Kibum thought he made a wrong decision when he decided to go back to South Korea. Sure, he’s Korean but he almost spent most his life in U.S. He liked it there but when his parents’ marriage came to worse and he had to decide to whom he’d stay, he immediately packed his bags, enrolled himself to a good university, and booked the next flight for Korea.

                Everyone eyed him in a weird way, but he ignored them, he’s used to this. He thought he’d never have any friends until he met Kang-in and his group.

“! How can I undo this?” asked a panicky Donghae. He had been working on a thesis paper in the Computer Room in that vast university library, that could probably cater to all the students needs – a cafeteria at the first floor, even an airconditioned ‘resting room’ adjacent to it while the whole of second floor is basically where all the knowledge is found.

Kibum just so happens to be sitting beside Donghae, working on his own project.

Donghae tapped his shoulder. “Excuse me, sorry to bother you but can you help me on this?” he asked sheepishly. “I’m not really good with computers,” he added.

Kibum shifted his seat and offered his help. Delighted, Donghae hugged him. “Thank you so much!” he exclaimed. “Could you let me go now? You’re weird,” Kibum said and Donghae let him go immediately.

“Sorry ‘bout him,” came someone’s voice, a hand ruffled Donghae’s hair. “He’s always like this. My name’s Kang-in and you are?” the guy said, smiling proudly.

“Kibum.” Replied Kibum

“Ah… you’re that U.S. kid.”

“I’m not a kid and I may come from America but I’m Korean,” Kibum retorted going back to his project.

“Don’t be so grumpy, you’re not with anyone right now, right?”

“What d’you mean by that?”

“I mean you don’t look like you have friends. I’m offering our group,” said Kang-in with a welcoming smile.

“Yeah, that’s a good idea! I’m Donghae. We’re buddies now, kay?” interjected Donghae.

Kibum can’t do anything but accept their offer. Their group consisted of Kang-in, Donghae, Hankyung, Yesung and now the newly added member Kibum. Kibum never thought he’d have something in common with them especially with Kang-in.

...

                His first year in Korea had been greater than he’d expected it to be. However, recently he has been experiencing muscle twitching and cramping but he ignored it.

The guys and I have been partying and playing a lot of soccer lately, this are just the aftermaths, he said to himself, but after two months he still experience cramping every now and then that he had to cancel out on them.

“Kibum, is anything wrong?” asked Kang-in worriedly. He visited Kibum in his apartment when he found out that he had been absent.

“Not really. Just a little tired, don’t worry yourself about me,” Kibum said with a laugh as he prepared some snacks for the both of them.

“Really? It’s just that I noticed that you’ve been feeling cramps recently though we haven’t been straining ourselves. Everyone’s worried,” Said Kang-in, his brows furrowed.

Kibum handed him a glass of cola. “I’m alright. You’re overreacting. All of you.”

“Maybe you should go see a doctor.” Now the seriousness has escalated in a different level.

“What for?”

“To make sure that there’s nothing really wrong with you.”

Kibum laughed. “Overreacting,” he said in a sing-song voice.

Kang-in took one of Kibum’s hands in his. “I’m worried for you. Please,” Kang-in had those puppy eyes he learnt from Donghae, the master of begging puppy eyes.

Staring at those eyes, melted Kibum’s heart, making him feel warm inside. “Alright, I’ll go see one this Saturday,” he said and saw Kang-in smile.

...

                This is such a waste of time and money Kibum thought as he waited outside the clinic. But I have to admit… something is really wrong with my body, he mused.

It wasn’t just the muscle twitching and cramping he’s been feeling weaker than usual and that worried him, Kang-in had been right. He had been feeling these abnormalities even after the soccer games and partying.

I guess it wasn’t just me who noticed it,he thought.

He felt more uneasy when the doctor referred him to a neurologist. After a few tests the doctor told him that they’ll do a biopsy.

“Biopsy?! Wait, tell me exactly where you’re getting at!” exclaimed Kibum angrily.

“Isn’t biopsy too much! I’ve answered your stupid questions, I’ve took your tests, the MRI was okay but biopsy?! Can’t you just tell me what’s wrong with me?” Ranted Kibum, the doctor looked passive and serious. He raked his hair once, as if deep in his thoughts.

“Alright, I’ll tell you but I’m not yet 100% sure about this,” said the doctor in a pensively.

