*Your POV*

Being a patient who had a disease was the thing that I didn't expect.

If I could ask to the God why I was the one who got this disease like this…

My dearest God..

How could I pass this obstacle that You gave to me?

I wasn't a girl who had enough strength to face this destiny..

Cardiac failure…

I didn't know until when I could alive..

It’s like all I could do was waiting the time I left this world I life.

What should I do?

 

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"___-ah, are you okay? What do you feel now?" one of the nurse asked me while checking my blood pressure.

"I don't feel anything bad, eonnie." I used to calling her 'eonnie' since I often 'lived' in this hospital for. And all of the doctors and nurse knew me well.

It's like this hospital was my 'second home'.

"I'm glad knowing it. Two hours later the doctor will inject the medicine to you."

"Arraso, eonnie." I smiled looking at her beauty. The beautiful professional young nurse I ever met.

 

Since I was fifteen, I didn't go to school like other children. My parents didn't allow me to do that, because I ever fainted at school, after that I couldn't move my body properly. It gave them a trauma. So I only got last study in Junior High School. I wondered what usually student of high school did.

If I wasn't sick like this, I could go to school and then college everyday, I could hang out with my friends, I could join in some clubs in the school. But all of it was only in my dream.

I couldn't do anything. How could I do that? I got headache or fatigue all of sudden.

Now, I didn't have friends. I didn't have anything to do.

My friends went away from me. I felt like I was a trouble for them.

Oh, God. I felt it was unfair.

In many days left in my life, I really wanted to spend my life with much happiness..

I wanted to make my relatives happy.

I didn't want them to cry when I left this world one day.

If it was possible..

 

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I looked at the ceiling of this room. It was too bright to be looked at by me. I adjusted my vision slowly. I woke up from my nap. How I wished it would be my forever nap. My forever sleeps. But no one knew I could survive till now. My dearest God, can you take me away with you?

I didn’t know how many times I sighed…

Could you feel what I felt?

I didn’t have spirit to be alive.

I closed my eyes to let my tears fell down on my cheeks.

It was too hard even only remembering it.

 

“____-ah, how was it?” asked the doctor to me after injecting medicine.

“It’s okay.” That was only I could say because this was usual to me, I got it everyday.

Looking at out door, I saw many things that I couldn’t do.

Many children were running around with a joy, many girls were chatting happily, even many elder people were walking together pleasantly, and all I could do was looking at them.

 

I didn’t know I had to envy with them or not. It was my destiny right?

 

On sunny day, I sat on my wheel chair at garden silently, I asked my mother to let me be alone. I just needed some peaceful.

I saw some people running fast. They looked so panic. Some of them were crying, it deep stabbed my heart. I imagined my parents were crying hard of me.

“What are you doing here?” someone asked me while sitting down on the bench beside me.

“Oh, I … just refreshing my mind.” I looked at that person. He wore hospital dress as mine. I smiled to him, it seemed that he was a good person.

“I am Lee Howon, uhm but call me Hoya.” He extended his right hand, and I shook it pleasantly.

“I am Lee_____”

“Wah, we have same surname.” he joked. His face showed a serious sign but he had sense of humor too though.

I giggled of his joke.

“Yes, we do.”

“What are you doing here? Uhm, I mean… what’s make you hospitalized?” he asked me carefully, didn’t want to hurt me by his words.

“Some diseases, nothing serious.” I answered, I didn’t want anyone pity me because they knew that I got serious illness, “How about you? You look so healthy.” I .

“Really? Oh, same with me. I just got gastric problem these days, so my parents insisted me to be hospitalized.”

As I though, he didn’t believe what I said, he examined me from head to toe slowly, and he just realized that I used wheel chair.

“Do you wonder I using this?” I asked him chuckling.

“Kinda.” He rubbed the back of his head no reason.

“It’s a little bit hard to walk. Uhm..”

“Just don’t say it if you didn’t want to.”

 

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Since that moment, I and that man named Lee Hoya became closer. We always spent time together on lunch time.

He didn’t look sick at all. Or he was just too energetic, not like me. He shared his stories to me. But I just saved my stories yet. It was not because I didn’t believe him, but I was not a person who easily shared many things to person I just knew not a long time ago.

He was a sophomore in university. His major was performing art. AS he said, he really liked dance, he also could rap, and sang. How great he was.

