chapter forty three- careless.

“Minhyun! Yuri!” it was a banging on the door that finally stopped my tears. Maybe it was the shock, or maybe I realized I was just being childish.

“It’s me, Dongho! Open the door!”

Minhyun seemed to hesitate for a while. He looked at me for approval, and when I nodded, went to open the door. But somehow, just somehow, I could feel that he didn’t want to. It was weird. Earlier, when we were shopping too, they wouldn’t talk to each other. I seemed to be the one they were talking to. It did occur, somewhere in my mind that they might have had a fight, but I didn’t want that to be a choice.

It was Baekho oppa who came wobbling in when Minhyun opened the door. They gave each other a short nod (a sign of respect, I wonder why) before Baekho oppa’s gaze turend to me.

“You’ve cried. A lot.” He observed. My eyes must have been really red and swollen. From behind him, I saw Minhyun try to cover his shirt, the part that was wet with my tears, with his jacket. Something he’d not bother about, on the norm. What had happened between these too?

“Were you really that surprised?” Baekho oppa asked.

I turned my attention back to Baekho oppa and smiled bitterly. Yes, I was surprised, but not that. I was just scared.

“You can cry, you know.  You don’t have to hold it in.”

I looked up at him.

“If you keep crying, you’ll just get a headache later on. Just stop, and let’s talk about it, okay?”

Something was definitely up with these two.

.

“Jonghyun has also been going through a rough time, you know.” Minhyun said, sitting on my right. Baekho oppa was on my left. “He had been debating how to tell you. I think he meant to tell you today. Just not the way it came out.”

“Jonghyun just didn’t want to lose you.” Baekho oppa said. “He just wanted to keep that relationship he had with you, not ruining it for anything else.”

They had been debating with each other, indirectly, like that for more than half an hour. And I was stuck in between. For a moment, it was almost scary, maybe because I was already scared as hell, but I was also curious. What was wrong with them?

“You should tell him that you aren’t mad.”  - Minhyun.

“Just ignore that this happened, and, just be normal, like before.” – Baekho.

“Comfort him. After all, you are everything to him.” – Minhyun.

“Even if you can’t accept him, just don’t ignore him. Without you, I don’t think he has any reason.” – Baekho.

It was getting almost irritating. What the hell was up?

“Yu-”

“Stop, okay? Just stop!” I said, finally not being able to take it. “And one of you tell me what I did wrong, what did I do to deserve to be treated this way?” I had no idea where that came out of. I just didn’t want to confront them about what was bothering them, neither did I want to go back to the topic of Jonghuyn oppa.

But this, it seemed, appeared to Baekho oppa that I was thinking about Jonghyun oppa.

“You didn’t do anything wrong, Yuri..” he said softly, taking my left hand into his. I was taken aback by his action. His hand, it was a whole lot bigger than Minhyun’s or Jonghyun oppa’s and a whole lot roughter too. Maybe because he was more into material arts than them?

“I’m always by your side when you need me.”

“What’s going on?” I mumbled, dropping my head. “What’s going on with both of you? As if the Jonghyun oppa dilemma isn’t enough, you both are distracting me. God knows what trouble Aron oppa and Ren oppa will be stirring up. I’m not supposed to care, but why do I worry so much?”

There was silence, for a while. Baekho oppa squeezed my hand.

“Because you matter to us.” Minhyun spoke. “And we matter to you. Deny it as much as you want, but we’ve become part of each other, and you know that.”

“Only because of Jonghyun oppa.”

“At first, maybe. But it’s more than that now.” I turned to look at him. His voice sounded as if he was having trouble speaking, as if his voice was stuck in his throat. He stood up. 

“Boundaries were crossed, we’ve endangered even your life. You’re much more of us than you think you are.” His voice, still hadn’t improved. “We were careless. We shouldn’t have gotten you too involved with us. Jonghyun wasn’t planning on getting this close to you, you know. He’d tell me every night that he felt stupid for getting so attached. That he felt it would hurt you if we left. And he knew we’d have to, at some point.

“We were too careless. And now, Jonghyun’s going to suffer everything alone. He won’t share his pain, he won’t express himself. He’ll just be there. And it’ll be just how he was when his father died. He’ll just be there, but he won’t be there. There won’t be any life in him. No life…”

And just like that, he broke down weeping. Like back in Eunbi unnie’s apartment.

It was only then I realized how important Jonghyun oppa was. Not only to me, but to NU’EST too. I had always seen him as my savior, to NU’EST, to Minhyun, Jonghyun oppa was their life.

Unknowingly, tears began falling from my eyes as well. I walked up towards Minhyun and as soon as I got armlength close to him, he grabbed my and pressed me tight to his body, my tears, once again, soaking his t-shirt. Only this time, it wasn’t only my tears. Minhyun’s wet and warm tears fell on my nape and he cried as well.

It wasn’t only them who were careless, but me too. But in the end, it didn’t matter. Because this was what it came down to. And there was nothing we could do about it.

shotuout!

to minhyun, jr means a lot. minhyun made jr into what he is now, like i mentioned in the chapter 'pillar'. minhyun had always been there for jr. now that he can't do anything, he feels terribly wronged.
even though this chapter is mostly focused on the love triangle, i feel that this chapter also tells how much jr is to minhyun. after minhyun became a pillar to jr, he feels...well, he needs to be there.
don't you? i mean, after you've grown close to a friends, helped him or her become what she is, to be there for that friend? i have.
if you are reading this, this is for you. even though i didn't express it, i was really touched. 'that girl who always smiled'. for you, for your sake, i'll smile. because to you, i might be just 'the girl who always smile' but to me, you are the reason i smile.
lalli, anaan, neha, aana, this isn't you. -.- but i love you all too <3
ps. keep this a secret between both of us, the story about 'the girl who always smile'. if you read this, that is. 

to all my readers, sorry with the emotional speech. DROP ME A LINE, I'M BORED! expect another update soon! intense chapters coming up!
i love you all. mwah! <3

edit: , i sounded so corny T.T i hate you <3