He had always been a smart kid. That one kid that always got the first place in class. But in the same time, he was also the mischievous one. Being the youngest, he was probably overindulged by his mother, and his sister in fact – especially since she got that job at the TV station. He got every toy that he wanted as a child, every music instrument that he wanted as a teenager, and a great apartment as an adult.

However, it was probably the reason why he got depressed so easily. Each time he felt that something didn’t go according to the way he wanted it, Jaejin would feel like he was being pushed to a corner. He didn’t like the uneasiness, the uncertainty. And times like this, he would usually just curl on his bed with his laptop nearby, doing nothing but browsing the internet and refusing to interact with anyone at all.

“Something’s bothering you?”

Jaejin turned to his side, staring at Jonghun that was concentrating on the road, driving them back home.

“Not really.”

“You sure?”

“Yeah,” he cracked a smile.

“Nice try, Jaejin,” Jonghun took a glance at him, didn’t seem to buy it.

“I… don’t wanna talk about it. Not now.”

He saw how Jonghun tightened his grip on the steering wheel, clearly wanting Jaejin just to tell him everything right away but kept quiet instead - the profile of the older guy’s, one of Jaejin’s favourite angles, looked stiff as he tried to suppress the urge to question Jaejin more. In a way, Jonghun had changed significantly. He was more patient with Jaejin, didn’t get jealous easily and even when he did he tried his best to not show it. Most of all, which Jaejin was particularly happy about, the composer had stopped to treat him like a porcelain doll.

“Do you love Hongki-hyung?”

Jonghun quickly glanced at him again. “Hongki?”

“Yeah. Like, you guys spent most of your teenage life together and stuff. You care about each other and all. So do you love him?”

“What is this all about, Jaejin?”

“Just answer me.”

They met a traffic light that just turned red, giving Jonghun a chance to properly take a good look at his boyfriend. He clearly looked confused, definitely didn’t see this coming at all.

“Well, of course I do. But not the way it is with you. It’s like a bro-love, if you get what I mean. Like how you are to Seunghyun or Minhwan, I guess.”

The corner of his eyes cringed at the mention of Seunghyun’s name, the memory of what just happened earlier on made him feel devastated. Jaejin wouldn’t deny that he did love Seunghyun as a friend. Never really as his little brother because Jaejin wasn’t familiar with the idea of having a younger sibling - but yeah he loved him. Though after all that just happened, he wasn’t sure anymore how he felt about Seunghyun.

“Never more than just a friend? What if it was one of your female friends?”

“…if you put female friends into the picture, then I guess it’s possible if I liked one more than just a friend before,” Jonghun answered (and Jaejin appreciated his honesty). “Do I want to know why I need to answer all this?”

Jaejin sighed, gesturing his hand to the light that just turned green.

“No, you don’t.”

---

Jonghun thought he had seen all sides of Jaejin’s. The serious one, the silly and mischievous one, or even the loving one. He thought he had his boyfriend all figured out but he had never seen Jaejin drowning himself with work before. The boy had been taking his university assignments way too seriously, and when he was in the studio with Jonghun to work on Hongki’s song, he wouldn’t even crack a smile.

Then at home (whichever home it was, and when he wasn’t working on his assignments), Jaejin would seem to be normal but slightly gloomy. He said less, spaced out more, and surprisingly made more physical contact than he normally would. Jaejin would lean on him when they sat next to each, watching any random show on TV. He’d lean his legs against Jonghun’s the moment they sat down to eat their meal; and the most wonder of all was how he would cling so hard to Jonghun when they went to bed. Jaejin wouldn’t hug him or anything, because that would be very unlikely for him to be that affectionate, but he would grip Jonghun’s shirt and shift as close as humanly possible whenever Jonghun unwrapped his hand from the younger guy.

It felt almost as if Jaejin was seeking some sort of protection from him. Not once of twice it would make Jonghun want to just put Jaejin as his first priority (not that he hadn’t now), but he knew if he treated Jaejin like some sort of fragile being, Jaejin wouldn’t like it. So that was definitely out of the question.

