I was walking to my coffee shop early in the morning of April; I felt the beginning of spring. The sun shined brightly above Seoul and the crystal clear sky covered the busy people. I noticed some happy faces as they walked pass by me.

As I reached my coffee shop, I glanced at my watch. 6:00 A.M. I opened the door and found no one there yet. I headed to the kitchen to fill my empty stomach. I found some rice stew and started to eat on the counter. After washing the used bowls I headed to the office.

Minutes passed until it became hours. No one came. I wondered if I had done something wrong for the employees not to show up. I even thought if it was a holiday. I sighed and sunk into my office chair. I closed my eyes and slowly drifted myself to sleep.

When I opened my eyes, I saw myself on the floor and I saw Siwon. Thank god Siwon’s here! I glanced at the clock hung on the wall behind him. 9:00 P.M. I slept that long? I called Siwon but he didn’t seem to hear me.

I called louder. I yelled and shouted. But he didn’t hear me. I finally stopped. That’s when I noticed him crying. He sat on the little sofa in the middle of the room, head down. He held a piece of paper that what seemed to be a photograph. I went near him and saw my face. It was a photograph of me.

I didn’t get it. Why is he crying? Why is he holding my picture and crying?

Tears began to fall from the corner of my eyes. Siwonnie~ I’m here. I’m here please stop crying. Please. I went nearer and attempted to hug him.

I failed.

I must be going crazy. I wanted to run out of the office. Fear covered me when I noticed myself already out of my office without even touching the door. I held up my hands and noticed that I’m not clear; that I’m as transparent as glass. What’s wrong? Anyone! Tell me please! I can’t take this anymore! What’s happening?

I fell on my knees and cried. I cried a lot.

Am I dead? Is that it? That I’m dead now? Am I? I am aren’t I?

I felt a hand on my shoulder and turned to see who it is. Kyuhyun!

“Stop crying Soo.” He wiped my tears with his pale hands and hugged me tightly.

I hugged him back; tighter. “Kyuhyun-ah…”

“Ssh… It’s okay. It’s going to be okay.” He placed a hand on top of my head and kissed my forehead. “If only I could have stopped what happened. I’m so sorry Soo. Forgive me.”

I stayed quiet and we stayed there for a long time.

…

“So I’m really dead now?” Kyuhyun nodded. “So that’s the reason why Siwon was crying?” he nodded again. “But what happened to me? Why did I die?”

“Cancer; you had leukemia.” Kyuhyun replied shortly.

“But then, how was I able to eat earlier? Why was I able to touch my things earlier?”

“You died this 12:00 NN. We had hopes that you were still alive.”

“But why are you here? Are you dead as well?” I asked him. He didn’t answer. “Kyuhyun-ah, why are you here? Are you dead as well? Answer me! What happened to you?” He looked down and held my hand. Tears dominated my eyes as I felt his sadness. “Kyuhyun-ah… I’m sorry.”

I hugged my best friend tightly and felt the shivers. Who knew dead people can still have shivers?

I walked to the office and found Siwon silently sleeping on the office desk. He was still holding my picture. I could see the trails of the tears from his eyes to his jaw line. Siwonnie~ please forgive me for leaving you so soon. I’m sorry for not fulfilling our promises. That we’re going to get married. Travel around the world. And be happy for a long time. I’m sorry. Tears began to fall from my own eyes and I watched Siwon silently. I gave him a slight peck on the lips and my last I love you to him.

When I went outside, I saw Kyuhyun staring out the window; his expression blank and still and calm. I went near him and stood by him. “Kyuhyun-ah, aren’t you going to go to Yoona’s house? Aren’t you going to visit her? Go to her. At least you’ll see how she’s doing.”

“She’s doing fine.”

“Aren’t you at least worried about her?” I asked, a little bit impatient.

He didn’t respond. Instead he got my hand and hugged me tightly. “Close your eyes.”

I closed my eyes and by the time I opened my eyes I was in our university.

I saw myself walking along the hallway towards my locker. And I saw Kyuhyun putting a card on my locker. What is this? Kyuhyun immediately ran away as I neared my locker. By the time I got to my locker, I saw Siwon standing by it holding the same card. Siwon hugged me and told me he loves me and I accepted his heart. So did Kyuhyun feel the same way too? Did he felt the same way Siwon felt for me?

I turned to see the silent Kyuhyun, tears falling down his face. I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t know who to blame and I didn’t know what to say.

I walked up to Kyuhyun and he flashed me a smile; a weak and wary smile. His eyes showed how much he was hurt. It showed how hurt he was because I didn’t even have the chance to know his feelings. I walked nearer to him.

Kyuhyun, I’m so sorry. I didn’t know. I didn’t know what you truly felt. I’m so sorry. Please forgive me. I hugged him tightly and he hugged him back.

I’m a stupid friend. How could I not know it? Kyuhyun was there. He was there when Siwon and I had senseless fights. He was always the one to lend me his shoulder for me to cry on. He was always the one to cheer me up when I was crying because of the man I thought I loved. But I did love Siwon. I did love him.

“I’m sorry.” I whispered.

Our hugged seemed to be forever. I felt the warm tears on my shoulder as he hugged me.

I don’t know if I should hate myself for being too blind to see his feelings. I don’t know if I should hate him for not telling me a little earlier about his true feelings.

…

“Sooyoung, do you know why I’m dead?”

I shook my head clueless of the answer to his question.

“I followed you.” 

A/N: How was it? Thanks for reading! Please comment below! I would love to hear your thoughts!