Barter Trade
Barter Trade
A life’s worth, in the end, isn’t measured in hours, or dollars. It’s measured by the amount of love exchanged along the way."
Douglas C. Means
“Miss. How much will I get for these…?” An old wizened face lady emptied her puny green bag as bangles of gold and jade rolled and swivelled on the counter before me. Placing down the newspaper in my hands, I stood up to take a better look at those shipshape jewelleries before meeting the eager eyes of the customer who is grabbing onto the wooden sill, with only half of her face shown. Her knuckles protruded as her clutch tightens when I examine the items with a magnifying glass.
“Hmm… I could give you a… uhm… 80,000 won for all?” I replied earnestly as I begin to sweep and gather all the trinkets, producing clinking sounds that filled the silence between us.
“Could you fetch a higher price for me please…?” The old lady’s voice almost croaked in plea, with her shrivelled eye bags twitching with fretfulness.
“Uh… I am sorry halmoni, but that’s the most I could pay for your jewelleries. After all, they aren’t pure gold and jades, especially this bangle here.. It’s murky if you look carefully, which shows the mixed in elements.” I explained to her logically, hoping that she would take my rationale for the quotation I gave. However, little did I expect a sudden move when she placed her hands on top of mine, clutching them in a death grip.
“Miss, please…. This is all that I have… 80,000 won is not going to last me long…”
My heart softened upon her begging eyes as I reconsider my statement. Sympathy and commiseration began to draw up through my heart and lungs as I silently inhale a deep breath, pondering meticulously.
“How about…. 100,000 won? That’s the maximum I could give, halmoni. I hope it’s fine for you…” Her eyes were hesitant at first, but they gradually become positive, beaming with gratitude, which I could see along with her faint smile.
“Thank you…” Her grip was gentler and I was allowed to free my hands to reach for the notes. I drag the drawer, pulling out two yellow 50,000 won notes before giving them to her.
Shaking her fists as she handled the money in her hands, she bowed at me repeatedly with a weakened smile on her face before tottering away. My heart wrenched at the pitiful sight of the old lady, before taking a look at the inexpensive jewelleries before me. I hope that my indirect assistance could minimise some hardships that were weighing down her frail shoulders. A long empathic sigh escaped through my lips.
This is not the first time that I had such an encounter. I have seen different people coming in to exchange their items for money, with different reasons, majorly, to pay off their debts. Though money is the root of all evil, we could not deny its influential manipulation in this predominantly, monetary-dictated society. Hence, on the extreme end, I would always extend a helping hand to those who are needy, especially towards elderly or people who seeks extra cash for medical expenses.
Moreover, it is certainly disheartening to see people hocking their own valuable items; in my context, the word ‘valuable’ does not limit to monetary value, but sentimental value. I should have been numb and unfeeling in this ply, yet I still succumb to the basic conscience embedded in my heart. Emotions would always be evoked whenever someone comes to me, depositing their valued items, such as mementos left by their ancestors, or even wedding rings given by their dead spouses. It is heart-rending, to realise that everything we possess, could actually be measured in pecuniary terms. Even love?
~~~
“Mummy… I’m hungry and I have to wake up early for school tomorrow, can we go home now?”
“I’m sorry Taeyeon ah… Give me another five minutes. I’m almost done with tallying the accounts.”
As I turn my back at my ever-so-busy mother, I sulk uselessly before randomly extracting a book from my little blue bag, flipping the pages listlessly when I sink myself into the dusty old couch.
The tapping sounds of the calculator as well as the dim lightings aren’t good helpers in keeping me awake. Before I could shut my drooping eyelids completely, the wooden door creak or, in fact burst open, revealing a ravage-looking drunkard whom I wished to never acknowledged and recognise.
He made his way towards the metal cabinet in a slapdash fashion, gibbering with his reeking breathe. My mum who was originally engrossed in her accounts, leapt out from her seat when she took notice of her incompetent partner, reaching for the top drawer which was securely locked.
“What are you doing?! Trying to empty the hard-earned money that we have?!”
“You already said ‘we’... It’s our money.... Why can’t I spend them?!” The staggering man hollered with his gruff voice.
I knitted my brows at his pathetic excuses after closing the book in my hands with a snap, as my chest heated with fury.
That is my father, a jobless and hopeless middle-aged man with no prospect, who only knows how to squander each and every hard earned money that my mum has toiled.
I may only be twelve then, but I had known better that it is indeed dishonourable to have him as a father. Because no respectable man would take it out on their wives and kids after all his ignominious acts; gambling, drinking... even womanising.
“Give me the key!!!” He demanded impatiently before embarking on a frantic search for the requested item on the desk, rummaging the documents and papers that my mum had painstakingly sorted earlier.
“You’re crazy!!!” I saw my mother struggling in his arms when he grabbed her from behind in an attempt to fumble for the keys in her pockets.
“Let her off!!!” Making a dash forward, I gripped on his arms but was flung away forcefully to the ground, grabbing onto my shoulder as I winced agonisingly in the aftermath.
“Taeyeon ah.....!” She continued to squirm desperately as her face turns livid.
“Look! You’re hurting our daughter as well! She’s our daughter!!!”
“What’s a daughter when I don’t even have money for myself?! Just give me the key and I’ll leave you guys alone!!!”
“Over my dead body!!!”
Seemingly getting the hint, the muddled-looking man released his grip from my mother’s lean arms. All was quiet until his subsequent action caught the both of us by surprise.
“We’re doing second-hand dealings isn’t it? How about this...”
