It was hitting Kibum so hard, that they were souls of the dead travelling around the world to find their true inner peace. That was what Taemin said to him, at least.

“We died the moment we were sent to the train station,” Taemin said. “I’ve been here for almost a year and a half now, that means Jinki hyung’s staying here for two years and Jonghyun and Minho hyung a bit later than myself.”

“It doesn’t really mean much, it just means that your soul still hasn’t found its own peace and is still trying to search for it.” He shrugged, downing a glass of orange juice.

They were at the dining area. Jinki was nowhere to be found, so were Jonghyun and Minho. Taemin said that it was okay, that they were just doing their own things but Kibum wondered what else could they have done in this train full of souls?

“So, that means that when I found myself in front of the train station, I was already dead? Not breathing and all?”

“Right,” he answered. “you wouldn’t be here if you were a soul with hatred, you’d be a lingering soul back there. You’re here because you somehow finished your duties and they’re sending you to your eternal peace.”

“Oh.”

Taemin shifted in his seat, lifting a foot and sprawling it over the leather chair. “My mom used to tell me this story, you know.” He looked back at Kibum, his eyes sparkled in interest, “how the souls with grudges and hatred stay at the world we knew, roaming there and seeing other people live their life to the fullest and when they finally realize their mistake, that keeping hatred deep down in yourself was no good, they would finally evaporate like the water. They would give them a new life to live, a new chance.”

Kibum realized how lucky he was that instead of being that, he became a soul to be sent to his peace.

“Then, there are souls who become the guardian of the world. I liked this one the best, mom used to make them look so fascinating.” He clapped his hands together, pursing his lips before continuing, “She said that they would be reborn, and they become something like the rain dancer or light bringer, and a lot more. Don’t you think it’s magical?”

Kibum nodded as he took note of how kid-like Taemin looked like. It was better than the angst-ridden boy he saw, definitely.

“The last kinds would be us,” he finally finished, “the souls to be brought to their peace. As simple as that.”

“There’s nothing more to it?” Kibum prodded, lacking information, “then what about us knowing where we would go? I don’t have a clue on where I’m supposed to go, I don’t know when to stop or when to keep going.”

“Of course there’s a way to know, silly!” Taemin giggled behind his hand, just like how he did when they first met. Kibum found it very endearing.

“Where?”

“The ticket, of course.”

“The ticket?” Kibum remembered the piece of paper he took out from his pocket a few days ago, he prayed that it would still be there as he slipped his hand inside his pocket, and both surprised and happy, he took out the piece of paper out and handed it to Taemin, “Here! For one second I thought I already lost it.”

“You can’t lose this though,” Taemin flicked the ticket around, his eyes scanning the words printed, “Once you lose this you’ll disappear from the train. I don’t know where they go, but they just do.”

“Really?” Kibum’s heart stopped, he would’ve slapped himself if only Taemin wasn’t there. He needed to stop being so careless.

“Yeah,” he grinned, “but don’t worry because even if it does fly away, as long as you’re in the train it will come back to you, somehow. Checked and tested,” he laughed, explaining to the confused Kibum of what happened to Jinki a few weeks ago.

“You got me there,”

“I know,” Taemin cheekily grinned. “But setting that aside, this ticket actually tells you what your soul’s searching for, and where you’ll be. This is telling me that your soul’s searching for the last train home?”

“I know, it doesn’t make sense!” he crinkled his nose, pointing at the ticket. “I don’t even remember why I’m searching for a train, I don’t even – wait,” he stopped, but Taemin looked at him like he knew what he had just remembered. “I - I actually don’t remember any details of my life.” His hand dropped to the table, and his eyes automatically searched Taemin’s for answers.

“It’s supposed to be like that,” he finally confirmed, “it’s when you start to remember that you should panic, because that means you’re stops getting closer and closer, and then you’ll just disappear.”

His voice started to tremble, it was unexpected, but it said something to Kibum’s ears. It showed how scared Taemin was, and somehow Kibum knew that Taemin’s starting to remember.

“Taemin,” he started, “Taemin, you’re starting to remember, aren’t you?”

A few seconds later, he held a torn apart, crying Taemin in his arms.

It was sad, seeing someone you came to adore fall apart in your arms, but it was sadder that even though they knew how it worked, they will never know how to stop it from coming.




---




“I was a dancer in my life before,” Taemin confessed once he stopped his emotions from overflowing through the means of tears. He was, once again, back to lifelessly staring at the window. “but a leg injury brought a stop to that career for me.”

