It was hands down, one of the worst months in Changmin’s life, but through it, he had gained one of the most important people in his life, and also learned, people aren’t born strong, instead they are strong because they needed to be.

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Before that though, Changmin originally thought he was pretty tough, after all, he had learned many things to do to cope with sadness, anger, and bitterness. He had to deal with the loss of three very important hyungs to him, learning that it’s time to accept he won’t be in contact with them anytime soon, and that there is always a point in which you move on, stop moping, and most importantly, focus on the people you still have in your life before they’re gone as well. Yunho was a great example to that, he only ever cried if he was moved, and when he was sad, he would channel all of his remorse into doing something else, to be better. At least though, JYJ wasn’t actually dead.

Changmin has always believed that people cry not because they are weak, but because they’ve been strong for too long. But perhaps this time as he thought it, Shim Changmin was just reassuring himself that he wasn’t weak, as tears streamed down his face, he reminded himself everyone around his was weeping, so why shouldn’t he? The question was rhetorical, but Changmin answered himself anyway: he had a pride problem. He’s always had one, he didn’t want to be looked at as weak, but at his best friend’s funeral, he sure as heck felt like he was. Though no one else seemed to have taken notice, Changmin was extremely broken.

Out of all those invited, Victoria seemed to be the one who took it the worst. She bawled her eyes out as each person got up to do their individual speeches, and every single time, Ryeowook comforted her, by patting her gently, or murmuring something quietly, and each time, Changmin felt a twinge of annoyance. He wasn’t sure where it came from, he thinks it’s because Victoria would never understand the pain, yet she seemed to be the one everyone sympathized with the most, humph, they weren’t even dating, Changmin was as good of friends with him as Victoria was, it’s just because she cried the loudest that everyone looked at her with the most pity.

He seemed to forget that she was one of his best female friends ever in SM, they usually went on good terms, but both being relatively short-tempered, sometimes had outbursts here or there. But that was what made them stronger. Shim Changmin understood Song Qian the most, knowing when she was frustrated, with just a glance at her, because of how she reminded him of his reflection in the mirror in every way possible, and that day, it showed again: She was the only one, along with Changmin himself, who refused to do a speech.

The funeral passed by in a blur, all Changmin could remember was  irritation he got whenever he heard something he felt as ridiculous and cliché, like “He will be missed most dearly.”, or “He was a good person, and surely died too young.” Last time I checked, you were complaining he got more solos than you did. Changmin was bitter, and angry. Angry about the fact that he thought no one else understood, they were best friends for goodness sakes, why should anyone else understand? Not even Yunho-hyung, though they went through one terrible event together, Yunho could never understand Changmin’s pain, this time he knew he stood alone, or so he thought.

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The next few weeks passed in a daze as well, everyone else seemed to be over it, even Victoria seemed to be happier, traitor. He no longer remembered what day it was, what schedules he had, and rarely socialized. His mind was numb; he wasn’t eating properly, and had a sullen face that made him almost unrecognizable as DBSK’s maknae. Alongside that, TVXQ’s manager was getting more frustrated as each passing day went bye, Changmin had to be dragged everywhere with great difficulty. He no longer performed with passion, and everyone else betted that if Changmin had a choice, he wouldn’t have sang and danced as well. His attitude was absolutely horrid, and snapped at almost everyone, even the person who he thought understood him the most: Yunho.

Everyone in the company tried to talk to him, or at least, everyone who was brave enough. From Yunho, to his manager, to different friends of Changmin’s from different idol groups, to even Lee Soo Man himself, to no prevail. SM even threatened to cut his contract (knowing that they couldn’t unless they wanted a tarnished reputation), but Changmin merely looked like he couldn’t care less. Even the fans were starting to notice, which meant that antis as well, and everyone who had common sense in the entertainment and music industry knew that news of Max Changmin’s attitude would spread like wildfire if it wasn’t controlled. They had to do something about it.

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“Hey Victoria, how did you get over his death?” was brought up at an SM meeting, remembering how she seemed to have suffered the most, and how Kyuhyun seemed to be of special value to her, Super Junior’s Zhou Mi asked in hope that she would be the one of getting through to Changmin.