“You have Amyotrophic Lateral Sclerosis or ALS for short.”

Kibum had a blank expression on his face.

“It’s a progressive, fatal disease of the motor neurons, eventually, ALS results in total paralysis and respiratory failure. The senses and intellect are not affected though if you’d consider it as a good news,” explained the doctor further and Kibum didn’t know if he should laugh or smile dryly at the doctor’s attempt to make things less devastating.

“But I could be wrong, that’s why I needed that biopsy Mr. Kim.”

Shocked Kibum could do nothing but nod.

                The doctor gave him the date for his next visit and trying to reassure him that he could have misdiagnosed it, saying that it was still too early, and Kibum wasn’t exactly in the age bracket to have ALS. But by the tone of the physician’s voice, it seemed unlikely to happen. When Kibum was heading out the hospital, he saw Kang-in waiting at the front door.

“So how was it?” Kang-in asked.

“Told you nothing to worry about,” lied Kibum and they went home together.

...

                Kibum returned to the hospital for the results of the biopsy and judging from the looks of the doctor it didn’t look like good news.

“Have you been experience falling over or tripping?” asked the doctor.

“Twice,” recalled Kibum.

“Mr. Kim,” began the doctor.

 “Call me Kibum. For some reason I have a feeling I’d be seeing you more often,” interrupted Kibum, trying to be sarcastic and casual about it.

“Well, I couldn’t think of anything to make this sound lighter,” an acute, deafening pause, “You have ALS. Now, how to–” said the doctor gravely.

“But I’m still in my twenties,” argued Kibum desperately, cutting the physician off.

“It affects anyone anywhere between the age bracket of 20 and 90 years old.”

A heavy silence ensued between doctor and patient, with only the busy buzzing outside only is heard.

“I’m gonna ing die.” Kibum had that empty look as he asked tediously.

“There’s no cure to it, but there are measures we could do to deal with the symptoms,” answered the doctor. “Although its progressive, the course is different from person t o person; are your parents—“

“Don’t tell anyone about this, not even my parents.” Kibum suddenly became apprehensive.

“But they need to know Kibum. Someone has to; it’ll be hard when everything gets worse.”

“They’re not here. I’ll deal with this until I can so please grant my request.” Kibum begged, his eyes filled with sorrow and determination.

The doctor sighed heavily. “Alright, but make sure you take the medication I’ll prescribe you and don’t miss any rehabilitation schedules,” the doctor said as he wrote something in a paper and handed it to Kibum.

“You don’t have any questions?” asked the doctor incredulously, surprised that Kibum isn’t in a hysteria.

“I’ve done some readings, some famous baseball player died because of that right?” replied Kibum flatly, his energy already gone from his eyes.

“Yes,” answered the neurologist in professional sympathy. “It’s also known as Lou Gehrig’s Disease. I’ll do whatever I can to help, Kibum, at least believe in that.” He added when he saw the pained, sarcastic smirk on Kibum’s face.

“Wait, I just have one question.” Kibum looked at the doctor seriously.

The doctor waited, looking at him straight in the eyes, eyes now overflowing with sadness.

“Will I still reach thirty?” it seemed sarcastic despite the way it came out, it was more of a desperate prayer than a question out of curiosity.

“As I’ve said before, the disease process is different from person to person. But we will do everything to slow down the progress of the disease,” answered the doctor, Kibum smiled woefully and looked at the ceiling, hoping to stop the tears b at the side of his eyes from falling.

...

                Kibum continued living his life like before, except for the fact that he has to attend rehabilitation twice a month. ALS was certainly progressing after two years, Kibum already has a hard time dancing, he couldn’t move as smoothly as before, and he would trip and stumble.

“Guess I’m just a klutz.” He would lie but unlike the others Kang-in’s curiosity was increased even further. One day he decided to spy on Kibum, no one healthy would go to the hospital twice a month unless there’s something else was going on. But as he followed Kibum inside, Kibum was waiting for him, arms crossed in front, brows furrowed.

“What are you doing here?” asked Kibum sternly.

“Just checking out on you, you’ve been acting weird. No one would come to the hospital monthly unless… you’re hiding something,” answered Kang-in, embarrassed of being found out but acted casually.