Until one night Jaejin broke the silence not long after Jonghun turned off the light.

“I feel betrayed,” said Jaejin.

“By who?”

“Seunghyun…”

“What did he do this time?” Jonghun wasn’t surprised at all somehow.

Jaejin didn’t say anything.

“Well, did he do anything stupid?”

“When didn’t he do anything stupid would probably be more like it,” Jaejin mumbled.

“That is true.”

In the darkness of the room, Jonghun could feel Jaejin shifting on the bed, probably was facing him.

“Promise me you wouldn’t kill him.”

“Why would I?” Jonghun frowned.

“Just promise me.”

“Okay I promise.”

There was a long silence, but Jonghun figured whatever it was that Jaejin was about to tell him was probably something hard to say. The only reason why Jonghun managed to keep his composure in control around Jaejin was probably because he had started to realize that when Jaejin didn’t tell him something, it wasn’t because he didn’t want to – it was because he needed some time to open up to people. At the end, Jonghun knew that Jaejin would eventually tell him.

“He kissed me.”

“…okay?”

“I said he kissed me…” said the other once more.

“Well, I’m sure he was drunk, yeah?”

“Erm… that’s the problem, hyung.”

Jonghun sat up, frowning, his hand automatically reaching out for the bedside lamp. When he turned it on, he saw Jaejin lying down flat on his stomach, his neck tilted to where Jonghun was currently sitting. It didn’t take Jaejin long before he joined Jonghun, sitting up on the bed while staring at him unsurely.

“He was sober.”

“He was-- what?”

“He was sober. And he told me that he had always been sober…” Jaejin dragged his gaze away from Jonghun, rubbing the back of his neck tensely.

“Why would he kiss you when he’s sober? I mean--…" Jonghun paused. "Oh my God. Don’t tell me… That son of a ! I knew that I shouldn't trust him."

Rolling his eyes, Jaejin lied down on the back again.

"What?!" Jonghun frowned.

"Would you try to see it from my perspective just for once?" Jaejin threw a soft slap to Jonghun, surprising both of them because even when Jaejin could easy snap, he wasn't the type that was disrespectful to those who were older.

The older guy tilted his head, directing his eyes somewhere else, seemingly thinking. He soon joined Jaejin back on the bed, his face was so deadpanned that Jaejin felt like scratching it away from his vision with his nails. "Sorry. So how do feel about this?"

"Honestly..." Jaejin sighed. "I appreciate his feelings. It's not as difficult as it was when you made your move on me. Yet in the same time it feels like he betrayed our friendship. He's like a brother to me and this kind of makes our relationship awkward."

"I guess that's perfectly normal."

"True," Jaejin shifted closer. "But I also feel sorry for him."

"Why would you even?"

"Could you imagine liking someone for such a long time, knowing that you couldn't do anything about it because you thought your crush was straight. Only to soon find out that your crush actually likes dudes too and now has a boyfriend?"

"That would be... pretty sad I guess," Jonghun mumbled.

Jonghun had never been the one that loved someone one-sidedly. Jaejin was probably the first person that ever rejected him twice. It took him longer to chase after Jaejin than when he was chasing any beautiful girl that he had his eyes on. Then again, Jaejin accepted him at the end – probably loving him more than how he wanted Jaejin too. Though of course Jaejin had the weirdest way of showing his love.

"Maybe you should talk to him. Get things straight," Jonghun turned to get the lights off again.

"Wow, you sound mature for once," Jaejin laughed. "But I will."

"Good. And do I have a permission to at least punch him?"

Jaejin paused to give it a thought.

"Sure. Knock him out if necessary."

---

"He hasn't been home?" Jaejin frowned.

"I know right? I would just think that he's at his girlfriend's but he doesn't have one at the moment so..." Minhwan shrugged.

Jaejin groaned unhappily. He certainly did not just use his whole morning contemplating whether if he should talk to Seunghyun that day or not; and spent at least fifteen minutes in front of Minhwan and Seunghyun's apartment building, hesitating to go inside. But the stupid Mr. Song wasn't even at home. What a waste of his energy.

