I don’t know what has happened or when this all started, but lately, Oh-chan has been acting strange. His mind seems busy with something, something I don’t know anything about. He’s being… active, which is never a good sign. The only time he’s really active, is when he’s on a boat, dressed up like a scuba diver, holding a fishing rod. Even when we are doing a concert he’s half asleep. If the rest of group isn’t getting Oh-chan involved in our talk during a MC, he would just stand there, spacing out. These days he’s all hyped up even when we have a very busy schedule and I can’t figure out the reason why and... it bothers me.
Another strange thing is the fact that I’m the only one who thinks there’s something wrong.

“Really Nino you’re being paranoid, Riida’s just happy, relax. He probably caught a big fish or something, don’t worry!” Aiba said just a week ago after I asked him if he has noticed that there was something wrong with Riida. Aiba is a baka so I guess it can’t be helped. I hit him on the head for calling me paranoid after I denied I was worried. Huh, I wasn’t... And I'm still not… really, I’m just… curious. So I went to find Jun and Sho to ask them what they thought about Oh-chan being active.

“Oh, is he? I don’t really think he’s more active than usual.” Jun said, clearly not even paying attention to what I just asked him.

“He is!” Was my short answer. Come on, even Jun thought there was nothing strange going on. I started to get angry, what was wrong with everybody?
“Huh, and they say that you are the one who cares about us the most, and you can’t even see there’s something wrong with our beloved Riida.” I said calmly, waiting for a reaction. I didn't have to wait long, as Jun grabbed me by my collar and pulled me closer so we were face to face.

“What did you say?!” Jun’s voice sounded lower, threatening.

“You heard me, Matsumoto.” Which only made matters worse, of course. But hey, I was right, wasn’t I.

“You-“ He raised his fist, probably planning to hit me with it. But he was stopped by Sho’s hand, holding his wrist while he tried to get in between us.

“Okay guys, knock it off! I know it has been a busy month and we’re all a little tired, but that’s no reason to start a fight.” Sho’s calmness was probably why Jun cooled down so fast. He released my sweater and took off. Just before he left the room, he turned around, facing us but eyes on the ground.

“You know what, I DO care, and I would’ve noticed if there was something wrong with Riida, but there isn’t. And even if he’s a little more active, so what? Is he not allowed to? If you so necessarily want to control him then I suggest you marry him!” With that, Jun left the room and I was planning to go after him, only my brain decided not to cooperate. Marry him? Why did Jun’s comment made my mind go blank? Hell, I was just worr- curious about what was going on with Oh-chan. I went back to the couch and sat on it, thinking about what just happened. All the time I felt Sho’s eyes on me. I expected a lecture, but Sho just kept looking at me, not uttering a word. It pissed me off.

“What?! I’m not imagining things here! Stop looking at me like I’m insane!” I finally snapped, having enough of this circus.

“I’m not.” Again with the calm voice.

“Then what is it?!”

“You just tried to pick a fight with MatsuJun, your friend AND fellow band mate, Nino…”

“I did no-“ I tried to defend myself, but was cut off by Sho.

“Yes, you did. You just told MatsuJun he didn’t care about us.” Sho said, looking rather sad at me. He crossed the room and sat on the couch next to me.
“Don’t try to deny it… Look, maybe he’s a bit more active than usual but that’s not a reason to start worrying…” His voice just above a whisper.

“I’m not worried!” I said quickly, getting angry again. Jeez, why did they all think I was worried.

“Okay, okay, you’re not, I get it… Still, why don’t you go talk to him?”

“No, I…” I looked down, staring at my feet. Knowing that I would never talk about my problems with anyone, Sho patted me on the back. He told me to take it easy and that there was nothing to worry about. And so we both took off, heading home.

~

3 days had passed and something changed. An active Oh-chan made place for an Oh-chan that started to act weird. For example, I was on my way to the green room when I heard Oh-chan’s voice and when I peaked trough the door, I saw him holding a book. Unfortunately I wasn’t able to see what kind of book it was, but he was trying to pronounce the words he read… I guess the book was foreign, cause I didn’t understand a word of it. He probably failed to pronounce them correctly as I heard him sigh. At that point, my cell phone rang suddenly, message from Aiba, and I saw him trying to hide the book under the sofa. Already exposed, I entered the green room and greeted Oh-chan, who in turn, tried to act like he was doing nothing at all. Why was he acting so mysterious? I had the feeling he was mad at me for some reason, since the other guys didn’t notice anything. So he’s only doing this with me being around… Why?