“Check-ups Kang-in, now go back home,” he reasoned, shooing Kang-in out the hospital. “Whatever dirty thoughts you have inside that green mind of yours is just a figment of your imagination,” added Kibum after seeing Kang-in’s expression. Kang-in just laughed as he allowed himself to be dragged out the institution.

                Even more determined, Kang-in decided to rummage around Kibum’s things and talked the rest of the group with his plan. As Hankyung said, Kibum has a pack of medicine in his bag, while the others tried to distract Kibum, he and Kang-in noted Kibum’s meds, the doctor attending to him and everything else that could be useful.

                They searched the hospital for the said doctor while Donghae and Yesung searched the medicine over the internet. After 30 minutes Kang-in and Hankyung have found the doctor and demanded to talked to him.

“You’re Dr. Choi?” asked Hankyung, cornering the doctor who just came from the park talking with another patient.

“Depends on who’s looking for,” replied Dr. Choi skillfully cautiously.

“You’re Kibum’s doctor, right? Why is he seeing a neurologist?” asked Hankyung respectfully.

“Are you two dating!?” asked Kang-in in an angry tone.

The doctor was taken aback from surprise then laughed. “Sorry for laughing, I never thought Kibum has funny friends.” He took a deep breath and regained his composure noting Kang-in’s annoyed look.

“If Kibum had said nothing then I would say nothing as well. I’m sorry but I’m sworn to confidentiality.” He backed away when he saw Kang-in motioned for a fist.

Kang-in missed Dr. Choi’s collar. “Don’t play with us!” Kang-in ordered.

“You’re smart kids, you were able to trace me, I’m sure it wouldn’t be difficult to determine Kibum’s condition as well. As much as I want to confide with you your friend’s condition, unfortunately, I could only disclose it to his immediate relatives.”

...

                Kibum’s disease became worse that he had no choice but to drop out on some of his subjects. It was during their Christmas holidays that Kibum experienced having difficulty in breathing combined with his worse fall since. He was in his apartment at that time and if Kang-in hadn’t arrived Kibum would’ve been drenched from his own blood. Kang-in called for an ambulance and when Kibum opened his eyes he was already in a private room in the hospital, his right hand had an IV inserted.

“You have to tell your parents,” said Dr. Choi when he visited. “Your friends are already suspicious of your situation, I think they already have an idea.”

Kibum was silent.

“It’s progressing fast Kibum, you can’t hide it for long.”

The door suddenly opened and Kang-in came in to full view. “What disease are you talking about?” he asked. Kibum faced Dr. Choi and bluntly said, “Is it okay if I go back to the U.S. first? I’ll talk to my parents about it.”

Dr. Choi pondered on his request. “If you’re already stabilized. But for now, you’ll stay for further observation so take a rest. And it wouldn’t kill you if you’d tell your friends what’s going on,” he said and left the room.

As Dr. Choi closed the door, the silence filling the room bothered Kang-in, he was about to say something when Kibum spoke. “I’m sick Kang-in.”

“Obviously you are, I want to know what’s making you sick,” retorted Kang-in.

“It’s Amyotropic Lateral Sclerosis.”

Kang-in’s expression was blank.

“It’s a fatal, progressive disease of the motor nerves, it’s a killer disease. It’s like downgrading back to being a baby, wherein I can’t move on my own, I’d need respiratory assistive devices just to breathe then I’d die… I will die…” Kibum’s voice began to break.

“There’s a cure right? Don’t joke like that Bummie,” Kang-in said, his own voice sounded weak.

Kibum shook his head. Kang-in couldn’t accept it, he slammed his fist on the wall. How could he be losing a friend whom he just becomes close to?

“I can’t fulfill that promise.” Kibum said with a little laugh. “At this rate I won’t reach thirty, the disease is advancing fast, not only am I having difficulty walking, I’m also beginning to lose control of my hands and.. I’m already experiencing dyspnea – difficulty in breathing – today wasn’t the first time,” he continued, he couldn’t continue being strong anymore, he was afraid himself, afraid of the inevitable, painful truth. Tears he has been holding trickled down his cheeks and hit the white linen bed sheet one after another.

“I don’t want to die…” he whispered, his voice broken, defeated yet hopeful. He covered his face with his hands, his legs bent closer to his body as he sat on his bed. Kang-in was speechless, he couldn’t think of anything comforting. They were both silent, only Kibum’s cry was heard in the lonely room.