JR's POV

My brain keeps trying to figure out the meaning of this weird document. It has to be related to Ren, hasn't it? Why else would that

blond guy give it to me? But this seems like- I don't know. A report out of some freaking laboratory, like in the movies. Something too

scientific for me to fully understand. In hope of getting its meaning after reading the rest, I pull out further sheets of paper, like the first

one they are crumbled and look old. Upon noticing that every passage is headed with a date, I figure that it might be some kind of

diary. Since it's also handwritten. Curiously, I continue the read, after checking that there's still no trace of Ren being awake.

4. 11.

We finally got to meet our baby boy. My darling and me went to see him for the first time today, and he's even more perfect than we'd ever imagined. I don't even know how to express the feeling that overran me when his big, black eyes met mine. He is so beautiful that one could easily mistake him for a girl, and since he's so cute, we decided to give him a fitting name that underlines his cuteness. We named him Choi Minki. Right now, I'm still in a daze, even though he's here with me, his small body on my lap. I can't believe that he's my Minki. My son. I think no one can imagine how I wanted him to be here, and I have to laugh looking at his chubby, round face. If only this diary won't annoy me too much I won't have anything to complain about. Yet I know I have to write down how he grows up. When he gets older, will he notice?

I frown. She must be talking about the baby from before, right? I don't know anyone by the name Choi Minki, but the way she describes

the child makes me think of someone I know too well...

17.6.

So more than a year has passed, and I can't help but worry. My husband noticed as well, and it keeps bugging the both of us. Minki-ya is so awfully quiet. He won't respond to anything we say, he hasn't even spoken his first word. Even though he did learn how to walk rather fast... Why won't you reach out to your mother? Sometimes I wonder if he even sees us. He doesn't look at us. And when he does, his face is blank. Why won't he smile?

We went to play with other kids yesterday. I silently hoped he'd converse with them at least, but he didn't even try to approach them. It seemed more like the others didn't want to play with our Minki, and he wasn't interested in them either. I notice that his gaze often wanders to the sky. Is he observing the birds, wishing to fly and be free like them? What am I even writing... he's just a child. I should stop here.

8.3.

Since our son turned four years old last November, we decided that he should attend kindergarten. I haven't given up on him yet, though handling him gets harder. He starts to avoid us and our touches, and once we grab him, he'll look at us with those deep black eyes of his and such a seriousness in his expression, that I can't bring myself to cling onto him.

Reading all this reminds me strongly on how Ren was when I met him for the first time. Exactly like this child in here, but this child can't

be my Ren, can it?

28.3. (same year)

The kindergarten teacher told us that they couldn't handle him anymore. He'd ignore their orders and scare away other kids with his weird habits. One day, they saw him stare at a dead animal in amazement, and when they tried to drag him away, he suddenly started to cry. He wouldn't stop until they left him alone.

They said children like him needed special treatment. Does our Minki need to see a psychologist? I honestly feel like he might need to.

10.8. (same year)

Today, Minki addressed me for the first time. How can I describe what I felt at that moment? It was as if my child finally acknowledged me as his mother. He even knew my name! I am happy even though he just asked for something to drink. I want him to keep talking to us.

26.7.

Over the past year, five year old Minki started to more and more seek our closeness. Not physically, but mentally. He'd tell me a lot of things he thought about, and I'm shocked to hear it. Maybe the quiet him had been easier to handle. He told me about one million colors he sees every day. Umma, he said, you and appa are surrounded by colors. They are beautiful and change whenever your mood changes. Even birds have them, but dead ones don't. Don't you think that's weird? He asked me that, and I had no idea how to answer. What he explained to me still echoes through my head. Isn't it something only a crazy person would say?

Sometimes he sits in a corner, covering his ears with closed eyes, humming some kind of melody I've never heard before. I know he's artificially created and I didn't even give birth to him. Maybe his weird behavior is related to that? I'm starting to get sacred of him, a child.

2.11.

I told my husband about my worries long ago, but recently he witnessed the strangeness himself. As Minki hurt his knee, the wound practically healed in front of our eyes. Hadn't we both been there, I'd doubt my sanity. But we clearly saw it. Thinking of it, he has never been ill before. But children usually fall ill, right? That was the point when I wouldn't go out with him anymore. What if someone else noticed he was abnormal? The other mothers would never visit again. I already heard the other kids calling him a freak. And I don't believe they are wrong anymore.  He's not real, and that's a fact.

Tomorrow is his sixth birthday. My husband wants to bring him back to those people who created him. But can I bring myself to do it? The boy is a danger to your health, he told me. And I do feel weak lately. Maybe giving up on him is the best we can do. I mean, we tried, so nobody can blame us.

3.11.

We did it. From now on, the child known as Minki doesn't belong to our lives anymore. Surprisingly, it doesn't hurt as much as I expected. Must be because he hasn't really been in my heart for the past two years.

As we left him with the strangers, however, I turned around to look at him one last time. For the first time ever I believed to be able to figure out his feelings. The way he looked at us was truly heartbreaking. His glance was filled with desperation, sadness, agony, and the fear of losing one's parents. Seeing him that helpless made me feel bad after all. But I can't raise a child like him. They'll know better how to deal with him, they created him after all.

With those last words being said, I'll put an end to this depressing diary now. I won't ever look at it again.

Finishing the read, I'm 100% sure that this diary retells a part of Ren's past. I need some time to deal with it thought, there are just too

many things I can't handle right now. First of all, that he's not real.

He's not real, and that's a fact.

Even though I already know, no I've always known that he was special. But I didn't care why, or in what way. Knowing it, I feel strange.

How should I act in front of him now? Should I tell him I know, or will he get angry? (Not like he ever did, but still).

I reread the last two entries. To me, those are the ones leaving the greatest impact. Ren's birthday apparently is the third November,

and exactly on that day, at the age of only six, he lost his 'family'. He lost them because they left him, not because they were forced to,

but because they didn't love him. Although he needs so much love, he deserves so much love...

I search the envelope for more, but there's nothing left inside. What happened to him after that? Who are those people that 'created'

him? Left without an answer, I sink against the wall, spacing out. When a voice breaks the silence.

"Hyung? Why are you awake? Can't you sleep?" Ren had entered, and I didn't even notice. In the darkness, I can feel his glance lying

on me. Without turning on the light, he approaches me, and I soon feel his warm hand on my cheek. I softly take it away.

"It's not that- I'm alright. Just go back to sleep." I don't have to see him to know that he's disappointed. But even though I want, I can't

stand to have him around now. A dry "Neh." leaves his lips, and Ren leaves, I can hear the door slam shut. What are you doing, you

idiot? I keep thinking to myself, not believing how easily I got rid of him just now. Those papers shouldn't affect me like that, I know, but

the sad thing is that they do. I close my eyes and lay down again, trying to get some sleep, which of course is impossible with Ren in

the room next to mine and my thoughts running wild.

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Ah I'm sorry for updating so rarely ;3;

But.. I REALLY lack motivation for this story and feel like I should end it quickly which is.. impossible. I mean, I have it all planned out and I want to go on according to that. And it's still way to go.

This chapter - I hope it gives you what a lot of you readers wanted: A part of Ren's past. Yup, not everything, but better than nothing, right? The rest will be out soon. I guess. :)

Also, I'm on holidays now, so I'll have lots and lots of time to write and hope to update more frequently :3

Comments are loved ♥ I need them right now :'D