A/N: I was inspired by a Hirusen fic that I've read. Also, this was suppose to be posted in december (since it was done in december) just for the junseob day. I'm not really sure if I can continue this, since I've told you my dilemma before, if you've read. So I'll leave this open. Comments would be nice.

Dear Yoseob

You know I love you right?

Even if there were countless of obstacles that prevent us from being together...

Fans, managers, other members and every goddamn people in the world. 

them. You're mine.

The moment that I've laid my eyes on you, and yours to me... the moment my heart beat fast as if it's going to explode and how I have miraculously forgotten how to breathe when you smiled at me. You began to be mine at that moment.

Don't get me wrong. I never did like you from the start despite all the things I've said before.

To me, you were just an annoying kid who sings well and I'm forced to stay with you as long as this whole Beast thing ends. It was hell, because I didn't want to listen to you, hear your laughter and see you do those sickening actions that everyone find cute which I don't at all(I do now). I didn't want to be in the same room as you. 

One reason I could only conclude -- I sorta hated you. 

Isn't it funny how you hate a person you didn't even spent your time with? At that time, I didn't care at all. I just disliked you because I sensed your type as a person.

Happy, always smiling, loved by everyone else, fun to be with-- you're everything that I cannot be. I became jealous of you, that jealousy turned into dislike, and that dislike turned into hate. (In the end, it turned into love.)

So when the management announced fandoms, to hell with them, what were they even thinking, I was cheering so much when it wasn't you. I mean, c'mon, don't you know how talkative and irritating you can be? (But then later on I learned that it was your way of making your path to my heart, cheesy as it maybe.)

But then partnering with somebody else was troublesome too, still, homophilic fans enjoyed it too much that it sickened me.

But you proved my first impression wrong. Doesn't first impression suppose to last? 

My cousin died and I mourned for him. He was so young... he didn't deserve to die. I didn't want anybody to pity me so I drowned myself with work. I haven't eaten, slept nor do I care what would happen to me. It's just heavy. My heart, the world, life... everything is all ed up.

But then you began to worry for me.. And I don't even know why. I was not nice to you so why?

You began bombarding me with questions that almost seem like nagging that I had to stop myself from snapping just when you flashed me with your concerned eyes. I mean, why do you even care? I'm nothing to you and you're.. nothing to me. Still, you kept asking me if I was okay, never leaving my side despite how many times I shoved you but still kept coming back, like an obedient puppy.

Without me knowing, I've grown so attached to your company that I began craving for you, and I knew you did too. I started staring in jealousy when you do your thing with Doojoon, and I had to bit my lip just to stop me from going there. Back then, I didn't really know why I was jealous, but it pained me to watch something like that. 

You know something? I don't really know when it all started. When I began to touched you unconsciously, whether its fanmeeting , interviews or maybe the Beast Almighty. My hands couldn't stop themselves into touching your smooth delicate skin, and how my body seemed to react when I hug you or you hug me, also just by pulling you over to me. And you let me do these things, and I wondered later on. Then JunSeob suddenly surged from the screams of our fans when I s my arms around you, pulling you to me, and I couldn't help but grin. It felt nice to hear it, rather than hearing some ing chant like dooseob, kiseob and every other crap.

Please don't think that I was just playing with you, god no. I've never felt this way before, even the time that you joked around with Doojoon that I've been with countless of women that even fingers, toes and teeth can't count them all.

I'm serious about you, but I didn't know that yet. Jealousy was something I can't comprehend, my body is moving by itself, how was I suppose to know that I was beginning to love you?

I mean, you're cute, adorable, y, kind... wait, that's enough reasons to fall for you isn't it?

Anyway, when we first won an award due to Shock, I was the happiest man on Earth. Our hard work paid off. We won and I was the first (out of all the members out there) one you've hugged tightly, that I'm sure my ribs would break.

And I hugged you back, and I'm sure that was the exact moment when I thought I was beginning to fall for you. 

So I was determined to make my love evident to you because you're seemingly dense sometimes.

The opportunity kicked in when our show would have a second season, and I was gonna enjoy it all with you.  At first it was really annoying, doing it all over again. 

But it was all worth it, looking back, as I got to see you dressed as a girl, (how cute were you, that I just wanted to jump at you) though our members kept making passes at you. (I made that script just so I could see you dressed as a girl but I'll never tell you that.)

And the time that we cooked together, despite how disastrous it had been but I knew I displayed affection and the show and the viewers are the proofs.

And it got me to think, what it would be like if I married you, and I'm pretty sure it's you who I've thought when I dedicated a letter to my future wife.

Baby, it's about time that you notice my feelings. It's about time that you become intoxicated to me as I'm with you. It's time to get addicted to me; it’s about time that you began to love me back. 

And I guess you did, even if it's nascent. I've felt it, really. The time in the idol star championship when I've pulled you in my lap, and you stared at me, blush spreading across your beautiful cheeks. It made me think that maybe you had feelings for me too, and I'm happy to make such a daring move. 