He began to sloppily remove the gold ring in his finger, the solitary accessory that was adorned on his hand.
“I want to exchange this for money......”
Looking at the brandished gold ring that rightly matches hers, mother began to chuckle coldly while taking a few steps back, with a hand on the chair as support.
I could not decipher the emotions she was feeling at that moment, with those tears rolling past her slightly curved lips. Her smile suggested a sense of relief but the tears conveyed both despondency and anguish. Perhaps, that senseless statement from my awful dad was the final straw for her, as she stood precariously on the brink of their marriage.
After heaving a prolonged sigh, she unlocked the cabinet that she had obdurately defended earlier, took out a huge pile of notes before handling them to her faithless man, seizing the ring from him in return.
Counting the wad of money in his hands, he let out an unsatisfied grunt.
“Only this much for the ring? I remembered it was worth more than this!”
“Our love was worth more than this...” The voice of my mum turned raspy as she tries to utter in between sniffles.
“Was our marriage weighed against money since the very beginning? If it was, then it has depreciated over time...” Trying to hide more tears from falling, she placed a hand over her eyes as she spoke with a low voice. She was tired, mentally and physically tired over a decade of hardship in a life like this. It should have been a liberation for her, yet she could not help but feel the pain in giving up a man who ain’t worth any of her kindness and affection.
There I stood, as a child of a broken family, watching helplessly at my dejected mother and taking occasional glances at my useless father. Silence overtook to heal our pain after the forlorn man treaded out of the room without a word, not even an apology.
My mother then went forward to hug me close, breaking down further that she was allowed to, at a marriage that wasn’t of any significance to salvage.
~~~
It was perhaps, the worse deal that my mum had done in her whole life.
Hence, to me, I have slowly begun to know that there is no such thing as a ‘fair exchange’ in this blatantly realistic world, not until my encounter with a particular girl...
She had practically redefined my theory, or even shifting my ingrained philosophy into a mere, baseless supposition.
Taking a rest on a brown leather armchair, I pulled out the silver pendant hidden under my blouse which was fastened securely on my neck, letting my fingers caress and feel and the carved lines on it, which engraved a name that doesn’t belong to me.
“Hwang Mi Young.” I read it aloud, pointlessly.
I will never forget that fateful day when we first met.
~~~
I was locking up our shop in the late evening, drawing down the metal window shutter of the little reception counter to call it a day. While doing so, I heard the sound of clicking heels echoing through the passageway. I twitched my brows at the oddity, as I know that no tenants living above our shop would come out of their houses at such an hour. Furthermore, there were only three flats situated in this small building. I practically knew each and every resident living here after taking over the business from my mother, who has weakened physically over the years. The first unit is occupied by a poor middle-aged widow, while the other two are occupied by male tenants. In particular, an old man whom I had affectionately addressed as Grandpa Hwang, is the only occupant I know of well. He doesn’t have much relatives and friends to visit him unlike his neighbours. Hence, I could not work out who could it be, walking down the stairs, as the footsteps increase in decibels.
Shrouded with curiosity, I turned my head towards the direction of the stairway. Catching my attention was a young lady who looked about the same age as me. She wore a white off-shoulder blouse which flaunts her well-defined collar bone and gleaming fair skin. I then begin to trace my eyes up her long and slender neck, admiring her delicate features once I reached her oval-shaped face. Never have I seen a more attractive pair of lips like hers, the colour and outline of it, is plainly perfect. Oh and that nose, had very much evoked my covetousness.
After I was done with silently appreciating and complimenting those wondrous features, our eyes met for the very first time. It wasn’t one of those kinds of eye contact whereby we would shy away whenever we chance on a stranger. It was in additional, earnest and intense. Her eyes arched beautifully as she gave me a withdrawn smile, or should I say awkward, after all, it must have been one of my lingering stares again, and that could have startled her.
“Erm hi... I am sure I haven’t seen you before...” Oh my, she must have thought it was the worse pick-up line ever, but I had never intended it to be, or maybe. I could only blame my overwhelming inquisitiveness about her unexpected presence, on top of her good looks.
“I mean... I’ve worked here for quite some time, thus I reckon you’re not an inhabitant of this building. So....”
“Oh, my grandfather lives here. I’d just paid him a visit.” Her prompt reply was just in time to take away the jitteriness in my speech while I nod my head in respond.
“I see... Does Grandpa Hwang happen to be your grandfather? Erm... since he is the only elderly man who stays here.” I know that I am meddling in too much as an unfamiliar person, but the desire to know the girl before me just heightens inadvertently, and her concise answers incite my interest further.
“Yea...” Her firmly pressed lips after the reply acts as a subtle hint to me; that I should curb my nosiness.
Smiling back, I resumed my task in closing the shop as I locked up the shutter. I thought our first acquaintance would end just like this, when I heard the clacking of her heels again, however, it stop short after about two to three steps.
“A trading shop?” Her brows lifted quizzically at our shop signage.
“I remembered it used to be a snacks shop. He would always bring me here to buy some of my favourite strawberry candies...”
“Oh... Hmm.... Our shop has actually been here for almost eight years. It must have been a long time since your last visit.”
“Indeed.” She replied shortly with her knitted brows before an inconsolable sigh escaped from her lips.
Still staring intensely at the wooden board, she posed a rather abrupt question.
“Park’s exchange and trade, so we can exchange for anything?”
“Basically anything you can ask for. We do trading in a wide range of items.”
“Anything?” She lifted her brows, seemingly unconvinced with my answer.
