“I got in”, she told me with a sad expression.

I looked at her beautiful, little grey eyes. Her brown hair was dancing with the wind and her lips were trembling.

I sighed.

“That’s good!”, I tried to lighten up the mood.

“It is.”, she smiled weakly. Her eyes were starting to get red.

“Where are you going to live?”, she asked me.

“Me? FNC Entertainment has dorms for trainees that live far away. How about you?”, I asked her.

“The college has dorms too.”, she laughed. Her silly humor was returning.

I smiled with her. I was going to miss her so much.

“Do you want to go see a movie?”, I asked her.

“Let’s go!”, she grinned, pulling my hand.

I felt tears escaping from my eyes and landing on my cheeks. It was a good sign. I sign that I was doing my job correctly. They told me to put all my heart in all the lyrics I wrote. This was the price to pay. Memories I thought I had tamed were now returning to haunt me. At least I knew the lyrics were good.

“Hong Ki, come on!”, Ji Hyun called me. I ran after her.

“Ah!”, she screamed when I caught her.

We kissed and it felt like a blessing. We were perfect for each other, I just knew it. And she did to.

“Hong Ki, remember when we first met?”, she started laughing.

Oh! I remembered. How could I forget?

It was so hot that day I felt like melting. I was in the park with some friends. She was near the fountain with her friend. I needed to cool down so I went to the fountain. But since I was so hot, I felt a little bit dizzy and passed out. When I woke up, I had a girl right in top of me, all wet and with a worried look.

“Are you ok? You almost drowned.”, she told me.

It seems I passed out and fell into the fountain. She saved my life.

After that, it’s history: we started talking, getting to know each other and, in a matter of months, we were a couple.

Oh! How I loved her! I still do, but now I suppress those feelings the best I can. In order to be happy in the future and follow our dreams, we had to give up on our love.

Sometimes I wonder if we did the right choice.

“Hyung, are you ok?”, I heard Min Hwan.

My dear friend Min Hwan. We’re debuting together this month. We know each other since the first day here. We met in the practice room, found out we shared the same room and we soon became good friends.

“I’m great.”, I told him, cleaning my tears away.

“Are you thinking about Ji Hyun?”, he asked, a little worried.

He knew about her. I had told him the story of our lives together.

“Kind of. I’m writing a song inspired in us.”, I explained him.

He just waved his head and sat next to me, reading the lyrics.

“How’s dinner?”, I asked Ji Hyun.

“Great!”, she hugged me.

This was the day. I sighed.

I spent all day with her: we went to the park, and then we lunched in a cute, little café. In the afternoon we saw a movie and then we went to an expensive and chic restaurant. I wanted to give her everything. I wanted her to be as happy as she could before breaking her heart. And mine to.

We walked through the streets of Incheon, in the Gyeonggi Province. It was a peaceful night; the sky was dark, but clear, the streets were almost empty, the temperature was mild and the wind was just a slight, playful breeze.

She sighed and I could tell she knew what I was going to say.

“I love you.”, I told her, grabbing her hand.

She sighed again and this time I could hear sobs.

We were almost at her house. So I began the speech I had mentally prepared.

“It’s going to be tough. We knew this day would come. It was inevitable. I love you, but I want you to follow your dreams. I will follow mines.”

She started crying and I squeezed her hand.

I was on the verge of crying to. We reached her house. It was time to say goodbye forever.

“You’ll follow your dreams, have the life you always dreamed of and you’ll be happy! You’ll find someone good.”, I caressed her cheek and she cried even more.

Her eyes were puffy and she couldn’t even say a word.

“Gae Ji Hyun, just remember I always loved you and I always will. This is the best for both of us. We wouldn’t be able to be together, so breaking up now it’s the best solution. Don’t cry.”, I hugged her.

The truth is, I didn’t want to let go and neither did she. But we both knew we had to. Or else we were just going to ruin our futures.

Finally, gaining the strength I needed, I pecked her forehead and left, without looking behind.

I heard her crying, possibly collapsed on the floor, but I forced myself to continue walking, despite the pain it caused. I started crying. It hurt so much. My heart was burning, my hands yearned for hers, my lips were screaming for hers, my nose was longing for her scent and my legs wanted to run to her. But I had to resist.

This was the best for both of us. I was going to be a singer and she was going to be an architect. And we were going to be happy.

“These lyrics are great!”, Min Hwan put a hand on my shoulder. His eyes were red.

I laughed bitterly.

“Are you going to cry?”

“No hyung, but I sure want to. I can feel your pain.”, he told me and then hugged me. How I wished it was her hug.

Three years had passed and I still loved her. I couldn’t forget her, my love, Gae Ji Hyun. Ithought that, with time, everything would heal; my heart would be free and I would be happier. But no. She’s in my mind every single day.

I still have a bad time breathing when I remember her smile.

I hate waking up because when I’m asleep I don’t feel this pain.

“Don’t fall in love Min Hwan. It hurts so much.”, I stated with my eyes closed.

“Hyung…”

“It hurts a lot.”, I told him and left the room, tears streaming down my eyes.

Don’t fall in love, it hurts to death
You cry every day
I used to say that it’ll be easy to forget once new love comes
But no, not my love
Not me