Another example. After recording a new CM, we all decided to go out and get some ramen. The five of us sitting together, talking. Only it was Oh-chan who was talking constantly. I mean, really, all the time. The conversation went from fishing to the girl he met in the book store. Every time I tried to talk to him, he would look away, giving me a short reply and he would just continue rambling.

“She was very kind, she recommended a new book and…” My patience was near its end and he just kept going on. I never yelled or even looked angry at him before, but there was something going on and… I just snapped.

“jeezes Ohno, you’ve been talking non-stop, can’t you just shut up for a moment!” I said a bit too loud and way too harsh… Okay, the whole sentence clearly came out wrong as the four of them just stared at me like I just killed someone. Then I realize I just told the nicest person in the whole world, that normally doesn’t talk that much in the first place, to shut up. I looked at Oh-chan and saw that his eyes started to water. Great, just… great… He opened his mouth to say something.

“ Ohno? What happened to ‘Oh-chan’?” He asked, voice filled with tears. And my eyes widened. , Nino, you stupid, stupid idiot.

He suddenly got up and went to the bathroom. I was left behind with the other three, who were clearly just as shocked as Oh-chan… Hell, even I was shocked. Aiba was the first to recover.

“Nino…” He said somewhat warningly.

“Look, I know! That came out wrong, okay?! But he’s still acting strange and I don’t know what’s going on and don’t tell me that you don’t notice something’s off!” there was a moment of silence until Sho decided to talk.

“You’re right, he’s acting a little different… But you went out of line, Nino. You yelled at him, telling him to shut up while he wasn’t doing anything wrong…” His voice still calm, yet less calm than the other day. I signed, telling myself to calm down, I probably should go and apologize.
“You hurt him. He’s probably crying right now.”

“I know… just… pay closer attention to him from now on, please… I’m going to check on him and apologize…” and with that, I stood up and went to the bathroom.

I opened the bathroom's door slightly so I could take a look inside. I found Oh-chan in front of the hand drier, his back facing me. He seemed to just stand there, not using the hand drier. I sneaked inside, not making any noise as I put my hand on his shoulder. The reaction however was… well, wild. He was obviously startled by what I did, so he kind of jumped while he tried to turn around and pressed his back against the wall, which in turn almost made him fall down cause the hand drier got in the way. When he was finally standing steady on his feet again, he looked straight at me, eyes still red for crying.

“N-Nino?”  I felt horrible, he did sound surprised but his face rather showed fear instead of surprise.
“I… I’m sorry if I've been talking t-too much, I’ll leave y-you alone. I don’t w-want you to be m-mad at me…” His eyes started to water again and he tried to run away. Luckily I saw it coming, so I kept him from running away by putting my hands on his arms, holding them tightly.

“No Oh-chan I’m not mad at you. I’m so sorry… I didn’t mean to yell at you or tell you to shut up. I… I just had a… a… a headache, that’s all.” I lied, putting on a smile to ensure him I was not mad at him. He seemed to buy it as he breathed out quite heavily. I put one hand on his head, petting his hair.
“How can I be mad at a 30 year-old guy that’s still so cute. I joked while taking his hand into my other hand… yes, joked… at least I think I was joking. When he looked down and found out we were holding hands, he blushed. I immediately retracted my hand as I felt a strange feeling inside of me, a warmth in my stomach.
“Come on, we still have some work to do.” He smiled again, more shyly now. And so we took off, together with the rest, back to the Jimusho. Lucky for us,The others didn’t ask questions, probably because we came out of the bathroom together, smiling like nothing happened.



And all that brings me to where I am now. Coming out of the training room, into the green room to find out that the only other person in the room is Oh-chan, sitting on the sofa, reading a manga- hey, wait a second…

“Oh-chan, are you the only one left here?” He looks up as I try to start a conversation that doesn’t look too suspicious enough for him to figure out what I'm about to do.

“Yeah, the others said they had something to do so they left… why?”

“Ah, no, no reason.” He looks back down and I’m slowly moving over towards him.
“Say, I didn’t know you like manga.” He doesn’t look up this time but instead, he starts to blush again.

“Ah… oh, t-this one? N-no It’s Aiba’s… he pr-probably forgot it here, s-so I thought w-why not t-trying to r-read it…” I’m standing right next to him and he still isn’t looking up.

“You know Oh-chan, I need to tell you something. One: you’re a bad liar.” Now he looks back up, eyes wide.
“Two: you’re not reading that manga because three: it’s upside down.” His eyes widen even further and he turns the manga around to see if what I’m saying is true. I, on the other hand, make use of the confusion to snatch the book from his hand.

But it is not only the manga I’m holding. On the inside, there’s another book. I take it out and read the title.

