"I just wish that you would love me."

Those words were said surprisingly calm and felt strange coming off the tongue, but they were honest. I've never had the guts to say something like that to a guy before, but I just couldn't let him slip away. I had known him less than a year, but our bond was one that could never be broken: until he broke it. I couldn't take it. I loved him far too much to let him go.

His eyes widened in shock. He looked surprised. Filled with disappointment. Pained. All of these things and more. But what could I do? These feelings were real. I had to be true to myself. I knew I'd never find another Hoon in my life. He was my Oppa - my older brother. That was our relationship, but the closer we became as siblings, the more I saw him as I do now: someone that I want by my side as more than just a sibling. I wanted to be able to hug him, hold his hand and feel his lips pressed against mine, but I suppose that it was just not right of me to feel this way.

Hoon always said age didn't matter; that he didn't judge people by their age, but even still he treated me as a kid, being that I was a few years younger than him. He also magnified his age by constantly saying he was old and in pain whenever I was around him, but he was just 21 then. And I was 18. Because of this, it seemed he was trying to push me away and make our seem much bigger than it was so that I would not see him the way that I do. Hoon simply did not want me to fall for him, but it was almost like he made me fall for him anyway by the way he treated and talked to me. He made me feel happy and special each time we talked. He encouraged me and was a shoulder to cry on. He would even stay up all night just to talk to me at times. It was almost too easy to fall for a guy like him. He was always there for me and he was so genuine about everything he said and did. To me, he was so perfect.

Our friendship began my freshman year of college. I had met him at an on-campus event that he and his friends were hosting. I had no idea who he was and did not pay much attention to him. He hadn't caught my eye because someone else had beaten him to this. His name was Tomo. I had seen Tomo several times on campus and was hoping to talk to him. I did manage to talk to Tomo, but there would of course be trouble to go along with this.

Tomo had a friend. His name was Jun. When I was lonely, I made the mistake of asking Jun to spend the day with me, and he accepted the invitation. We got along very well and became fast friends. My attention got away from Tomo and onto Jun after just a few times hanging out with him. It became apparent that Tomo was not interested in me and it was so easy to talk to Jun. He was kind, funny and quite cute. I had actually begun to have feelings for Jun, but still had Tomo on my mind, that is until Jun confessed that he shared my feelings towards him. But after that, Jun had acted like our words were never said. He did not talk to me as much and declined my invitations to hang out.

Even when I was in trouble, Jun did not care. He assumed I was being moody when all I wanted was to talk to him and have comfort. One night, several men had tried to break into my house. I had woken up to the sound of a shattered window. My mother woke up to this sound also and threatened to call the cops. Startled, the trespasser fled. I was terrified. What if they came back? We had received several strange calls from private numbers since that happened. I did not feel safe. I only wanted to talk to Jun about this, but had broken down crying. He then began to see me as a problematic person and so the distance between us grew greater.

After a few weeks, everything came together. I found out that Jun was seeing another girl, and he had been seeing her for over a year already. I had found out the hard way. He told me that I should meet his friend Mika. He told me we would be great friends and so I had lunch with them one day. After this, I knew what was going on. I talked to his friends about it and was told that he liked the both of us and didn't know who to choose. But he had clearly chosen her. He was seeing her after all. I was so confused. What made it worse was that his friends knew his game and they let me get hurt. It was such pain that I didn't think I could ever trust again.

After this heartbreak, I began to talk to Hoon. Hoon was so warm and caring. I told him about my home being broken into and the strange phone calls. He was immediately concerned. He offered me a place to stay if I didn't feel safe at home and told me if I’d needed anything, to come to him. I did not take advantage of this, but I appreciated it. Soon, things calmed down and my relationship with Hoon became stronger. He would text message me every day to see if I was doing well and would even take time off of work to have lunch with me if I asked. He even told me to call him "Hoon Oppa (older brother)," which was so significant to me. It meant that we were just that close. But suddenly, things changed.