“You really love dancing, don’t you?”

“It seems like it,” He didn’t need to look at Kibum’s face full of pity to know that it was, “don’t pity me, hyung. If it happened, it was bound to happen.”

“I – I’m not,” he bit his lower lip, unable to fully deny it.

“Anyway, it may be because of that, that I like sitting beside windows and just staring out.” Kibum nodded, his eyes trailing down to his legs, and he saw this but he chose to ignore the hot mess inside his stomach. “It’s okay, hyung. There’s no going back anyway. I might as well start anew once my soul finds its place.”

“I don’t want you to disappear.”

“So do I, hyung.” Their eyes met, and it was just a fraction of second when their souls seemed to reach out for one another, but they both feel it, “So do I.”




---




“What’s written in your ticket, then?” They are slowly treading back to their cabin. It was almost dinner and they started to feel hungry, but Taemin suggested that they go back to fetch the others first.

“Mine, well mine’s different than yours,” he pulled out his ticket from the back of his pants, “it changes constantly.”

“What do you mean it changes?” Kibum delicately pulled at the ticket from Taemin’s hold and looked at the same fading orange color of the ticket. There it wrote, A ticket for a one way train ride to the old you. Kibum thought it meant that Taemin started liking his old hobby – career again.

“The destination changes, one day it’s to serenity, then to loud music then to the current, to the old me.” He pointed at the ticket in his hand.

“Don’t you think it’s weird? How the destinations are sometimes abstract?”

“You get used to it.” He looked to the front, they’re finally reaching their cabin. “After all, everything in here’s quite abstract.”

Kibum hummed as he returned the ticket back to Taemin, but once they opened the door, only two frantic faces greeted them.

“Jinki hyung’s not yet returned,” Jonghyun frantically said, his eyes were searching while Minho had his head cradled in his hands. “What if, Taemin, what if he disappeared? He can’t.”

They stopped in their tracks, that was when Taemin’s voice started to quiver. “Jinki hyung would tell me something if he started to remember, he wouldn’t just disappear!”

“Well, Kibum had to walk out on you before you even confessed that you were starting to remember, and seeing how hyung’s much more quiet than you, he could’ve just gone without telling us!” Jonghyun’s voice raised, and Minho took hold of his shoulder, calming him down. They were quite attached to Jinki, and it didn’t help that they were currently under stress of Taemin’s memories.

“Well, I’m sorry if I didn’t tell you earlier, I was scared! Don’t even put the blame on me, hyung,” Taemin glared back, “And it’s not like it’s you who’s remembering, as well. You can enjoy your train ride to wherever you’re going for a longer time, okay? Because I’m going to disappear anyway, fill in my position for me, will you?” The sarcasm in his voice bit hard on Jonghyun’s skin.

“Tae – Taemin, I didn’t mean it like that,” his voice was a lot softer after Taemin’s sudden outburst but he just took his seat right beside the moist window.

“Now’s not the time to argue, you guys,” Minho finally said, “we absolutely can’t leave each other with lingering anger, okay. And, I think Kibum already went on his way to find Jinki hyung. He’s not yet gone.”

They were still for a moment, calming themselves and thinking back to their little serious argument but when Taemin started to talk, Jonghyun cut him off.

“I need to say something myself,” his voice loud and clear inside their little cabin, and two pairs of eyes looked at him, and he took this sign to continue, “I – I’m starting to remember myself.”

A pregnant silence passed by them as the engines whirred violently.

“That makes the three of us.”


- * -



Kibum didn’t know what made him voluntarily search for Jinki. It could be the violent thrashing inside his stomach, or it could be his hard beating heart, but he did. He didn’t even know where to search for him, he was just running around taking random directions and he used a bit of intuition. What surprised him though, was that he was able to find Jinki. They were at the end of the train, and when Kibum slid the door open, the serene image of Jinki’s back faced him and the sky colored his face orange.

“Hyung,” he stopped to catch his breath, “hyung, we’ve been looking all over for you.”

“I’m here,” he answered, never looking back. He was leaning against the handles, preventing him from falling off of the train.

“I figured as much,” Kibum forced out a laugh, and took the space next to him. “Why didn’t you go back to the cabin?”

“I needed time to think,”

“Think about what?”

“You,” Kibum stopped, and he didn’t find out until later that he had held in his breath. Kibum didn’t predict that coming, but he was sure he wanted to hear it even before it came.

“Oh.” He bit his lip out of habit as his hands clasp the thin metal of the handles. “What about me?”

