I’m sorry Hyukkie, this is for the best, and I know I had hurt you. Please don’t be mad at me, I would never be with your side, but I can always watch over you. I should have not broken my promise of staying at your side forever. But I kept the promise that I will love you forever.

Donghae is sick, no let me rephrase that, my Donghae is dying. And as the stupid useless person that I am I can only stand and watch him suffer. He has been diagnosed with that ‘thing’ months ago. There was no cure, the doctors said that we should just make life worthwhile for him Stupid doctor, just how can he just bluntly say that his patient is dying? Just what kind of crap school did he graduate from? I can see from behind his spastic concerns over my Donghae that he is not really sorry for his condition. The thought just makes me want to wring his neck.

As the months pass by, Donghae’s condition worsened. But still, he was smiling, that adorable toothless smile that he always give me whenever he is happy about something. The smile he gives me after we share a kiss. I made a list of things that we should do before he- well, die. But I don’t like putting it that way; I call his dying thing, ‘going away’. I mean what kind of a stupid person would call his lover, dying. I mean, come on that’s just so mean right?

In spite of my Hae’s condition, he still makes love to me, just like the way we do it before, I can be headstrong, but I am very submissive when it comes to my Hae. His thin lips that fits on my plump ones that he says he can’t get enough of. His way of my tongue, the way his hands graze upon my thighs, his hot breathes upon my ear, his teeth nibbling on almost every part of me. It just makes me want to lose my train of thoughts. Heck, I can’t even remember that he is ‘going away’ soon.

Donghae’s health continues to deteriorate. He could not even sit on his own. That hurts me so much. Every time he coughs blood, I feel like a piece of me is being taken away. Donghae had lived a healthy life. Why did this happen to him? Why must he suffer? All those questions ran through my mind when he was wheeled for the hundredth time into the emergency room. Like any other time that we had to rush him here, I get so scared that this will be the last time that I will see him. He squeezed my hand and told me that he loves me, I just whispered with a simple, ‘I love you too. And he gave me a wide smile.  The doctors, ‘skilled’ as advertised worked on him. I watched him get hooked into this scary looking being machine. Hi handsome face looked pale. In repose, my Hae looked younger. His face softer, I remember that pale face when he confessed to me roughly nine years ago. He was shaking. Everyone in the university knows that he is gay. Even me, but I wasn’t attracted to him yet. His persistence caught me and his will to make me his definitely made the trick.

He loved me like every man should love his woman, well I am still a man but in a way, I am his woman. He never got mad at me when I do those crazy things that the average boyfriend would definitely be pissed off. He showered me with kisses and hugs and all that.

Well back to the emergency room. The ‘skilled’ doctors just told me that my Hae is brain dead but his heart is still beating. With his words I remembered the time that I told playfully told my Hae that he hasn’t got a brain we replied that if his brained stopped working, his heart would still beat for me. Well he kept on his promise. He kept I beating. Still, for how long Hae? How long will you keep on suffering for me? I held his hand and squeezed it, rest my love I know you need it. I will be joining you soon, I already planned that, I will be ‘going’ away soon after you do. So wait for me. I reached down and pulled the plug of that scary looking beeping machine off its socket. I see My Donghae’s faint smile. I kissed his forehead and whispered, ‘I love you’.

After Hae’s funeral, some people came up to me, they put this weird thing called handcuffs on me, the only other time I wore these was whet Donghae put the other end to the bed. Yes, we get wild at times. They told me that I was under arrest for euthanasia; I don’t even know what that word means. Someone smart enough explained that I killed Donghae, I laughed, are they crazy? Why in the world I would kill my Hae? Hae ‘went’ away, and I will be ‘going’ soon and we’ll meet again. They all looked at me strangely and said that I should be assessed. I did what they had told me to do. I answered their questions with the least sincerity I could muster. Why is this thing taking so long? My Hae is waiting for me. They had let me go after deciding that I am sane. I chuckled. Of course I am sane.

Upon reaching our apartment, I went straight to our bedroom. I can still see Hae rolling around sleeplessly on the bed waiting for me. those were the moments that I just want to cuddle up with him and fall asleep. But right now, I cant I have work to do. My Hae i swaiting for me out there. I went to the bathroom and took out from the cabinet above the sink, a sharp blade, i bought this just after the day that Hae ‘went’ away. I made the first slash on my left wrist. I repeated it again and again, till I had I think, five gashes on my wrist. I did the same on my right, this time I made six. I watched my blood ooze from the wounds, unto my pale skin and drip into the floor. Everything went blurry just like the vision you have when you sleepwalk, I wonder if I am getting sleepy, my eyelids are getting heavier. A smile on my lips as I see the handsome face of an angel in front of the smiling that toothless smile that I loved so much before everything went black.

                                                                                                                           END

A|N: thanks for reading!

Please let me know what you think, i have anther oneshot plot in mind.