“Yes.”
Rummaging her bag, she pulled out a rectangular pendant carefully, clutching it in her hands before pushing her fist towards me.
“This is the pendant that my grandpa gave when I was born. Can I exchange it for more time with him? Or if this is not enough, I could pledge in a few years of my life too, just to swap for a few more years to make up for the lost time as a failed grand-daughter...”
I was totally caught off-guard by her unattainable request as I stood with my mouth wide open. My heart tugs hard when tears began to trickle down from her crescent eyes uncontrollably. I shouldn’t have said and promised so steadfastly at her supposedly simple question, that wasn’t easy to resolve in the end.
Her words made me realise that not all items and entities could be bartered and trade just like apples for oranges or milk for bread. Some things in life, are just beyond our reach and control, much less to possess and exchange them freely in the way we like.
“I’m sorry Miss... How about, do you need a place to sit and calm down for a moment?”
Wiping away her tears, she made her indication of agreement by lightly pressing her lips into a thin line. I whipped out my bunch of keys again and lead her into our stuffy shop.
“I hope you don’t mind the cramp spaces in here, let me get you something to drink.” Watching her plopped down on the leather armchair in a subdued manner, I went over to the small pantry area for a cup of water before casually taking a stool to settle down beside her.
“Here you go.”
“Thanks.”
As I look, or rather gaze at the way she carefully sips in the water, I fidgeted my fingers, contemplating on how to make her feel better.
“Erm... You said you wanna spend more time with your grandfather, isn’t it something that you’ve started to do? Since you paid him a visit just now? I’m sure Grandpa Hwang must be happy to see you...”
“But it’s a little too late...”
“Why...?”
Her eyes fix on the cup before her as she stares at it blankly, with the corner of her lips bending downwards.
“Uhm... It’s ok if you don’t wanna say it...” I could sense her uneasiness from my enquiry, and hence, it is best for me to take the stand as a comforter instead. But neither was I a good consoler. As a result, I kept my lips close and awkwardly swing my arm in mid-air, wondering if I should place it around her shoulders instead. Besides, I am not a demonstrative person. However, there is an overwhelming inclination to show care and concern to the girl before me. She just has this ‘take-care-of-me’ look and I am not saying she looks vulnerable, but, more on the appealing side. How should I put it, it is just not hard for me to place my attention on her because it all happens naturally.
As a consequence, I ‘naturally’ loop an arm around her shoulders and pat on it lightly. I was glad that she did not reacted startlingly as she might have been too deep in her thoughts. I could feel her originally stiff muscles loosen up when she took a fleeting glance back at me.
This time, her faint smile was more of one with gratitude and ease.
Rubbing her hands on her thighs, she took a deep intake of breathe before prying her lips apart to verbalise once more.
“Well... My grandfather was diagnosed with lung cancer and it’s in the terminal stage... He didn’t heed the doctor’s advice to do a follow up in the hospital simply because he doesn’t have enough money to cure it... So he has somehow, resign to fate and let his body weaken like this...”
I was left speechless for the second time at her explanation. Now, I finally know why Grandpa Hwang had not been coming out lately. It all made absolute sense.
“If I hadn’t come back to visit him, he would have probably left this world without us knowing...”
“He didn’t notify your family about it?”
“To be honest, my parents had not kept in contact with him since we migrated to the States. Hence, it’s not surprising that grandpa couldn’t inform us about his condition even if he wanted to... I felt ashamed as a grand-daughter.”
“But it isn’t your fault...”
“My parents often told me that Grandpa doesn’t deserve our care and concern, because he only knows how to drink and smoke. However, no matter what, he is still my grandpa... How can I leave him alone?”
“Which is why you came back...?”
“Yea...”
“Without your parent’s knowledge?”
“... Yea...”
“Then aren’t you worried that they would reprimand you once they found out about this?”
“I am only worried for my grandpa now... after seeing how much he has shrunken... He isn’t my healthy grandpa anymore... and it pains me so much to see how hard he was trying to talk to me earlier... but he only kept coughing and taking in hard breaths...”
I reached for the tissue box in a reflex action after seeing her cascading tears again. At the same time, I got a little teary-eyed as well after hearing her account of Grandpa Hwang. He is a rather amiable and kind-hearted haraboji, and it certainly must have been a cruel sight for his grand-daughter to witness him in such a state.
She must have felt really powerless as she can do nothing but to accept the fact that he has to leave her someday. Empathetic, I unclasped the bracelet on my right hand before lightly tapping on her arm.
“Erm... Your pendant could not be exchanged for a prolonged life for Grandpa Hwang, but it can be exchanged for this...”
Lifting the silvery bracelet to her eye level, I went on to give reasons for my unexpected action.
“This is a lucky charm that has protected and blessed me throughout the years. I hope it would be able to somehow... work its magic on Grandpa Hwang?”
I definitely know that I am not making any sense out of my words, for all I know that it is the only way I could do to show my empathy and encouragement to the melancholic girl. She then handed me the rectangular pendant and looked at me with her watery eyes.
“Thanks. Thanks for listening to my sorrows when it was of no significance to you at all. I’m sorry to impose on you...”
“Well don’t say that... I know Grandpa Hwang after all... And... Hmm... I take this as a trade done?”
Waving the pendant in my hands, I give her a light smile, hoping to cheer her up. Consequently, I was successful as she ree of the loveliest eyesmile I ever seen.
She should learn to smile more with that pair of crescent eyes.
“Miss, do you want me to give you a ride? Are you currently staying in a hotel?” I enquire politely after closing and locking the shop once more.
