself, the lifeless bee that's lost it's sting and flower