“I remembered all the good times.” Victoria simply said, although her face contradicted what she had said, it seemed to struggle because of the subject being brought up, but she was able to fix it to the best of her abilities, and tried to go back to normal.

No one else understood what she had said, they just seemed to think that remembering good times would cover up the pain, when really, what she said meant how she looked at how the person has impacted your life, and appreciated what he had done, instead of thinking of what he could have done. Yunho was the only one who caught on, as he nodded with a look of understanding to Victoria, who nodded back with a forced smile on her pretty face, looking rather strained.

“Well then, maybe you should talk to him, you three were the best of friends, if there is anyone who knows him as well as Kyuhyun-“ Victoria winced at the name. “-it’s you, Victoria.”

Victoria could only give a curt nod, as she had to swallow repeatedly to prevent tears. This time, not even Ryeowook noticed her watery eyes, as she abruptly stood up and left the conference room, to find Changmin (as he was absent again during one of the SMTOWN meetings, with no surprise to anyone else).

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“They sent you here, didn’t they?” Was the first thing that came out of Changmin’s mouth when he looked at the leader of f(x) standing in the middle of DBSK’s dorm doorway, blocking his exit. She knew him way too well, knowing that she would probably try to weasel out of the unwanted conversation, Victoria stood at his only escape, with her hands on her hips, looking rather stern, but just so she could mask the look of pain, brought up from the conference.

“No. Well, they did tell me to come here, but do you think I would be here right now if I didn’t want to?” As usual, Victoria’s sharp tongue beat Changmin’s immature statement, as she moved closer to him with a rather threatening glare.

“What do you want?” he retorted.

“The same thing everyone else wants: a Changmin that’s less bothersome than the one in front of me right now.”

“What makes you think you’re going to convince me? You aren’t the best speaker, Victoria. I’ve heard everyone else use the most caring tone they can utter, you’re not going to be an exception.”

“Look here; I’m going to cut out the crap that everyone else tries to talk to you about if that’s what you want, as long as you listen.” This side of Victoria almost no one knew, not f(x) members, not even Kyuhyun. However Changmin was used to it, and merely shrugged.

“I’m not going to pretend it wasn’t you who is the closest to him, you guys were great together, fantastic. However, everyone else moved on, and you seem to be stuck in your pathetic little world, as if being a terrible person would somehow make Cho Kyuhyun reappear, you’re not an exception.”

“You don’t understand. It was unfair that I should lose him, especially after –“

“I KNOW, after JYJ left, but that was 2 years ago Changmin, you need to stop using it as an excuse to be an arse about everything else bad that happens, preventing you from moving on. I admit, you’ve suffered through a lot compared to other idols, but you still have not a right to be a burden to SM.”

“I’ve just lost my best friend.” Changmin was stubborn.

“Regardless, we all have to do the best for our groups. But as far as I can tell, you’re not even trying. You act as if everything is a chore, I know you can do better, and you’re too stubborn to realize that everyone else is wasting their time trying to make you better. You’re so bad tempered to everyone around you; they’re starting to avoid you. And now, when every fan needs you to be the strongest, you perform as though you’re mind’s filled with god-knows-what and your hands and feet are ten times heavier.” Changmin felt himself shrinking, despite him being a lot taller than she was.

Yet, his personal pride didn’t allow him to give in. “And what do you know about it, I’ve been in the industry for almost 9 ye-“

“HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL ABOUT THIS? I’ve lost Kyuhyun already, and I feel as if I’ve lost you as well.” Victoria’s large brown eyes were filling up with tears, as she couldn’t take it anymore; her cool and strong side were starting to slip with every tear that slipped down her cheek.

“What?” Changmin couldn’t believe the latter part of her sudden burst. Out of all their previous arguments, Changmin knew about Victoria’s pride, and therefore both of them usually refused to let down their pride no matter how immature they were being, and Kyuhyun would be there to fix their disputes. This time however, Victoria broke the barrier, for the first time.

