++Complicated Lies number two

Some weeks passed by, my relationship was getting more and more perfect.  Woohyun is a perfect boyfriend. He’s so caring. He won’t do something that makes me uncomfortable. He always understands me so well.

And every time he does kind things to me, I can’t stop thinking about Sunggyu.

We meet almost every night, of course without Woohyun’s acknowledgement. Sunggyu kisses me just as much as Woohyun kisses me. He replaces every kisses Woohyun gave with his lips.

I feel happy, of course, with the attention that these two guys I love give to me. It feels so right, yet so wrong. It’s all will feel so right if only there’s no guilty feeling that haunts me every time I go out with either one of them.

“Baby, what are you thinking about?” Woohyun pouted to me, made me realized that I had been staring into the blank air for some time and didn’t pay attention to what he was saying.

“Yes? What did you say again?” I focused my attention back to him again.

“Are you thinking about another guy when you’re with me?” he pouted more.

Those words slashed me like a thunder. He was just saying random things, but it’s actually right, and I just can’t bring myself to say the true fact to him. I will never able to.

“Aigoo…how can I think about another guy when I’ve got you here?” I flashed a smile, a real smile, for him.

“Really?  Good then,” he moves forward and gives a light peck on my lips. “Because you’re mine,” he said, sending blushes to my cheeks and a pang of guilt through my heart. How can I do this to someone that loves me like this?

+ + + +

Another set of weeks, Sunggyu is busy for his tutoring class. I am, as the normal students, spend more time with Woohyun. Go to dates, sitting around, or study together. I believe fully in them, until the day when I lost my faith in him…

I was going to a date with Woohyun and we got into a small fight. A small fight that caused me to ran away from him in annoyance and goes straight to Sunggyu’s apartment. I recalled that he was free today and even asking me to go to a date with him this morning, but I couldn’t do it because I have made a promise with Woohyun. And I regretted it.

I puffed my cheeks in annoyances as I see the announcement that the lift cannot be used at the moment, so I had to climb up the staircase all the way to the ninth floor and once again, regretting doing that.

As I reached the ninth floor, I can see the door to Sunggyu’s room right away. But there’s something that surprised me there. Sunggyu was there in front of the door, there was a girl that was leaning onto the door and facing Sunggyu, they looked so intimated like that.

“You know that I love you, right nuna?” he said to the girl, chuckling after.

That sentence mentally slashed me. I froze there on my spot like a dumb girl, staring at Sunggyu’s back, slightly hoping that he’s not Sunggyu. But it’s definitely him, and his usual words to me.

“I love you too, Sunggyu…” the woman said.

I clenched my fists on my sides, eyes filled with tears as Sunggyu leaned forward to give the woman a kiss.

I turned back without any sound and ran downstairs, away from them. My heart is feeling so hurt and numb on a same time. My faith on Sunggyu has decreased to Zero. I can’t believe him again…never again.

I couldn’t bring myself to wipe away my tears even when I reached home. I saw Woohyun there, waiting in front of my home. I tried to turn back and hide the fact that I was crying, but he caught me.

“Jinyoon…What’s happened to you?” Woohyun asked, looked so concerned.

He brought his finger to my eyes and wiped away my tears, whispering some apologizing and love words. It will not make me better. It makes things even worse. My heart is hurting by the fact that Woohyun doesn’t know about what am I doing behind his back.

And he thought that it is his fault that I’m crying like this.

Woohyun cupped my cheeks and kisses my tears in order to calm me down, but my tears keep streaming down on my face, making me look so awful.

“Shush... I’m sorry okay? I won’t act cold to you again, I won’t hurt you again, I promise,” He pulled me into his warm hug and kisses the top of my head. I cried onto his chest, recalling the exact moment when I did this to Sunggyu back then.

+ + + +

Day by day passed, I lied on my bed, staring at the ceiling with no mindset. I don’t know what happened to Sunggyu since that time. He doesn’t even care to call me anymore. Or it’s just because I turned off my phone almost all the time.

This is the summer break, I moved to my father’s house. Usually I would live with my mother at my usual home, but on summer, I go to my father’s house in Busan. Yes, they’re divorced.

I turned off my phone and never check on my emails, or social network sites. I don’t know if they’re trying to reach me…I don’t care anymore.

Yes, I feel bad for Woohyun, but I can’t do anything, I can’t get myself to meet him in this state. After all I’ve done to him, and what I got for doing it to him. I got him, a kind and trustworthy guy to be my boyfriend, yet I got myself another guy behind his back.

I deserve to be hated.

“Jinyoon-ah, your friend is coming for you,” Yoon HwangJo, my step-mother or my father’s new wife, knocked on my door.

I quickly wiped away my tears and run to the bathroom to clean up my messy face before I opened the door and face my ‘mom’. “Who is it, eomma?”

“I don’t know, maybe your old friend?” she shrugged, then pointed to the living room with his chin. “He is a handsome one though. Don’t make him wait for too long!” she smiled and pushed me to the living room before leaving to the kitchen.