Then we got a show again, this time Beast Maid or something like that. I wanted you to tell me that you love me too, if not yet then fall for me. But there was Doojoon in the way. No, I can't have that. I don't want you with him, you're mine, you're my Seobbie.

So I always held your hand everywhere we went, for I'm afraid that you'll leave me. Don't leave me for someone else. Don't fall for someone else. Don't tell me you love someone else.

Those were my fears that made me anxious every day. You know how it's like to hope, thinking that someday it'll happen? That someday.. my wish to have You would be granted?

And it did. I knew I was the happiest person in the world to have someone like you. You've confessed your feelings to me during a fan meet, when we were wearing white suits. The atmosphere was heavy, we kept looking at each other silently, each waiting for someone to speak.

Then you whispered those words that only I could and meant to hear, making my heart jump and wonder if this was a dream. "Hyung, I think I'm in love with you."

I don't think, not because I'm not capable, but because I know I'm in love with you. 

Silence hung around the air, and you doubted I'm feeling the same way. 

No babe, it's not a misconception. This is true. 

I smiled to melt your worries, and you smiled back, because the fans are there. I won't say it, yet. 

When we sang on the stage and it was time for my part, I made my way towards you and whisper (though the mic is there) through your ear my rap, the only part that had "I love you" in it. And you smiled, this time genuine as the crowd screamed in joy as though they were celebrating our love for each other. If only they knew. 

When there is love, there is happiness, that's what I thought. 

It felt good waking up with you on my side, hugging me, not wanting me to go at all. So I snuggled back. 

I was born the day we met, and currently living when you love me.

The first night we made love was something I could never forget. You bestowed me the permission to see your body that I've always dreamt of every night. And I must say, out of all the people I have been with, yours is the most beautiful of all, as if it was an art.

You tried to hide your body with a blanket. No, don't, I whisper as I held the other end of the blanket. Your insecurities are lies. Even if you think your body's not nice, even if others would also think it's not, I'll prove them wrong. I’ll swallow all your insecurities. I’ll prove you wrong.

And you finally let go of the blanket once and for all.

I dove down studying every inch of your body, tasting it, engulfing it. A sound emitted from your throat, and I knew from the start that I was hooked; how can you even make those ingly y sounds that made me crazy and craving for more? 

Your face was flushed with the beautiful color that I always loved. Beads of sweat decorated your body, making me itchy so I it, earning a moan from you. Your body is so sensitive, pure and untouched. 

And to know that I'll be the first one to mark this beautiful body of yours sent me tingling in excitement, and nonetheless boosting my ego. I marked you then, biting a sensitive spot on your neck, and it to pacify the pain. 

You're mine; no one can ever have you. You can never be anybody else's, for you carry a piece of me. And that is my heart. 

-

The happy days continued, from the second Idol Star championship to the making of Thanks to. 

Did you know that I was very happy that time? It felt as though of my 23 years of living this was the time I felt complete, I felt life. With you, the world seemed to have a different  color, brighter than before. 

I love you so much that I'm sure everybody can be my witnesses. Can't you see, babe? Even if the fans say we're not real, even if the people don’t suspect a thing about us; those things won't matter to me because I know we're real. The times we spent together, thanks to especially; remember how we were happy because it's like a date for the two of us? Seobbie, don't doubt my feelings, 'cause they are true from the heart. 

But still you managed to still be jealous out of the silliest things, like Junseung, the girl on Soom and Beautiful, etc.

To tell you the truth, I'm always happy when you're jealous. It shows that you care, love me, and of course, want to own me. But despite the happy feeling, I always get hurt when you show those eyes that had tears threatening to spill on them. It made my heart clench, because I don't want the person I love to cry, especially because of me. So I hugged you tightly, comforting you, and promising that I won't hurt you or let you cry anymore. 

Hey, remember our first fight? It was when you were kissed by Doojoon at a concert, and we ended up screaming at each other.

Why are you taking his side? He kissed you! But you said that he didn't, and he stopped at a split second movement that illusionated the kiss. Gikwang even saw it, you added.

I was blinded with anger and jealousy that I just lost it. I said that if you want you can just go kissing any other man, if you want sleep with them. It tore my heart, just saying those words. I didn't even know that it hurt you deeply that you cried in front of me. But my pride dominated, so I left you. 

Why is it like this? Just when you're the most happiest man on earth somebody just have to ing destroy it. We didn't talk for weeks, each retaining our pride and waiting to see who would break down first. I knew we're both hurting, because that always seems to be the case for everybody. We always like to hurt ourselves over the biggest and smallest things. 

I knew how our fight brought several floods on your pillow, because I heard you every night; and it just pained me so much that my tears came running after. We know that it wasn't supposed to be like this; we love each other and that's that. 

I was determined once again to make amends with you, because it drove me insane not being with you, not being able to touch you, not being able to see you smile or to hear your laughter, and lastly, how I never said how much you meant to me. 

I love you. 

We can't just end it like this.

Even if you want to end it I won't accept it. 

Yang Yoseob, I love you.