Changmin was still running off adrenaline, it was still coursing through his body rapidly and yet all he wanted to do was get away from the crowd of people around him as quickly as possible.  He was surrounded by happy faces, sweaty bodies and laughter so loud it felt slightly suffocating.  He pried himself out of someone’s arms, throwing a half-hearted apology over his shoulder only to laugh when he realized it had been Yoochun that was hanging off of him and was just giving him those knowing eyes now.  Changmin wanted to send him a snarky remark about taking back that apology but he was still in a good mood regardless and so he simply laughed and continued to push and squeeze his way through all the bodies.  

 

Another long night, another exhausting concert, another successfully run SMTOWN event; Changmin slipped around a corner when he caught sight of Jaejoong and Yunho talking rapidly and laughing with some of the older members of Super Junior.  Peeking over his shoulder as he quickly escaped down a nearly deserted hallway, he slipped into an unmarked door shutting it softly behind him.  

 

He blinked in the darkness a few times, before his eyes adjusted to the lighting and he slowly made his way towards the windows with a sigh.  He felt a moment of regret and guilt for running away and then hiding out from not only s but his entire company as well.  But it wasn’t enough to make him go back out there, he needed a few more minutes alone.  And s knew him more than well enough to know that he usually did need a few secluded moments alone after a concert had come to an end, they’d never called him out on it before and he figured after all these years they weren’t really going to start now either.  He placed his head against the glass of the window, looking out at all the movement - the sweeping lights and screaming fans down below.  He pushed his head further against the glass, sighing into the silence and tilting his head up towards the stars he couldn’t see but knew were there somewhere; hidden – just like him. 

 

He was dozing slightly against the window, allowing his heart to calm down and his nerves to even out; when he jumped harshly banging his head against the glass when a hand fell against his shoulder.  He cursed quite colorfully under his breath, raising a hand to rub at his head but someone else’s beat him to it; and the instant it touched his forehead he knew exactly who it was that had intruded on his peace; the ice cold hands giving the boy away. 

 

“Kyu,” Changmin whispered, tilting his head back to look up at the apologetic face of his best friend.  Kyuhyun continued to rub at his forehead, his hands soft and cold, soothing away the pain as well as everything else.  Changmin sagged back against Kyuhyun, closing his eyes and leaning his head into the softness of the other boy’s stomach.  

 

“Sorry,” Kyuhyun sighed into the silence.  Changmin’s only answer was a nod and then a whine when Kyuhyun slowly removed his hand.  “Didn’t knock the genius out of you, did I?”  Changmin pulled a face at the sarcasm, but he couldn’t bring himself to rise to the bait.  It was how they usually worked, both snarky sarcastic maknaes of highly popular groups – And while they had serious conversations from time to time, they were very rare and usually they just liked to spend time with one another – usually drinking, and often times playing games.  Kyuhyun raised an eyebrow as Changmin burrowed deeper into is stomach when he moved slightly, another whine pulling from the boy’s throat.  “Maybe I did.”

 

“You’re so comfy,” Changmin mumbled against the soft cotton of Kyuhyun’s shirt, breathing in deeply the scent of his friend and feeling the comfort wash over him.  There had been many times that Kyuhyun had given him this feeling of coming home, this feeling of belonging and purpose and rightness.  He’d never mentioned it before; not really even sure what it’d meant until a few months ago when he’d stumbled upon a whispered conversation between Jaejoong and Yunho one night – And then he’d instantly realized that he’d crossed some line of strictly platonic feelings in regards to his best friend.  He just wondered if Kyuhyun had figured it out, or crossed those lines himself.  It wasn’t anything he was willing to risk, regardless of his feelings changing – Being around the other boy was not something he was willing to give up, ever; no matter how much his heart ached at odd times for the other boy, no matter how sweet his smile got, or the silly laugh he produced when he'd reached his limit of drinks.  

 

“Just how hard did you hit your head,” Kyuhyun chuckled, and the sound came out slightly shaky, uncertain, maybe even fearful.  Changmin knew instantly he should sit up, should lean away, should say something to make it all seem like a joke – But he was just so tired, too tired; he’d been hiding and burying it for so long now that he’d figured out and stopped denying his feelings.  He wanted to take back the words, wanted to just laugh it off and push the other boy away teasingly.  “Min?” 