“Oh it’s okay. I can take a cab... I think I’ve already taken up much of your time...So... Thanks again.”
Despite a brief time spent together, I could clearly see and sense that she is a girl with good upbringing. In addition, always placing other’s before self with each and every word she speaks. Smiling foolishly to myself as I look at her diminishing back view, a sudden thought snapped me out of my daze.
“Oh hey! I haven.... got to know of your name.......” My voice faded into a mutter almost instantly after she turned a corner and was nowhere in sight.
Pouting to myself, I extracted the pendant in my pocket to observe it circumspectly.
It was then that I realise there were characters skilfully carved on it.
Hwang Mi Young, a beautiful name indeed.
Languidly, I closed the accounts and rubbed my weary eyes. While packing up my belongings, I look at the stairway through the little window. After I got to know of Grandpa Hwang’s condition, it is only reasonable that I should pay him a visit, since he has been kind to me all this while. Taking my bag while reaching for my phone, I decided to inform my mother that I would be home slightly later.
I made a quick dash across the road to a grocery shop to get some fruits, since it isn’t that nice to make a visit empty-handed.
Hence, I struggled and carried a huge basket of fruits on my way to the small unit located at the end of the corridor.
“Haraboji!!!” I yelled while knocking on the wooden door. Patiently waiting for the occupant to make an appearance, I almost clicked on my tongue as I was taken aback by the one greeting me at the door.
“Oh it’s you.”
“Uh haha... Yea... Oh yyo you’re here....” Still shell-shocked, I stuttered embarrassingly at the eyesmiling girl as she reached for the fruits in my hands. Well, I shouldn’t be that surprised at her presence, she is Grandpa Hwang’s grand-daughter after all.
“Let me give you a hand...”
“Uh oh... It’s ok... These are for your grandfather...” I gripped a little tighter onto the basket and look down at it, realising that both of our hands are on the rattan handle, merely inches apart. My heart thumps uncontrollably at such intimacy and I could almost feel it leapt out of my throat when she shot another stunning-looking smile at me.
“Wow that’s very nice of you... Please take a seat... Grandpa! There’s a visitor...”
“Oh Taeyeon ah.... Er hek! Hek! hek!”
“Haraboji...! Yes it’s me... Take it easy...” I rushed over to his side after he started a coughing fit.
“It’s been sometime since I saw you... How are you feeling these days?”
Still coughing and choking, he nodded his head at me repeatedly, trying to assure that he is fine. I looked at his wrinkled face and those sunken cheeks, with his parched and pallid lips. My heart began to wrench as I studied his drastic physical changes in just a period of two months.
Terminal illness can really weaken a person so much.
“Erm... Let me cut some fruits for you then...” The girl with dark brown hair took those heavy fruits into the small kitchen area. Instantaneously, I got up on my feet to go after her.
“I’ll give you a hand...”
I saw her head tilting and turning in almost all directions, seemingly looking for something. It wasn’t hard for me to figure out her intention when I noticed her tight grip on the basket of fruit in her hands.
“Are you looking for the chopping board? It’s here...” Pointing to the second cabinet, I open it before retrieving the green cutting board, taking a small knife from the cutlery divider at the same time.
“You seem to be more familiar in this house than me... I am such a failure...”
“Nah... You just came back... It’s not surprising you’ve forgotten where the items are...” I smiled at her before taking the fruits to wash them, and I proceed to do the cutting and peeling job.
“You must have visited my grandfather more than a couple of times I guess...”
“Hmm... When I have the time?”
“Thanks for showing him your care and concern...”
Waving away her thankfulness, I resumed with my task before I heard her husky voice coming from my right.
“Erm, by the way... Your name is Taeyeon?”
“Yea... You can just call me that...”
“Nice name... I like names with the word ‘Tae’ in them...”
“Then you must have like Thailand...”
“Why?”
“Because it’s Tae-Guk...”
I turned my head in reflex after hearing some loud clapping sounds before seeing her arched eyes and widened mouth, followed by some deep chuckles. It is indeed interesting to see someone clapping and laughing at the same time. I began to snigger at her antics as well, and I am glad that my ‘not-so-funny’ gag turned out to be rather well-received by her.
“You’re so cute... Anyways... I haven’t formally introduced myself... I am...”
“Miyoung.”
“What?”
“Hwang Miyoung. That’s your name isn’t it? I like it too...”
“Erm... I’d prefer you to call me Tiffany...”
“What’s wrong with Miyoung? It’s a good name...”
“It sounds old-fashioned...”
“Old-fashioned or not.... It’s still your name... Learn to accept it... Mee.... Yong...”
“Yah! I told you to call me Tiffany...” Annoyed, she slapped me on the arms while I stuck a tongue out at her. We started teasing each other effortlessly before we were reminded of Grandpa Hwang’s presence when he started another string of relentless coughing.
Tiffany rushed towards the fragile figure on the couch and smoothed his back, hoping to ease the coughing somehow. I chucked away the last bit of unwanted skin before taking the plate full of bright fruits onto the small table before him.
“Haraboji... You must be excited to eat the fruits right?” I went to the side of the grey-haired man before patting on his back.
His breathing began to regulate and the coughs got gradually gentler. The expression on Tiffany’s started to loosen up as well.
“Haraboji... Have some fruits... I’ve got ahjumma to pick the sweetest ones for you...” Reaching for the plate, I place it in my hands so as to make it within his grasp.
