No matter how much I loved her, we always seem to fall apart because of this stupid plan. It’s for the best I guess. Once the public learns of this, not only will we be torn apart but even our life styles will be destroyed.

This is the hardship of living an idol life; to be forbidden of dating someone. If ever that you do date someone, it has to be kept a secret. It has to be ineffable.

My phone rings. Herr name flashes in my screen and I receive it as fast as I can. I thirst for her voice.

“Yoboseyo. I’m here at the café now. When are you going to arrive?”

“I’m sorry but you’ll have to wait a few more minutes. There are still a lot of people outside our dorm. They might recognize me if I go out now.” I say in soft whispers. This is how we talk on the phone; always in hushed tones. We can’t risk anything.

“Okay… I’ll be waiting. I miss you.”

“I miss you too.”

It’s becoming normal for us to say ‘I miss you’ instead of ‘I love you’ nowadays. Although I’m fine with it and we both know what it really means, my heart still aches whenever I have to say it in substitute to what I really want to say.

I look outside and see only a few people standing there. It’s time.

“Himchannie, you’re going out?” It was Bang, our leader but even he doesn’t know a thing.

“Yeah, I’m craving for some choco pie and I think the magnaes have already eaten the last of it” Lie. Once again I lie for our love must be ineffable.

He simply nods and tells me to keep safe. I run out, being cautious of the people and ride a taxi to the café. I see her there through the windows and I instantly feel happy. Its been some time since we’ve seen each other.

I walk casually to inside the café. There were too much people. I go for some take out and as the worker was collecting what I’ve ordered; I gave her a look, a look that said ‘Let’s find some place with less people’. I took what I ordered and walked out of the café. I walked to a park near and I could hear her footsteps following me somewhere behind me. It’s only been a bit since spring started so there weren’t much people.

I reached a secluded clearing with a bench and sat down. I saw her softly walking towards me and sit down beside me. We were finally alone. But we still couldn’t be too sure. We kept some distance and even though it hurt me to be unable to hold her, I still made sure to keep this relationship a secret.

“How’s life?” I asked as I handed her some coffee. She didn’t speak and she turned away from me.

“Hey, what’s wrong?”

“I just feel like were falling apart because of keeping this a secret. I mean, Himchan, we can’t even sit closely or hold hands even if we know we’re alone.”

I bowed my head and rubbed my temples.

“I just want to keep everything sure. I don’t want us to be torn apart or for our lives to be ruined. You know how the public acts.”

“I know and I think I don’t know if I can continue with this.”

She stood up and was a few feet away from me when I got back to my senses. I immediately reached for her and grabbed her arm, pulling her into a hug. I hugged her tightly and I could feel her arms slowly hugging back.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry for not being able to act like a normal couple. But I will never let go of you no matter what. Please just understand that we have to keep this relationship a secret for now. This is for the two of us. Please understand.”

“I… I understand.”

“Thank you.”

Ineffable.

This love that bonds us together,

It might be forever ineffable.

It is a secret that must never be spoken of.

But I will never let you go.

✦ ℋᾴηӌȔ'ｓ ȻɵяɳℯȐ

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