“One of the worst things that can happen to a person is to be forgotten by someone they will never forget.”

I don’t know why I just need to know the reason for you loving me.

Someone so normal and boring like me…why did you choose me?

I’m not special in any way; I don’t glow like you, so how did I catch your interest?

Looking at myself in the mirror every single day, I still can’t find something special in me that makes me different from other people.

I’m not good enough for you; you’re too good, too special for me.

Like a star, you shine as you speak; your smile triggers new emotions in me.

But, how about me?

I’m too normal.

You hug me and tell me I’m special to you, you only, but I sometimes wonder if that is a lie.

Are you saying it out of pity?

Is your love for me real?

I know I shouldn’t doubt you but I worry every second, that you would leave me one day saying this was all a lie.

You laugh and say that would never happen, but who can predict the future?

You promise that you would always love me, but there are things called empty promises, and who said love was everlasting?

I know I have security issues, but it’s because I feel so small, hopeless and out of place in this world, you are the only person who can define me so I am always scared to lose you.

That nights, when you got mad at me and left in a burst of rage, I really thought you left me for good, and I was so scared, so scared, the tears wouldn’t stop flowing and my limbs wouldn’t move, my voice couldn’t work anymore and I felt as if death was engulfing me.

Before I was able to do anything, I heard rushed footsteps and then I saw those familiar hamster-like features appear in front of me, but for the first time, your cheeks were stained with tears as you cuddled my face in between you big warm hands.

You couldn’t stop whispering my name and telling me you were sorry over and over again while wiping the tears still flowing uncontrollably away before kissing my lips softly, tenderly, as if it was our first time.

You promised this would never happen again and quickly embraced me in your arms, and I could feel your heartbeat pounding rapidly against the fabric of your .

You finally left go only when you felt my shoulders stop trembling and lifted me up gently to our shared bedroom.

That night, you clung onto me as if I was your lifeline and you couldn’t let go.

“I’ve realized how I cannot live without you, Woohyun ah.” You said, before you fell asleep.

I decided to trust you, with my whole life from that day onwards, and every time I see your face next to mine when I wake up in the morning, see you smile at me brightly as we eat breakfast and give me a goodnight kiss every night, I started to believe that there could actually be something called true love.

Maybe it was because of how insecure I am; maybe it is because I loved you too much, but I started seeing the cracks in our relationship.

I hardly ever see your face next to mine in the morning anymore because when I wake up, you’re already outside eating breakfast, and you leave the house without a word, not even bothering to say ‘goodbye.’ You come home later and later every day, I’ve grown tired of waiting for you and so we hardly have any chance to see each other.

That’s when I realize how I’ve slowly started to miss your smile, which made me lose mine, I started to forget how your voice sounded like, which made me stop using mine, and our lives just became a silent cycle.

Silence. No words or gestures were exchanged, and it felt immensely cold being in the apartment by myself, I went to the river every day.

I told myself the same thing every day that I will be able to get through this, and things would get better soon…

Until that day.

I was walking to the river once again, when I caught your familiar laugh, oh, how I missed it.

A smile slowly crept onto my face as I walked towards the sound of your laughter but before the smile could actually form on my face, it disappeared and I felt a heavy weight in my heart.

You were laughing happily…with another person.

He was flawless, I admit, and it was a perfect picture.

I knew it. I was not special enough, not perfect enough for you to love me…I couldn’t compare to this guy.

“It hurts to let go, but sometimes it hurts more to hold on.”

I made sure to catch you before you left for work and quickly gave you a kiss on the lips which was meant to be a short one slowly turned into a needy one as I didn’t want to let go.

But I had to, eventually. As I let go, I quickly bowed my head so that you wouldn’t see the teardrops that were threatening to fall and I said softly, “I love you, Sunggyu Hyung…always.”

I feel you feet shuffle awkwardly as you replied, “I-I love you too, Woohyun ah, I have to go for work now.”

Shortly after you left, I made my way for the river again.

I remembered what you told me the first time we came here.

“Woohyun ah, doesn’t the river make you feel calm? The calm water, breeze and fresh smell, I love water. Don’t you think dying amidst water will be such a good way to die?”

Did you tell him the same thing you told me when you brought him here?

Have you done the same things with him that you did with me?

Our memories…can I even call it ‘ours’ anymore?

It hurts too much to hold on any longer…

Goodbye. 

how was it? comments? :)