“Let me feed you... I remember you love honeydew right?” The delicate-looking hands of Tiffany grabbed a piece of the greenish flesh before sending it through Grandpa Hwang’s quivering lips.
Chewing on the fruit slowly, his eyes bended into falcate lines and they mirrored his grand-daughter’s pair of attractive crescents. I am sure Tiffany must have inherited her granddad’s smiling eyes as I witness the heart-warming sight. Rarely have I seen Grandpa Hwang beaming like this.
We continued with a hearty chat after helping ourselves to the fruits, and it was then I got to know more about Tiffany. Grandpa Hwang gave lavish praises each time he has the opportunity to, at his beloved grandchild, complimenting on how adorable and pretty she has been since young. He even shared some funny experiences of how he looked after a problematical five-year old Tiffany when she always complained of tummy ache and how he has to sneak her into the gents.
“And she loves strawberries very much.... There... was once when I... asked... If she likes strawberry... or Grandpa.... more.... She answered... strawberries...” Grandpa Hwang tried his very best to utter in between deep breaths although his face showed nothing else other than cheerfulness when it comes to recollecting about his good times with Tiffany.
“Oh did I really say that? I’m sorry Grandpa... But if you were to ask me the same question again... I would say I like you more than my favourite strawberries...”
“I love you Grandpa...” Pulling her grandfather for an embrace, the smile on Tiffany slowly faded into a cheerless expression, trying to contain her tears with her tightly pressed lips that were trembling harder as she the old man’s back lovingly.
“Silly child...” Grandpa Hwang dotingly patted on Tiffany’s back while producing soft chuckles.
Those words might have come late, but I am sure they were deeply etched in the once, empty heart of Grandpa Hwang’s. Tiffany’s love in his remaining days will definitely bring him only good memories as he prepares for the trip to the nether world; which might have been a better alternative to bring all his sufferings and agony to an end.
After assuring that Grandpa Hwang is well and safe, Tiffany locked the door and joined me to walk down the stairs as we left the building under the already darkened sky.
“Hey. Thanks for coming to visit him. He seems much happier with your presence around...”
“Don’t say that. He is definitely happier to have you by his side. I have never seen him smiling so broadly before.” Looking to my left, I gave the girl beside me an earnest smile and reply.
“I just hope he could be like this... till the end of his life...”
“I am sure he will... You’re taking a cab back yea? Let me wait here with you.”
Exchanging another set of smiles to each other, we shared a moment of comfortable silence after I had voluntarily offered to wait and ensure that she safely gets into a cab.
Looking around as I tucked my hands into my pockets, I noticed a sturdy man bending on his knees with a bulky camera in his hands, attempting to capture a shot at the nostalgic-looking building across the road. It was then an idea struck my mind.
“Hey... Instead of wishing for more time with your grandpa, why not capture every single moment that you’re gonna share with him in the subsequent days? I am sure it is a much better way, since... No matter how long you’d like to try to extend the time spend together.... They will always come to an end someday...”
“You’re very right... Perhaps I could even put those pictures into an album and show him after they are developed. But that would be troublesome... And... We don’t have that much time...”
“There’s always a thing called an instant camera... I have one in my shop. I will bring it tomorrow.”
“Tomorrow? You’re coming to visit him again?”
“Why not? Since you said he likes to see me... Besides, I can be the photographer...”
“Are you sure your skills can be trusted?”
“Yah... You should be glad I’m offering to help... I am the illustrious artistic-picture-taker in this district!” I crossed my arms while narrowing my eyes in the distance as I tilt my head diagonally up, making an effort to pose as a person with personality.
“You and your big head!” She pushed my forehead by the finger before breaking out in delightful giggles.
Just like two old friends, we played by the road side as we nudged and pushed each other on the arms. The wait for a cab seemed shorter when Tiffany successfully boarded one after a few good minutes of our fun time. After waving goodbye to her, I smiled dorkily to myself while making my way home.
~~~
Since then, my interest on Miyoung grew as the days went by.
I was looking forward to the end of my work every day as I would spend a few hours after that to visit Grandpa Hwang, as well as to meet Tiffany. As promised, I brought along a Polaroid and helped to capture those little moments that we shared with the elder. It brought smiles on our faces when we observe and comment on the pictures taken. Grandpa Hwang even requested to get a hand on the camera and took a picture of Tiffany and I. Despite his unsteady hands, the shot was well taken.
I still remember what her grandfather said after his successful attempt at snapping a photograph of us together.
~~~
“Ah Hek! Hek! Ah.... Very nice... You two look like an old couple...”
“Grandpa....!” Tiffany lightly elbowed the former, lowering her head while doing so to hide her increasingly blushing face.
I let out a silly chortle before adding on his cursory statement.
“Yah... Haraboji... We’re both girls... How can it be possible that we look compatible...?”
How can it be possible that I am gradually falling for his grand-daughter, when the desire to meet her just got stronger each day? I silently contradicted myself, as I had mentally agreed with Grandpa Hwang the moment he made that witty remark.
“Wh... Why not? The... two of you... look really good together...”
“Grandpa... You’re not making any sense...”
“You’re the one who is not making sense... Look at how you placed your head on my shoulders! I bet you’re enjoying it huh! Am I very familiar with you...?”
“Yah!” Tiffany’s yell almost, yes almost ripped my eardrums apart, since she was just seated right beside me.
“Haraboji... She is so fierce... I don’t wanna be a couple with her...” I continued my unremitting teases on Tiffany whose face got redder each time we exchange jabs and pokes on the arms and waist. I just love to witness the adorable annoyed look on her face.
