Need You Now
Need You Now
"Picture perfect memories scattered all around the floor"
Kim smiled ruefully at the opening line of the song she can't seem to stop listening to. Holding a half empty wine glass in her hand, she stared at the pictures all over her carpeted floor. Picking one up, she stared at the happy faces that smiled back at her.
"Gerald, you have to take the picture...your arms are longer than mine!"
They were so happy then, enjoying their time together in Bohol.
"Try to get the Chocolate Hills in the background ok?"
Kim sighed and dropped the picture. She ran a hand through her hair, exasperated.
"And I wonder if I ever cross your mind? For me it happens all the time..."
She laughed at the glaring similarities of the song to her life. "It's like they wrote it especially for me. Kim, why are you doing this to yourself? It's Friday night...you're a beautiful single girl. You should be out with your friends instead of fawning over old memories!"
Glancing once more at the pile of pictures, she put her wine glass down and picked a picture up with both hands. Looking at the funny faces they made, she giggled at the memory.
"Ok funny face picture this time!! We keep posing the same for all our pictures! Let's change it up!"
She leaned back against the couch and stretched, trying to ease her cramped muscles.
"It's a quarter after one, I'm all alone and I need you now"
She turned towards her stereo and raised an eyebrow. "Lady Antebellum, can you stop reading my mind please? Thank goodness it's only 10 pm otherwise I'd be really scared."
"Said I wouldn't call but I lost all control and I need you now"
"Ok that's where you're wrong cuz I am NOT picking up my phone and calling him. I've still got some self control left thank you very much."
Kim shook her head and rolled her eyes. "Great now I'm talking to a song?? What has my life come to? I gotta get up and do something else otherwise I'll really go crazy."
She stood up and brushed her legs off, looking at the crease lines the blanket made on her otherwise smooth legs. She headed towards the kitchen and polishing off the rest of the wine with one gulp, she put the glass in the sink and leaned against the kitchen counter.
"And I don't know how I can do without, I just need you now"
"But I don't want to need you. Why can't I NOT need you? I've lived a life before I met you! Don't know how but I did! That means I can do it again." Kim nodded her head resolutely, assured that she is making a step in the right direction.
"Another shot of whiskey can't stop looking at the door
Wishing you'd come sweeping in the way you did before"
Kim can't help but glance at her front door, remembering the many times she's seen his silhouette filling up her doorway. He was all man, muscle and hardness but his face possessed a softness that drew people to him. Thick dark hair that welcomed the hands that ran through it, dark brown eyes that seemed to bore right through you, lips that were full and soft, and a tongue that ravaged you senseless.
"It’s a quarter after one, I’m a little drunk and I need you now"
Kim shook her head. "Not quite there yet but I'm feeling the need to be." With that she turned and poured herself another glass of wine. "Well hello old friend, we meet again." She walked back to the living room and sank into the couch. She looked at the seat beside her and the pillow on it. Like a video playback, the memories of their first time together flashed in her mind.
"Are you sure Kim? Don't feel like I'm rushing you...I want you to feel..." Gerald was interrupted by Kim's soft lips against his. "Shut up Ge...you're not pressuring me to do anything. I don't feel rushed, I just feel...loved. So just shut up and kiss me." Gerald obliged gladly, covering with his, his tongue seeking hers. Hands were everywhere, ripping, pulling, holding. Legs entagled and intertwined, the two moved in unison. Gasping, , breaths in short staccatos, they let each other know how they felt. Hardness against softness, rough against smooth, tan against white. Upon completion, they fell against each other, relishing the feel of skin against skin, covered in a fine sheen of sweat. Gerald pulled himself up and looked at Kim, loving the way she looked in the moonlight. Moving a damp piece of hair from her face, he leaned down and kissed her, trying to show her how much he loved her right at that moment. Kim welcomed the love and returned it with her own.
Kim shook her head, seemingly trying to remove the memory from her mind. "I should get a new couch.", she thought.
"Guess I'd rather hurt than feel nothin' at all"
"You'd think so wouldn't you Lady Antebellum? But I'm not quite so sure...this feels like it's too much."
A solitary teared slipped down her cheek, leaving a trail of sadness on her face. One more followed and one more til her cheeks were wet from her tears. She didn't have the strength to wipe them off her face, she just let them fall, each tear serving as a reminder of what she does not have.
"Why?? Why did you have to leave? Did you not love me? Didn't you say that you loved me? Didn't you show that you loved me? Was that a lie, Ge? Was it all a lie? 5 years is a hell of a long time to lie to someone. I thought we had something, I thought we were going somewhere with this!"