“___-ah, I will show you my dance.” He grinned as stood up.

“Yah, is that possible? You wear hospital dress, Hoya. Everyone knows that you are sick.”

“I am not. I just recovered.” He said, taking a position in front of me as well.

Then I watched him moving crazily, he showed me street dance, slow dance. I admitted that he was really good.

He always entertained me. No one made me like this. I felt secure around him. He treated me well. It was my first time so extrovert to someone. He was Lee Hoya. The man I just knew that made me happy.

“Don’t you know that I like you smiling like that? Can you show it to me everyday?”

“Are you being cheesy, Lee Howon?”

“Yah, I’m serious, my dear friend. You’re so beautiful even more when you smile.” Joked him.

“Shut up, Ho baby.” I giggled seeing him frowning.

 

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I was very happy, he changed my life. I could smile, I could forget everything sad. Even I could live like other people. How I wished if I could life longer.

“____-ah, umma was really happy. Just smile dear, no one can make you smile like that before.” My mother caressed my hair lovingly. I just smiled to her, did I always make everyone sad before? I saw my mother’s eyes were teary.

How could I leave her if I can’t make her happy?

 

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As usual, I waited for Hoya at the garden of hospital, even though we didn’t make a promise to meet everyday, it was like we used to meeting each other.

But unexpectedly, he didn’t show up that day. Was he recovered already? If that so, I had to be happy right. But I couldn’t lie to myself. I missed him. I wanted to meet him like yesterday.

I still waited for him. It passed 3 hours, and actually it was the time for me to go back to my room.

I cried silently. I didn’t have any friend now. It was like before. I was all alone. And no one could replace him. I was being myself who always cried and complained about my illness. It was too hurt to remember that I didn’t have anyone to lean on to tell that I was not good right now.

I struggled walking to the service room. I just wanted to make sure that he was alright now.

“Miss, can I know the patient named Lee Howon?” I asked her as leaned myself on the wall, to support my body not to fall.

“Wait a minute, Miss.” The staff checked in her book, “He was in Emergency Room Miss. It was already 2 days he was there. Anything else?”

“No Miss. Thank you.”

It was not lie, wasn’t it?

Hoya said that he was alright, but the staff told me that he was in emergency room now.

Hoya, what’s wrong with you?

I wept my tears, I couldn’t cry, I had to be strong.

I walked to the emergency room slowly, I had to be strong. There was nothing wrong to him. My friend, don’t you know how I was worried right now?

I saw 2 people that I considered as his parents, they were crying. And the man hugged the woman. Was he really in bad condition?

“Excuse me, is Lee Howon here?” I asked them not wanting to interrupt them.

“Yes, are you his friend?” the woman asked me as looked at me from head to toe, “Are you patient too?”

“Yes, madam. I am his friend here. Is he alright now?”

After hearing my question, the woman cried loudly, “He isn’t conscious yet after he fainted 2 days ago.”

My heart ached hearing it.

“Can you wake him up? We don’t know what to do. It’s really hurt looking at him lying down weakly.”

I gained my braveness to look at him trough the glass. He was lying down, the IV in her hand, he wasn’t like before who always cheered up. He slept. Are you so tired? But please, don’t sleep.

 

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            It had been 1 week the doctor didn’t allow me to go out from this room, because he needed to control the temperature that’s I needed here.

I though my disease became serious. At first, I just felt getting fatigue easily, too hard to breath, and vomited, and collapsed. But now, I felt my body was more than that. My foot was also swollen.

How I felt hopeless right now.. I couldn’t do anything, but praying to the God.

And I couldn’t visit Hoya in his room.

God, can You meet me with him?

 

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“Annyeonghaseyo.. is this Lee _____’s room?”

“Ah, ne. do you want to meet her?” my father answered that voice.

“Actually I send this letter to her, it’s from my son, Lee Howon.” The feminine voice handed it in my father.

I received the purple envelope from my father, it really was from Hoya.

 

“Dear my best friend, Lee_______

I don’t know what to say as a greeting

I just want to know how you are.

It’s been a week I haven’t met you..

Don’t you miss me? Because I miss you. I miss seeing your smile.

Are you alright now? Don’t you feel hurt? Stay strong, ____-ah.

Everything will gonna be good, won’t it?