Grandpa Hwang eased himself further into the couch while smiling at our endless bickering.
However, such fun times are never long-lasting.
Tiffany’s heartfelt smiles in the pictures gradually changed into plastered facade ones, when the already lean body of Grandpa Hwang’s continue to deplete, becoming almost skeletal.
We both know it’s a sign that he is going to leave us very soon, hence we made the most out of the brief and precious time that God had spared.
I did a photo album and helped Tiffany to keep those pictures, decorating them with captions so as to make it more interesting. That particular day, I was about to close my shop and intended to bring the album up for them to see, but to my surprise, the tall girl was standing just outside the shop when I came out from it.
That kind of look was just like the one I had seen on the first day we met. It was expressionless, with a tinge of grief. She slowly lifted her head to meet my curious eyes, with her redden ones, and it wasn’t long before her face was inundated with tears of heartache.
Without a word, I pulled her into my arms, gently patting and combing her brown locks as I sooth her in my embrace. It was gradually explicable that Grandpa Hwang had left her, when she started sniffing a little harder on my shoulder. Even if she hadn’t revealed anything, it just dawns on me from her facial and body language. Moreover, there was nothing else at that moment that could affect Tiffany so much. As she tightens her bind on my torso, I absorbed her outpour of emotions upon the bereavement of her granddad, and I could feel my heart sting as I release tears of compassion as well.
“Grandpa.... He....”
“Hush...” Softly whispering into her ears to stop her from speaking any further, we stayed in that position, allowing the girl in my arms to weep mournfully.
I walked Tiffany to her temporary residence and despite not uttering a word throughout the journey, I could feel that she was a lot calmer when she mustered a smile after I stole a glance at her.
“Erm... Just rest well and not to think too much about it. If there’s any help that you need do let me know...”
“Okays. Thanks for... Today...”
“Uh... That’s not a problem... Anyways... Do you need my help in notifying your parents about... it?”
“Yea. It’s ok. I can do it myself. It’s more of an obligation. I won’t mind if they’re not intending to come back to see him for the last time.” Her tone hissed with a tad bit of scepticism at her own parents before subtly urging me to make a move.
“Don’t worry I am fine. I’m going up myself...”
I watched Tiffany board the elevator before letting out a lengthy sigh. It must have been a hard blow for her, coupled with the fact that her parents didn’t understand Grandpa Hwang. The strained relationship in her family has definitely added a bit more pressure on her shoulders, and as an outsider, I could do nothing but to continuously give her my support. Being an acquaintance, a confidant, a supporter and the list goes on; my attachment to this angelic friend has escalated remarkably over the past few weeks. Hence, I definitely have the mission to bring the trademark smile back on her face, no matter how long it takes.
With heavy footsteps, I arrived before a well-built house and there came a woman in black dress ushering me all the way to the hall. My heart wrenched once I saw the black and white banners hung on the side of the walls, with Grandpa Hwang’s photograph sitting peacefully on a white clothed table. A middle aged man, whom I believed is Tiffany’s father, was kneeling on a mat just beside the altar, as I proceed to bow my respects at the deceased.
After I gave an envelope of money to one of the relatives, I saw the girl whom I was looking for, sitting quietly in the corner despite her pale and worn out face. Pursing my lips, I hesitate for a moment before plucking enough courage to give her a greeting.
“Hey.”
A light smile was her response as I quietly settle down beside her.
“Let’s not stay here. Go out with me for a breather.” With absolutely no qualms, I complied with her wish as we made our way past a number of visitors before walking out of the solemn venue.
Without a destination in mind, Tiffany sauntered aimlessly down the streets and I willingly followed behind, giving her the space that she needed.
She finally stopped her tracks, facing the river and clutched onto the metal railings with the sea breeze puffing up her black sleeves.
“The atmosphere here is much better.” Tiffany smiled and paused for a moment before going on to speak her mind.
“Those people you saw earlier, they are my relatives... Surprising huh?” Her cold laugh echoed through my ears and sent shivers down my spine, very similar to the ones that my mum gave when my father left us. Sometimes, we are just amused by the illogical workings of this world, how ridiculous people behave, and how destiny has moulded everything into deceptions. I am sure that was how the both of them felt.
“The moment they heard the news of my grandpa’s death, each and every claimed-to-be ‘filial’ child of my grandpa volunteered to hold the ceremony. Ultimate motive? To inherit the only asset that Grandpa had left... That small old flat.”
“And it’s funny that none of them has a part to play in the remaining days of grandpa...”
“Don’t care about them! Because what matters most is that Grandpa Hwang knew who was the one who treated him well, who brought him smiles during his final journey...”
“It’s all shown here....” I extracted a green covered album and began to flip the pages.
“Look at the way he smiles in the pictures... Tiffany, Grandpa Hwang might be gone, but he will bring all these happy memories with him to the other world... Your love, has definitely exchanged happiness for him, and I am sure it is much better than extending his life which was full of pain and agony?”
“Place it beside him during the burial ceremony. Take it as a final gift to him... From us...”
Receiving the decorated album, Tiffany clamped her bottom lip as a tear rolled past it.
She might not have said anything, but her repeated nodding and an attempted smile fully conveyed her gratitude.
And I never wanted anything from her in return; all I needed was a happy Tiffany.
During the burial ceremony, she adhered to my suggestion as she placed the album in the casket before the men finally sealed it. Watching from afar, I worriedly look on as Tiffany followed behind her family members. In contrast to her wailing relatives, she looked calm and composed when her father threw dirt on the casket before the burial ceremony comes to an end, with the tombstone placed in front of the mound.
