Brown eyes. Brown hair. White fingers. Red lips. Colourless, colourful sounds.

Colour.

Sound.

Sound.

Colour.

Kibum didn’t remember sensations when he was with Jonghyun. He remembered colours. Blue, green, yellow, orange, purple, clothing of various loud colours that were discarded at some point, hair in various colours that was disheveled at some point. The only things that remain unchanged were the brown eyes, the white fingers, the red lips….

And he also remembered sounds. Wild, glorious, colourful sounds that found their way through their lips as they felt alone together in the forbidden pleasures. Low, sweet, murmuring, pale sounds when each filled the other’s being, having each other, holding each other, loving each other.

But now, it was all gone.

Jinki had come into Jonghyun’s life. Mere days, days after the older boy had met him, Kibum was left alone. Days after the two men had lay eyes on each other, Kibum didn’t have the opportunity to feel Jonghyun’s red lips moving on his warm ones, white fingers brushing on alabaster cheeks, brown hair pushed out of the way of brown eyes by Kibum’s own pink fingers.

When Jinki had walked into Jonghyun’s life, Jonghyun had walked out of Kibum’s.

For months, the younger had tortured himself, thinking it was his fault, thinking he wasn’t perfect enough, thinking he had somehow not been good enough but whenever he saw Jinki, or – as Jonghyun calls him – “Onew,” he wondered how that man could be any better than Kibum himself.

The other boy had chubby cheeks, so unlike Kibum’s own, shapely ones, had floppy brown hair, so much worse for wear than Kibum’s own carefully styled hair, had darker skin, burnt in the sun, so different from Kibum’s own smooth, pearly, soft skin. Everything had changed, from the outer appearance to the inner person. Inside, ‘that man’ was gentle and kind, always had a soft word and sweet embrace for those whom he knew, and even sweeter words for those whom he didn’t. So unlike the way Kibum completely disregarded feelings, the limit only when he feels that he ought not to push them any further < “but it’s still there,” he argues> only when Jonghyun laid a hand on his thigh, signaling not that he was ually over the top for “tough and honest Key,” but that he ought to give their minds some time to adjust.

The differences in everything almost made Kibum believe that Jonghyun had wanted someone different every step of the way, every step of their entire journey together.

Almost.

But he couldn’t believe it. He wouldn’t believe it. Jonghyun wasn’t made of those ingredients. < "He's not like ddokbokki, so hot and spicy. He's like sweet and sour celery soup. So yummy, so golden, nutritious, so warm>

Their love had been pure and white, even though it was forbidden. Their lovemaking had been pure and red hot, though forbidden. Their touches, their kisses… pure and love pink, but they too, forbidden. Their friendship had been pure and a cheery yellow, and was the only part of their lives that wasn’t forbidden.

But then, forbidden fruit tastes sweeter. <Like Jonghyun's lips, which were red like the cherries that Kibum was allergic to...>

“So…. Is this the aftertaste?” Kibum couldn’t understand. Half of him said he didn’t want to understand. The way he felt about the whole situation in which he found himself seemed to have a hollow, deathly light.

Mental. Physical. Spiritual. Torture.

Kibum wasn’t a cliché. He wasn’t drowning himself in women < “or men,” he jokes feebly> in alcohol, in anything but self pity. Dark, blue self pity. He didn’t mope, he was always good company.

But when he was alone…

So, he decided to do something about it, but ended up on Square One yet again. Using methods ranging from the most common to the rarest, and failing in each and every attempt, Kibum despaired.

Later, one of his friends seemed to feel it was time for Kibum to stop hurting himself, to stop using the white hot pain as means to get away from whatever it was that was breaking his heart.

“Se Kyungie…” Kibum said as he pulled the woman to his length. “Everything is falling apart…”

She gently smoothed his hair, whispering “shh, baby” when his tears fell on her pink, upturned cheeks.

Kibum cried and cried, his tears streaming down his face, small, transparent rivulets of sadness that formed a pool at the bottom of his heart, filling it up until it hurt so much that he cried more. “What did I do? What did I do? What did I do to make him go away like that, Se Kyung? What did I do?”

Se Kyung couldn’t form a reply, because she didn’t speak when it was no use to speak.  And also because she was dumbfounded that Kim Jonghyun would leave what he had told her to be “the love of his life” so quickly for another person.  She couldn’t fathom the reason behind his sudden change, couldn’t begin to understand why and how he could be as happy as she had seen him just moments before when Kibum was so pale, so torn, so broken.

He wanted to die. Wanted to escape into the black whiteness of blissful oblivion. Why didn’t she answer him? Why was she so quiet? Days before, she had been the one to speak first in Kibum’s aid, the one to speak those sweet slow nothings in his ear < “It’s alright, everything will be okay… He’s just confused right now… at least he didn’t cheat on you, at least he left cleanly, at least he tried to show that he was rather sad to leave you…" > the one to brush his hair out of his face and nurse him to a more balanced physical state, the one to kiss him goodnight and sing to him but he blotted her out, Jonghyun can sing him to sleep> the one who made his favourite soups and washed his face and was always smiling for him when he couldn’t do it himself, the one who always there, being a good friend. Why was she not answering him now?

Then it hit him with a force so blinding, so neon that he doubled over.

She had no answer to give him.

Kibum cried in his friend’s arms, falling asleep with sobs still racking his body. 

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READ PLEASE. :D Or, you know, skip. Either way. :D COMMENT~

Okay. Yeah. I want this one to be REALLY sad. And by REALLY, I mean REALLY. So tell me if you came even a tiny little bit close to crying, because I tried really hard, but it didn't get me anywhere, not even less-than-the-number-of-miles-between-Luhan-and-Sehun close to shedding a single tear. And this story is dedicated to my awesome friend who is doing his Cambridge A/L's now (He'll kill me when he figures out that it's a story written for gay Koreans. Mian, BOB~) >.< And the advertisement of the heels that is right next to the typing box is distracting me. I just wanna plunge one of those into the throat of this person right now, and to think that I just found the perfect murder weapon is just..... distracting. LOL Anywaysssss. I WILL TRACK EACH PERSON WHO READS THIS AND DOESN'T COMMENT AND I WILL COMPLETELY DESTROY HER (or him... OOOH please comment if you're a HE) but leave a tiny bit so she (or he) can comment. 3:} BWAHAHAHA. Thank you for reading, you guys~! And for the three subscribers who pressed that button even before the first 24 hours were up (it will be 24 hours at 6:11 PM on the 9th of May 2012 for Sri Lanka), that would be Maknae_Evony_Tofu_C (OH! YOU LIKE ONEW TOO! HAHAHA HIGH FIVE BABE!), siahna (Thanks for your comment, sweets~) aaaaand Kyuxkizuna~ (does that happen to be Korean Kyuhyun x Japanese Kizuna?) THANK YOU SO MUCH! And to my parents and brother, and also my friends from my old school who have stuck with me through the worst part of my life (I'm sure I was horrible to you guys..) THANK YOU, and I LOVE YOU GUYS~!!! Message me for anything and if you read all the way up until here LEAVE A COMMENT SO THAT I CAN WRITE A FIC THAT YOU WANT :) And for trueB2UTYwithin, if you're reading this, THANK YOU, I LOVE YOU and jaebal, tell me what you think~!