 

“I think you’ve gained weight,” Changmin said with a forced smile, leaning away and poking Kyuhyun in the stomach hard enough to cause the other boy to flinch away with a guarded look.  Changmin laughed and turned towards the window again, closing his eyes for a moment trying to get himself in check and under control.  Kyuhyun tilted his head slightly; worry and uncertainty and confusion spreading across his face.  Kyuhyun felt a pang in his chest; knowing something had been bothering his best friend recently, and the worry had been slowly eating away at him.  He wasn't sure how to approach the other boy, wasn't sure how to make him open up to him in a way that would allow him to help him.  And it frustrated him to the point of tears some nights when Changmin would avoid his subtle questioning in such painfully obvious ways; it made him feel useless, a highly unpleasant feeling. 

 

He reached out towards Changmin, only to stop short as the doe eyes of his best friend met his through the window reflection.  Changmin’s eyes were slightly narrowed, as if daring him to touch him again; Kyuhyun didn’t know how to interpret that look.  He stood completely still, hand still stretched out awkwardly in front of him when Changmin suddenly turned around and stood up.  Kyuhyun tilted his head back, having to look up now to see Changmin's face cleary; but the darkness of the room was casting shadows.  His breath caught in his throat when their eyes finally locked, there was something there -something locked up that Changmin was fighting against and Kyuhyun was curious, probably too curious for his own good.  He wanted to push; and knew if he pushed hard enough that Changmin would give in to him, eventually. 

 

“What’s wrong,” Kyuhyun questioned, his voice much more steady than the rest of him.  He blushed when Changmin pushed his hand down, having completely forgotten he’d still been holding it out.  There was a fleeting squeeze to his fingers, which caused something within his stomach to flip, before the contact was broken.  

 

“Tired,” Changmin said, his voice sharp and controlled.  Kyuhyun knew that he wasn’t lying, but that hadn't been what he’d been asking about either.  They were all bound to be tired, and he'd heard from Jaejoong that Changmin hadn't been sleeping properly lately either.  But, he knew that Changmin was smart enough to realize that hadn't been what his question had meant, yet the other boy seemed like he really wanted to avoid his question. 

 

“Min,” Kyuhyun started, his eyes softening as he saw the struggle over something his friend was going through, something he couldn't understand and didn't know because the boy rarely ever opened up to him about his problems.  “It’s me Min, you don’t have to pretend.”  And that was the end of everything, because Changmin was just so tired, so exhausted – fighting against himself, against his feelings, against his thoughts. 

 

“I’m so tired,” Changmin said, voice shaky with too many emotions.  He fell back against the window, hands on his head as he pulled weakly at his hair.  “So tired,” he whispered, closing his eyes.  Kyuhyun was shocked and then worried, Changmin was usually the stronger of the two of them; mentally, physically, emotionally.  Kyuhyun was usually the one whining, complaining, crying – when they broke out into serious conversation.  Changmin always the one to comfort and support him, as he fell apart at his best friend’s feet.  But he’d never returned the favor, and that thought had Kyuhyun instantly wondering if Changmin talked to anyone about his problems.  Did he have anyone to vent to, to cry against, to whine and just be the scared children they still sometimes were.  Something within his chest moved then, as he watched the way Changmin was slowly falling apart; his hand were shaking and he looked seconds away from a complete breakdown. 

 

Kyuhyun was about to say something when the door openly and the lights flicked on.  He jumped and turned towards the door, standing in a way that blocked Changmin’s face from view, trying not to look guilty nor concerned.  He calmed down when he realized it was Yoochun that had entered the room.  They stood there facing each other for a while, before they were both set into motion at Changmin’s muffled sob. 

 

“Min -” Kyuhyun turned but was struck stupid when face to face with his best friend, tears in his eyes and the most heartbreaking expression on his face.  He was softly pushed out of the way, before Yoochun was wrapping Changmin up into his arms like the tall boy was a baby.  And Changmin was clinging to Yoochun, no longer trying to hide or muffle his sobs, pulling at the older boy as if he thought he might disappear.  And Kyuhyun’s question was answered as he watched them; Changmin had Yoochun to pick up his pieces, much like any good older brother would Yoochun soothed Changmin. 

 

“It’s okay little one, it’s okay.” Yoochun continued to say softly over and over, as he pet at Changmin’s still sweaty hair.  “I’ve got you, I’ve got you.” 

