“I’m sick Kang-in.”

“I don’t want to die…”

Those words echoed within Kang-in. He dared not believed it but he knew, deep down, he knew that Kibum would never be the same again. He could hear his heart shatter in to pieces at every tear that came out of Kibum’s angelic face. It’s going to be fine he wanted to say it but he knew it was a lie.

A week later, Kibum packed his things up and bought a ticket for America. It was the day after his flight that everyone knew he wasn’t enrolled at the university anymore and only his friends knew why.

Although Kibum constantly keeps in contact with them it never put Kang-in at ease, he could see behind the pretense Kibum has come up with. But he tried to cheer up for his sake as well, and every after call he would lock himself in his room and cry silently or get some comfort from the others.

...

Raccoon:How are you doing over there? I thought you’d only stay in U.S. for a while?

* asked Kang-in through chat. It took a while before Kibum replied.

Sleeping Beauty:I’m having my rehab here. Don’t worry I’m doing fine.

Raccoon:Liar.

Sleeping Beauty:… don’t be like that Kang-in

Raccoon:You said that you’d just talk to your folks so come back and do your rehab here!

Sleeping Beauty:Doctor said I can’t travel anymore… I’m going back to rehab send my regards to the others.

Sleeping Beauty signed off…

Kang-in punched the wall in frustration.

“Why don’t you go?” asked Donghae who was observing him from the kitchen and eating ramen.

“We have school Donghae.” Answered Kang-in.

“There’s the semestral break, summer, Christmas… there’s a lot of holidays hyung,” suggested Donghae as he continued to enjoy his ramen.

“Ah,” sighed Kang-in, hitting his head for his own stupidity. “How can I be so stupid not to think about that?! Thanks Donghae,” he said a bit lighthearted now; Donghae smiled and returned to the kitchen.

When they finally had their semestral break Kang-in bought a ticket for the U.S. with the hopes of seeing Kibum. He knew Kibum wouldn’t give him his address so he begged it from Dr. Choi.

“Please! Just the address of the hospital he is taking his rehab… please… I beg you… you surely must know something.” Begged Kang-in his voice was already shaking.

Dr. Choi sighed deeply. “Alright, I’ll give it to you. Just stand up from there,” he said just to stop Kang-in from genuflecting and gave him a piece of paper. Kang-in held on to the paper as if it were some precious stone.

...

Kibum was in one of his sessions when Kang-in came to the hospital. Despite Kibum’s current condition, he still did his best and the site of him enduring so much made Kang-in’s heart break. He has changed; he wasn’t the Kibum he once knew. That angelic face, although still saintly, looked gaunt and thin; his strength decreasing that even standing for at least a minute needs more effort from Kibum.

“Hey.” Kang-in greeted, after Kibum’s session.

Surprise was surely written all over Kibum’s face, then there’s sadness but also joy. “How’d you come here?” asked Kibum, wiping sweat off his face.

“Plane?” replied Kang-in sarcastically.

Kang-in, for his three-week stay spent almost every day with Kibum. Keeping a smile always in front of Kibum and crying silently during his sleep wishing that all of these were just a dream and that Kibum slowly slipping away was just a joke.

He saw Kibum fall and stumble, watched his face contort and grimace just to breathe normally and witnessed how Kibum’s functions are slowly degrading back into infancy.

“I’ll come back on Christmas. Wait for me then,” he said, his day of departure nearing.

Kibum smiled and nodded. “Thank you for coming and sorry for using up your vacation time.”

Kang-in punched Kibum’s arm as lightly as he could ever hit. “What are you talking about? We’re friends, right? This is the least I can do..” he replied forcing himself to sound chipper and waved goodbye.

...

Kibum wanted to stay away from the hospital, if he were to die, he wanted it somewhere cozy. Somewhere that brought in happy memories and more.

 At Christmas break, Kang-in returned to the U.S. with the others.

“Surprise!” they greeted Kibum.

“You guys!” exclaimed Kibum. The happiness he felt was so much that he cried.

“Whoa! Kibum cried!” teased Donghae as he nudges Kibum.

Everyone played with Kibum as if nothing happened, as if it were like old times. They partied at Kibum’s parents’ chateau and slept there. It was only Kibum and Kang-in left.

“How did you like our Christmas gift?” asked Kang-in, drinking the last of his beer.

“It was… unexpected. Thanks,” replied Kibum. “I just wished I could drink some beer.”

Kang-in laughed and tried to share his can. Kibum refused. “Stop torturing me. You know I can’t have one… I can’t have most things now, since my swallowing reflex has also weakened.”

Kang-in noticed that Kibum didn’t eat much. His smile faded.

“How’s the rehab going?” he asked casually.

“As you can see, I’m as weak as a toddler,” answered Kibum, sounding cheerful, he even managed a smile.

“Don’t try to act tough Kibum! You’re making it even more difficult,” retorted Kang-in, he couldn’t stop the tears anymore they’re already falling. He wished there was a faucet somewhere in his brain to shut off the emotional outflow.

“Kang-in its all because of all of you that I managed to be strong,” Kibum explained. “Thank you for that…. If Donghae didn’t made that mistake I wouldn’t have made a friend…” Kibum paused and turned to look at the sleeping Donghae, “and I thank him for that.”

“Kibum, stop! You’re saying things as if it’s your last,” Said Kang-in anxiously, wiping away his tears.

“If you didn’t show up I wouldn’t make more friends..” another pause, then Kibum’s lips turned into a soft, genteel smile, “and I thank you for that…” he said as he placed his bony appendages over Kang-in’s trembling ones. “When I went to Korea I was alone but you guys came, again thank you.”

“Lastly, I thought, when I learned about this disease, that all hope is gone but you guys keep cheering me on, that promise we made was the only thing that made me hold on to life longer though it already hurts,” Kibum’s voice was shaking, his breathing ragged, and his tears flowing down like streams over his cheekbones. He noticed that the others were already awake and smiled at them; he knew they were listening somehow.

Though it had become harder to breath but he went on. “I’m really grateful to have friends like you guys. Please face life with a smile and don’t get caught up with the past. Promise me, especially you Kang-in,” Kibum said as he put pressure on the hands below his palms.

They were hesitant but Kibum looked so ethereal. “Alright, we’ll try.” They said in chorus.

Kibum smiled. “Good. Now we can have our sleep,” He looked at the clock at his bedside table. “Hey! It’s already Christmas! Merry Christmas you guys.” He said rather ecstatically.