Hoon stopped texting me every day. Soon it became that he only texted me every few weeks, and when he did talk to me, the conversations never lasted very long. I tried not to feel the way I did, but the moment he broke away was the moment that made me realize that I could not live without him in my life. That realization made me cry. Tomo had even begun to talk to me more than usual, but he could never take Hoon's place in my heart. Not that it mattered. Tomo was a good friend to Jun. He would never get too close to me after Jun had claimed he had feelings for me. It didn't matter what he did or that we didn't talk anymore. The past would never be erased. It was almost like fate. It was like this happened for a reason. Jun was not for me and neither was Tomo. Hoon was.

I eventually found out why Hoon did not talk to me anymore. He had been starting to see his ex-girlfriend again. She was a sweet girl to me, but I had heard many contrasting things about her. I was told she had two sides to her: she could be sweet and she could be mean. Whatever I did hear about her didn't matter. I knew one thing. And that was that she would never let go of Hoon. She had tried so hard to get him back and she got him. If she knew my feelings for him, she may not be so sweet to me anymore. For that, I did not tell many of my feelings for him.

A life without Hoon Oppa would be a long and miserable one. I spent the summer after my freshman year of college thinking about Hoon daily. Sometimes it was as if he knew this, because at times when I thought of him most, he texted me. It was almost like our relationship was beginning to build up again over the summer, except that Hoon seemed to simply talk to me when he was bored. It hurt knowing this much, but I was just happy to talk to him, even if only for a moment. I was happy to have crossed his mind.

It was now the first day returning to college. I had run into Hoon on the way walking from one campus to another. This is where my sort-of confession begins. "Oh, Hi Minah. How are you?" Hoon began, smiling his perfect smile.

"Hi Hoon," I grimaced.

"Just 'Hi Hoon?' It's 'Hi Hoon oppa,' silly." Hoon said. “You don’t seem so happy to see me.”

"I wish I could say that. I wish I could call you Oppa, but I feel our relationship has changed. You're almost a stranger again." I told him, feeling my eyes swell up with tears. “But I am happy to see you.”

"What's wrong?" Hoon asked, noticing the tears building up in my eyes.

"Oppa..." I strained, "I need to tell you this... I tried so hard not to, but I... I love you... a lot."

"Minah,” he struggled, “you know this isn't right. I'm with Eunhye now. And I'm a few years too old for you."

"I know,” I began, “but Oppa, you're not old. And I love you so much... I think I'm going crazy. When you started dating Eunhye, you stopped talking to me. Losing you as a close friend really does hurt. I can't let you leave me... please don't leave me... Oppa, please... You can date her as much as it pains me to see, but please don't stop being my Oppa. I can deal with you just being my Oppa even if it kills me inside seeing you two together."

Oppa looked me in the eyes for a moment. "I can't be so close to you anymore. I'm sorry."

His eyes were so cold now. "Hoon Oppa," I began, "why? Why is that? Is it because you have feelings for me too but you can't be with me? Are you afraid? Don't be if that's the case. There's no reason to be. I trust you won't hurt me. And I'm willing to risk it."

Hoon looked angry now. "I don't feel the same way you feel about me. Just go. Please," he told me.

His eyes looked like they were fighting back tears as he turned to walk away. My heart sank. That's when I said it - "I just wish that you would love me."

Hoon turned around to face me and that's when I saw his eyes widen with shock, surprise, disappointment, pain and so much more. "Don't say that." he told me.

"I just did."

"You shouldn't say that." he said, ever so frustrated.

"I want to say it." I told him.

"Is this really what you want?" Hoon asked, eyes becoming calmer. I nodded. He sighed. His eyes became increasingly more calm and he quickly walked up to me, grabbing my face in his hands, inching his face closer to mine until our lips were touching. He was kissing me. I kissed him back, tears rolling down my face. I could feel butterflies in my stomach and sparks between our lips. And then they parted.

Hoon looked me in the eyes. "I do love you" he murmured, "I always have." He then pressed his lips against mine once more.