titanic

"Take a deep breath and hold it right before we go into the water. The ship will us down. Kick for the surface and keep kicking. Don't let go of my hand. We're gonna make it Rose. Trust me."

"... I trust you."

This is the fourth time this week. Once on Monday, twice on Tuesday (once in the morning, once late in the afternoon), and one right now, with the sun rising slowly, light seeping in through the pale curtains. 5:27AM, the clock read. It's a lonely Wednesday morning. All of them have been lonely, since they--no, since he left, had to leave.

SeHun sat in his empty room, drenched in complete darkness save for three sources of illumination: the faint light of the sun rising coming in, filtered through by the cloth of the curtain, the dim glow of the artificial light from his laptop, and the faint sheen in his eyes, a tell-tale sign of tears just waiting to slip out and down and away.

Four times throughout these three days alone: that added to the number of times he had watched it throughout his entire life should've rendered him immune to the plethora of emotions the film usually evoked.

(He wasn't.)

"I love you, Jack."

"No... Don't say your good-byes, Rose. Don't you give up. Don't do it."

Another time, another place, another conversation stealthily made its way into SeHun's mind.

It was in the practice room. It was their last day together as a whole unit. It was his last day to spend with LuHan.

LuHan was decidedly unhappy. His level of unhappiness, though, and the specific emotion under the category of "unhappy" that he felt, was undecided. He was a mix of angry, sad, annoyed, melancholic, petulant, defiant, and gloomy. He hung on to SeHun's body even more than usual. The others didn't mind. They watched the two with a sad sort of understanding evident in their eyes.

Even on the way home, LuHan held onto SeHun more tightly than usual.

"I love you, you know," LuHan had whispered against SeHun's back, arms wrapped around his torso. "Even if we're--"

"No," SeHun had whispered back, although his whisper was firm where LuHan's was barely there. "Don't say goodbye yet. Don't say goodbye ever." LuHan’s only response was to tighten his grip.

Funny how SeHun was the strong one at the time. Funny how SeHun's the one watching Titanic at every possible hour now, sobbing through each run. LuHan seemed to be doing fine during their interviews and performances, whereas SeHun was a blank.

"Never let go."

"I promise. I will never let go, Jack. I'll never let go."

SeHun didn't bother to wipe away the slow trickle of tears. He'd watched this with LuHan before; then, though, he had been the figurative wooden debris to which LuHan's Rose clung. He was the one that held LuHan through his tears. Now, he had nothing but the warmth of his blanket wrapped around his body.

They had also made promises. Fidelity, first and foremost. The highest in rank amongst those promises for SeHun, though, was the one he had told LuHan that night, mouthed into the crook of his neck, the other boy's arms wrapped tight around him: "Remember."

Remember when we met. Remember how we got to this point. Remember how hard both of us have worked for this. Remember what we've always dreamt of. Remember that I will always, always be waiting for you, and even if we're a sea apart, I'll still wait. Remember this moment. Just--his voice had cracked a little here--don't forget.

He heard more than felt his vibrating phone. He d around for it, keeping his blanket curled around his body. He answered without looking at the screen, the light painful to his eyes which had become accustomed to the darkness.

"Hello?" His voice sounded weird. It sounded raw, unused.

"..."

"Hello?"

"... Happy birthday." A whisper. He recognized it (as always): the person, the place, the emotion. It was LuHan, in his room, under the sheets, and he had been crying.

"Lu--"

"Happy birthday, and I'm sorry I didn't call earlier, I tried, but I couldn't get through, and I thought you might've been sleeping, so I stopped, and I just-- I tried to sleep. Rolled around for a few hours, you know how I am. I Titanic after a while. And I missed you, always miss you, from the minute I had to let go of your hand, and I still miss you, and then I remembered: ’Remember.’ So, I decided to call you again, screw your sleep, because I know you miss me just as bad--I could hear it in your hello, don't you deny it, you were expecting me--and I just… miss you. Happy birthday."

"I won't let go. I promise."