 

“Tired hyung, so tired.” Changmin was mumbling around hiccups, tears still streaming viciously from underneath his tightly closed eyes.  “Hurts, hurts” 

 

“I know it does, I know.  It’ll be okay,” Yoochun whispered softly, and Kyuhyun supposed that maybe he wasn’t suppose to hear what they were saying.  But it was hard not to hear even the softest of whispers in the deep silence of the room.  He thought that maybe he should leave, but this was his best friend falling to pieces in front of him and he couldn’t just leave, couldn’t just walk away; not when the love and affection he felt for the other boy was so intense that he literally felt like his heart was breaking.  His heart was beating so fast in his chest, and the pain there was expanding wider and wider with every sob that left Changmin’s lips.  He felt the wetness rolling down his own cheeks before he even realized he was crying, his hands shaking as he fell to his knees on the floor, and he couldn’t look away, couldn’t stop the pain; Changmin's nor his own. 

 

Yoochun cursed under his breath viciously, uncertain and slightly afraid for the situation he’d found himself in.  This could go so many ways right now, and he didn’t want either of the younger boys being hurt.  Trying to clear his mind of the worry for Changmin, he needed to think clearly at this point and he also needed to calm the boy in his arms down as well.  He loved Changmin so fiercely just as much as he loved his own younger brother; and to see him so lost and scared and emotional was hurting him as well. 

 

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry,” Changmin started to chant against Yoochun’s neck.  Yoochun was worried; he didn’t want Kyuhyun to get the wrong idea or impression about the situation.  But he didn’t know how to make the boy understand without telling all of Changmin’s secrets.  He tilted his head in the direction he’d last known Kyuhyun to be; shocked when he realized that he was kneeling down, his hands on the floor in front of him with his head tilted down and sobs shaking his body viciously.  

 

“, , ,” Yoochun repeated, arms tightening around Changmin until the boy whined in discomfort and struggled against him for a moment.  He really didn’t know what he was going to do.  He wasn’t the smart one like Changmin.  He couldn’t fix any situation like Yunho seemed able to do.  He couldn’t just right things with a few soft words, a tender kiss to the temple, and a smile that brightened up the room like Jaejoong was capable of.  And he definitely couldn’t laugh and joke and tickle his way out a situation like Junsu always did.  He was just the soft-hearted, tender one that broke down into tears more than anyone else – He didn’t know how to fix this for his younger member, because he didn't even know how to fix his own problems.   

 

“I’m sorry,” Changmin whispered softly, his sobbing nearly non-existant and just a few stray tears still rolling down his cheeks.  Yoochun brushed the stray tears away, and smiled softly at the younger boy pressing a soft kiss to the corner of his eye. 

 

“It’s okay little one,” Yoochun whispered back, heart lighter when Changmin smiled slightly.  Both of them jumped when a loud noise drew their attention towards the other boy in the room.  Kyuhyun was now lying on his side, a chair tipped over at his feet, hands covering his ears as he shook his head harshly as if he was trying to block out something.  Changmin was instantly in distress all over again and Yoochun was worried for the sanity of the two young boys, and even for himself. 

 

“Kyu,” Changmin whispered; voice ragged as he crawled from Yoochun’s arms.  “Kyu!” Changmin tried louder, stumbling to his feet and over to the other boy still lying on the floor.  Yoochun thought about going to help as well, but figured it was probably best he only watched for now, unless the boy’s condition got worse. 

 

“Stop, stop, stop,” Kyuhyun was whispering over and over again, barely loud enough for Changmin to hear when his ear was directly in front of the other boy’s mouth.  Changmin shook his head, trying to push away the fear and tears and pain.  He pulled the other boy up, and into his arms.  Kyuhyun was instantly active, struggling and screaming, pushing against his chest.  Changmin only held onto him tighter, pulled him in closer, not bothered that he’d probably have many bruises tomorrow. 

 

“Kyuhyun stop struggling,” Changmin whispered softly, and Kyuhyun deflated instantly, falling into Changmin’s arms.  “I’ve got you, just relax. Breathe and relax.”  Kyuhyun nodded, trying to catch his breath as he buried his face into Changmin’s neck and clung to the taller boy as if his life depended on it. 

 

“I -” Kyuhyun started, voice shaking and ragged.  Changmin shook his head and shushed the boy easily, rubbing steady hands down his back.  Yoochun watched on in awed fascination as Changmin easily calmed and soothed Kyuhyun with barely more than a few soft words and well placed hands.  And for a moment he believed yet again, that the two of them were built for one another; a thought he’d had many times before.  It was easy to see the affection they had for one another, how much they loved and cherished one another; at least it was easy for everyone to see but them.  They were easily two of the most stubborn people Yoochun had ever met in his entire life. 

