Chapter 1

Suddenly, 문득.

1st April 2012, Hottest 3rd Fan Meeting @ Kyunghee University

"Encore..!! Encore..!! Encore..!!" the fans were screaming their hearts out hoping that there would be at least one last song before the fan meeting would officially be over.

Taking a deep breath to calm his nerves, he stepped on to the dimly lit stage and made his way towards the huge grand piano. The dark blue hue of the lights casted created a slow, serene atmosphere keeping him muddled in his thoughts. With a sudden flash a lone spotlight shone down on him like a sign from heaven. Realizing that one of the members was on stage, the commotion in the hall slowly died down. Getting comfortable, he gently tinkled on the keys having a feel of the instrument in front of him.

"준수 우빠..!! 화이팅..!!" catching his attention, he turned towards the fan and gave a sad smile. **

Slowly, with a rise of his shoulders, he took a last deep calming breath, leaning nearer towards the microphone, he whispered.

"Alright everyone, here's the song. Please enjoy."

Smiling to himself, he glided his fingers over the keys like a lover would to his beloved. The sweet, yet sad melody filtered through the hall, those first few notes caused a stir in the audience.

"문득네얼굴이떠올랐어

Suddenly your face came to my mind

문득네모습이생각나서난또

Suddenly I thought of you and once again

가슴깊이묻어둔추억들을꺼내어보곤해

I go through memories that were buried deep within my heart"

Taecyeon's low raspy voice resonated through the air, carressing him in a low whisper, bringing back all the memories that he'd promised not to evoke from his memories. Just like Junhyun, the other 5 members are like his own blood brother, they've seen each other through everything for the past many years. And just like brothers, each of them have their own unique diferences. But even with all those differences, the arguments, the blows and blood shed, for and at each other, they would still come back to each other for support. The past memories of his late father, the recent argument amongst them six that almost made him lose his life to his own demons, all came crashing down on him.

his dry chapped lips, he let the memories linger in his mind, eyes closed, he focused on the ivory keys below his fingers, mouthing the words with Taecyeon. He could feel the taller man's eyes boring down on him knowing well enough that the younger man was worried for him. Tilting his head up, Junsu looked up into his eyes, gaving him a smile and a slight nod, reassuring him that he's fine.

"왠지 오늘 밤엔

For some reason tonight

네가 있던 그 곳에 난 서있을 것만 같아

It seems I’ll be standing where you’ve stood

함께했던우리약속들이

The promises we’ve made

아직도 너무 선명한데

Are still so distinct"

His fingers ghosted over the keys of the piano by itself, Nichkhun's soft voice brought him out of his reverie, realizing that he is not the only one affected by this song. Looking up at the slowly approaching Junho from behind the curtains, he keeps an eye on the solemn young man with too much on his mind.

"난 왜 이렇게 널 잊지 못해

Why am I like this unable to forget you

바보같이아파만하는데

Going through the pain like a fool

내가슴은왜내말을듣지않아

Why doesn’t my heart listen to what I say

잊고또잊으려고억지웃음지어봐도

I try and try to forget forcing myself to smile"

Junho's heart wrenching voice, pulled an invisible trigger in him, and the floodgates opened up on him. There was no stopping the hurtful and unpleasant memories flooding his mind. His fingers trembled, sadness overwhelmed him, but he had to keep it all in, he had to be strong for his brothers. They have all been through hard times, and especially recently, it seems like Heaven's doors were closed to them. Junsu kept his eyes on Junho, silently giving him support as much as he could, hoping that the younger boy would not suddenly have a mental breakdown on stage. The eldest could feel the pain radiating from Junho as a lone tear streaked down his cheek when he sang his last line.

"나왜이렇게널잊지못해

Why am I like this unable to forget you

아파야 하나요

Why do I have to go through this pain

아냐 아무 말도 아냐 그냥..

No, not a single word, no, just…

그냥 나 혼자 또 이래

It’s me alone who’s like that again

미안해

I’m sorry

네 생각이 떠올랐어, 문득..

I thought of you again, all of a sudden…"

Ghosting his fingers over the keys, it seems to have a life of its own. Junsu closed his eyes shut, trying his best to keep the tears from falling. His melodious voice wavering as emotions threatened to overwhelm him. The memories of his late father and his promise to him days before his sudden passing. How apt was this song, for him and the other members to finally reveal it completely after going through such trails.

Flashback in the Hospital

"Junsu-yah, come here for a minute, its been some time since we just sat and talk. Right ?" his dad patted the seat beside him.

Both of them sat side by side watching over her, soundly sleeping, with a smile on her face. Seeing his mother laying on a hospital bed, puts a knife through his heart knowing that he can't always be around for them, his family, taking care of them. His parents were left alone in Daegu, both him & his brother constantly not around due to his schedules & Junhyun's military service.

Looking at his son's worried expression, he gave him a comforting pat on the back, "Junsu-yah, I know what you're thinking, it's not your fault. Its nothing major, and we both can take care of ourselves. You have to stop worrying about us. Plus you have five other brothers under your care...."

Releasing the breath he was holding in the entire time, he had to cut in  "But Appa, you and Eomma are my priority. You two were the ones who raised me. Yes, the other members are like brothers to me, but I have to put the two of you first..."

Running his fingers through his hair, he was struggling trying to mouth out his frustrations and worries that was wrecking through his already scattered mind.

