Type: Ongoing

Review:

Title (6/10):

                It gives a good idea of what the story is about and serves as some foreshadowing that the wedding is just the beginning. It does create some suspense as to what the wedding is the beginning of and how a wedding can be the beginning of any romance story. However, it lacks originality and creativity. It doesn't really catch the reader's eye or use any interesting qualities such as humor.

                I would suggest that in the future be sure to use a unique title that draws readers in and leaves them needing to read the story. This will compliment your story better and get more readers. Using humor or some witty literary device is also always a good idea for a title.

Poster / Design / Color / Background (5/5):

                Poster - There is no main poster, but most chapters have a picture at the beginning that helps to set the mood for that specific chapter. I enjoyed this since it gave me an idea of what was to come in the chapter and some of what to expect in that chapter.

                Design - There is no specific design, but the use of asterisks for flashbacks and the constant paragraph breaks make the story flow well and help it be easier to read. The font makes it clear when people are thinking, speaking, or there is just simply narration. Just be sure not to switch fonts too often because it can get tiresome to the eye. Also, be sure not to use any fonts that are too out there or squiggly because they can become hard to read.

                Color - The color indicating whose POV the chapter is in helps the words to stand out and avoids confusion during the chapter. Also, the lack of color during the chapter helps focus the reader's attention on the story instead of the pretty colors.

                Background - (none) For this story, I believe that not having a background is a smart choice. Some things   happen very quickly and a background could distract from the plot too much. In my opinion, only use a background when it would add to the story instead of distract from it. Good job.

Description / Foreword (4/5):

                Forward - none (-1 point)

                Description - Introduces the characters well and provides a guide for later in the story when who is who might become confusing. It does not give the readers a clear overview of the story or an idea of what the story is about, but there is some summary present in the character descriptions.

                I would suggest adding a small, one paragraph summary of the main plot of your summary to let readers know what is in store. Make sure that the summary is also before the character summaries so that it is easy to locate.

Plot (22/25):

                The plot line is rather good. There is a clear and precise introduction, rising action, conflict, and so on. It is a romance story that has all the lovey-dovey scenes without making them too mushy. The overall plot is good with a few twists and turns, but the only missing aspect is originality. It is extremely hard to have a lot of originality in a romance story since just about every good plot has been used over and over again. Still, it is the typical "guy sees and likes girl but thinks she's taken then meets her later, learns she's not taken and falls in love with her". Still, there are plenty of details that are unique and overall, I would say the story has a reasonably good plot.

                My suggestion would be to throw in some sort of twist that is not common to love stories. It will catch readers off guard and leave them in suspense.

Characters (10/15):

                The characters are somewhat unique and I enjoy the guide to the characters that you included in the beginning. The main characters (you and Jaejoong) do develop through the story and grow, but their growth seems to be directly related to their relationship.

                My suggestion would be to make the characters grow in a larger sense such as making them able to face the world better.

Pace: (5/5):

                The pace of this story is perfect. It keeps active while not moving so fast that it's hard to keep up with. It was fun and easy to read in this sense and I could read it nonstop for a good amount of time.

Writing (6/15):

                A lot of the sentences are rather simple and plain. There isn't a whole lot of complexity to the writing and it makes the story seem choppy, especially near the beginning. Also, there isn't a whole lot of description. Adjectives and adverbs are the best tools a writer has in order to paint a picture in their reader's head. This is important to both keep the reader interested and for enjoyment purposes. Yes, I know a picture is supposed to paint a thousand words, but you can't depend on the character pictures at the beginning and the pictures of the setting at the beginning of some chapters. You need to describe more (without going overboard cause that can be just as bad). Here's an example:

                What you wrote:

                He puts down the paper he's reading on the table and looks outside through the glass wall of the coffee shop he's in. The sky is clear now here in Seoul. He visits every now and then for business.

                My rewrite:

                He neatly folds and places the slightly stained newspaper in his hands on the coffee table. He stares through the perfectly polished glass wall at the sky. Small wisps of clouds are all that is left of the previous cloudy days Seoul had to offer. The brilliant blue shone brightly with the light of the sun and he was suddenly glad that he could visit every now and then for business.

                I suggest that you elaborate more. Paint a better picture with adjectives and adverbs and allow the reader to see what you see while you write it. Also, adding some longer, more complex sentences would allow the work to flow better.

Grammar/Spelling (3/10):

                Spelling - for the most part, things are spelled correctly with only a few errors here and there. Be sure to use the spell check option while writing to avoid errors.

                Grammar - The grammar in this story is awful. There are incorrect tenses, pronouns, and conjugations. There are some words that were most likely meant to be deleted but were not. This, though it may seem like an unimportant aspect when on AFF, is actually very distracting to the reader. I couldn't read it without stepping back every few sentences and fixing the grammar in my head.

                My suggestion would be to copy and paste each chapter onto a word document and go back and use the spelling/grammar check in order to fix the mistakes. Also, reread your chapters before posting them!!! This will solve so many problems.

Bonus (enjoyment, flow, anything interesting) (5/10):

                I really did enjoy reading this story and I find that it is something a lot of people (especially on asianfanfics) can relate to. I like how you made "you" a writer since most of the people reading the fanfic are probably writers themselves and I felt that the story reflects a lot of relationships.

Total: 66/100

I apologize if you find my review harsh but I promise I am only trying to help you to become a better and more popular writer. Of course, you are free to disagree with me all you like, but this is my opinion. If you take my suggestions I believe your story will improve greatly, but obviously I can't force you to do anything. Keep writing and I hope you found this review helpful =D

I am also sorry that it took so long for me to post this, but between school work and getting a concussion things have been pretty busy. Anyway, here it is. Also, I'll be going away on vacation for the next week (=D) but I promise that the second I get back I'll continue working on my reviews and get them out much faster. Thank you for your support, you