 

“Shh,” Changmin whispered when Kyuhyun tried to talk again.  “I’ve got you, just breathe and calm down okay.”  Kyuhyun nodded against his shoulder, his hands finding their way under the back of Changmin’s shirt and gripped at the muscles there.  Changmin stiffened at the feel of perpetually cold hands against his back, they felt like they were flaying him alive; but he pushed it away instantly, focusing entirely on calming down Kyuhyun. 

 

“Are you okay now,” Kyuhyun questioned a few minutes later in an almost normal voice, shocking both Yoochun and Changmin.  Changmin wanted to roll his eyes at the predictability of his best friend; always secretly worrying about others before himself, yet starving for attention.  Changmin allowed himself the chance to run a hand through Kyuhyun’s hair, closing his eyes for a minute and hugging the boy against him tightly before slowly letting his arms drop as Kyuhyun eased back to look at him. 

 

“I think I should be asking you that,” Changmin said with a smile, a smile that Kyuhyun knew was half forced and half uncertain; but not happy in the slightest. 

 

“Don’t do that,” Kyuhyun said harshly, surprising Changmin and making Yoochun smile knowingly. 

 

“Finally,” Yoochun whispered to himself, leaning back but still focused intently on the boys. 

 

“Do what?” Changmin questioned, leaning back a little further, face contorted into a look of confusion and slight shock. 

 

“You always try to play everything you do off like it doesn’t matter.  You turn every conversation around on me, and I didn’t even realize at first.  That’s how stupid I must really be,” Kyuhyun said harshly, hands in fists at his side. 

 

“You aren’t -”

 

“Shut up! Just shut up.  I’m your best friend, or I thought I was at least.” Kyuhyun said slowly, his voice cracking slightly.  Changmin felt the fear edge up, clawing at is throat by Kyuhyun's simple statement and the slight accusation that they weren't best friends - that Changmin didn't think of him as his best friend.  But how could he not; Kyuhyun was his entire world most of the time, everything he thought of and cared about and wanted in life was wrapped around Kyuhyun so tightly that withohut the other boy he would be lost.  “I thought that when you needed to, you’d talk to me eventually.  I thought if I just gave you the space, didn't push you - that you'd want to tell me things, want to share your pain with me, want to... I thought that you’d open up one day, that you’d need me..." Kyuhyun trailed of for a moment, face pained and tears in his eyes once again. "I thought maybe, someday you’d need me one day, like I need you.” 

 

 

“Kyu it’s not -” Changmin bit his tongue when Kyuhyun glared at him, and he could see all the frustration and anger and pain, so deep within the eyes staring so harshly at him even through the tears.  He wanted to explain, apologize, take all the hurt away.  He wanted to say something, do something, anything to make the other boy understand just how much he did need him. 

 

“I thought that I mattered; even through all the joking and the sarcasm and the fighting sometimes – I thought you understood. I thought I understood!” Kyuhyun’s voice raised slightly, hands on his head as he closed his eyes. 

 

“Calm down,” Changmin whispered. 

 

“Stop telling me what to do!” Kyuhyun screamed, his voice echoing around the room.  Changmin flinched back, never being yelled at by Kyuhyun, never even seeing the other boy this angry before -  Kyuhyun was usually level-headed and easy going.  He had a temper, but his voice rarely rose with it; he tended to be more vicious and directly to the point. 

 

“Ok.  I will.” 

 

“You always fix everything,” Kyuhyun said softly, hands dropping to his sides again.  “Did you know that?  That you fix everything without even realizing it, most of the time I don’t even realize that something was bothering me in the first place. But you make it better, somehow. Somehow, I don’t -” his voice cracked, forcing him to take a minute to breath.  Changmin was watching the other boy closely worried and completely caught off-guard.  Yoochun was smiling even bigger now, leaning against the wall casually and enjoying the show.  He felt a moment of guilt for the pain they were currently feeling, for the confusion they were working through - but he knew they'd find their way in a few more minutes and then everything they'd been through would be worth it.   

 

“That’s a good thing though,” Changmin said softly.  “Isn’t it?”  Kyuhyun laughed, but it wasn’t like his normal laugh it seemed off somehow, almost bitter. 

 

“Isn’t it, indeed.  I’ve become dependent, haven’t I.  I’ve become something I struggled so hard to avoid,” Kyuhyun said slowly, tilting his head back to look at Changmin.  Changmin watched as emotion after emotion played across the other boys face, but he couldn’t decipher half of them.  “I didn’t want to rely on anyone anymore, because being let down hurts a whole of a hell lot more than never relying on them in the first place.” 