“English for starters…” I’m shocked… why would he…?
“Oh-chan… Why… why are you learning English?” I look at him but he looks away, fumbling with his fingers, looking at anything but me. No, don’t you dare to go away, not without me.
“Are… are you going somewhere? Is this why you are acting so strange lately?” He turns his head and looks straight into my eyes with a questioning look.

“S-strange?… I’m not acting-“ but my anger spikes again as my fear of Oh-chan leaving me behind creeps into my head.

“Don’t lie to me! You’re being overly active all week! You've tried to avoid me, and only me! The others didn’t notice, because you’re only like that when you’re with me! Except in the restaurant! There, you had to act like that, because I was there too, didn't you?! You’ve been reading that textbook, hiding it from me! And every time I’m sitting next to you on the couch you’ll find a way to escape so you don’t have to sit next to me! Why the avoiding? Why are you keeping stuff from me? Why learn English?” I’m fuming, I’m so angry I didn’t even notice until now that I’m holding him captive between the wall and myself. He looks so scared at me. I don’t want him to be scared of me so I calm myself down, breathing hard trough my nose.
“Why? If I did something wrong please tell me, so we can solve it. Tell me, but... please don’t go and leave me behind…” I close my eyes, too scared of what he will say or do. But then I feel a hand on my cheek and he lifts my head up so I would look at him. Oh-chan is smiling at me, but a sad smile.

“I’m not going anywhere, and I’m not mad at you either…”

“Then why?” I ask softly. His bottom lips begins to tremble and he starts to cry. “I thought b-by learning English I c-c-could impress you. I… I like Nino, but th-there’s no way Nino l-likes m-me back like that…” My eyes widen at his confession and he takes it as a bad sign so he starts to sob.
“A-after a while *sob* I-I figured out m-my English *sob* wasn’t im-improving so I g-gave up. I-I tried to s-s-stay away from Nino *sob* s-so Nino wouldn’t n-notice anything and so *sob* Nino wouldn’t h-hate me. But wh-when we came b-b-back here *sob* I w-wanted to t-try it at least one more t-time… B-but now you know a-and *sobsob* a-and… I’m s-sorry N-Nino, so s-sorry, yo-you can h-hate me all y-you want *sobsob*” He was on the verge of a breakdown, so much was clear, I didn’t know what else to do than to hug him, making sure he’d understand that I don’t hate him. Holding him tight as he was sobbing in my chest, hands grabbing the fabric of my sweater. I hate the fact that he’s in this state while my feelings are practicly the same, only I’m too stubborn to admit to them. So yes, now would be a good time to actually say how I feel. I admit, I fell in love with him, probably from day one.

“Ssshhh, Oh-chan, I don’t hate you. Listen to me, I like you too. I got so worried about what was going on with you. And now, I finally know I liked you for a long time.” He’s still crying.

“Y-you don’t have t-to *sob* lie t-to me. I’m f-fine w-with the f-fact *sob* that y-you don’t like me l-like I like y-you…” Yes, I can clearly see that… He’s not going to believe a word I’m going to say. So I do the only thing I can think of doing right now. I kiss him, hard enough so he knows I mean it. So he knows I love him. I feel his hand gripping my sweater even harder. I let my feelings take over control as I put my hands on both side of his face and deepen the kiss when I feel him kissing me back. We keep on kissing until we’re both in need of air. Oh-chan is still crying, probably from happiness now and I hug him, laying my head on his shoulder as I hear him whispering.
“I-I love y-you so much Kazu…” And I lose it, the grip of control on my emotions.

“Say it again…” I feel a lonely tear running down my cheek.

“I love you, Kazu.”

“Love you too… Oh-chan.”

~

Outside the room

“Finally, I didn’t know how long I could keep up with a depressed Nino…”

“Wait, Sho-chan, you knew?”

“You didn’t? Even I figured it out after our restaurant trip.”

“Mou, why doesn’t anybody say something. Sho-chan, how long did you know about this?”

“For years. Even before they knew it themselves.”

“What?!? Mou…”

“Sho, If you knew, why didn’t you do something sooner?”

“Because I’m not in the position to do something about that. And suddenly, Riida began to take action, so I thought it would be all right… Still, why the crazy idea of studying English to impress Nino?”

“Ah, that might be my mistake…”

“Jun?”

“I think I told Riida I impressed a girl by speaking English once, so…”

“Aaaah that explains a lot. Well anyway, let’s leave those two alone, ne?”

“Yeah… Wonder when they’ll tell us…”

“They won’t have to, it’s noticeable!”

End

AN: so… couldn’t sleep, started writing at 1.32 am and ended it at 8.25 am lol... Sorry for the mistakes guys, but enjoy ^^