"Well, I might not know where he is right now, but I knew what happened the night he came back,” Minhwan stated, joining Jaejin on the couch.

Sighing, he wasn’t sure what to say to Minhwan. They had known each other for the longest time and he swore to God that he didn’t really pick up any sign of Seunghyun liking him more than just a friend. By nature, Seunghyun was a touchy guy, but not when he was with girls. He was prude with them, controlled his tone when he talked to them, and was definitely a gentleman. Minhwan and Jaejin had joked once before that Seunghyun was probably going to be the one that got married first.

“Hyung, I’ve known all along. Sorry that I never told you.”

“You... what?!”

“Yeah, sorry. He made me promised not to tell you,” Minhwan shifted closer, resting his chin against Jaejin’s shoulder, lips pursing forward to form something that Jaejin believed was meant to be an innocent pout.

“Don’t give me that look,” he frowned. “And how dare you not even give me a hint or something about this?!”

“I’m telling you now!”

“After how long?!”

“Well... I don’t know. I’ve known since high school so that’s a really long time that we’re talking about.”

“Since high school?! That long?!”

Minhwan nodded, drawing back from his little attempt for forgiveness from Jaejin, which much to Jaejin’s dismay kind of worked. “He liked you even before we joined the band. And after Wonbin-hyung let us join the two of you, we both kind of concluded that there was no way you would return his feeling, so he decided to feel contented by just being your close friend.”

Headache quickly attacking him as he listened more to Minhwan’s story, feeling even more betrayed because he literally was in the dark for years. How could he not see this coming at all?! Though of course he wouldn’t be able to figure it out because Seunghyun was the one that always asked him for videos, was the one that would play pranks on him, and Seunghyun was probably the only one that always had a relationship that lasted for more than six months. Who would have known, right?

“I wonder if the two of you would be boyfriends now if he actually confessed,” Minhwan mumbled. “You had no idea how much he regretted not telling you about it when you became couple with Jonghun-hyung.”

He turned his head to Minhwan, staring at the younger male - thinking over the statement. Would he accept him if it was Seunghyun that confessed to him instead of Jonghun? Would they be boyfriends now? Would it be easier for them to get together because they had been friends for years? Friends. For years.

“I don’t think so,” Jaejin answered. “Simply because he’s my friend. My really good friend. And if I were to see him differently, probably only as a brother. Going out with him would feel like . Bros. Just like how you always call it.”

Maybe the reason why Jaejin could accept Jonghun was because they weren’t friends. They didn’t know each other all that well and when they started, they started of as neighbours that happened to have something in common. Then before Jaejin even thought of Jonghun as a friend (because Jonghun was older anyway, it would take times to treat him like one), Jonghun was already getting his move on him.

“I just hope things would get back like how it used to. Three of us, hanging out,” Minhwan mumbled.

Smiling, Jaejin couldn’t help but ruffle Minhwan’s silk straight hair (that he was so jealous of, by the way).

“Don’t worry. I’m gonna fix this. I’ll bring him home.”

After saying good-bye to Minhwan, Jaejin reluctantly headed to the one place that he knew Seunghyun would be at. He might not know where the skinny guy would spend his nights, but he knew where he would be when he felt down. There was this one bar that the two of them always went to. No Minhwan. Just them. It was the same exact one where Seunghyun met Hongki and Jonghun for the very first time.

It didn’t surprise him when he really did find Seunghyun in that bar, sitting at the almost hidden corner of the dive, doing pretty much nothing but staring at his phone screen for God knew why. Jaejin walked over as quietly as possible, didn’t want Seunghyun to notice him and have enough chance to flee.

“Where’s that gorgeous friend of yours that usually come along with you? Sitting right about... here, this seat that I’m sitting on right now,” Jaejin spoke up as he sat next to Seunghyun.

“He’s probably busy with his boyf--...” Seunghyun paused, blinking when he realised that it was Jaejin all along. “What are you doing here, Hyung?”