Curious, I tiptoed to the living room. I could see someone back-facing me, looking at some picture that pasted on the wall of the living room, my creation from around 4 years ago.

“Excuse me, who are —“

My lips frozen as the guy turned back. It is Sunggyu, still the same Sunggyu as the one that I met on Seoul. But I can’t ever see him with the same eyes anymore.

“Why don’t you tell me that you’ve gone on a holiday? Why can’t I reach your phone?” He stormed to me with his questions. He doesn’t look angry or mad, rather than that, he looks concerned.

I unconsciously stepped back as he approached me.

“Why?” he noticed it. He tried to take my hand.

But before he managed to do it, I turned back and run with all my might. Tears started to make my sight all blurred again. But I don’t want to cry in front of this guy again, and give in to him.

“Yah! Jinyoon ah!” He called me out, and I could hear his footsteps, running after me.

I don’t even know why is he running after me. But then, I reached my room and closed the door right away.

No, I haven’t managed to do that because Sunggyu has reached the door and prevented it to be closed. I keep pushing it close and he actually joined me on the fight.

“What are you doing, Jinyoon?” Sunggyu hissed, still trying to open the door.

I gritted my teeth as the force from him became stronger, “I don’t want to see your face, I…I hate you!”

Right after I said that, Sunggyu pushed the door forward with a huge strength, enough to send me back for a few steps back. He stormed to my direction and grabbed my shoulder, not giving me any chance to slip and run away.

“What’s with you, Jinyoon?” Sunggyu stared down at me.

“I don’t know, I’m tired of this,” I bit my lower lip, tried to hold back my tears, but my teary eyes are clear enough for him to see. “Do you want to disown me now? And end this torturing lies?”

“What are you talking about?” He frowned.

“Don’t you like any girl already? Or even all the girls that you met? They told me about how sweet you are… You say ‘I Love you’ to all of them, right? I don’t even know if your ‘I Love you’ to me is just the same as them or not,” I scoffed, turned to the side to avoid his eyes.

Sunggyu kept quiet, he’s keep staring down at me without any words at all, so I snapped and turned back to face him.

“What am I to you, huh? DO YOU EVEN LOVE—“

I was about to shout to his face when he cupped my chin and shut my mouth up with his lips. He kissed me roughly, in attempt to shut me up. I couldn’t even breathe and just hitting his chest with all my might, until he released me.

“How do you know it? Girls are gossiping around, huh? It’s quite surprising that you don’t believe me like that,” he smirked, stared at me with clear coldness on his eyes.

“It’s not—“

“Did they tell you that I told them to not fall for me? Or they left that part out?” He cut me again.

We kept quiet for a moment before he actually turned back and walked to the door. “Okay, I will disown you, just be with Woohyun and quit worrying about me.”

“Why do you disown me this easily?” I said right before he stepped out from the room, make him stop. “Why don’t you be selfish about me? You don’t love me enough for that, hm?” I brushed the tears that have just come out from my eyes right away.

He turned back, still standing there on the doorway. “How can I be selfish then? Tell you to still be mine? Or ask you to break up with Woohyun?”

I gulped at the statement, cannot bring myself to answer it right away. Can I do that? Do I love Sunggyu more than Woohyun? I don’t even know that myself.

“You will tell me to do that?”

“I know that you cannot do that.”He snickered, palmed his forehead while glaring at me. “Just go with the person you love, don’t mind my love anymore if it’s just make you suffer.”

“The person I love is YOU!” I said spontaneously.

“ME? How could you say that when you’re actually Woohyun’s?” He said. He kept his cold and expressionless face, he always stares deep into my eyes, but I always avoid it.

“I don’t know…Why can’t I love you even when I’m Woohyun’s?”

“You don’t have to grant permission for loving someone though, but it will be unfair for Woohyun, he doesn’t even know this,” he scoffed.

I gritted my teeth, totally didn’t like how this problem turn out to be so complicated, and how he blaming it all to me. “Maybe it would be best if you just abandon me.”

“Yes, let’s end this.”

And that sentence froze me.

I wiped away my tears with my sleeve, and then looked up to him with a smile, a forced smile.

“Let’s end this.”

+ + + +

“Oh my god, Jinyoon! You made me worried all holiday!” Woohyun said as soon as he entered the class. School has just started, and I had no choice but to go back here, and luckily—or not—ended up in a same class with him again. “Where did you go? Where is your phone?” He asked.

I smiled dryly at his question. “My phone was broken, and I went to my hometown all holiday,” I explained to him, but he’s still pouting, unsatisfied.

“Sorry, okay?” I flew my hand to caress his cheek, flashed a slight honest smile that I don’t know since when I haven’t flash it.

“I missed you so bad,” He finally got rid of that pout and placed a light peck on my lips.

“I missed you too,” I smiled as I made a slight aegyo face, then everything is darkened again as I remembered about the things I wanted to talk about with him. He seemed to notice it.

“What’s happened, baby?”

