A certain tall, young man walked into his apartment, the night old and cold.  The marble tiles were freezing under his bare feet and he thinks maybe his older, forgetful roommate forgot to turn the heater on.  Well, their shared bed’s luxurious goose down blanket was surely enough to heat the other up.  He scratched his head and yawned, perhaps he had stayed out a little too late. 

His engineering lecture had gone overtime and then he’d gone out with his college buddies for some celebrations.  His two close friends were hyper on some sort of sugar and had dragged him to a bar, screaming and singing like maniacs.  They’d snapped a party hat onto his head, announcing to the DJ to play him a special song, ordering him the most expensive drink available.  He’d laughed, drunk and danced, barely aware that he’d been swaying his hips suavely right by a girl in his analytical thinking class. 

She was one of those shy girls, with the big glasses and soft voice but boy, was she a drunk.  She’d ground against him, expecting a reaction but received none.  It was to be expected, after all.  He had no feelings for her.  But he decided to have some fun, the usually quiet girl who called to her friends shyly, addressing them appropriately all the time.  Oh, how it was a contrast to how he addressed his older friends.

A few hours later, after the mass screaming and partying that all college students liked to enjoy, Eunhyuk and Donghae were throwing up and he had to call them a cab.  Those two could never hold their alcohol very well.  They were such kids.  But he couldn’t help but smile, remembering the older man that could get drunk off one shot.  They were so different with his high tolerance to any sort of beverage and the elder’s extremely low one.

He flipped a few switches, light painfully illuminating the once shadowed apartment.  Walking through their expensive open, island kitchen he spotted something melting and dripping, a lump of white, blue and red messily sitting on the countertop. 

“What’s this?” He approached the mess, swiping his finger on the edge, the substance off.  Sugar exploded on his taste buds, homemade and undeniably sweet.  He swabbed a bit more, savouring the taste, seeing something yellow and spongy underneath.  He picked off a crumb, tasting the sweetness on his tongue, melting in his mouth. 

He kind of mourned for the ruined delight, the whole thing completely ruined.  There were blue and red streaks messed and runny, all over the top and side.  Maybe it was a pretty pattern before it melted from being out of the fridge too long.  He took a few more bites out of it before dumping the whole thing in the bin, wondering what the special occasion was. 

It was only when he exited the kitchen; walking through the living room that he dropped his book bag.  His face held only shock and guilt, seeing the small figure curled up on the plush couch, shivering.  He didn’t need light to see.  He knew that coppery layered hair anywhere.  And it was only then, only when he had to be practically smacked in the face with the truth, did he remember.

“Honey!” The small male jumped into his arms, having just had his coffee and completely charged.  His lover was still half asleep and brushed the welcoming hug off. 

“Morning…” He was half dead as he sat at the table, kind of just staring at the scrambled eggs and fried bacon the elder had slaved over.

“Hey, are you free Thursday night?  You’re lecture ends at 5, right?” The small male sat right next to him, elbows on the table, holding his adorable face in both his hands, looking absolutely jovial.

“Yeah, yeah… I guess.” The engineering student gulped down the orange juice, not really taking anything in.  He’d played his Starcraft a little too much last night and had ended up sleeping too late with the assignment that was due.

“Really?  Then make sure you come home by 6, okay?  It’s really important!” The elder was beaming, latching tightly onto his side, head resting on his shoulder.  Disturbed by the burden from his eating he shrugged him off again.

“Hyung, don’t you have class?” He asked the music major student.  The elder pouted the cute pout that usually worked, before breaking back into a small, loving smile.

“It’s okay, anything for you.”

“What have I done?” The young man rushed to the sofa, picking the sleeping man up, to tuck him into their warm bed.  He looked so fragile, skin pale, like a piece of glass cracked on all edges – ready to shatter.  And the worst thing is that he caused those cracks.  But the older male had just smiled like always, pretending that his heart wasn’t breaking each and every time.

He placed the smaller male on the bed, pulling the thick blanket over him, his hair with gentle fingers.  He touched the elder’s baby-fat laden cheeks, leaning down to kiss it.  And he wonders how he did such a thing to someone so kind and caring. And he wonders how they got to this point.  They were fine for the first six months. 

But now, a full nine months into their relationship, and he’d screwed so much up. 

