Toulouse: The City of Refuge; KPossible21
Corazon Cerrado REVIEW SHOP (ACCEPTING REQUESTS!)Review by: doubledutchress
Title 9/10
I personally love the title. The title is not common, but it's not the first time I encounter a fanfic entitled this way. The use of Toulouse as the title is a bright idea, since it's better to focus the title on the city where the most important events happened, than coming up with a title that would emphasize on the characters. Just that, it doesn't sound inviting for readers.
Description and Foreword 15/15
You placed a quick description, telling the conflict of your story, which is good since it's not too much, and less. Your Foreword showcased a glimpse of your what-abouts in the whole fanfic, like those in books. It's a relief to read your fanfic, looking at your description, because it was the exact thing I wanna see in a Description. It's a part on the fanfic, but still hanging. Having the fact you managed to still insert that part was neatly done. I feel too nice of giving this part a perfect score, but you deserve it ;D
Plot and Originality 18/20
I rarely get to read fanfics that include mafia and stuffs, so reading this is new to me. I liked the idea of getting Amber being the lead, but halfway reading, I cannot help myself but to picture another 'Amber' on my mind, like not the Amber of F (x) lol. I love the band and all, but I cannot imagine right if Amber's rapping part at Pinocchio kept on playing everytime her name appears. Sorry lol.
Anyway, it's original as I see. Really unique. The best part of the story is actually the way Sungyeol did not appear to have any intention of falling for Amber. I love the way you didn't make any spoiling message on Sungyeol's POV, and he's playing oblivious with his feelings. I really like it gaaaaah.
Grammar and Spelling 21/25
Very minimal corrections, and it's as if a guy is really doing the POV. Since I just made this review again, I got lazy on placing the corrections one by one again so, please bear :)
As for the french translation, it added the Paris vibe so I have to give plus points.
Oh, I remember, on a chapter with Minho and Seungyeol exchanging messages, I think you posted the wrong image for the message, please check that part. I think it's the chapter where Amber is giving birth. There are 2 chapters for it, right? Yeah, please check that :D
Neatness and etc. 17/20
Minus points for no poster. A poster actually gives the reader a good glimpse of the story's main theme. So if you're planning of getting one, make sure to request one that could reflect the emotions right.
The quotations before every chapter are also good, and it gave you a way to use the prompt you used for the contest.
Readers' Feedbacks 9/10
Confusions for few, but good that they had made their way to read your fic. I'm glad I get to read this kind, and I didn't have the idea of getting Sungyeol and Amber paired up, but it went well.
89/100 ☺
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