Tuesday has never been this chaotic to Taemin, not when his little sister, Taeyeon, had gotten herself picture hunting for her English class all over the apartment. It would have been an easier task to the both of them but Taemin, being the keeper of the photo albums, had actually forgotten where he hid them.

It’s a practical thing to hide those albums in a well-kept cabinet but Taemin had hidden it somewhere else in hopes of keeping it safe. Sure, the photos got a safety haven but they are nowhere to be found!

“Oppa! Oppa!” Taeyeon runs to him, a glossy film of paper in her hands. Taemin gets the photo in her hands and Taeyeon grins.

“I saw it under the refrigerator!” She beams, and Taemin quirks his eyebrows asking his self how the hell did Taeyeon managed to find something under that chamber. However, his question was soon dropped off as he takes a look at the photo sparkled with dust and dirt.

He wipes it off with his palm and his eyes widens.

The picture shows a capture of him and Jinki with happy smiles on their faces as they strike a pose above those blocks that looked like nothing else but marshmallows.

It had been captured a long time ago. Particularly, when Jinki and he are still great normal friends; and Taemin couldn't help but get his mood drop down.

Taeyeon must have noticed the sudden change in him as she tugs his shirt for attention. “Oppa? Are you okay?” She her head at the side and gives Taemin a worried look.

“…Uh yeah,” he says unsure. “…Uhm look, it’s already late and we should go to sleep. The homework’s due is still next week right? We’ll look for the photo albums tomorrow and the next days instead. How about that?”

Taeyeon hums in approval as she runs inside her bedroom. She must have been very tired for her to obey my word so quickly, Taemin mentally says. “Taeyeon, don’t forget to wash your hands!” Taemin says as loud as he could, and the little girl shouts back with a 'yes oppa-appa'.

As his younger sister’s door closes with a click, Taemin walks inside his room and dives into his bed. It takes a few more minutes before he pulls his head up and looks at the photo once again.

The photo looks so beautiful and wonderful and captivating especially with that gorgeous smile of Jinki drawn in his face that never fails to make Taemin happy too. What can he say; Jinki’s smile is infectious like that. However, Taemin feels something else – sadness and longing.

Taemin knows that it was his fault why he and Jinki had come to this point. He truly and deeply loved the guy with all his heart whom he dated with three and a half months and he wouldn’t deny the fact that he was almost near to worshipping Jinki.

However, Taemin knew that it’s just not going to work out anymore between them. Jinki had gotten himself very busy with university and it seemed to Taemin that there’s just no point to keep a relationship running if he’s the only one in it anymore.

Jinki is a very nice, caring, and a loving boyfriend to him. And sure, Taemin was being childish and selfish with how he thinks because there is no doubt that Jinki is trying to find some time to spend with Taemin.

But, Taemin is not contented with that.

So, on the day before their fourth month-sary, Taemin finally called it quits between them. He told his reasons to Jinki, who seemed to be going mad as he tried to convince Taemin that they shouldn’t because he loves him so much but Taemin didn’t listen to it, as clear as possible before he took his bicycle and drove back to the apartment he shared with his younger sister.

The days after that was pure torture. Jinki kept on going to his apartment, banging the door and pleading Taemin to talk to him even once. But Taemin didn’t open the door even for a peek. He remained silent and alone on the corner of his bedroom reminding his self and his heart not to stray away from his decision.

This is for the better; this is for the best of his sake.

Because there is one thing that Taemin is most afraid of, and that was to get his self attached to a person.

Attachment was something that terrified him the most because he didn’t like feeling the same pain that he felt when his one and only best friend left him for good. It was too painful that he promised himself many times that this will not happen ever again which led him to sticking with 'people come and go' as his principle that made Taemin create an invisible wall with the people he meets.

Though it's quite a different story with Jinki who shamelessly and carelessly and happily befriended him which he didn't really mind at all as long as he could keep the wall between them.

However, when Jinki finally asked him out on one fine spring day, all the negative thoughts and principle he lived were all thrown out of the window. Jinki was not his first love; neither was he a love at first sight. It was just a simple admiration which grew into something more than that. And ‘that’ led Taemin to saying yes to Jinki, which he partly regretted right now – but he really do love Jinki.

It took about full three weeks before Jinki finally stopped coming to his apartment, pleading him with all his might. And Taemin couldn’t be more than thankful when it finally stopped because he could finally breathe normally without any lump blocking his throat or any weight making his shoulder slumped even more but still, there was an ache in his heart that felt so heavy and painful.

But this is for the best, was it?

