Late June, 2011.

*On additional note, I just thought that after Daesung’s accident, plus Seungri’s account on how Big Bang was not strong enough as one last year, fans account on Ji’s coldness and his night life partying, in which might lead him to his own controversy later on, I just thought that there are some problems going on within them. So I just need to add it here...

“Noona, do you have some time, maybe today evening?” Seunghyun suddenly called her.

“Hmm, why? I thought I heard Youngbae said you guys are supposed to be having dinner together, or something, right?”

“Ah yes, that. Well, something bad happened, and it’s not about Big Bang, it’s my own problem. And I’m too restless right now to be able to have fun with the boys... If you have time Noona, can I talk with you?”

Bom paused for a while, “... is this about, her?”

“Hm.” He confirmed, “Can you? Or... are you busy, Noona?” he sounded so sad.

She exhaled a breath, “I’ll have to cancel something, but it’s okay. Where do you want to meet?”

“I can’t go out right now... is it okay if you come to my place?”

“Seunghyun-a... seriously...”

“I know I’m asking too much Noona, but... but I really don’t know whom else I should talk to...”

“But I won’t be long, okay?”

“Yeah, it’s okay... so you’ll come?”

“I will. In an hour, okay?”

She cancelled her promise to do her hair and fixed for another day. Wore her jeans and a t shirt and a black hoodie and bringing her huge bag. She’s good friends with Seunghyun, and he trusted her. But these days, she realized he’s having problems with his current girlfriend. It’s the old-economist-who-wanna-settle-down-girl. They went on and off a few times, but she guessed that this time it is probably really that bad. And she knows that the problem is just not only about her. He plays his part for the blame, too.

And in an hour, she was there. She rang and although it took a while, he opened the door. She sometimes can’t stop thinking why he ever wanted to live on his own like this. In a huge empty space with no one else. Yes, he can invite the girlfriend freely but still, when you got your band mate as your own family, would you really want to be away that long? She can’t see herself not being together with the girls. She herself thought that at the moment she started being part of YG Family, she knew where she belongs. If she’s not a singer anymore, she’d want to be a voice trainer there, anything to make her stay in the company, because she just loves being there. And if there’s a chance of doing that for a long term, she’ll do it.

But first, Seunghyun. He looked miserable. His black haired looked like it hasn’t been washed. A stench of alcohol coming out of him. He doesn’t look like the usual T.O.P.

“By God, you look awful... what is wrong with you?”

He opened up the door and looked at her.

“We really broke up...”

“Really? You said that too a few months ago. I remember it, crystal clear. By the way, can I come in? I don’t want my picture suddenly posted tomorrow for coming to your place...” he let the door opened wider and she came in. She followed him passed his guest room to where he put his huge TV and a few couches spread all over the living room. Beer cans. She tried to clean a part of the couch so she can sit.

“I – I am sorry Noona, it’s a war debris, really... “

“Seunghyun, have you eaten?” he shook his head, ”So can I use your microwave or something? I brought you this and it’s best to talk and think when your stomach is full. May I?” she basically excuse herself to the kitchen. He nodded.

It’s so empty, the house. When he told her that he bought a huge place for himself, she thought that he is just crazy of doing so. But she also thought that he might be really thinking about settling down or something, with his relationship going strong, so she didn’t objected to it. Although, there are so many rough things going on currently. With Daesung sudden accident, all Big Bang members have to play low. Though it didn’t stop Jiyong on rocking the night life in Seoul, confused her on how distant Ji become these days. And Seunghyun’s sudden sulky mood like this, she sometimes fear if 2ne1 will ever have to face such phase. She’s worried now already about her good friends, Youngbae, Jiyong, and now Seunghyun...

“Here, eat first...” she brought a plate of warm Ddobokki she bought from a small restaurant along the way plus a strong hot black tea in a huge glass. He needs to be sober first before he can elaborate anything. And this deep he’s in, doesn’t look good at all.

He ate quietly, sitting on the floor, supporting his back with the lower part of the couch. Bom also sat in a near distance to him, around the corner of the table where she put the food earlier. He looked at her again, wanted to say sorry to have to make her look at him that way, “Just eat, Seunghyun-a” she said. And so he continued on finishing all the food. His face looked a bit brighter as the food warms his body. But she can tell that his eyes are as sad as before. And suddenly, whether it’s because of the sudden warmth or he’s just not sober enough, tears falling from his eyes. He was just eating quietly but the fact that the tear kept on falling is just so heart breaking.