I just want you to know that I am recharged from the hospital, the doctor let me be home.

I am very happy, but I will miss you.

I used to meeting you everyday, I promise I will visit you as soon as possible..

Take your medicine, eat and sleep well..

Hoya”

 

I smiled reading his letter, I was so touched, he really did care about me. Even I smiled, I just realized that my tears kept falling on my cheeks rapidly.

My longing towards him was a little healed.

“I am glad you can smile.”

“Thank you Mrs.Lee. I am sorry for bothering you to send this.” I made an excuse. It just felt awkward around her, because we weren’t close.

“Don’t mind it, ___-ah. Hoya always tells about you to me, he is happy he can make a friend with you.”

“I am too, Mrs Lee. It’s nice being a friend of him. He is really nice and friendly.”

“I’m so sorry for your condition, we hope that you will get well soon. Nothing is impossible dear. Keep surviving.” Hoya’s mother said as caressed my hair and tried to hold her tears.

“I hope so Mrs. Lee. But I don’t know either. My body feels weak day by day. I can’t do anything. It’s cardiac failure, I get fatigue, anxiety and vomit easily if I do activities more hard.”

“You must be strong. I know what your parents feel. It’s hard to face this destiny that our child get disease.”

“Is Hoya sick seriously?”

“He gets kidney failure. It’s because he ever got involved an accident that hurt his kidney. It’s kind of serious, we have to find kidney to do transplantation. If not, the doctor can’t help.”

Her explanation made me got shock, he never told it to me about his sickness. He just said that he was sick because of gastric problem, but in fact it was more serious than that.

“He kept his sickness to you not to make you worried, ____-ah. He just wants to be friend with you sincerely, he didn’t want you to be his friend because you pity him.” Her mother told it to me as knew what I though.

“I am sick too. Ahjumma.” I mumbled holding my tears back.

Actually I kept my sickness too from him,. I didn’t tell him that I had cardiac failure. No one was in wrong place, “He can’t think of it, because I truly want to be his friend.”

 

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“_____-ah, how are you? I bring fruits and sweets for you.” He grinned widely and sat on the desk beside my bed.

“I am really okay. So are you?” I smiled to him.

“Of course, there is no doubt.” I giggled hearing his answer, was that so? Do you really okay?

His parents told me that they couldn’t find the right kidney for him yet. There was no excuse to get a right kidney from his relative, included his parents or siblings. Because he wasn’t their blooded-relate son. He was adopted by them since he was 2 years old.

“Just be patient, Howon-ah.”

“Yah, what do you mean?”

“Nothing.”

My mother gave us a plate of peeled apple. “Eat this. You two must eat healthy fruits.”

“Ne, ahjumma, thank you.” Hoya chewed it happily.

“Umma, can I go out to the garden with him? Just a few minutes.” I really wanted to talk to him, many things I wanted to say.

My mother seemed didn’t willing to say ‘yes’, because she knew that we both were sick. But looking at us who looked so close, she permitted us.

“Don’t be so long, you must take your treatment, ____-ah.”

“Sure, eomma.”

 

*End of Your POV*

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*Third POV*

 

Hoya looked at the doctor and others who would do the surgery, he was kind of nervous. It would be the last time he saw this world. He was so pleasant getting the right kidney, but he was so curious who could give him it. Kidney was too important for body. But the doctor only said that they got the kidney from someone who just passed away that day.

“I must say thanks to that person.” He mumbled before entering the operation room.

“Can I meet someone first?” he pleaded, but the doctor said ‘no’ because there was no much time left.

‘If I can meet you, I would hug you and say that I am happy I can get transplantation.’ He though as imagined of you.

He closed his eyes, signaling that he was ready to do surgery that could change everything in his life, die or life.

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I received a letter from God. God told me that I had to do that. It was for my goodness. Don’t hold me back, because I will be happy with this. Don’t cry, don’t be sad, because I always was in your heart. To be with you until your last breathe, forever.

 

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Hoya wondered why he received a letter from you, because you could visit you after the transplantation, but you didn’t.

“Eomma, where is ____-ah? She supposed coming here.” He pouted, he wanted to meet you, he wanted to talk to you, he just missed you so much. One week was enough time for him to heal from the surgery.