“About when you’re going to disappear.”

Kibum inwardly winced at the emotionless voice of Jinki.

“You want me to disappear?”

“No,” he finally glanced at him, exploring the surface of his face, and it stopped at his dry lips. He unconsciously it wet, “In fact, it’s quite the opposite.”

“You don’t want me to disappear,” he said more like a statement, instead of a question.

“Yes,” they both broke the eye contact and instead, looked at the horizon.

It was a peaceful moment of silence, and Kibum had been so lost looking at the skies that he didn’t notice Jinki’s eyes on him. It had been a few long minutes before he finally peeked at him, and when he did, Jinki’s face was a short inches in front of his.

He had his eyes closed, and he breathed through his lips. His eyelashes were long, beautiful and thick. “Can I kiss you?”

He didn’t need to say yes, and Jinki didn’t need an answer to know that they both wanted it.

It was something that wasn’t exactly like a kiss.

Jinki’s lips were like ghosts hovering on his, cold and desperate, yet it was like something he would feel, warm and careful. It involved no intimacy, just their lips touching each other but it made him reach out for the brown locks of hair he’d always been so curious about. It was no surprise to him that it was as soft as he’d imagine, if not softer. He felt arms wrap around him, pulling him closer and he didn’t resist. He had no willpower to deny, and more than half of him wanted this.

It wasn’t awkward after that, not at all.

He didn’t hear an excuse of ‘I’m sorry, we shouldn’t have done that’ or ‘I was confused, let’s forget nothing ever happened between us okay’, like he had been expecting.

Of course, he knew that Jinki wasn’t that kind of person, but he’d forced this idea in his head that he was just drunk on air.
Instead, Jinki, unexpectedly coy after initiating the kiss, fumbled with his hand, intertwining it with his’ clumsily. He secretly smiled at the warm feeling spreading up from his hand. He hid it by staring back at the golden sun finally setting.

When he felt a tug, he looked up to see two deep brown eyes staring.

“We’re going together.”

“Together.”




---




When they came back to the cabin with their fingers linked, no one was surprised. They unconsciously had expected this, and they felt happy but they secretly couldn’t stop the searing pain in their hearts. All of them thought that this was quite cruel.

Jonghyun and Minho had confessed of their memories coming back and everyone was silent until they retired the day.

That makes them three, Kibum stole a glance at Jinki, wondering if he, too, finally remembered. If they all did, he would be the only one left. That thought was terrible, and he refused to think of that anymore.

When night came, they all whispered their good nights to each other, but Kibum didn’t sleep on his bed that night, as Jinki had already pulled him in his arms and half-carried him back to his – their – bed. He slept the best sleep he had ever had that night, in the arms of someone he dearly loved.

“Jonghyun and I,” Minho started the next morning when they’re all fixed up for breakfast. “We’re going to the same place.” He pulled a ticket from his pocket, and Jonghyun did the same. Their tickets had the same destination, indeed. To the continuation of dreams.

Kibum had found out then that Minho was a sports player rising to fame in his living life, and Jonghyun was a singer ready to debut but life had denied them of this.

“That’s great,” They all said, congratulating them, “that’s really great!”
“But,” Jonghyun sadly smiled, pocketing his ticket. “We’re not exactly sure if we’re going there together.”

“What do you mean?” Kibum frowned as he looked at Jonghyun and Minho’s connected hands. They were like him and Jinki, too attached to let go yet they knew that tomorrow or the next day, they needed to separate.

“Well, a soul individually makes its own way to where it’s supposed to go, we can’t exactly go together,” he saw their grips tightening, it made his heart clench.

No one spoke after that, and they had finally gotten their breakfast. Everyone, although no one showed it, was anxious.

That was when Kibum’s head started to throb, he yelped in pain as the table shook because of his hand hitting the table. Everyone was suddenly up to their feet. “What happened?”

“Kibum-ah!”

“Hyung!”

He heard a series of worried voices, and he saw their worried faces but all he could make out was a boy walking to school, he had his backpack on, and a big white pad in his hands. I worked all night on my designs that’s why I lack sleep today.

His voice, that was his voice.

The boy slapped his face lightly, and he bit his lower lip. Finally reaching his school and then it was gone.




When Kibum woke up, he was in Jinki’s bed. The smell stung his nose, in a nice way. It comforted him. When he shifted, a hand made its way in his hair, softly massaging his scalp. He leaned against the hand.

“Are you awake now?”

