Chapter 11

It's been 3 weeks already, and I still haven't found Yoha's new school. She left her apartment and moved back to her parents' house. Her parents wouldn't tell me anything either. I tried talking to them and convincing them, but all I would get is

"Sorry, we really couldn't tell you."

I came home tired one Thursday afternoon. I threw my bag on the floor and plopped myself to bed. Just like the past few days, I'm still bothered. I was changing myself into my casual clothes when I noticed a box inside my drawers. I looked at the box and realized that it's the box where I would always place Yoha's love letters. I opened the box to reveal too many unread letters from her. I regret not reading any of these.

I opened that very first letter that she gave me. I remember that day well because I caught her leaving it inside my locker. I haven't read the letter yet, but my tears are already threatening to fall.

Sept. 09 2007

Dear Woohyun,

Hello! Oh my, this is really embarassing. This is actually the first letter that I'll be giving to you. And this'll also be the first letter that I will be writing so forgive me if this letter will be crappy. I'm not good at essay writings and neither on letters.

I really don't know what to write in here. So, uh, how have you been? I know it's really stupid of me to ask this since I see you everyday. But I wanna know how you're doing? I hope you're having a good time. I hope this letter makes your day as well, just like how you would always make my day, even if you won't talk to me.

You know, even if I'm too lazy to get up every morning and go to school, just by the thought of seeing your face, my body would bolt up with energy and I'd be excited to go to school in an instant! That's how much you affect me. Kekeke! :) I know this is too cheesy, but it's true.

I hope you have a good day today! Goodluck!

~ Park Yoha

Tears started running down my face. I know there's nothing sad about her letter. In fact, she wrote it with with high hopes that day. I just can't stop myself from crying because I felt her presence while reading the letter. How much I missed her.. I wish I could just go back to the time and re- do everything. I should've read this letter a long time ago. I'm such an idiot for not doing so. And now... I regret everything.

I continued reading her other letters, and most of them her admiration about me.

How she saw me one day with a bright smile on my face:

"You're smile was infectious. I saw a happy smile plastered on your face, and I also found myself smiling.."

How she felt on her algebra exam, but..

"I realized that you would want to have a smart wife someday, so I really studied my lessons hard and I got a 90! I really hope you're happy for me. You're my inspiration!"

The list of letters go on and on and I realized that she was talking non- stop about no one else but ME. I cried harder when I reached to the part of her letter, the day that I humiliated her in public.

"Those words stung like.. I don't know. I felt like I was hit by a lightning that moment. Every word you said.. hurt me. It took me two minutes to realize that tears had already made their way out of my eyes. My heart crushed and had fallen into pieces. It was like my heart was being hammered thousands of times that I can't do anything but stand there and stare at you. It felt like time had played with its hands, and ran slower than ever..

But I realized that everything was my fault. You were right. I've been pushing myself too much on you. I was suffocating you. I'm sorry Woohyun. I'm sorry if I had loved you this much. I'm sorry if I'm such a selfish brat. I'm sorry... I was only thinking of myself, I never thought of how you feel. I'm sorry."

** You shouldn't be saying sorry. I was such an for hurting you. You did everything for me. But I only made you cry. I'm sorry Yoha. I should be the one saying sorry to you now. **

Tears escaped freely from the gutter of my eyes, it was then that I realised that I've been reading all her letters 'til night, and I skipped dinner. It was already 11PM. My eyes were a bit swollen from crying. I never knew I'd be crying like this because of her.. If only.... *sigh*

I realized that I'm down to the last letter she gave me. This time, it was the shortest of any of her letters. I became sad and disappointed at the same time. My hands were trembling as I was opening the letter.

"Dear Woohyun,

I think this'll be my final letter to you. This'll be the last letter that you'll be receiving in your locker as well. I know this is kinda weird. Ermm, but here it goes, I think it's about time I give up on you. I should've done this a long time ago. But I didn't. Because I thought, if I'd do everything I can to win you, then I will. Even if everyone was trying to tell me to give up, I didn't do it. Because somehow, I've been holding on to this little chance, that despite how much you hated me, you'll realize that you need me and you'll like me the way I like you. Too bad, I've lost the hope that I've been holding on to. I'm sorry if I'm giving up on you. I should start a happy life now, and you can restart the life that you have always wanted-- not having me to follow you wherever you go or chase you around.

'Til here! I wish you happiness everyday! Take care.

Yoha."

I just wish that a time machine could take me back to the day when she first gave me her first letter.