How did the older male take it?  How did he pretend to not hurt at every brushed off hug and every annoyed sigh?  How did he not cry when he’d pushed him away from yet another small kiss?  He’d hidden behind schoolwork and friends, pretending that he wasn’t slowly pushing him away.  He’d justified in his head that they were different majors, they were different years, they were different… everything.  He couldn’t believe he’d actually let the teasing get to him.  He’d let the mockery of their relationship, with both age and gender as a problem, stick in his heart and tear him to pieces.  And in turn, tear the man he loved to even smaller pieces.

“Oh Hyung… You’re too good for me…” He tried to smile at his senior of four years but failed miserably.  His lips twitched pathetically and all he could do was lean down and envelope the elder in tight hug.  It was so different.  The older man was usually so warm and bubbly, melting into his arms when he actually managed to return or initiate an embrace.  Yet now, he was cold and frigid, so different to touch. 

He whispered ‘I’m sorry’, endless amount of times.   Sorry for not picking up the phone.  Sorry for forgetting.  Sorry for not calling.  Sorry for coming home so late.  Sorry for not noticing.  Sorry for binning the cake his lover had slaved over.  Sorry for not coming to celebrate with him instead of his college classmates.  Sorry for deliberately ignoring him.  Sorry for not hugging him when he was sad. Sorry for brushing him away.  Sorry for not listening.  Sorry for breaking his heart unknowingly. 

He cried a few tears, clutching the older boy tighter, hearing a small, husky voice that he thought was his imagination.  “Kyu… You’re home…” And Kyuhyun can hear the happiness present in his voice.  But he just wants to slap the other silly, asking him why he never complained, why he never told him, why he just took it. “Why are you crying, Kyu?  You’re not supposed to cry on your special day…”

He sounds genuinely worried, sleep a far thought from his mind. He tries to sit up but Kyuhyun keeps him down with his weight, lifting his head up from the elder’s soaked shoulder and kisses him.  The elder has to think when the last time Kyuhyun kissed him was but he doesn’t take it.    He pushes the younger man away but to no avail, wanting to ask what was wrong, to worry and gush like he always does. 

“I love you… I love you… I love you so much, Kim Jongwoon…” Kyuhyun presses another heavy kiss to the elder’s lips, pouring all his guilt and regret into it, wanting the elder to know he would change.  Haters be ed. 

“What’s gotten into you, Honey?” Jongwoon asks inquisitively, breathless and blushing from the passionate kisses.  Kyuhyun thinks the elder is so beautiful.  He wonders how he kept his hands off him for so long.

“You’re supposed to call me an idiot for not noticing.  You’re supposed to be angry that I forgot and didn’t pick up your calls.  You’re supposed to hate me.  You’re not supposed to be worried and looking at me as if I’m the loving boyfriend I haven’t been.” Kyuhyun begins crying again and buries his nose into Jongwoon’s chest.  The elder is stunned but hugs the tall male back, taking in the scent of alcohol, sweat and .  The exact smells of a car.  He pretends it doesn’t hurt.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” The older man smiles serenely, the same loving smile he pulled out even when Kyuhyun mentally abused him.  It seemed that no matter how much he mistreated him, the elder always gave him the same unchanging smile.

“Sing for me then, Jongwoon-hyung.  Sing for me the song you were going to sing when I got home and we ate your cake.  Sing me the song you were going to sing when I fed you my cake and pinched your cheeks because you were so cute… Sing for me, Dear…” The elder is once again shocked but complies either way.  He opens his mouth, low, sultry voice swirling around Kyuhyun.  And Kyuhyun thinks that if Jongwoon can transform a happy little kid’s song into a y ballad, the male truly deserved his nickname ‘Yesung’. 

And at the last line he slows down, a smooth ritardando before stopping completely.  Kyuhyun smiles into his neck, kissing it heavy enough to leave a mark.  Jongwoon moans a little and the younger wonders how he resisted him so long.  He climbed under the covers as well, holding the smaller male in his arms, tenderly.  He hears words whispered in his chest and he almost cries.  He’d ignored a man that cared too much about him and too little about himself.  And there’s a smile pressed against his collar as he says those words, the same smile, the same loving smile.

“Happy birthday, Kyu.”

***

Word Count: 1738

A/N: No idea what this is.  Don’t know where it came from or what happened.  I already wrote Kyu a birthday fic yet this popped out of nowhere… I felt like a bit of angst cuz I’m writing a lot of fluff.  This is kind of crap… like really bad crap. Lols.  it's awkward I wrote angst for a birthday fic..