Throughout the weeks, Taemin remained confined in his room most of the time. He would only budged out when he got some errands to do like cooking some porridge for dear little Taeyeon or some groceries to buy on the nearby store.

He then realized how his life changed completely with Jinki entering it. It was now dull and completely lacking of worth and Taemin couldn’t help but blame himself for getting attached because, if he was just cautious, his life would still be happy even if a person leaves his circle.

Since when did he get attached to Jinki anyway?

But that was not the point anymore. Taemin could freely live his life once more and bring it back to pieces once again. It was such a ridiculous thing to say that he was the one hurting because of a broken relationship when he was the one who broke it off. But Taemin is a human with a heart who was just so afraid of many things too.

It just happened that he is a guy full of fears and insecurities that love cannot assure.
 

In the last four weeks, Taemin had never seen Jinki, even once. He was truly grateful with that with the reason of being able to move on and forget about the still burning love he had for Jinki. Hopefully, that love would lose its fire as time goes by.

But life does not work like that at all.

One early afternoon, Taeyeon had came running into his room telling him with her loud tiny voice that she ran out of crayons and she needed them so badly because she got some colouring homework to do. Being a good brother Taemin was, because he didn’t want Taeyeon to flunk her Art class, he agreed on paying the convenience store a visit after he finished washing the dishes.

It was exactly five in the afternoon, where the sun was about to fall down on its bed, when Taeyeon and he, hand in hand, walked to the nearest store.

Taemin promised that it was just going to be a short journey yet when he found his self face to face with the man he had not seen and had avoided for the past weeks, he couldn’t keep his feet walking at all.

“Jinki...” He said, which he didn’t mean to do especially when his voice sounded so weak and hoarse. Jinki, the man before him who seemed just as shock as him, only looked at him with dullness.

“Oh, hi.” Jinki said and Taemin couldn’t feel anything in Jinki’s voice.

They only looked at each other, stared at one another with eyes that speak nothing but coldness and lack of care. But truth was, both were checking for each other’s physical state – if he’s okay, if everything is alright about him, if he’s still the same man I dated and broke up with.

Taemin would have not left Jinki’s eyes not when Taeyeon suddenly tugged his shirt and reminded him about her crayons, Taeyeon’s eyes were crestfallen and her lips formed a frown. Taemin quickly flashed a smile on his little sister and patted her head in assurance that he had not forgotten, “...Go take a box of crayons and... You can get some jelly candies if you like. Come back once you’re done, alright.” He said and Taeyeon shot him her prettiest smile and quickly ran to the stacks of crayons.

Taemin backed up from his position and his eyes wandered on the floor as he spoke stutteringly, “...Jinki. It’s been awhile.”

“Uh yeah.”

Sure, they had broken up with reasons that Jinki had hopefully understood but that doesn’t mean that they have to remain bitter. Taemin wants to move on, even though he is having an urge right now to grab Jinki’s face and press their lips together, and talking with one another like how they used to be as dongsaeng and hyung is a good step for that.

“...How’s university?”

“The usual; fine, busy. Got me living like a zombie but still good~”

“...That’s good.”

“Hmmm... Yeah.”

The conversation between them is undoubtedly awkward. Taemin had a hard time thinking of which question should he ask because there a lot of things he wanted to know about Jinki right now. He may be the one who broke it off but he still cares a lot for the boy, thinks a lot about the boy. Jinki is a very clumsy one and that makes Taemin more worried on how Jinki is doing right now. Or, it’s better to say that he’s worried how Jinki was during the days after they broke up.

Taemin fiddled with his fingers mindlessly, still not looking at Jinki’s eyes.

“How about you Taemin?” Jinki asked him strong and clear; and that’s the only time Taemin looked up to face him completely.

“...I-I’m good. Nothing’s change.” A lie. There are a lot of things that had changed in Taemin, weren’t there?

Jinki hummed, “So...”

Awkward, it is very awkward. Taemin couldn’t stand the atmosphere surrounding the two of them. It is clear that Jinki and he are both tongue-tied and even how much Taemin wanted to break this stillness, he just couldn’t – or just didn’t have any courage or words to speak about.

Thankfully, Taeyeon came back with the items stacked in her arms; right on time to break the forming rusty wall between Taemin and Jinki. “Taemin-oppa!” She beamed and, finally, Taemin lets out a breath of relief as he took the items from his sister.

When he looked up, he saw Jinki looking at Taeyeon curiously and amusedly. And it reminded him: Jinki has never met Taeyeon before. “...Uh, Jinki, this is Taeyeon, my younger sister.”

Jinki’s mouth parted a little. “Oh...”