“Yes,” he started to get out of bed, but the hand stopped him. “Don’t get up yet.”
It was Jinki, smiling down at him. It was a fallen angel’s smile, excruciatingly sad and hollow.

“Why? What happened?”

“Nothing,” he made a gesture to make room for him, and once he did, he slipped in quietly. The bed squeaked softly under their weight. “nothing, my love.”

Kibum felt his hand snaking down his side, and then it made its way to his own, finding its place there.
He leaned against his chest, breathing in all of him.

“I’m going to where you’re going, Kibum-ah,” Jinki’s voice made his heart flutter, and it was no louder than a pin drop.

“That’s great,” he closed his eyes as he felt a chin on top of his head, “let’s meet each other at the other side.”

“Yeah,” his humming was slowly putting him back to sleep, “I don’t think I could find anyone worth loving as you are.”

There was a smile on Kibum’s lips as they both fell asleep.




- * -




Minho frowned at the sight of Jonghyun curled up in his bed, he was like an abandoned puppy. He hated the idea of Jonghyun being abandoned.

He softly shook the sleeping man’s shoulder.

“Hyung,” his voice faltering in between, “Jonghyun, wake up.”

“Minho,” a small voice came from the body, “I’m leaving.”

It was then that Jonghyun had lost it. Tears flowed down his face like a river with no direction, and he uncontrollably sobbed so hard that his shoulders shook against the bed. It alarmed Minho, not that he was leaving but that he was crying.

“Shhh, Jonghyun,” it was something that reversed when they were alone and together. Minho becomes the older one in their relationship, and Jonghyun’s the younger one between them, often like a kid that Minho didn’t hesitate to take care of. “Hyung, it’s alright. It’s okay, we’re going to meet there, okay? Don’t cry,”

“You have to,” he hiccupped as he climbed onto half of Minho’s body, his head automatically burying itself in the crook of his neck, “you have to find me there, okay?”

“I will, hyung,” he assured, lovingly running his hand up and down his back, “and even if I don’t, I’m sure my feet will lead me back to where you’re at.”

“That’s so cheesy,” he muttered under his slowing sobs, but they sleep together with his arms wrapped around Minho’s body tightly, and with Minho cradling him in his chest.

The next morning when everyone’s still asleep, Jonghyun’s face and body turned transparent. He slowly freed himself from Minho’s hold, caressing his cheek softly and using his thumb to wipe away a stray tear from Minho’s eye. He let go, offering a final kiss before he turned, passing by the door and he reached the doors soon enough.

The ticket from his pocket was glowing, and when he took it out, it floated to the bright light, letting itself be consumed by it.

Jonghyun didn’t look back as he let the light eat his soul.

His soul woke up from dreaming, and he found himself to his paradise.

Only waiting for Minho to come and get him.




---



When the sun gleamed through their window and they found no Jonghyun on the top of the bed, and when there was no answer when they asked Minho if he knew where he went, they immediately understood.

Slowly, the gloominess of the place returned. Only bit by bit ever since Jonghyun had disappeared.

They tried so many times to talk to Minho, but he only stared at the space left on his bed as he caressed the pillow lovingly, as if Jonghyun was still there.

When Minho finally spoke two weeks after Jonghyun left, all he said was “Thank you,” and spared Jinki a nod of gratefulness.

After that, as everyone had expected, Minho disappeared over night.

They only hoped that he ended up not too far away from where Jonghyun was.

They only hoped that he will find him, and they will finally get their own happy ever after.




---



When Jinki excused himself and went out their cabin, Kibum found himself sitting beside Taemin’s usual place. He stared at the outside together with him, but soon he found himself staring at the young boy.

He was about to speak up, when Taemin sharply looked at him.

“Hyung,” their eyes were connected, and Kibum tried so hard not to shiver under his stare, “I, I have something to tell you before one of us disappears, too.”

“What is it?” He asked, and then he felt a cold pair of hands reach out for his.

“Hyung, I really liked you.” Taemin’s voice was clear, and he said it with so much confidence that Kibum felt his insides burn with guilt. “Even before Jinki hyung did.”

“Taemin – I,”

“No hyung, it’s okay,” he spoke quickly, trying to stop Kibum’s excuses. It also helped him stop the tears from falling down, “I won’t say anything else for you to pity me. I just wanted you to know how much I had appreciated you, and everyone else, and that I really did like you.”

“I know.”

“I at least wanted to do something I won’t have to regret not doing,” he smiled. It was a genuine smile, but he saw Taemin crumbling under the smile. “Promise me you won’t pity me when I’m gone.”