“Seunghyun-a, you can talk if you want...” she said calmly. And it opened up a door through his heart while he suddenly poured out his feelings. He told her that they had a fight, again. When she got angry, she can swore a lot, saying all awful things barking it back at him. “You know how people when they’re upset, Seunghyun-a. They said all the bad things...”

“I know, but it made it even worse... I liked her a lot, but my respect has lost when she repeated this again and again. Plus all the old problems that we’ve had, she kept on bringing it all up, and I said that I’ve had enough of it.”

“What did she say after that?”

“She said, that she also have had enough of us... that it’s pointless to stay together...”

“But you guys have had this before. What makes you think that it’s really over this time?”

He looked at her, so painfully. “It’s just, when she said that, I used to feel a crack in my heart, like... like I’m supposed to fight her back and that we shouldn’t be this way... but... this time... this time...” he took his time, “This time... I was sort of... relieved that she said so... “

Bom tried to figure this out on her mind, “Seunghyun-a, so you’re saying you don’t love her anymore? Is that it?”

“It... sort of felt that way Noona... and it made me feel sad because I built hopes on the two of us being together, but I can’t believe that I actually felt that it’s better if... if we let us go... I felt so wrong to feel this way... but I can’t help it...”

She exhaled a deep breath. She knew well that most of the time, when one bursted out like this, is not that they need a good advice or something. Mostly they just need to let it out to someone. So she sat next to him and put her arm on his shoulder, patted it, as if telling, everything’s gonna be fine, and they sat in silence.

“I just thought that it might work out between us, after all the things we’ve been through...”

“Sometimes when it’s not meant to be, then it’s not meant to be, Seunghyun-a...” she glimpsed at him. “You haven’t smiled to me for even once ever since I got here, you know?” she said teasingly. He tilted his head, looking at her. He kept it a secret, that within those fights he had, a part of it was...

“I just... hate it when you have to perform so intently like that with her... are you actually enjoying that, having her holding your chin like that? I can tell by the way you smile, or, or from your incessant talk about her doing this or that.”

‘What are you talking about? We’re good friends and I just want to tell you about her. Should I say nothing then? Is that what you want?”

 “I-I know it’s your job, but... but I can’t help thinking that you just can’t take off your mind off her. It pisses me off, because, I’m your girlfriend, Seunghyun-a. I’m the one you’re supposed to incessantly think about, not her.”

“You’re making no sense! I told you, she’s a good friend. Are you now trying to control who I meet and talk to? Trying to put fences on me on what type of people should I meet or not? Is that it?”

“Stop blaming me! You’re part of this as much as I do! With that plastic woman by your side, you’d never listen to what I’m trying to say” but she realized his sudden stiffen face after she said those words.

He froze, and so did she. It’s one of those words which when it’s out, it would be impossible to be mend anything again.

“I don’t want to see you again. I’m sorry.”

“Seunghyun-a... I-I didn’t mean to...”

“Please, don’t talk to me anymore...”

She froze, coldly looking at him, and said with a strengthen up voice, “I don’t want to meet you anymore either”.

“Fine”

And so she stepped out of his house, leaving him stunned. And it hurt, the fact that she left, and that he dared to say those words without hesitation to her. And most strangely, the fact that it hurt him most when she accused Bom noona with such devilish words. He couldn’t stay together with someone like that. There’s no turning back.

And yet, he felt so empty handed. And so he called noona. And she’s here, and he felt slightly better.

Has he been a fool all this long?

Has he been looking at the wrong direction all this time?

He felt the warmth of her arm swept in him. With a smell of Ddobokki left over. And a still hot mug of warm black tea. He looked at her and said, “I’m sorry to have to drag you into this, Noona...I just need someone to...”

“Shss, don’t say that. As long as it makes you feel better, Seunghyun-a.” She paused, look around and then looked back at him, “Do you have a video game or something? I’m not that good, but if that can cheer you up?”

And he slowly smiled. A weak one, but it’s still a smile.

“I strangely have a very old Mario Bros game... “

“That? With Mario and Luigi jumping around hitting their heads over flying stones? Hahaha... strange collection you have, but I wonder if I can do it better now!”

And so, even if she only can stay for another hour, it made him felt slightly better. She screamed over the TV screen because she’s losing and he can’t help but to smile.

Thank you, Noona.

She smiled and winked at him as she left his house.