It’s the only thing he said but Taemin told more – it felt as if he needed a lot of explanation to make – which is completely unreasonable. “...You never met her because she stays in Kindergarten and Day Care most of the time and only stays at home when I’m in.”

“Oh,” Jinki said once again before he showed that toothy smile – a smile that Taemin has never seen since their breakup – of his to Taeyeon. Jinki bent down and poked Taeyeon’s nose with his finger. “Quite a beauty,” he said and a grin worked on Taeyeon’s lips. “It really is in your genes.” He continued before looking up at Taemin.

Taemin was stunned for a little bit before he stuttered with his words. For Jinki to suddenly and indirectly called him beautiful really did caught Taemin off guard. No one could blame him though; for your ex-boyfriend to compliment you with such wonderful adjective is just beyond one's imagination and expectation. “...Y-You’re smart, so is Soonkyu. I-It’s in your genes! T-Too!” He protested back.

Surprisingly, Jinki let out a laugh that sounded like ringing bells to Taemin. He must have really made himself looked like an idiot. However, Taemin couldn't help but get nostalgic with the elder male's laugh. Oh how he missed that voice of Jinki!

Jinki’s laugh was pure and infectious that made Taemin laughed too. Neither one of them broke it; they only stopped when they are reminded, by Taeyeon with her habit of tugging Taemin's arm or shirt, to purchase the items already before the sun lies down on its haven. And that's exactly what they did with Jinki getting his items first.

And as the cashier gave their bag and receipt, they walked their feet out of the store while Taeyeon grabbed Taemin’s hand and hold it firmly.

“Taemin-oppa!~” Taeyeon squealed as she presented her unoccupied small chubby hand, silently and physically telling Taemin to hand the bag over to her. In which Taemin happily had done.

“She’s just like you.” Jinki commented and Taemin raised his brow with a grin on his lips. “Don’t even think of hitting my sister.”

Jinki gasped and gave Taemin a surprised look. “You don’t trust me that much Taemin?”

He doesn’t trust him? But Jinki means a world to him!

“...I do trust you.” Taemin said, solemnly.

“Then why did we break up Taemin?”

“...I’m afraid of many things Jinki.” It was not a lie. Taemin truly is afraid.

“But I’m here. What’s there to be afraid of?”

“...Many things.”

They fell into silence again, only Taeyeons’ sounds of chewing the jelly candy interrupting the stillness of awkwardness.

“...But I love you Jinki. I really do.” Taemin told him..

“I do too.” Jinki replied back, quickly.

 

The sky was a mixed of different colours as the sun slowly sets down; and even no matter how much Taemin loves watching the sunset, the setting just doesn’t help the mood of the situation right now at all.

They walked and walked until they finally hit the intersection where it’s time to part. Jinki’s home is on the left route while Taemin’s on the other.

In silence they walk, in silence they part. It would have gone that way not when Taemin couldn’t stop himself anymore. He let go of Taeyeon’s hand and crushed Jinki in a tight hug. His head tucked in Jinki’s neck and his eyes shut closely. “I love you hyung...” He whispered.

Jinki wrapped his arms around him and whispered several things, too. “I love you, too.” He said before Taemin lifted his head up and pressed their lips together.

As their lips met, everything around them became pure and heavenly white which was a pure contrast to how Taemin felt during the seclusion he did in his room. The only thing that their minds could think of, the only thing that their hearts could feel of was the presence of the other and nothing more.

It took a moment before they finally pull apart from the kiss.

As they pulled apart, they looked at each other's face right away. Taemin smiled first and told Jinki once more how much he loves him, how much he misses him, how much he regrets breaking something precious, and how much Jinki means to him – a world.

And Jinki smiled back, like what he always do – pure, soft, infectious, warm, beautiful, and basked with happiness – but this time it’s different as Taemin could see happiness drawn in Jinki’s lips while sadness graved in his eyes.

 

A distinct noise steals Taemin’s attention which caused him to tear his eyes away from the photograph and when he looks at the door, he sees Taeyeon standing up while rubbing her hand on her eye while the other hugs the teddy bear tightly towards her. “…I had a nightmare Oppa.” She says and Taemin frowns as he ushers the little girl to come to him.

Taemin makes a space for Taeyeon and as the little girl hops over the bed, she looks at Taemin straight at the eye. “You cried. Why is that Oppa?” She says as she wipes of the trails of his dried tears.

He must have been thinking so much, reminiscing so much that he failed to notice that he was crying. But that isn’t the matter right now – past is past, present is present.

And Jinki belonged to the past.

“Oppa had been very, very stupid, and a coward.” He says as a smile works on his lips.