Jungsu,

            It’s been a year since you passed away, an entire year already. I know that by now you would have wanted me to have found someone new but at the same time I think you knew that I could never move on from you. I can never move on from all the time that we spent together. From the moment we met to the day you died; I still carry every memory with me and I still treasure them. They will never leave me just like you will never leave my heart. The years we spent together were the happiest years of my life. Whenever I look back and remember my eyes start to water but I’m not ashamed. Why would I be? They are tears for you, for the one I love. There is nothing to be ashamed of.

            I’m still not used to waking up alone, eating alone, leaving alone, coming home to an empty house. I miss your smile, warm, loving, caring, just like you. I miss those eyes of yours. They always held a sort of comforting twinkle but also a mischevious glint in them. I miss your laugh, unique in every way just like you as well. I miss you. Everything about you. I wish you were here.

            I still have those photo albums you made us make together. I’m glad we did. Everything from our first date to the weeks right before your death is in there. Heechul and the group still stop by and they are still as annoying as ever. I really wish you had let me punch him back there still. Maybe it would have shut him up. I doubt it but it could have worked.

            I miss you so much that it physically hurts Teukie. But I’m glad you aren’t suffering anymore. I couldn’t stand seeing you in that constant, horrible pain. But you always bore it with a smile and you never complained when you had every right to. No one would have blamed you or looked at you any different. I loved and admired that about you Teukie, you always smiled.

            You know when we first found out about your disease I thought I would die right along with you. The thought of losing you tore my heart to pieces but I knew that you were feeling so much worse then I was. Not because you were dying, but because you knew you would be leaving me alone. You didn’t want that, you knew that you were the only person I had and when I lost you I would be alone and I know that you felt so bad for doing that; almost like you were betraying me. One more thing I loved about you, your devotion.

            Even now as I stand before your grave my heart still swells with love just for you. It will always be just for you. It still hurts to remember and the tears still flow, to remember all the times we shared, to walk down the halls of our house, to hear the silence. But now, not all the tears are from a broken heart. Now in some ways I can smile as I think about you, about us. I still cry and I know that I always will but I can smile again. I think, I’m beginning to understand what you asked of me Jungsu, to keep living and smiling for you. You promised to always stay by my side and I think now, I see how. Now I want to live, I’d rather have you by my side then face it alone, but I want to continue on where you left off. I promise I will continue on living for you and for me and nothing will ever stop me from fulfilling that promise to you.

Wait for me just a little long Jungsu. Just a little longer, and then we can be together, always.

                                         Love, 

                                                 Youngwoon

Youngwoon set the letter down on the grave and looked up at the sky. The clouds started to part and the sun shined through the cracks and Youngwoon couldn’t help but smile.

“I knew you wouldn’t leave me alone.”

Shoving his hands in his pockets he took one last look at the grave, “See you soon Jungsu.” And began to walk off, his heart feeling lighter then it had in a year and a smile on his lips.