Oh! I know I can’t have you, but you’re always in my head.

Heart pounding.

Even though I can’t touch you, it’s just wishful thinking.

Blood rushing.

I can’t say it, watching from far away.

Face burning.

You know I do, I love you.

Hands trembling.

Even though you don’t know who I am.

Voice shaking.

Today would be the first time we met, you say that to everybody you meet.

His very presence made me weak in my knees. That smile was so inviting, so intriguing, and all I could do was blurt out an idiotic, “Hello!” His laugh – oh god, his laugh – caused my heart to skip several beats; it was as if he dealt with people like me on a daily basis. No, wait, he did do this every day. Every. Day. I pushed back my scowl as his hand glided across the thick paper. Can’t let him see the boiling jealously pitted in my soul. Won’t let him. Everyday. My mind shoved that thought away when he flashed another one of his smiles at me. Smiles. So inviting, so intriguing for someone as idiotic as me.

No. I am not idiotic. Not a real smile, that’s not a real smile, it’s broken. Broken. He held my hands in his. Squeezing his back, I managed to stutter a pitiful “I love you.” I love you. He laughed. Broken smiles. He laughed and assured me with an “I love you, too.”

“You have me” was the next thing to leave my mouth. You have me. Should I have been ashamed that I meant it with every fiber of my being? He laughed again and bowed his head as thanks, passing me on to the next person.

I couldn’t sleep because I was thinking of you.

I developed a habit of falling asleep in the wee hours of the morning. It was all because of him. Of my mind thinking of him. Him.

Why aren’t you smiling today, I hope nothing’s wrong. I can’t bring myself to look at your worried face.

Hurt. He’s hurt. He struggled to keep a smile on (fake) for me. I mean for us. Us. Jealously rises up again, but I calm it down when I glance back at the expression on his face.

I wish I could take your pain away, but I can’t, and that saddens me.

Let me help. Let me help, I say. Of course he has no idea I say such things.

I can’t reach you, touch you, hold you; I’m going to meet you in my dreams again tonight.

He’s in my dreams. Everyday. Every single day. He knows me in my dreams.

Even in my dreams, people disapprove.

He’s in my dreams every day. He knows me in my dreams. So inviting, so intriguing, that it makes me weak in my knees.

They say I’m crazy – if I erase the world, that makes you mine.

I’m not crazy. He just has yet to meet me, that’s all.

Why would I lose you to anybody else? No, I can never understand that; I’ll make it so that you’ll only look at me.

I’m right here, can’t you see? You don’t need anyone else. But he looks elsewhere. He’s taking precautions. He’s protecting me.

You are my star, I’m your number one fan, baby, please take my hand.

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Word count: 559
Jees 20120424