1... 2... 3...

Lights turn on. Crowd cheers. Staff starts going crazy and busy. And me? I stand in the middle. All lights and attention are on me.

Every performer has a secret behind those curtains. A secret that they force to keep, secrets that they leave locked up in their dressing rooms.
Each of us is a performer and s director of our own different stages. All of us are performers who have something to hide from everybody… nobody’s an exemption. Especially me.

As a performer by profession… I’m a public figure and I don’t truly own myself; my fans and my management own me. I’m forced to fake almost everything I do, specially my emotions. Being in-love, sad, scared, angry, happy, all of those emotions that I truly feel are forbidden to be shown outside the 4 corners of my apartment and dressing room.
Leaving Japan to accept an opportunity to debut as an international idol means I’d be leaving KAT-TUN, Yamapi, Ryo, Toma, Shun, Mom, Dad, my brother and everybody I love… I’d be leaving them behind, I have to admit… I’m scared right now.
Yes… Akanishi Jin is scared… scared to live alone without my bestfriend. I’m scared that my bandmates wouldn’t understand my decision of leaving the group. Scared that I wouldn’t be there for my family when things get tough. I’m scared of this new path that I’m taking alone without the people I care for beside me. But my life behind the concert stage is another play that I direct and a stage where I perform.

Every day I seemed to be imprisoned by the limits that career is giving me. Even my own happiness doesn't seem to count anymore. Getting married to Meisa seemed to be a crime in everyone’s eyes. Things are always seem to be controlled even more. People from my industry are doing their everything to make me look like the "bad guy". Maybe a part of it was my fault, but I just want to be happy. Be happy with this life I had chosen, and prove to myself that choosing this career is not a mistake.
I'm tired of being always wrong. I'm tired of always letting go of what truly makes me happy and do something that my agencies will benefit on. Don't get me wrong, I love doing what I do but it just really gets tiring. I'm tired. Tired of being controlled. Tired of being always bashed on. Tired of everything. I'm human as well and I have my own limits. These limits seemed to be always pushed by other people.

Now that I found my happiness in having my own family. I know people are against it, they think it's morally wrong, but... what's wrong in finding happiness? Everybody deserves happiness; even idols like myself. Happiness is what I should bring the people who looks up and idolizes me; but I say... this time let ME bring happiness to MYSELF.


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So~ I hope you liked it? ^^
Thank you so much for reading!
Commenting wouldn't hurt right? ^^