“Well, Minhwan said you haven’t been home,” Jaejin shrugged. “You’re not gonna wait until he starts sulking, aren’t you?”

“Gosh. Sometimes taking care of him is like taking care of my little brother,” Seunghyun sighed.

“Well you’re acting like a troubled older brother right now anyway.”

They both went quiet for a while, which wasn’t usually the case. Jaejin couldn’t help but feel slightly grossed out to remember that all of those drunken kisses, most of the time took place at the bar he was in at the moment, were actually real kisses. Especially to know that they were pretty much just Seunghyun pretending to be drunk. Or Jaejin simply assumed that he was drunk.

“I’m sorry,” Seunghyun mumbled.

“For continued acting that you drunk kiss me?”

“Well, that... and maybe for never told you that I like you,” he added.

Jaejin gulped, raising his hand to the bartender for a pint of beer. He definitely needed something to help him go through this conversation.

“I really like you, you know. I thought I had moved on, had girlfriends that I really had feelings for - but I think it’s true when people say that once you like someone, the feeling just doesn’t go away that easily,” Seunghyun continued.

“I guess you’re right. Remember that Noona that I used to date? Met her a while back and I felt the same excitement somehow.”

“Right? It’s funny to think that I actually forced myself to threaten Jonghun-hyung. Told him that he would have to face me if he broke your heart.”

Sipping to his beer, Jaejin tried to hold his chuckle. Seunghyun actually did that? Now that explained why Jonghun didn’t really like the younger guy. Jaejin knew he wouldn’t like Seunghyun either if he was Jonghun, was probably already yelling every now and then. Though some yelling must have taken place knowing the nature of Seunghyun’s personality.

“Aren’t you cute?” Jaejin burst into laughter, couldn’t hold it any longer.

“Hey! I would really punch him in face if he broke your heart, you know,” Seunghyun frowned. “Literally.”

He patted Seunghyun’s shoulder, smiling smugly. “You know what, I think you still like me. Or love me in fact.”

“Your point? I know that already. That doesn’t really help, Hyung. Making it worse is more like it.”

“No, dude, listen. I love you too. Like a partner in crime would, regardless the fact that you didn’t even treat me like one. But I believe that you are indeed trying your best to move on. And I really appreciate that.”

“Well, I don’t want things to change between us if I have to be honest. It’s probably why I never told you about how I feel. I don’t think I can deal with not being around you,” Seunghyun sighed, finishing his drink all in one shot.

“Then go home and be the usual you. Being depressed like this is more of my kind of thing, you know.”

Seunghyun laughed, that mega-watt smile quickly replaced the agonized look he previously had. “Fine. I’ll go home.”

“Great. So we’re all good?”

“I guess so. I would really miss the kisses though.”

Jaejin kicked Seunghyun really hard when the taller guy leaned over, pretending to try to ‘drunk-kiss’ him again. “Oh you freak.”

But at least this was the Seunghyun that he knew well.

---

Jonghun wasn’t sure what to feel when he came home finding three unwanted guests in his living room, playing his Xbox. There was food, a lot of food on the dining table and his eyes didn’t fail to notice a newly bought cart of beer placed by the side of the refrigerator. When Seunghyun walked pass him with a quick “What’s up, Hyung!” and put the said beer cans into the refrigerator, Jonghun was so sure that he didn’t invite Seunghyun, Minhwan or even Hongki to his apartment. How the hell did they manage to get in anyway?!

He had to ask the other owner of his apartment’s key, he quickly concluded.

“LEE JAEJIN!!!!” he shouted

“Yes?!” a head sneaked out from Jonghun’s bedroom, and much to Jonghyun’s surprised, Jaejin’s hair was black!

“Did you dye your hair? Again”

“Oh, yeah~. Saw the style on one of Key’s fashion magazines. Minhwan said I look handsome now,” Jaejin grinned.

Jonghun frowned. He threw his bag to his bed before then dragged Jaejin to the living room with him. “Why are they here?”

