Chapter 2: So gooodddd

Chapter 2: So cute~ I didn't read the first chapter because it was written 'characters death'... I don't like sad stories Hehe, sorry.
Ah !! Please do 'Hair' next time >w<

About this chapter :
I felt it was... Too short. There is a lack of details, lack of feelings (the whole story's feeling and the characters feelings).
That's what I thought but I still like the story, for me it was enought to imagine cute scenes... Yet, it was really too short ^^'
Hwaiting !!

I found it strange that Myungsoo asks, rather naively, why everyone is pointing and laughing at them, and yet in the next scene he seems to know exactly why. Not to mention he also proposes the way to escape it. After reading, I still don't quite understand whether or not he knows they are being bullied. (At first, I thought him to be a someone that was slow, considering how he kept asking questions.)

At the end, the lack of detail about Sungyeol's reaction to Myungsoo's proposition perturbs me. For someone who doesn't seem to believe in the beauty of the sky, his lack of response to the idea of jumping towards it is unsettling. You could improve the scene by adding a moment between them, something like mutual understanding - or a dialogue of sorts to highlight some possible reluctance that Sungyeol had.
"It is at this point, when Myungsoo looks at him so earnestly, the honesty baring in his dark eyes and his brown hair swishing in the sighing breeze, that Sungyeol thinks love will transcend the limitations of gravity. So they jump - hands held fast and eyes squeezed shut, up, up into the deep blue sky."

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Oh - one thing is, by jumping they would fall to the ground instead of ascending to the sky, so I do not quite understand how jumping would allow them to 'see how the sky is like'. Unless, of course, you are speaking of heaven. If that is so, it will be better if you would place a hint in the first scene about how Myungsoo wonders what is beyond the sky, or add some connotations of a place where peace can be found behind the sky etc etc. Then it would make much more sense in the closing scene when Myungsoo says it is an escape.

Overall, it was SUCH a sweet fic. I really like how subtle this entire fic seemed. The omission of details worked, because it emphasized them, Myungsoo and Sungyeol, and ~their~ relationship so well.
In other news, I'm sure you will improve. sobs I am also a writer looking to improve, so we can help each other out! :)

/awkwardly exits

Hello! :) I'm here to share my feedback! I hope you find it of use!

"As they passed through the cafeteria, Myungsoo sat in between Sungyeol's legs, his back against the elder's chest, at the benches."
He can't do that as they are passing through the cafeteria. "As" is used to indicate a simultaneous action. Thus, sitting while walking (as your sentence implies) is not possible. Also, the excessive commas don't make for good reading.

As a correction, maybe...
"After surfacing from the mocking cafeteria, the pair settled on a bench by the winding, empty pathways of the campus. Myungsoo sported a puzzled expression as he casually sat in between Sungyeol's legs, his back against the elder's chest."

Correct me if I'm wrong, but inacceptance isn't a word. Perhaps another word would be more fitting. :)

You could consider placing an event prior to the 3rd scene, where Myungsoo and Sungyeol get further victimized, and then add the bit where Myungsoo will say "I know a way we can get away from this." Now, upon a re-read, Myungsoo bringing it up as the first line of the scene seems rather out of the blue. You could use italics for that statement, implying he said it a while ago and then continue with how Sungyeol finds himself on the rooftop with his hand in Myungsoo's, or something like that.

(c)