"Junsu-yah... Look at me," the soothing back rub turned into a firm tap on his shoulder, commanding him to look into his father's eyes.

"Junsu-yah, both me and Eomma are very proud of what you have achieved, as a musician and especially as a person. You are a wonderful hyung to not only Junhyun, but the other 5 members as well. To you, those 5 boys may be a chore, a task, another added responsibility to you, but do you know that they are thankful for you always being there for them ?" Junsu shook his head, realizing that maybe all this while he did think of them as another added responsibility.

"Promise me that you would always take care of them just like Junhyun, and I'm also talking about your other 2AM brothers. Some of them maybe older than you, but that doesn't mean they don't need taking care of." his dad giving him a reassuring smile.

"Yes Appa, I promise. I'll always keep that in mind." turning to give him a hug, thanking him for the advice.

Flashback in the Dorms

"Don't you bloody DARE come near me Taecyeon..!!" Junsu pushed the kitchen knife deeper into the side of his throat, breaking the skin causing blood to trickle down. He was cornered to the edge of his room.

"The guys are fine Junsu, don't do this to yourself. We need you, Junhyun and your mom needs you. Everyone's fine, just look at the door, they're all there. They're all ok, we don't want you hurting yourself" Taecyeon inched slowly trying to close the gap between the two of them. The rest of the members waiting anxiously by the door hoping that the burly man could over throw the eldest.

Junho was exceptionally more sensitive towards Junsu's erratic behaviour as he has been leaning alot on the eldest. To see him break down and threatening his own life, almost drove him over the edge. If the pillar of strength has fallen, who else could he lean onto. Tears were streaming down his cheeks, Chansung & Nichkhun had to hold him back, afraid that he might just make things worse if he suddenly decided to jump into the fray.

"I know what your doing Taec. Stop inching towards me, or I might just let the blade slip." pressing the blade in deeper into his skin causing a steady flow of blood to trickle down his neck, emphasizing that he meant what he said, and that he means business.

** Junsu Oppa...!!! Hwaiting...!!

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Initially, the idea was a oneshot fic, but suddenly I just decided to write and hope that I can make it into a full fledge story. Below is the link of the fan meeting with the song that was played by Junsu.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xKkplPxdYKw&feature=related

Those wondering about the lyrics for the song below is the whole song that was sung at the last Fan Meeting.

Korean version of “Even If We’re Apart” composed by Jun.K

- Taecyeon -

문득 네 얼굴이 떠올랐어

Suddenly your face came to my mind

문득네모습이생각나서난또

Suddenly I thought of you and once again

가슴깊이묻어둔추억들을꺼내어보곤해

I go through memories that were buried deep within my heart

- Nichkhun -

왠지오늘밤엔

For some reason tonight

네가 있던 그 곳에 난 서있을 것만 같아

It seems I’ll be standing where you’ve stood

함께했던우리약속들이

The promises we’ve made

아직도 너무 선명한데

Are still so distinct

- Junho -

난 왜 이렇게 널 잊지 못해

Why am I like this unable to forget you

바보같이아파만하는데

Going through the pain like a fool

내가슴은왜내말을듣지않아

Why doesn’t my heart listen to what I say

잊고또잊으려고억지웃음지어봐도

I try and try to forget forcing myself to smile

- Junsu -

나왜이렇게널잊지못해

Why am I like this unable to forget you

아파야 하나요

Why do I have to go through this pain

아냐 아무 말도 아냐 그냥..

No, not a single word, no, just…

그냥 나 혼자 또 이래

It’s me alone who’s like that again

미안해

I’m sorry

네 생각이 떠올랐어, 문득..

I thought of you again, all of a sudden…

- Wooyoung -

아무렇지도않니

Doesn’t it even bother you

나를 떠나버리고서

Having left me like that

그래, 그래 다 지울래

Alright, alright, I’ll erase it all

내가슴이널자꾸찾아도

Even if my heart searches for you all the time

- Junho -

나왜이렇게널잊지못해

Why am I like this unable to forget you

바보같이아파만하는데

Going through the pain like a fool

내가슴은왜내말을듣지않아

Why doesn’t my heart listen to what I say

잊고또잊으려고억지웃음지어봐도

I try and try to forget forcing myself to smile

- Junsu -

나왜이렇게널잊지못해

Why am I like this unable to forget you

아파야 하나요

Why do I have to go through this pain

아냐 아무 말도 아냐 그냥..

No, not a single word, no, just…

그냥 나 혼자 또 이래

It’s me alone who’s like that again

미안해

I’m sorry

네 생각이 떠올랐어

I thought of you again

- Chansung -

이젠멀리돌아선너를찾지않기

Now I’ll no longer search for you who’s turned far away

내사랑이무너져내려도

Even if my love crumbles to pieces

행복하게혹시내가슴이너를찾아

I’ll strive for happiness even if my heart reaches out for you

다시 널 불러내도

Trying to call you out one more time

나의 사랑아

“My love”

- Junsu -

나 왜 이렇게 널 잊지 못해

Why am I like this unable to forget you

아파야 하나요

Why do I have to go through this pain

아냐 아무 말도 아냐 그냥..

No, not a single word, no, just…

그냥 나 혼자 또 이래

It’s me alone who’s like that again

미안해

I’m sorry

네 생각이 떠올랐어, 문득..

I thought of you again, all of a sudden…

Lyrics & Translation: Taken from Yeah Jun.K, Egle @2PMalways