Jaejin’s face only got even brighter. He signaled the three guests to go to the table where all the food was. Jonghun was definitely confused but he let Jaejin pushed him to one of the chairs. It felt weird to see his own best friend sitting on the same table with Jaejin’s. Did he miss something?

“Okay! I have an announcement to make, that’s why I invited all of you tonight!” Jaejin smiled slyly.

After making sure that everyone got their cold beer cans, Jaejin took his own and put it up in the air with a huge big smile on his face. He stole a glance, throwing him a knowing look, and then cleared his throat before he start to speak.

“So, with the completion of Hongki-hyung’s Japanese single recording, as well as the beginning of Seunghyun’s indie years, also me graduating, I would like to announce that I am now part FNC composing team! Since the company has a band that they want to debut by next year, CEO Han wants me to be in charge of their practice and songs. And we all are here to celebrate!!!”

Jonghun frowned, was surprised that his boss hadn’t mentioned anything about this to him at all. He turned his head to see how the others were reacting, because to be honest he had no idea if he could deal with seeing his boyfriend at work too. Minhwan looked genuinely happy, was already digging in to the food. Seunghyun and Hongki made a quick toast with Jaejin, and all Jonghun managed to do was staring at the scene before him.

“You mean you got a job at my place?”

“Yes!”

“Why didn’t I know about this?”

“You didn’t? I thought your boss would have mentioned it to you,” Jaejin tilted his head.

 “Apparently this is the first time I heard about this.”

“Oh come on, dude. It’s gonna be fun with Jaejin joining in!! Minhwan will start working part time too to help Jaejin with the drum and stuff. We can have more dinner like this more often!” interrupted Hongki.

“You knew about this?”

“Of course! I was the one that gave him the idea. CEO Han seems to like Jaejin’s songs anyway. And thank you Seunghyun for stealing more of his song samples for me,” Hongki turned his head to the tallest guy in the room, smiling in satisfaction.

“As much as I hate you for giving my samples around without me knowing, I really appreciate how it got me the job. You ,” said Jaejin, half laughing.

The night was spent with a lot of cheering. Seunghyun got a little drunk but he didn’t try to kiss anyone. Minhwan’s face was as red as a roasted crap, and sometime before Hongki decided to turn on some music, the youngest guy started crying for no reason. Jaejin said it wasn’t out of the ordinary, that all they needed to do was to make sure that Minhwan had someone to cling on to for the rest of the night until he fell asleep. And of course it had to be Jonghun because he just happened to sit next to Minhwan.

It took Hongki an entire album of My Chemical Romance before his throat went dry and Seunghyun got way too wasted to air-guitar along side with Hongki before Jonghun managed to get rid of everyone from his apartment. There were a lot of empty cans on the floor, dirty dishes in the sink and abandoned phones at one corner of the coffee table.

“You should have told me about this,” complained Jonghun when he got back to the apartment from throwing Minhwan to the taxi that he shared with Hongki and Seunghyun.

“I did. I sent you a text message,” Jaejin frowned.

“Oh… my phone is dead. I forgot to bring my charger.”

Jonghun walked over to Jaejin that was getting ready to wash the dirty plates, sliding his hands around the other’s waist from behind. He rested his chin on Jaejin’s shoulder, sighing tiredly to the other’s ear.

“You okay?” asked Jaejin.

“I don’t want to see you at work,” Jonghun mumbled.

“You don’t have to,” Jaejin chuckled. “I’ll be at the academy most of the time. Besides, you have your own studio. So even when I need to record something, I’d use the shared studio.”

Staying silent, Jonghun tightened his hug on Jaejin – knowing that Jaejin made a good point. He wasn’t sure why he didn’t really feel thrilled about this. But maybe because it might chance everything he knew about their relationship. Jaejin would start having monthly income and there wouldn’t be time where Jaejin would crash Jonghun’s apartment to save some groceries cost.

