He has gleaming eyes; He has a bright smile; He has very noticeable dimples. But the most important thing is that he has a beautiful heart.

I see him in the hallway, the cafeteria, in the lobby and sometimes on the way home. We’ve only spoke to each other once, on my first day of school. He introduced himself and explained subjects that I didn’t understand. I didn’t know whether I had feelings for him or not, but every time I see him I always had the urge to smile.

My best friend has been my diary. She knows everything about me, including my feelings towards him. Sometimes he would smile and greet me and I would tell my friend how I would spazz.

            One day, as I was walking in the hallway I saw him; he wasn’t alone. He wasn’t with his friends either. He was with a girl, I knew that girl. We aren’t really close friends. She was holding his hand, her head leaning on his shoulder. I could see the smiles on their faces. It hurt me so much. I could see his bright smile, it made me smile. But what turned my smile upside down was that I wasn’t the reason he put that smile on. My eyes were about to burst into tears right now but I couldn’t just humiliate myself. Not in front of them. I ran as fast as I could not caring who passed by. My tears started running down my cheeks and my heart ached. It was so painful. I got inside the nearest bathroom and inserted the closest cubicle. My tears were bursting. My heart was beating. It was broken. I heard my best friend’s voice from the outside calling my name. I didn’t care about humiliating myself anymore, I just felt like crying myself to sleep. I was tired and heartbroken. “Hurting others. Is this what the world calls love?” I thought to myself.

            About five minutes later I opened my cubicle door. I was shocked to see my friend still standing there. She walked to me and asked, “Are you okay?” I just nodded. Looking at my reflection, my heart questioned “Am I not worthy enough?” And at that moment my chest started to hurt again. My eyes were tearing up. But this time, not because of him. “Why can’t I ever be good enough?” My asked myself.

As I walked in the class, all eyes were on me; including theirs. “Why are you late?” My teacher asked. My voice was shaky, “I was in the clinic, I apologize for my lateness.” I replied and took the empty seat beside them. He turned and smiled at me. I plastered a weak, fake smile on my face. When the teacher was explaining about our activities today my head started to spin. I felt like I was going to pass out. And I did.

When I opened my eyes, I saw a very familiar place. A wall that was covered with heart-patterned wallpaper. After I observed it a bit more, I noticed that some of the wallpaper had peeled off. My door opened and I saw my mum entering the room. She told me how I passed out during class time and she had to bring me home. Slowly, my thoughts came back to me. Bit by bit I remembered what happened. His bright smile, his gleaming eyes and his noticeable dimples. I couldn’t forget the perfection. “I’m gonna go down alright? If you’re hungry just tell me.” I didn’t pay attention to what she was saying. “We’re not friends, we’re not lovers. It hurts and I cry.” I said in my heart. The more I think of him, the more it hurts.

The next day I went to school earlier. I settled my bag beside my chair and started reading a book. It was called “First Love”. This was a present my friend gave me for my 14^th birthday. “Why does first love hurt so badly?” “So you can remember it forever.” The book said. “HEYYYYYYY!” my best friend shouted. She walked towards me and took my book away then looked at me, worried. “You know I’m your best friend right?” She said. I nodded. “You know you can talk to me any time right?” I nodded again. She sighed and gave me small smile. A few minutes later our class was packed with students. My teacher hit the ruler against the surface of the board which made a loud BANG! The classroom was finally quiet. “Attention everyone. Today you are going to work in partners. I will assign your partners and you will have to cooperate with each other.” She exaggerated the work ‘have’. The classroom was suddenly filled with whispers. “I will start now.” My teacher said. After assigning a few people she called out my name and his. My heart pounded loudly. Time has stopped. She called my name once again and I snapped back to reality. After she finished assigning people, she explained our activities for today. “Clear?” Her voice echoed in the quiet classroom. We all nodded. “You’ll note down the results and I’ll do the experiments, okay?” his sweet voice said. Without understanding anything I answered yes. He started pouring green liquid from a bottle to another. His gleaming eyes focusing on the bottles. His bright smile started to pop-out his face as he observed something- or someone. When I figured out what or who it was, I felt my heart breaking again. He’s been smiling at his lover. “Stop it. Stop doing this to me. You’ve broken my poor fragile heart.” My mind shouted. “I believed that I‘d do anything for you. I feel like such a pathetic fool now. But not anymore I won’t. I’ll never remember you. Ever.”

A few years later, I found out that I got cardiac dysrhythmia. It’s been quite a while since I got it. This morning my doctor told me I didn’t have much time left. He told me I had 24 hours maximal. I want to remember these 24 hours as the happiest times of my life. I want to spend it with you.

That’s right. I still can’t forget you. I still love you. I’ve always loved you. I can’t remember how long it’s been since I’ve seen you. I miss you. I want to see you beside me. Looking me in the eyes and telling me I love you. This thought made me cry. I stayed up crying all night. I spent those times alone. I regret giving you my love. I regret being attached to you. Why do I have to face the pain alone? I tried to be your only girl. But you never understood my little heart. Tears run down my cheeks, soaking my dry lips. I cried a lot because of you. I smiled a lot because of you. I believed in love because of you. I’ve lost my everything because I’ve lost you.

            “Excuse me.” My doctor said. He’d come in my room without me noticing. I wa too deep in my thoughts. “How are you feeling?” Have you felt any better?” I shook my head. “You better not think too much. It’s not good for you, especially not in this condition.” I smiled and nodded. “Alright, I’ll be going now. Oh, and there’s someone outside who wants to see to see you.” He went out and my heart jumped when I saw who the person was. It was him. My heart felt all warm and safe. I wanted him to hug me. He smiled brightly. I started to cry again. My heart hurts when I remember those times when we were still friends. I wanna live a little bit longer. He walked towards me and kissed my forehead. “I like you.” I said trying to not burst into tears. “I know.” His eyes started to tear up. “And I’m sorry.” He managed to get out. I changed my position so that I was sitting down and he was doing the same beside me. He rested my head on his shoulder and caressed my hair. “How long do you have?” He asked. “Not long. Less than 24 hours.” I replied. Suddenly, he started singing. I was surprised at how angelic his voice was. This song. I remember this song. I used to love this song. I still do. He sang and sang. We cried. “One day, we’ll see each other again. In the next life, we’ll meet again. Although I bid you goodbye, to me this world is just you.” And with that I fell asleep, forever.