“Woohyunnie,” I turned to him, tried to erase the gloominess from my face, “I want to tell something to you.”

.

..

…

“So you cheated on me? With whom?” Woohyun asked after I explained it all, the things about the affair, how I loved two guys.

His face is stiffened. He doesn’t even look at me.

“…I can’t tell you, sorry,” I bit my lower lip, worrying about his reaction.

“Why can’t I know?”

“I don’t want to make things harder, between you and him…” I glanced at him from the side of my eyes. His expression isn’t change even a bit: Cold.

“Are you mad?” I asked with a really small voice, my courage has blown up to the random air.

“No, why should I?”

I clenched my fists, feeling more frustrated than I actually should. Woohyun’s the one who should be angry, but no, I’m feeling like now and I’m trying hard to contain my scream.

“Please, Woohyun, Just get angry to me! I can’t stand with you being so cold to me like this!” I said to him, pleading.

“You don’t need me to be angry at you. You know what’s wrong and what’s right.”

“Oh please, Woohyun! You might just as well kill me if you’re acting like this!” I turned to another direction, let my tears contained in my eyes. I don’t want to cry in a time like this, tears just make things worsened and that’s what I’ve learned.

Nothing’s come up for a while, until Woohyun actually flipped the table with his kick and standing there with clenched fists also, not glancing even a bit to me.

The next second, he stormed out from the room. Leaving me flabbergasted there without any outcome.

+ + + +

“Let’s act like nothing’s happened.”

I looked up and saw Woohyun there, stared down at me with his-still-cold eyes. I bit my inside lips, tried to avoid his gaze.

“That is, if you still want to be with me,” he continued.

“Of course I still want it!” I said spontaneously, then avoid his icy gaze again, “but I think, we cannot be the same like we used to be, Woohyun…don’t you see?”

His face is hardened, he spoke from his gritted teeth. “Then? Just say from the first that you want a break up,” he scoffed.

“I don’t want a break up!” I said quickly, out of loud.

I don’t even care about the students on our class that were watching us. Woohyun picked a wrong place to talk about this matter.

“Then what? It’s clear that you don’t want me anymore, you want this to end, right? Fine.”

“I chose you, Nam Woohyun, I chose you and broke up with him, why do you think that I don’t want you?” I said, lowered my voice so that only he can heard it. It’s hurt enough for me to lose Sunggyu, and for Woohyun to act like this. It’s killing me.

“Forget that ‘I chose you’ bull, you won’t cheat on me if you really choose me,” he said. Getting more annoying by every second.

“…You don’t even believe that I love you?” I asked, tried hard to not choke because of my dry throat.

“No, I don’t believe in love anymore.”

I scoffed and nodded my eyes a few times, before brushing my arms on my eyes and stared at him. “Let’s just stay as friend? It will be better for us.”

“Yeah, let’s end this,” he said without even look at me, he’s already busy with the stuffs on his table.

 “Nice going out with you, Nam Woohyun,” I flashed a smile to him, before quickly walked out from the room. I know that this will happen sooner or later, the greedy one won’t get any happiness.

+ + + +

That Sunday, I lied on my bed, staring at my phone screen and wondering whether I should make a call or not.

In the end, I pressed the call button.

“Hello?”

Sunggyu’s husky voice can be heard from the other line. I gulped from the sudden nervousness, but I tried to keep calm and smiled to myself.

“Hello, Sunggyu? It’s me.”

“Ah… It’s Jinyoonie?”

“Yeah,” I sighed in relief, at least Sunggyu doesn’t hang up the call or speak coldly at me. “What are you doing this Sunday? A date?” I asked.

Sunggyu kept silent for a minute, but then I heard his cough, “Yes, it’s kinda…a date, I guess,” he said.

“So you got a girlfriend already? Daebak!”

“Thanks, have fun with Woohyun too…”

“To let you know, I’ve already broke up with Woohyun,” I said, chuckled afterwards, feeling how ironic this is it.

“Broke up…?”

“Yeah, broke up,” I nod to myself.

He didn’t give me any answer again, so I decided to end this call. “Then…Have fun with your girl, See ya!”

“Jinyoon.”

He spoke up right before I pull back the phone from my ear, I pressed it again on my ear, wondering about what he’s gonna say.

“I’m kind of feeling this regret thing…I mean, I don’t know that you and Woohyun would break up this soon,” he said, and I know where this conversation will end up to, “…I still—“

“No, Sunggyu,” I cut him quickly. “Have fun with your girlfriend, okay?” I said it again.

“Jinyoon…”

“I know what you were almost said to me, but for now,” I took a deep breath. “Let’s just be like this okay?” I said with a smile. I have to smile, so I won’t take back anything that I’ve said to him. This is for the best.

“I know, thank you, Jinyoon.”

He hung up.

I put the phone aside and chuckles to the ceiling. It’s true. The greedy one doesn’t deserve anything at the end.

Choose one, lost another.

Keep both, and lost both.

-Fin-

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