In the eyes of a third party, many would have been commonly deceived by the acts of her relatives when they dramatised their emotions before a mass. However, it is very apparent to me, who really concerns for the dead, when the so-called ‘grief-stricken’ family members left the graveyard with mini fans in their hands, while Tiffany stayed behind to mourn for the loss of her loved one silently.
“Are you ok?” I placed a hand on her shoulder after narrowing the distance between us.
“Yea... Well... This isn’t a bad place for Grandpa after all... Look... there is a mango tree nearby...”
“I am sure he’d feel blissful to be able to sniff in the lingering smell of ripe mangoes?” The girl with a wavy pony tail turned to face me with her crescent eyes, and my lips curled up in reflex.
Leading our walk as we take our leave, she expressed her appreciation sincerely.
“Anyways... Thanks. Thanks for everything... From taking care of grandpa with me, to giving your support, always... You’d certainly done more than a stranger would do...”
“Woah... You still take me as a stranger?”
“Oh oh... no... I mean... Still... As a friend... You’ve done more than enough... I’m thankful...”
“Don’t mention it...”
“Really... You’ve invested so much of your time, and the efforts... Not to mention, even money at times when you bought those tonics and fruits for Grandpa... I really don’t know how to repay you...”
“You don’t need to... I’d never wanted anything from you with all the things I’ve done...”
“Well.... You said it before... One item for an item. A trade should always be fair...”
“What? I really did say that?”
“Yea... I heard you telling a patron the other time....”
“Oh... But that’s because he was really trying to rip me off... And I’d only say that to an unreasonable customer...”
“Am I not your customer? Remember the trade we’ve done?” She flashed the bracelet on her wrist which I gave.
“Uh huh.... But... Hey! You’re digressing a bit too far... And... You made me sound calculative...”
“Well okays... Just take it that I feel indebted to you... I just feel that you’ve put in way too much effort in this relationship we share... So I should do something in return too...”
“Haha... What? Are you telling me you’re going to give me a big house or something?” I skipped a bit while giggling at her upon our light-mood chat. Before I could walk further, I was pulled back by her hands and I stumble a few steps before meeting her eager eyes. My mind went momentarily blank when I felt a patch of moisture on my left cheek and some air tickling my skin. Tiffany deepened the kiss slightly when her nose pressed against my face for a few good seconds before retracting her lips away from it. I was sure I resembled a tomato without looking into a mirror.
“Thank you Taeyeon.”
That was certainly a decent trade done, and I wouldn’t mind exchanging my time for more of such kisses in the future. We stared at each other with foolish smiles and that was when I realised her hand was still on mine. Emboldened, I gripped onto her delicate hand tighter while turning my head away, muttering more to myself.
“Nn... now... We’re even... Tha... That.. was a fair exchange...”
~~~
We began to see each other more often from then on, frequently sending text messages with random jokes. That day was just like any other typical ones, when I received her message early in the morning.
~~~
Hey Taeyeon. Issit possible if u could spend e whole of today with me?
Why not? Since when have I declined an offer by that smiling angel? Although her sudden request caught me off guard, there was simply no way that I would let goes of an opportunity to spend the day with her.
Sure. I shall come and fetch u. ^^
But ur shop?
Oh. I’ve a helper.
Okays. C u later.
After the last message, I immediately rang my buddy up, with the motive to seek her help in tending my shop.
“Hey Sunny... Do you want some extra bucks?”
I pranced around the hotel lobby, patiently waiting for her appearance. While doing so, I whipped out my phone to check on the time, and a finger lightly poked on my right cheek.
“Hey. Waited for a long time?”
My jaw dropped, yes literally, when I saw Tiffany clad elegantly in a floral dress. There is an additional element of ‘freshness’ oozing from the girl before me, and I was sure my vision could not accommodate any other objects around me.
“Yah. What’s with that look?!” She pushed my chin up as her brows knitted in a letter ‘V’.
“Uh Haha... Erm... You look great... Okays... uhm where are we going?”
“To some places I love to go.”
With that, she took me to an arcade place much to my amazement.
“I never know you can be a kiddo.”
“What? This is not just a place for kids...” Tiffany replied a little hastily while scanning the vast area.
“True.”
“Ah! I found it! I love that game!”
She dragged me to a greenish looking machine, which happens to be my favourite game when I was young.
“Hit the crocs! I like it too!”
“Oh wait... We haven’t got the tokens...” Letting out a sheepish smile, she made a quick dash towards the token exchange counter while I stood rooted to the spot, hoarding the game so that we would be the first to play.
We commenced the game immediately after she returned with a huge bag of coins. I was certain we looked really silly and crazy screaming at the top of our voices, urging each other to keep an eye on the green crocodiles that were popping out.
“Woah that was tiring!”
I realised that my complain was kind of useless when the girl beside me did not even budge or respond, her eyes were fixated on the little slot which was purging out streaks of tickets.
“Yeah! Look! We did well! We got a bunch of tickets!”
“And do you know why I love to be here?”
“Why?”
“Because we could exchange these tickets for awesome goodies over there!”
“Erm isn’t it equating to getting those goodies with money?”
“Not really... In fact I think this is a deal that reaps more benefits than costs. Not only could we exchange the tickets for candies or plushies, in fact, we are enjoying the fun from these games. We’re definitely not losing out! It’s like a double joy.... And... Well... It could be a triple joy if you’re here with someone you like...”
