I don’t think I can do this for now.

                Hankyung bit his tongue, hoping the action would stop the tears from falling. Christmas was fast approaching but he couldn’t feel it… not when his heart was broken and he was feeling the loneliest he had ever been in his life. His training years in Korea did not compare to the shallow feeling he had now. True, his outfit, consisting of a trench coat, a beanie, his favourite pair of sunglasses, a pair of gloves and snow boots, made him feel warm physically, shielding him from the intense chilly weather. But he was cold inside and it seemed like nothing could warm him up now. Not even being in his favourite park that glistened beautifully thanks to the winter season didn’t help.

It’s too hard being apart from you.

                His thoughts drifted towards how his long dispute with SM Entertainment ended as walked deeper into the park. He had agreed on the settlement because it was honestly what he wanted. It just turned out that he was just going stay in China and not go back to Super Junior. He missed his fourteen brothers so much and that primarily convinced him to just end all the arguments. There was one more reason but he no longer had that the way he used to. All he could do now was to let his thoughts drift back to that painful phone call.

I know you asked me to wait, oppa. It’s just that… It’s too hard being apart from you. I know you asked me to be strong for us but… I don’t think can do this for now. Oppa, let’s take a break – live separate lives. Maybe then we can figure out who we are and what we want… and if it’s still us that we want.

Sooyoung

His beautiful and loving Sooyoung

                He knew that asking her to be patient and to wait for him no matter how long it took was too much but he still went and asked it anyway. She had said yes, which he already knew she would because he wholeheartedly believed that she loved him as much as he did her. He had been selfish all this, thinking about what he wanted for her life and ending up not completely understanding how much it had been hurting the one woman he had loved practically since the first time he met her and she smiled so breathtakingly and asked if he had settled in well in Korea.

                She hadn’t broken up with him yet and that was something that Hankyung was grateful for. But she did ask that they take a break and it scared him out of his wits that there was a big chance that they were going to grow apart even more. He understood that she had every right to ask that from him with all the pains, loneliness and hardships she had to go through and she had to do all of that without him by her side. He had agreed not because he loved her any less than he did. He agreed because he couldn’t be selfish with her no matter how much his heart screamed for him not to say yes.

                Hankyung nearly threw himself on one of the various logs that were meant to be chairs, knowing that if he didn’t seat himself soon, his knees are going to give out on him. It was almost in an instant that unshed tears fell down from his guarded eyes. His shoulders began to shake uncontrollably as he sobbed harder and harder, wishing that Sooyoung could feel his pain if only to make her understand just how much he loved her and how much he wanted to make them work.

                Internally cursing his dreams that took the woman that meant his life to him, Hankyung cried openly, not giving a damn if people were watching him or, worse, if people recognized him. He was grieving – for all those lost times that he could’ve spent with her, the sad night and difficult days she had to endure in Japan with SNSD and he wasn’t there to make it all better, the car accident that nearly took her from him forever and all that. He was grieving over something that was dying; something that he wanted to save and live but he didn’t know how.

“Mister… Mister…”

                Hankyung was snapped out of his thoughts as he felt something on his shoulder, trying to shake him to get his attention. Sniffing, he turned his head and was honestly surprised at seeing a young boy, probably the age of four or five, standing there beside him. The toddler was dressed for the weather but that didn’t stop Hankyung from looking around for anyone that could be looking for a lost boy.

“Mister…” The boy smiled, happy that he got the stranger’s attention, and Hankyung instantly felt a stab to his chest with how the boy’s smiled reminded him so much of Sooyoung’s. “Why are you crying, sir?”

He opened his mouth but no words came out. He was sorely tempted to say that he was having terrible colds but he couldn’t find it in him to lie to such an angel. Though they heavily disagreed on religion, it was something he learned from Sooyoung. “Where are your parents?”

“They’re somewhere there. I think.” The answer made Hankyung laugh with how the honesty and frankness reminded him so much of Heechul. “I was going to play but I saw you and I thought you needed someone to talk to, sir.”

“Won’t they be worried if they realized you’re gone?” He asked.

“They won’t, sir. They’ll find me because they love me. People who love each other always find their way back, mister.”

Hankyung looked at the boy in awe, wondering if the same could be said for him and Sooyoung. “Who told you that?”

“My mommy.” He answered with a proud smile on his face. “Mister, why were you crying?”

The older of the two boys tapped the space beside him, waiting until he was seated before looking out at the far distance. “You see, there’s this really special girl and–”

“Is she beautiful?” The toddler asked with wide eyes… or as wide as his small eyes could go.

“She’s the most beautiful woman on earth for me.” A ghost of a grin appeared on his face. “But she no longer loves me. That’s why I was crying.”

“That’s not true.” He shook his head. “She still loves you.”

Hankyung had to arch an eyebrow at that. “How did you know that?”

“Mommy told me before that… people really do love each other.” The young boy paused; his eyebrows knitting together as he tried to find the right words to say. “It’s just that people get confused and they sometimes forget to let each other know.”

He could no longer stop his jaw from dropping in wonder. “Do you think that’s true for me? Even if I tell her I love her every day?”

“My mommy told me that actions speak louder than words. Maybe you just forgot how to make her feel that you love her, mister.”

                Hankyung could only stare at the seemingly heaven-sent angel in silence, processing everything that the little boy had said. It was all true. He could scarcely remember the last time that their packed schedules allowed him to do something special from her just to make her feel that he loved her. Maybe words were simply not enough anymore despite the distance. He had to do something to save them – to tell her straight to her heart how much he loved her.

“C’mon, young man.” Hankyung got up from the log, in a deep, refreshing breath, suddenly feeling better than he had been lately. “Do you want some ice cream?”

“But it’s cold, mister.” He replied.

“Would you want to eat anything else then?”

The little boy smiled a nearly mischievous smile. “No, mister.”

                Hankyung laughed, walking along with him to the nearest ice cream stand. Buying one for the little boy but declining to get one for himself, it didn’t surprise him when he could hear a woman calling for her son from the distance. Guessing right, the young boy waved until he got his mother’s attention; the woman in her early thirteen smiling as she headed over to where the pair stood.

“Why didn’t you just run to her?”

The young child looked at him as if he had said something wrong. “And leave you here alone, mister? It’s not good to leave people behind.”

Hankyung swallowed the lump that formed in his throat; guilt washing over him. “There you are.” The mother reached them, smiling and bowing in greeting at the stranger with his son. “You made a new friend?”

“Yes, mommy.” Her son chirped happily, still in the midst of enjoying his ice cream.

“Thank you for taking care of him.” She turned towards Hankyung as she took her son’s free hand. “I hope he didn’t cause too much trouble.”

“No problem.” Hankyung smiled. “Raise him well. He’s an angel.”

“Goodbye, mister!” The little boy waved goodbye as he and his mother walked away. “Make sure she knows you love her, mister!”

                Hankyung waved back as the mother and son walked farther and farther away from him; a plan formulating in his mind as he waited until he could leave. To hell with all the contracts and schedules and whatever else that stood in his way. As soon as the two were out of sight, Hankyung left the park, took out his phone and hit one of the speed dials, not caring how an international call would damage his phone bill.

“Geng?”

“Heechul hyung.” He answered as he made a beeline for his car. “Is my bed still free?”

“Yah! Of course!” His best friend exclaimed, seemingly offended that the younger man even thought that they wouldn’t leave it the way it was. “Why? Is it true what Sica’s saying that you and Sooyoung are having problems?”

“I need to make her feel that I love her, hyung. I’m coming back.”