“I’ve missed you Changmin, even if we weren’t as close as I was to Kyuhyun, you were considered one of the greatest friends that have I’ve ever had since I came to Korea. Now it seems as if both of you aren’t here anymore and I can’t bear it. Tell me what’s wrong.”

“I — I . . .” His voice choked and he finished weakly. “Everything’s gone wrong.” There was a heavy pause; Changmin looked up to find Victoria sitting next to him on DBSK’s couch, one of the only people besides DBSK to do so. He let her.

“You miss Kyuhyun, of course you do. But he died, and he isn’t coming back.” Victoria found herself somehow being able to say the name, and letting herself face the fact, she was convincing herself as much as she was convincing Changmin.

Changmin was silent. Victoria went on, “You think I have not a clue, but tell me if this is a bit familiar. The feeling you get when you feel everyone else moving on, is beyond frustrating, it feels as if they are betraying you, as if saying that your best friend’s death doesn’t matter as much as idol duties. You feel as if you are alone in this, that no one else knew Cho Kyuhyun’s true friendship. I’m not trying to offend you, but you weren’t the only person close to him. Trust me, I know, I know what it’s like every day, without his sarcastic comments, his pranks, and his incredible ability to give advice and look at everything from a clear perspective.”

Changmin never expected Victoria, of all people, to know him best. She took the words right out of his brain. It was then Changmin felt guilt, guilt for a lot of things, for treating Yunho-hyung with such cruelty, for disregarding everyone else’s pleas, but mostly, for not being there for Victoria, when it was him that she needed most, and the same vice versa. It wasn’t until that moment, when the almighty Choikang Changmin realized how much he had in common with the strong leader of f(x) from China, how much he truly owed her. The fact that he wouldn’t ask what he asked next to anyone else, was definitely something.

He took a deep breath, and said something to Victoria she never expected: “Are you okay?”

“Me? I’m. . . Alright. It’s hard to cope with it all sometimes, and I’m really worried about accidentally snapping at someone who doesn’t deserve it. But I just look at this how Kyuhyun would have wanted me to look at it: with strength. How about you? Will you be alright?”

Victoria was really something. There was another thing Changmin suddenly realized, when Ryeowook was comforting Victoria at Kyuhyun’s funeral, the reason Changmin was irritated wasn’t because he was mad at Victoria’s reaction, but rather, he wasn’t the one comforting her. He was too weak to do so, and realized he was angry at himself, for not being able to be there, letting Ryeowook get close to her.

“I think so, as long as I have you.”

Victoria smiled, “Just remember, don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened.” She was referring to Kyuhyun, the evil, yet caring maknae of Super Junior, who never once let fame get to his head, who introduced Victoria to Changmin, and the trio became the best of friends under his guidance. Victoria and Changmin owed him so much, and now that he had been taken away from them, both knew that they both had to be strong, for their best friend, and for each other. A silent promise passed between the three of them.

“Thank you, I’ll be here if you need me.”

“Same.”

That was that. No declaration of love, even though Changmin and Victoria knew they loved each other very much, no kiss, not even a hug, but something stronger. A bond had formed between them that day, which not many people on this earth understood. However it was needless to explain, whoever saw Victoria and Changmin together would understand, how they look at each other, how they would squeeze the other’s hand, their reassurances. They not only understood each other to the bone, but were there to help the other whenever, Max Changmin and Song Qian became impossible to break, and neither of them ever backed out of the promise to Kyuhyun.  The two were legendary, they were soul mates, and you can interpret that however you please.

OMAIGOSH. I’m so proud of this ^^ I don’t even know why. I didn’t even bother to correct the mistakes it and mostly crapped it out in like 2 hours. Still though, I don’t think I’ve ever written something as meaningful to me as this is. ChangKyuToria is forever my OT3 and I just had to dedicate something to them. It’s definitely not meant to be offensive to Kyuhyun fans for “killing” him in this fic, but rather, how the strength of friendship between the three of them made the two at the farther ends realize that even if Kyuhyun isn’t there anymore, they can still be three best friends. Thanks so much for reading and the already super nice comments, please keep them coming, actually silent readers are welcome in every way too~