I know I was ambitious enough to catch my dreams but not with love. I strived hard to achieve my position in this band and I was also told that there are going to be overwhelming situations like this. I’ve had girls asking for my number or asking me to hang out with them before but I didn’t give in because I knew they were just caught up with my fame.

But this situation was different.  I wasn’t prepared for it AT ALL. The girl I liked actually asked me out and I didn’t even have work for it. Nothing could have prepared me for that! I literally just had my jaw dropped and my eyes bulged looking down at her in amazement. I don’t know the kind of face I was making. All that was ringing in my ears was her sweet words. “Will you go out with me?”

“She asked you and not me? What just happened?” Jonghun scratched his nape.

“I’m sorry?” Aye was looking anxious when he turned to hyung then to me.

“I can’t…busy…I mean I’m busy.”  I choked at my own saliva and nervousness. Those were the first words that hit me. I don’t even know why I said it until I contemplated. But too late, I already put out the words.

“Huh? What are you talking ab---“

“Hyung, please…” I turned to him, pleading to let me handle this.

“I see.” Aye’s face fell at an instant after hearing the disappointment I gave her.  The look that she had right now wasn’t something I have seen before. This was definitely new to me and I wanted to punish myself for making her look terrible.

“I don’t know what’s gotten into me. I’m sorry to have bothered you. I should have thought about it sooner.”

I wanted to say something. Defend myself at least with the thoughts that she had about me. But I couldn’t do it. Nothing is coming out of me right now. It was like I have forgotten how to speak. I was surprised myself at the look that she gave me now. It was a look of utter and bewilder. I didn’t know it would be make such a huge impact on her. I want to take my words back, but it was too late.

Until, I realized the purpose of what I just said. I know I told her the right thing. This was better.

“Well, I should go. Someone is waiting…”

I knew it. What was she playing at? She had a boyfriend and wanted to hangout? This is so foolish.

“…it was nice meeting everyone. Bye Jonghun.” Aye then turned to me with an uneasy face. “Bye.”

The last thing we saw was her back on us and heard a slight bang of the door.

Jonghun hyung punched my shoulder the moment that she was gone.  “What did you just do? And you were busy when you are really not?”

“You don’t understand hyung. She’s committed and yet she’s goofing around.”

“How can you be so judgmental? Do you know her that well? What if it was something important? You’re such a jerk man.”

With that, hyung left me with a ‘Tch’ and a scratch on his head.

What if it was something important...? You’re such a jerk man

Hyung’s words hit me like forty knives stabbing my body. They say people die in believing ‘What Ifs’ but this ‘what if’ is one that I am willing to take a risk. I want to be with her, it was the truth. I can’t play games with myself now. I guess I just have to be responsible with the consequences even if I die.

She’s  probably gone and hates me so much now. What should I do? A lot of thoughts running through my mind that my head stings. It hurts like hangover. I have to do something and fast.

I dumfoundedly ran out of the room and my initial thought was to find Hongki hyung. I found him hangin around the dressing room playing video games on his laptop.

“HONGKI HYUNG!!!” I ran up to him and slightly made him jump.

“Wae??!!!”

“Can I borrow a shirt?” I begged as I wiped the beads of sweat forming on my forehead now.

“You are wearing a nice one.” He said coolly.

“No! I want something really nice. I swear I’ll hand wash it after tonight.”

Hyung stared at me and that was the longest 3 seconds of my life.

“Louis