He collapsed on the floor, one girl of his dance team trying to catch him as he almost fell and ended up on the floor. He was not as tired as it seemed but rehearsing the same "Ghost" choreography for the 7th time, had him on edge. Practicing this right before “Paranoia” and at the end of his concert rerun was the last . Having other unnecessary thoughts was just another addition to the uneasiness he has been feeling all day. Baekhyun had it already in a corner of his mind, he should focus and get things ready properly. His schedule was coming packed for the next weeks, even months while his tour was about to kick off in only two days. He grabbed the water bottle Kasper pushed into his face. It almost brought his mind back to the practice room with the rest of the dancers chatting in the back of the practice room. The knowing smirk Kasper was flashing him broke the last nerve he was currently living on.

"Aren't you going to far? I am barely breathing" Baekhyun side eyed him uncapping his supreme refill bottle. He swore the head choreographer was just making sure he was going to bed tonight, with sore muscles in his lower body. He thought he had his all stamina back from the all concert preparation he placed for the past weeks. But his dance rehearsals  had him doubt he had any.

"You are the one who insisted to go again on this one. I would have been home a long time ago if was my call mister Byun ing star" Baekhyun grimaced. That was not totally false, he probably held responsibility for his own current predicament.

"Shut it" Baekhyun gulped his water 3 times before dabbing the excess sweat forming on the beginning of his temples. He looked at his fingers and stuck his tongue out, out of habit.  Only his perfectionist mind would know why he engaged in a dance performance reorganization at this hour.  He could put the blame on his unsatisfied eyes, he could not be content with some little things. This seemed as Deja, just like that time his performance director put a end to his nonsense 3 days ago, stating that they couldn't make such big modification 4 days before the Asia tour kick off concert.  But Baekhyun had an eye for perfection, he wished he could stop and be content with what he came up with. But he would think about his fans and the multiple ways he could find to trigger a reaction from them and there it is,  his creative mind would run. Sometimes, his mind would just play trick with him by convincing him his performance could be better, that he could be better. And he knew this was achievable,  but the result would never be as good as he pictured it in his mind. This pressure he tried to get rid of, was invading his thoughts and it would, most of the time, invade the personal aspects of his life. He sighed loudly as if he could expulse all the questions pilling in his head. His bottom lip was sore by now, red from the biting he has been unconsciously applying.

"What's going on? I bet it has nothing to do with your first solo concert being on point. You've been there done that ... We got to eliminate this from the list.."

Kasper was this kind of close friend he had made through his career. He was glad he could share his mind without judgment with someone who would most likely understand him but still someone not too close. Baekhyun let a sound similar to a hiss or a curse word. It was difficult to decipher from Kasper’s perspective but it gave him enough indication that the brown haired man was upset

"Okay.." Kasper continued "I will let the dance team go. Obviously practicing more tonight will not make any difference in your case. A penny for your thoughts?" The choreographer was helpless to find an explanation, divided between trying to help his friend and running for his life.

Kasper made a sign to the dance team captain,  indicating practice was over for today. Baekhyun high fived the ones who approached him to bid goodbye and reciprocated a polite nod of the head to some others.

"You didn't have to do this, we have so much to review. I need to think about a couple of things"

"None of that. You need to stop. We won't change anything. The concert is after tomorrow Baek. What the hell are you thinking ? Everything is fine. Your fans will love it, your family and friends as well I don't know what you are worried about"

Baekhyun scoffed at this, cause this actually put salt on his open wound.

" yeah well I guess they will like it...I mean at least the ones coming to watch " Baekhyun uttered lowly and absent-mindedly.

And like he has been struck by some lightning, Kasper realized the reason for the moody Baekhyun in front of him. Baekhyun was a perfectionist sure, but still an intelligent person. However, his reactions for the past 3 days have been far from being sensed and his thoughts were anywhere from structured.

"It's about Chanyeol right?" Baekhyun had both of his cheeks puffed, taken by surprise when his eyes found Kasper's.

"Not even close" The singer stood up and cleaned imaginary dust from his training pants. "I'm genuinely concerned about the outcome and how people will receive it. If I see mistakes and inconsistencies, my fans will see it as well, don’t you think so?"

Kasper laughed out loud to Baekhyun's audacity. " yeah right...  Is he not coming ?"

"Like I would know" Baekhyun occupied his hands with sorting his belongings in his  Balianciaga duffle bag, convinced he was hiding his annoyance successfully.

"If anyone should know,  I would assume that person is you, aren't you?"

"I would like to have an answer to this question as well. But last time I checked, he was not sure he could make it ….and I actually don't care. Can we move on ?' Baekhyun turned around thinking his words would put an end to their discussion.

Kasper raised his eyebrow wondering if Baekhyun realized how unconvincing he was being.

'He will be there don't worry. When has he let you down anyway?" Baekhyun hated how Kasper was making sense but he rightfully knew why this matter was driving him crazy.  Last time he spoke with Chanyeol, the taller was in Japan for some time off, although he planned with Baekhyun his all plan about recording the remaining tracks of his upcoming album. Since the younger has been stationed for the last 7 days, he was lenient to not give Baekhyun the time of the day.
And the smaller knew, he painfully knew how Chanyeol needed this time for himself. A lot of things has happened for the past 8 months, events Baekhyun could more or less have an impact on. He knew some decisions he made had  impacted the both of them somehow. However, they were convinced they were stronger than all this and they could survive anything thrown at them. They had to. So Chanyeol needing time for himself has been highly encouraged by Baekhyun. He couldn’t regret it now, it would be unfair for the both of them if he dared.

'Plus who doesn't attend the fist solo event of their best friend? This day is gonna be insane for you. He will come for support for sure. Aren't the rest of the members attending?' Bestfriend wise, Baekhyun’s mind drifted to Yoosung who without a doubt was coming. He took him a few second to realize Kasper was really talking about Chanyeol.

'They are supposed to. They have been invited but you know... a lot depends on their respective schedule" Baekhyun made a sign to his bodyguard he was on the go.


"So that's it? You are afraid your boyfriend is not attending your first offline event" The artist didn’t have to turn around to figure out Kasper was grinning widely.

'Okay Shut up Tae Woo, would you? I'm going"

Baekhyun bowed to the staff still present and put on his airpod headset before following his  bodyguard who was already walking a few meters in front.

The quick chat he had with Kasper had him deep dive once again in his intrusive thoughts. He knew it's not a big deal if Chanyeol ended up never showing up at all. But it wouldn't make it less gut-wrenching that the thought itself. Baekhyun wanted Chanyeol to be there, the limit between want and need, very thin, that he wouldn’t even admit it to himself. Baekhyun could not go over the outcome of their past conversation, the one that did not give any single clue on Chanyeol’ s possible attendance. He may have said words he did not meant to and got carried away in the moment. And if he was regretting some of them now, he knew those honest thoughts were really there inside of him.

He took his phone and came back on their Kakao talk  chat, painfully noticing that his last message from yesterday, stayed on seen and unanswered.  Baekhyun bite the inside of his mouth, thinking how he should approach this situation.  On thing is for sure, Chanyeol would not make the firs