"It's a quarter after one I'm all alone and I need you now"
The hurt in her spread, feeling like it's tearing at her insides. She cried harder and grasped her chest. The blanket soaked up her sadness as she held it close to her, looking for some semblance of comfort. She drifted off to sleep, exhausted from delving into the past and reliving memories, the song playing softly in the background.
Kim woke up the next day, the sun streaming in through the closed blinds. She got up slowly, and walked to the mirror. "Ugh Kim you look like something the cat dragged in and out and in again." Peering at her reflection in the mirror, she studied her puffy eyes, tear-stained cheeks, disheveled hair. "Well this is what you get for spending the whole night crying. Good thing it's Saturday."
She turned, picked up the pictures off the floor and turned off her stereo. She jumped in the shower, washing off last night and starting anew. She felt better and dressed herself, and feeling encouraged, put on some make-up. "There, now I look human again. I feel like going for a walk...it's gorgeous outside."
Stopping by the mirror on her way out she looked at herself and nodded approvingly at what she saw. What a lot of good a glass of wine, a good cry, a shower, nice clothes and make-up did for a girl. Hot pink tank, tight jeans and flip-flops were perfect for a summer walk. "All I need is a dog and I'm set...I should get one." She giggled at the prospect and headed out.
Walking out the front door she was greeted by the sunshine and the wind. It was all quiet in the neighbourhood as it was still quite early on a Saturday morning. She relished the silence and with no one to accompany her but the birds, she walked towards the park.
"Dammit, why did I have to come to this park? Oh well...it's too early for him to be awake anyways. Slim chance running into him here."
With a confident step she walked on the grounds and enjoyed the green all around her. "It's time for you to be happy Kim. Can't keep living in the past. Like they say, if it's meant to be it will be. It's been months...time to think about yourself now."
She walked towards a bench and sat down, directly under the sun. Her isolation was interrupted by someone sitting beside her. Her annoyance was evident on her face as she kept her head looking forward. "Of all the benches you can sit on in this whole park, you pick MY bench. C'mon there's no one else here, go sit somewhere else!", she thought.
Casting a sideways glance at the person beside her, she gasped and moved away insinctively. The person smiled and stared at her. "You look beautiful, Kim. I've missed you so much."
"Oh no you don't. You don't just come waltzing in here like some handsome prince after being MIA for months! You're not getting in that easy, mister."
Gerald laughed and sobered up immediately at the look on her face. "I know Kim...I know. I've been nothing but a problem to you. I was a coward, and I never explained to you why I left when I did."
"Ok so start."
Gerald startled at her boldness, stammered through his first words. "You see Kimmy, I was...scared. We...we've been going out for 5 years...that's a REALLY long time. I didn't have my mind set on what was beyond the 5 years. Marriage, kids, a house, responsibilities...I couldn't handle it. I told you, I was a coward and I took the cowardly way out. I left you with lots of questions and no answers. But this has not been for nothing. All these months I've been bettering myself. I've gotten a better and more stable job, I bought a house, a new car and...this."
He took out a box from his pocket and held it towards Kim. She looked at it suspiciously but did not take it. Gerald sighed and continued. "I know you know what's inside. I know you will probably laugh in my face when I ask you the question that goes with it. But I want you to know that it's here, ready and waiting for you, as I am. I don't expect you to forgive me right away, I didn't even expect you to stay and talk to me. I just need another chance...I need you."
Kim tried to keep a stony facade but she felt her resistance melting. "You really hurt me Ge. It feels like I've been lost all these months, all alone. Just when I've finally picked myself up, here you come again. What makes it so different this time? Why should I give you another chance?"
Gerald took her hand in his and looked at her with those dark brown eyes. "I don't know Kimmy. All I know is I don't deserve another chance, but I'm hoping for one. I want to show you the change in me. I want to make you happy after all these months of sadness and pain. It wasn't just you who felt it you know. I've been miserable too but my readiness to change and be better has kept me going. I'm asking for two things Kim, forgiveness and another chance."
Kim stared back at him, letting his words wash over her. Her heart felt light, all the sadness gone from within. This was a new start, a new life to live. Gerald looked at her questioningly, prodding with his eyes for an answer.
She smiled and leaned forward. "How about we start with this?" and with that she kissed him with all the love bottled up inside her spilling out. Gerald cupped her cheek and returned her love.
"I just need you now. Baby, I need you now."
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