“I promise, Taemin.” He pursed his lips, “I promise.” He hugged him then, giving him one of the tightest he’d ever given to anyone.

He wanted to give Taemin something in exchange for his confession, and for him being so considerate of their relationship. He made sure that Taemin felt his love through the hug they had exchanged, he wanted him to know that he loved him, too. But not in a way he wanted.

A week later, Kibum woke up in the middle of the night just in time to see Taemin fade away. But as if Taemin knew he was looking, he turned around and smiled one of the biggest smile he’d seen.

“I love you, Kibum hyung.”

There was a huge weight lifted off from Taemin’s chest, and as he went through the blind flash of white, he felt no weight at all.
He was finally free.




---



It was just the two of them left.

Kibum wanted to make the most out of it, but Jinki had been spacing out a lot.

“Is there something bothering you?” He said one night, as they lay side by side, Jinki’s arm around him made him feel secured.

“Yes, and no.” was the soft reply he got.

“Why?”

“No, because I have you here,” and there was a sparkle in his eyes as the moon glinted back at them. “Yes, because I’m afraid of leaving you alone.” There were a lot of things in his voice. There was insecurity, longing, regret, and sadness.

“Hyung, listen to me,” Kibum put a gentle hand on his cheek, “hyung, you’re not going to leave me. We’re going together, remember?”

“But Kibum, what if I don’t find you, what if I get lost, what if –“ Kibum hushed him, pressing his lips against his, securing him.

“No, hyung. You’re going to find me there, okay?” He shivered as cold air blew on his bare shoulder, “if you don’t, I will. We’re going, we’re doing this together and only together, alright?”

“Okay, Kibum.” His anxiousness lessened as he felt a reassuring hand on his, “I believe you. I’ll do my best.”

“Good,” he finally smiled as he pressed another kiss on his nose, “now sleep, like you always do.”

“Thank you, Kibum.” A whisper to the winds, and they blew and blew against the sky until it became a part of it.

The next day and Jinki was gone, but Kibum still felt an arm around him, a hand intertwined with his, a pair of lips on his own.

He only had to wait a few more days until it was finally his own way, and Jinki’s smiling face helped him to get through.

He saw Jinki with his arms wide open in front of the white flash and as the engines whirred and made noise, he smiled.

He threw his arms forward, reaching out for Jinki.

It is only time until they were finally back in each other’s arms.

It is only a few more pinch of pain until they finally get their happy ever after.

It is enough for Kibum, to be able to know that there would be tomorrow and tomorrow, he would find Jinki beside him and they would be together again.

It was enough.




- * -





Kim Kibum wakes up drenched in his own sweat. It was a bad dream, just a bad dream, Kibum.

He lightly slaps his cheeks, waking himself further as he makes his way out of the bed. He looks back and frowns at the sight of his wet pillow and bed, reminding himself to change that later but now, he makes his way down to the dorm’s kitchen, meeting his dorm mate Nam Woohyun.

“Woah, what happened to you?” Woohyun raises an eyebrow at him, filling the empty glass in his hand with warm water and offers it to him.

“A long bad dream,” he purses his lips as he takes the offered glass of water with much gratitude. He finishes the glass with four big gulps, “thanks. I needed that.”

“No problem,” he turns to the kitchen counter, a new newspaper spread open. “I’m just going to go shower now. Classes are in 50.”
“Okay,” when Woohyun makes his leave, he picks up the newspaper with one hand while getting more water with his other hand. He reads the first thing his eyes land on.



March 17, 2009
They finally let go. Lee Jinki, 18, the only son of the CEO of Red Carpet Inc., had been removed of all machineries this morning after being asleep for almost two years. Jinki was known for being an intelligent, polite and kind young man and he will be remembered. May he rest in peace.

August 25, 2009
A young boy named Lee Taemin, 16, a used-to-be dance prodigy who stopped his career because of a serious leg injury, was found dead in his apartment last night. Investigators say that it wasn’t suicide, but the doctors have no idea what he could’ve been ill with. This remains a mystery until now, but may he rest in peace.



He sighs, reading the words had made him ill. He folds the newspaper, tucks it between his arm and finished his glass of water. Someone as young as 16 shouldn’t have died, he murmurs against the cool wind striking his face, but who am I to know? Even kids as young as 3 dies. That’s just the way it is.

He cleans up the left over glass and makes his way back to his room.









Only two more years left, Kibum smiled as he entered his shower, the warm water massaging his back.

Only two more years, wait for me.