it's been a while now. We were so tied up in our activities, promotions in Japan, moving to another dormitory i didn't have a second to realize how we were keeping up with everything. But I guess its better like that. It's no use to think too much.

I must admit since our last comeback all the members have matured quit a bit. I guess, it's just that we are growing up. Kind of.

Lately i noticed something funny. I think JR is jealous of Baekho. I mean, he's jealous of how easily the white tiger gets my attention.

During the star interview he even said -jokingly- " Baekho stole Ren from me ". I kind of understand him. He's the leader and he's so self-centered.. he wants the others attention, the members 's attention, my attention. Or, maybe, he likes me?

No, i don't think he likes me in a romantic way. He's naturally like that. 

about Baekho... its funny how he gets embarassed when someone makes him notice his attentions to me. I admit i often act the same but hey, i'm the princess here. 

Whatever.

Today i had to work as a model to a fashion show. Both me and Minhyun had. it was more tiring than i thought but it was worth it all. Those few seconds of catwalk in which everyone's eyes are on you, still you keep walking feeling like you can almost hear people's  thoughts. The ones they usually don't speak out loud. The other members were sitting right there too. They were having fun, i could see it from the way the interacted with each other. I wish i was there too. Baekho is the first who comes and greets me in the backstage. " You were super cool " he says. " You doubted it?" Stupid eyesmile prince.

After the show was thrown a party. It was one of the few times i got the chance to partecipate to something so close to clubbing. we were quite excited but our manager immediatly declared we have to behave, avoid everything that could ashame ourselves and the company, which means no fun at all. 

still as the place got more and more crowded we felt like we had to have some fun. JR and Minhyun decided to stay with other members of the company, they were sitting in a off-limits area. Baekho and Aron was fooling around and i decided to take a look around. The music was so loud that you had to talk directly into the ear to get the words. But no one looked interested in talking anymore as the dancefloor was getting full of people dancing. 

In the darkness of that place i felt like i could be anyone. A normal guy enjoying a night out. Someone free of doing what he wants because no one will recognize you, take pictures of you and maybe ashame you in front of the world. 

.. And while i'm being so dramatic, Aron and Baekho were dancing and singing along a song, an american one, remixed i guessed since it took me a while to recognize that the song was " deejay got us fallin' in love ".  

Suddenly i felt someone grabbing me and i found myself on the dancefloor between Aron and Baekho. Those two fools sure are having fun. As they made me do another turnaround i think its time to quit the dancing. But when i heard "Marry the night" playing i just couldn't go away. I turned around and i could barely see through the crowd, Aron was going to drink something apparently and i decided i could have some fun as well. i let myself go and show some moves i learned lately from some girl's group i honestly don't remember the name.I just have a natural talent for it. As i dance i watch Baekho. I like the look in his eyes. He's smiling now and pressing his body with mine as our personal space becomes less. It's damn hot. When he puts a hand around my waist i am startled, he leans closer to say: " a man was about to try to pick you up "  ".. really?!"  " yes, i saw his intentions. He took you for a girl" he says, smiling. .. and what about you? what do you took me for? 

I don't know why i'm pissed but i need to go away, so i manage to escape to his grip and walk away as fast as i can. He reaches me quite soon, his look is intense as he asks :" what's wrong?! "  " Nothing " i lie. 

Soon enough the manager announces that its time to go. Coming back to the dormitory i don't speak a single word. I just want to go to bed. When we arrived i go straight to the bathroom and its in the hallway right before entering my room (which now i share with JR)  that I met Baekho's eyes. "Sorry" he says. If i only could i would have took his face in my hand and told him my feelings, what is really troubling me. No, it's not your fault either.

i can only put my hand on his shoulder to reassure him i am not angry with him anymore. He puts his hand on mine. He's about to tell me something when we heard Minhyun arguing with Aron about something. I quickly get into my room. 

I get into my bed and turn my ipod on, i don't want to think of anything.

" And in the silence of the night, through all the tears and all the lies, i touch myself and its all right.." 

~     ~.      ~.        ~.          ~

hello lovely readers~ i honestly didn't believe i could update this ff anymore but at the end things happened and i found some time so that's it. I'm sorry for being like this. Maybe i will be writing more in the next future. who knows. 

Thank you to everyone, really~<3