Heechul doesn't know if Hankyung even realizes how much he cares for him or tries to help him. He can't really complain, though, because it's not like he says it out loud.
It just takes the fun out of it. What good are words for, anyway?
It's a lot easier to just take him out to drink when Heechul can tell he's about to break in two, tell Leeteuk to go easy on him when he knows Hankyung is having a really bad day, or even yell at him when it seems like he's about to go off the deep end.
Heechul's not sure if Hankyung really appreciates that last one, though.

The point is that something in Hankyung makes him worried. Worried in the most horrible way, worried that someday he might disappear - no matter how much he wants to reassure himself, he has that frightening tingle every time he sees him (and most of the time when he doesn't see him, too).
Heechul only cries when he realizes his attempts to protect Hankyung fails, or backfires, or becomes too much, but he never lets Hankyung see it. Every single minute of every hour of every day, he goes out of his way to make sure everything is perfect for the younger man, but judging by the amount of sad glances he sees in him, most of the time he fails.
And of course, he would never tell him.
And sometimes, it just becomes too hard to help him without letting him notice.

"Are you eating enough?"

"Yes."

"It doesn't look like it."

"Well, I don't know what to tell you."

"Have you eaten? Here, I'll make you something."

"For 's sake, Heechul! Why don't you smother me properly and just use a pillow?!"

And Heechul stops halfway to the refrigerator and thinks he might start to see stars swirling around his head. He turns around.

"Something in you just makes me want to protect you."

Hankyung's eyes are sad. Hankyung's eyes are always sad.

"I don't need protecting."

Heechul doesn't reply, but he makes that dinner anyway, and Hankyung eats it without complaint. Hopefully, he doesn't notice, either, the way Heechul silently watches him while pretending to read his far-too-uninteresting-compared-to-Hankyung book.


Sometimes it becomes too much to handle and he just wants to grab Hankyung's shoulders and shake him and shake him and shake him, or maybe just walk away. But he knows he will never do any of those things because the bottom line, and the reason he keeps trying to help him, is that he loves him.
Heechul loves him.
And there are always things that make up for it. Like the way Hankyung looks at him sometimes when he thinks he doesn't notice, or the way he smiles at him sometimes for no reason, the way he laughs louder at his jokes than anyone else's, or the way he tries to catch his breath after suddenly and forcefully kissing Heechul one night.
Oh, yes. Some things definitely make up for it.


"Hankyung."

Sheets rustle as Hankyung repositions himself.

"Yeah?"

"Have..."

"Please don't ask me if I have eaten."

Heechul lifts his gaze from the all too visible outline of Hankyung's ribs and just stares into his eyes.
Hankyung sighs and puts his pillow over his face.

"Go on. Do it now. You have your chance. Smother me."