 

“Have I let you down?” Changmin asked instantly, before he could even think about it the question was leaving his mouth.  Yoochun covered the chuckle that threatened to leave his mouth, truly fascinated.  Kyuhyun’s head tilted to the side and he stared at Changmin, as if he was looking into him rather than at him. 

 

“I wish you had,” was his cryptic answer; causing Changmin’s brow to furrow, and Yoochun to bite down on his hand to stop his laughter.  “You’re my best friend Min, the person I always come to first, the person I always want to be around – You complete everything that I am,” Kyuhyun stopped short, and looked as surprised as Changmin was by that statement.  Kyuhyun suddenly covered his mouth with his hands, wishing he’d learn when to stay quiet around the other boy for once.  

 

“I love you,” Changmin said abruptly, shocking not only Kyuhyun but Yoochun as well.  Yoochun had figured it would take a good 20 more minutes before that had happened, that Kyuhyun would have tried to rationalize out what he’d said – trying to make Changmin and himself understand the words.  Before they’d come to the mutual realization that Kyuhyun also – 

 

“I love you too,” Kyuhyun said slowly, and Yoochun rolled his eyes – everyone was always jumping to the good parts these days.  Changmin’s face lightened, and Kyuhyun still seemed slightly uncertain and afraid.  

 

“Come here,” Changmin said softly, gesturing for Kyuhyun to come closer.  Kyuhyun moved and slide into strong arms easily, letting his body fall in exhaustion against the taller boy.  “Everything is going to be perfectly fine now.”  Kyuhyun nodded, sighing and closing his eyes just letting himself be in the moment and feel everything that Changmin had ever given to him, shown him, offered him.  Being with Changmin was a warm feeling, bright colors, fireworks and cool breezes – it was secure and safe and soft.  It was a place he never wanted to leave. 

 

“You’re going to stop crying all over Yoochun-hyung now, right?” Kyuhyun questioned suddenly, pulling back to look at Changmin.  Changmin tried to be serious about the question, but the look on Kyuhyun’s face – how serious the other boy looked, how worried and maybe even a little jealous.  Changmin broke out into laughter and seconds laughter Yoochun’s laughter joined him as well, no longer able to bite it back.  “Hey!” Kyuhyun pouted, which only caused Changmin to laugh more. 

 

“I’ve never seen you pout,” Changmin said suddenly, trying to stop his laughter.  Kyuhyun rolled his eyes and turned his head away.  “Are you –  Are you throwing a tantrum right now!” Changmin started to laugh harder, and Kyuhyun pushed at the boy before wiggling from his arms and standing up.  

 

“It’s not funny,” Kyuhyun said sharply, pointing down at the boy still sitting and laughing so hard he was now clutching at his sides.  Kyuhyun frowned, and then jumped with an arm slid around his shoulders.  

 

“It’s been a while since I’ve seen him so carefree,” Yoochun said, soft smile on his lips.  Kyuhyun looked at the older boy, and then looked back at Changmin and had to agree with him – Recently Changmin had been looking tired, and sad, and a little bit angry.  “And just so you know, I’m -”

 

“He’s madly in love with Junsu!” Changmin yelled around his laughter, struggling to his feet.  Yoochun’s face bloomed in color, as he turned towards the still open door. 

 

“Yah! Keep quiet will you,” Yoochun said harshly.  Kyuhyun smiled softly, patting Yoochun’s hand on his shoulder.  

 

“Sorry hyung,” Changmin smiled softly.  Yoochun rolled his eyes and smiled at the two boys.  

 

“Well, that was entertaining,” Yoochun said with a smile, pulling Kyuhyun tightly against his side and turning with him towards the door.  “But, I’d originally come looking for you both – For some reason people thought you’d be together, probably being best friends and all.  Because it’s time to get changed up and head back to sleep.” 

 

“Hey,” Changmin said, halting Yoochun and Kyuhyun who was being dragged along as well, causing the younger boy to trip over his feet slightly.  

 

“Yes?” Yoochun questioned over his shoulder with a smile.  Changmin grabbed at Kyuhyun and pulled him from the older boy’s arms easily, wrapping his arm around him instead. 

 

“Mine,” Changmin said simply, before smiling and heading out of the door with a confused yet pleased looking Kyuhyun.  They stopped at the door and turned back, Changmin noticed the slightly pained and wistful look on Yoochun’s face as he still stood where they’d left him.  “Hyung,” Changmin called out, holding out his free hand towards the older boy.  "Coming?" Yoochun nodded and smiled, quickly catching up to them and wrapping long fingers around Changmin’s, allowing the younger boy to lead him as well, as he lost himself in his own thoughts.