I blew out the candles, 18 to be precise. This day, this hour, this minute, this second I had turned 18 years old.
Everybody around me kept quiet, it was bittersweet.
On the birthdays I had been to people would clap and cheer when the birthday girl or boy had blown out the candles. But on my birthday it didn’t happen. Not this year or any other year. It was a reminder of how long I had lived.

I looked at my mom and saw tears in her eyes even my dad had tears in his eyes.
I started crying and it was a sign for everybody to shed their tears.
I hugged my mom.

“Mom, why do we even do this?! Why would we even celebrate if I can’t be with you anymore soon?! MOM!!! I don’t want to leave yet!!”

“Ssshhh…. I know darling… I know…” She my hair.

After a long silence my mom started singing:

My little girl you have grown up.
I have watched you from day one.
You came to me in my arms,
So small and sweet.
I felt your heart beating,
I heard you breathing.
You were the most beautiful thing I had ever seen.

You explored every corner,
On you little knees.
But soon you used your feet,
You walked around.
You felt the ground,
Underneath your little toes.
You came to me and smiled your most beautiful smile.

It was your first day,
Not at home anymore.
You showed me,
The things you learned.
I learned from you,
That I should let you go.
You explored the world on your own.

A celebration came,
I was proud of you.
Standing on your own,
Taking your own steps.
You hugged me,
And thanked me.
But sweet girl you did it all by yourself.

We fought,
But we made up.
We cried,
But we felt relieved.
We lost,
But we won in the end.
Together.

Now you are here,
Standing in my arms.
Holding my tight,
Not letting me go.
But little girl,
Be strong.
This should be the most beautiful day of your life.

She could almost not sing the last words. She cried.
I felt unprotected.
Even though she held me tight in her arms, she couldn’t protect me from this.
I felt like I was the grown up and my mom was the little girl.
I had to comfort her.

I sang the last verse to my mom:

Now you are here,
Standing in my arms.
Holding my tight,
Not letting me go.
But little girl,
Be strong.
You are the most beautiful thing in my life.

I whispered.

“Be strong mom… I love you”

“I love you too”

“Goodbye mom…”