“Just read this.” Mrs. Lee couldn’t say properly, she hide something from her own son. And Hoya could feel it somehow.

Slowly, it was looked slow motion, Hoya opened the purple envelope and read the letter.

 

‘Hoya.. Lee Howon..

I think you didn’t know something yet right?

Because I made sure your mom promised me to keep it first.

If I ever bothered you, I am so sorry..

I didn’t mean it.. because you are my first friend I made.

It’s great having you by my side.

It’s like I found someone who I truthfully lean on..

Does it match? Does it still hurt?

I know your sickness. You have to keep surviving to get your dream.

I’m sure you will be the best dancer, the best rapper, the best singer one day.

Don’t be disappointed me and your parents..

Howon-ah…

We are friends not a long time ago, it’s like yesterday, in rush I know.

We didn’t know each other so much yet..

But I feel I already know you forever…

If my presence was a bother to you and you can’t forget me, just pretend that we never know each other..

Don’t feel so sorry to me, because it’s my choice. God gave me the sign of it.

It’s like God sends the letter of it to me.

Be strong, get a better life from now on..

My best friend.. I’m sorry for all I ever did to you..

_______’

 

Hoya couldn’t think straightly, he was too confused reading the letter from you, or it might he didn’t want to understand and didn’t want to accept the fact that would hurt him.

“Eomma, what does it mean?” he mumbled squeezing her mother’s arm.

“Howon-ah, eomma feels sorry. Everything goes fast. And we found that _____-ah donated her kidney for you. Actually we didn’t accept this since we knew that you can’t. But it was her last request.  She wanted to give it to you.” It was hurt looking at her mother whom already cried.

“So.. where.. where is she now?” Hoya stuttered knowing that he couldn’t make it. Even though her mother didn’t answer him,. He already knew that exactly happened somehow.

“I’m sorry, Howon. Her disease in final stage, we can’t help. She passed away a day before your transplantation.”

Hoya knew it. It was too late, he didn’t even say thank you to you. He never got a chance to say ‘I LOVE YOU’ anymore. But he had to be strong for you. You already sacrificed part of your body to him. He must take care of it.

And it was the last time he talked to you when he told you about his dream.

 

*Flashback*

Hoya and you didn’t talk too much, you didn’t know why but this atmosphere felt so awkward.

“_____-ah, do you have a dream? Like be a doctor, a teacher, or else.” He asked to you looking at you directly.

“I don’t know, I never think of it.” you said simply, you never though about your dream since you was too busy to think your disease.

“You should have one. It will encourage you to do something, to make you feel having a spirit to alive.”

“I’ll consider it. How about you? What’s your dream?”

“I want to be a famous dancer, a famous rapper, a famous singer.” He grinned showing his glowing face.

“Isn’t that too greedy?” you . But you felt good hearing what he said, sometimes you admired him,. He had so much spirit to get what he wanted in his life. He wasn’t the one who got upset or gave up easily.

“I guess. But I really want to be all of it.” He giggled realizing that he was greedy enough for it.

*End of Flashback*

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In the practice room, Hoya was the one who looked so serious on practicing, he danced and danced even more. He wanted to be perfect. And the other members just pity him. It had been three years his first love passed away, you.

“Hoya-ya, this practice is done for today.” The leader demanded him to stop dancing.

Hoya stopped it and grabbed his towel.

He was in a famous boy band named INFINITE now.

He worked hard, he didn’t want to make you and his parents disappointed of him. He should try the best.

Being the dancer, rapper, singer.

He had to make it real. And he smiled looking at the sky, hoping that you watched him as well.

‘I don’t want to waste what you gave to me, I will make you all happy. Because you just said that it’s your choice that’s given from God.. My Angel…’

 

-March 28^th, 2012-

 

 

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A/N:

Annyeong, It’s actually my third oneshot fanfic. And it’s for uri HO BABY..

Happy Birhday, Howon oppa!!! Keke~

I made this for you, I’m sorry it’s bad and sad ending… I wrote this in rush.. ><

I am sorry if there’s grammar mistaken, typos, spelling words, or such as like that.. because English isn’t my first language, so yeah…. LOL ^^v

Whoever who read this fanfic, please do comment and subscribe.. I need your supporting comment.. please.. I beg you all.. *kneel down*

Thank you so much..

*bow*

 

_Jasmine16