Blinking my eyes hard as if it could help in opening up my ears, I stare boldly into her dilated pupils. Was that a subtle confession by her? Or maybe I was reading into her words a little too much.
However, when I saw her blushing face as she shyly averted my gaze, I was increasingly sure of my earlier assumption.
Despite this awkward relationship of ‘more than friends, but not yet lovers’, I was enjoying those little elements of bashfulness and playful banters in between us. But I knew that it is only going to be a ‘sooner than later’ thing; that we are going to come clean with our feelings and embark on a steady relationship from there onwards. I was just waiting for the right time.
If only I had known there isn’t a ‘right time’ in love.
We ended the day with a dinner after camping in the dimly lit arcade for several hours. While strolling on the streets, our hands brushed lightly on a few occasions, before they naturally attract to interlace fittingly. I then gave our clasped hands a light squeeze.
“Taeyeon ah....”
“Hmm?”
“Thanks again. For today.”
“I’m just glad that you’ve enjoyed yourself...”
“You gave up a day’s time of work didn’t you?”
“Well yes... But for you... It’s worth it.” I gave her my best smile and received the ever-so dazzling crescent eyes from her.
We began to pace ourselves down after becoming conscious that we have reached the main entrance of the hotel. Smiling and swinging our hands, we did not utter a word but allowed our eyes to speak our desires for each other to stay. The look on Tiffany was a little mystifying to me, I didn’t know if it were tears of weariness in her redden eyes or a portrayal of melancholy. Cupping my cheeks, her face gravitates towards mine and I flutter my eyes shut to taste her pink lips. It started off with a few lingering kisses, before we could not hide our emotions anymore as we parted our lips to allow the intrusion of each other’s tongue. Although I was almost mentally overwhelmed by the heating sensation from our fervour kissing, I was reminded of the oddness in Tiffany when I felt her tightening grip on my neck. I had to break away from our smooch unwillingly after feeling warm and salty drops on our lips.
“What’s wrong?” I looked on worriedly while wiping her wet cheeks.
“Taeyeon ah... I will miss you....” Diving her head into my arms, she began to sob uncontrollably.
“Silly girl.... We can always meet another day right?”
“It will be another day in another year’s time...”
“What...?”
“I will be returning to the States with my parents tomorrow. I could not go against their wishes... This was why I asked you out today, so that we could create a beautiful memory together before I go...”
Beautiful memories. I taught her about the importance of keeping wonderful memories, but at that moment, I would rather wish for a longer time with her as long as she is by my side.
“You will be back... Won’t you?”
“Are you willing to wait for me Taeyeon?”
“Of course I’d wait for you! I will.... Be it a year, two years... three years... and so on...”
Tiffany, why must you leave me when I haven’t said I love you?
“But it would mean giving up chances of finding a better person during those years of waiting...”
“No one else could be better than you... I’m even willing to exchange a life’s time just to wait...”
“Tiffany... I lov...”
She silenced me with a chaste peck on the lips before lifting her right hand before me, adorned with the silvery bracelet on it.
“This was the start of an unfathomable relationship between us. I will never let it end, because I promised that I’ll come back with it one day.”
“And I promised that I will wait for that day...”
~~~
An exchange of promises isn’t just like any trading or swapping of items. It is tacit and intangible, as it requires and encompasses mutual trust, which could be eroded by time and distance.
I began to doubt the validity of that ‘trade of vows’ done when I stare at the silver pendant dejectedly. It has been two years. There is a possibility that she had forgotten our pact.
Listless to continue with business for the day, I began to pack up much earlier than usual as I chuck away the account books in the cabinet. While doing so, I heard a few knocks on the glass pane from the counter before walking over to it with my head hanging low, uninterested to serve the awaiting customer.
“I’m sorry but we’re clos....” Almost rendered speechless by the sight before me, I really want to rub my eyes furiously or hit my cheeks, just to make sure that I wasn’t dreaming. The girl, whom I have been thinking about day and night, is standing right in front of me, gazing into my eyes with her twinkling ones. The pair of eye slits turned hemi-spherical when she places her hands on the wooden counter. Catching my attention is the ever-so-familiar wristlet, and I could not contain a broad smile at the sight of it.
She really kept the promise.
“Hi. I can exchange and trade for anything here right?”
“Yes.”
“Really? Anything?” She lifted her brows to challenge my assertion, and I gulp hard to contemplate charily for an answer, going along with her mind game.
“Erm... Yeah... If it can be found in our shop... Do you wanna come in to take a look at the items you’re looking for?”
“Nope. I already know what I want.”
“Oh? What is it?”
“Can I... Trade my heart... For yours...?”
It was almost as if she had instantly scooped my heart for real, making me breathless with those words that are continuously replaying in my mind.
“Yyes!!! De..Definitely a deal!” It did not matter to me if I had sounded desperate or overly enthused, I only know that I could not afford to miss it again, a transaction that only belongs to us.
Darting towards the door, I swung it open before tackling the girl outside with a warm hug. We pulled apart shortly to lean our foreheads together, so as to clearly etch this long-awaited moment in our hearts. We proceed to seal our ‘deal’ with a passionate kiss, locking our lips together sensually and amorously.
Long before money was invented, people exchanged for items they want with something they possessed that they deemed, or perceived to carry an equal value. Hence, it was rather valid to say that every trade is a fair one, if both parties think it is, for the reason that every individual valued each entity differently.
As for me, I will never exchange this relationship for anything else in the world, because Tiffany’s love, is priceless.
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