It wouldn’t take Jaejin long before he got his own car and then Jonghun wouldn’t be able to be the personal driver that he was at the moment. That would make things harder for Jonghun to stop Jaejin from hanging out with his friends. In short, Jaejin would be more independent than ever and Jonghun wouldn’t be able to feel needed again.

Sometimes Jonghun sometimes wondered why he always felt insecure in this relationship.

“Would you just move in with me then?” he whispered.

“Move in?”

“Yeah. We can just share the bill or something. Since you’re going to work anyway. Paying the rent for your place on your own wouldn’t come cheap.”

“Well true. I wouldn’t want to keep asking for money from my parents for it, especially since I already got a job,” Jaejin realized. “Why are we having this conversation by the way?”

“Because soon you’ll be able to do anything on your own and with your own money, and it’d be harder to see you. Especially because you said that you’d be in the academy most of the time anyway.”

“Aren’t you clingy?” Jaejin turned around.

Jonghun managed to keep the younger guy in his embrace but was greeted by Jaejin’s somehow amused face. The other guy cupped his cheeks, the cold and soft texture of the washing soap made him shiver in an unpleasant way. “…what the hell Jaejin…” he mumbled, letting go of his boyfriend, quickly grabbing the napkin that wasn’t that far from them to wipe the soap-bubble off his face.

“Just felt like it. I think Hongki-hyung is getting into me with the way he jokes around,” he giggled.

“Oh please, I only need one Hongki in my life,” Jonghun rolled his eyes.

The other guy just laughed, turning back to the sink to finish off the dishes. The sight of Jaejin washing the dishes wasn’t particularly something that he hardly saw before. Jonghun wasn’t a messy person, but he sometimes took way too long to wash the mess that he made while cooking. Ever since Jaejin became his boyfriend, the amount of piling dirty dishes decreased significantly.

“The contract for my apartment ends only in March, so…” Jaejin mumbled.

“I can wait till March.”

Smirking, Jaejin glanced up to Jonghun. “Well, then we can take our time in moving my stuff here then.”

---

Epilogue

Jaejin thought he would graduate in the honour-list (he really did, by the way), would get an office job and probably going to have his mother trying to set him up with some girl from his hometown. Then one night, a car hit him when he was on his way back from the groceries store. Jaejin wasn’t aware of it at all, he could only remember how he felt a huge impact against the side of his body, then falling to the ground and scratching his arm in the process.

That incident was how everything started to change in his life.

Sitting on the office-like chair, Jaejin carefully watched over the five boys that were practicing before him. Minhwan was there for his regular check on the band’s drummer progress. The younger guy was doing a surprisingly good job at teaching the kid, and the academy actually offered Minhwan a one-year contract as a teacher for the drum classes. So after he was done with his final year thesis, Minhwan didn’t only signed the contract, he also joined Jaejin’s composing team.

“The band has improved so much, hyung,” Minhwan sat down next to him, tapping his hand against his thighs, in rhyme with the beat from the band’s drummer.

“I can’t wait for their debut stage at the end of this year. They’re going to go against Seunghyun’s second album for the chart,” said Jaejin.

“Can’t wait for it? Hyung, your song gonna go against Jonghun-hyung’s song. It’s gonna be tough,” Minhwan frowned.

“So? I’m a better lyricist. And I have a rock band. I’m gonna win this,” Jaejin winked to Minhwan, somehow way too confident.

“You’re not supposed to feel excited to go up against your own boyfriend.”

“Because he’s my boyfriend, I feel really challenged.”

Jaejin could literally hear Minhwan’s sighed, the younger guy was probably way too lazy to argue back.

“Oh the boys have decided on their band’s name,” Jaejin spoke up.

“They have?”

“Yup. From now on, they’re gonna be SF Heroes,” said Jaejin proudly.

---

Huaaaa! It's done!!! :( This is really sad actually. But I don't want to drag the story so here you go. The last chapter. I will try to make a new JongJae fic for y'all. Still brainstorming on ideas. So, if you have any idea that I might like, feel free to share it!!! :Dv

Thank you so much for reading this. It had been awesome! <3