The sound of raindrops against the train windows was omnipresent despite being much quieter than the noises deriving from the train itself. Kageyama focused on them. The little droplets hitting the exterior created a calming rhythm.

 

He had to focus on them as the world around him became overwhelming. Even through closed eyes he could see the lights flicker occasionally and shift depending on the environment they were driving past. The people around him were quiet. Most were equally as exhausted as he was after a long day of work.

 

And yet their presence alone put strain on him. He didn't have enough energy to handle even that much and so he shut himself out solely focusing on the soothing rain and the voice that would announce his station.

 

He clutched his bag tightly when the time came to step off the train. His heart suddenly picked up speed and he felt as though the room around him was shrinking.

 

It was unavoidable to brush the people around him in passing in the crowded station even though he tried to avoid them. Every bit of touch even through layers of clothes felt like sharp needles being poked into his flesh to his oversensitive skin.

 

He rushed to get out but with that, the world around him seemed to pick up speed as well. More people, more faces, and more information rushed past him in quick succession and it was too much. His vision blurred at the edges and he set his mind to one goal: The exit.

 

Outside he was greeted by the same rain he had previously appreciated as a distraction. Now the little drops hit his skin similarly painful as the fleeting touches he couldn't avoid.

 

He didn't care. He had an umbrella somewhere in his bag but the thought of loosening his grip or changing the rigid position he had set his muscles in made a horrible itch creep up his spine and he'd rather endure getting a little drenched.

 

He didn't care, sunshine wouldn't have been better at the moment. It was all equally overwhelming to his tired brain. He just focused on breathing and pushing forward.

 

The door shut behind him and for the blink of an eye, the time it took to take in a deep relieving breath or was silent. His heartbeat slowed and he closed his eyes, quietly approaching the cliff that was his inner turmoil, emotions so wild they equated to a tidal wave and yet he stood before it as if frozen in time and then...

 

"Kageyama!"

Hinata bolted around the corner excitedly, took in a rushed breath to keep talking and... stopped. It was almost comical how he froze mid-movement before hesitantly letting his arms fall to his side.

 

His whole energy shifted from the overwhelming flash of lightning, driven and charged with infinite amounts of energy, to a more mellow, soft warmth that Kageyama beyond doubt equated with home.

 

It was like a sunset in early fall, when the sun still held the power to warm the skin although the world around had long begun turning cold. It was solace after a storm. It was home.

 

Kageyama took another deep breath and suddenly the overwhelming towering tidal wave he saw himself confronted with shrunk. His mind no longer overcome by a threatening on-flood of emotions but a storming sea within.

Still not calm but more manageable from afar.

 

Hinata didn't say anything for a long moment as Kageyama took a beat of silence to calm himself upon arriving home. Wordlessly he reached out to take Kageyama's bag while he took off his shoes and jacket, which had down little to shield him from the rain.

 

The ginger must have noticed because he returned with a set of dry, fresh pyjamas and a hoodie, which Kageyama gladly accepted and changed into before he even stepped inside further.

 

Changing wasn't comfortable. He wanted to stay in his rigid position and move as little as possible but he knew he had to get out of his wet clothes and once the warm soft fabric of the shirt set comfortably in place over his skin and he could hug his arms around himself as before, it felt better.

 

His clothes not sticking to him like a second skin felt better.

 

Logically he knew he had to endure these little moments of even worse discomfort to feel more comfortable afterwards, like taking the train and walking through the rain to get home, where he had the familiar environment he so desperately craved right now, but it still cost him effort and energy to cross these bridges.

 

Just now he finally stepped out of the genkan and into the hallway but not further, unsure on how to proceed. He was tense, his body slumped over a bit, and his hands had balled into fists while his toes curled.

 

He was uncomfortable. Extremely so. It had been a while since the sensory issues had gotten this bad. He had to consciously remind himself to take deep breaths and not panic over the on-flood of sensations.

 

Hinata returned. Kageyama hadn't even noticed he had left again, only now realizing that his wet clothes were missing as well. He must have taken them.

 

"It's that bad?" Hinata asked.

 

Kageyama nodded slowly, glad that he didn't have to explain himself. Whenever it got like this his mouth felt... odd and speaking made it worse. Like the words had gotten some sort of uncomfortable texture on his tongue he neither could nor wanted to put a name to.

 

"Alright, wanna go upstairs already? I could bring you dinner to eat there." the smaller suggested.

 

He thought about it, his eyes dropping to his hands when he noticed that Hinata hadn't just given him a random hoodie. It was one of his communication hoodies, with 'yes' and 'no' embroidered on the sleeves and as he knew pictures of either frogs or sharks depicting different emotions on the front.

 

The setter felt suddenly overwhelmed at the realization but still simply lifted the sleeve with 'no' written on it. He reached out a hand to the spike, who watched him carefully and a little confused but accepted the gesture nonetheless.

 

Kageyama held his hand experimentally, feeling whether the touch was okay at the moment before pulling him into his arms fully as he found that it was comforting. He hid against Hinata's neck to block out any other sensations around them and breathed in his soothing scent.

 

"Oh..."

Hinata made a small noise of understanding and wrapped his arms around him in return.

 

They remained like this for a moment but after a couple more seconds, the ginger tried coaxing him to the couch which the raven commented with a wounded sound, akin to a whine.

 

"Come on, let's at least sit down first. Otherwise, I won't be able to stay still."

 

Kageyama took a couple of deep breaths before he was ready to follow his lead. Another small thing he had to do before he could be more comfortable. It was just a brief moment but he still felt his heartbeat rising in his chest as he was met with the bright light shining from the kitchen and the new noises and sensory input.

 

When they sat down he immediately pulled Hinata close again and hid against him and the couch, making himself otherwise as small as possible in the process.

 

Hinata proved again that he knew him better than Kageyama ever dared to hope when he reached out to pull the hood of his hoodie over his head, effectively blocking out even more of the light around them.

 

"Here you go."

He gave him a soft smile, that felt like the subtle warmth of a dimly lit fire, comforting but not overwhelming.

 

They sat like that for a moment, in which Kageyama focused on nothing but the smaller's rhythmic breathing and heartbeat. For a few minutes, his entire world consisted solely of Hinata.

 

"Shoyo has Tobio–"

Yamaguchi stopped himself, similarly or the way Hinata had before, as he saw them curled up on the couch together. His eyes were drawn to Kageyama's hunched-over figure and the hoodie he was wearing and immediately understanding dawned on his face.

 

He gave a small smile to Hinata and turned back to the kitchen, where Tsukishima just finished seasoning their dinner.

 

"And? Is Tobio home yet? I swear I heard the door open." he asked.

 

"Hm-hm but it's... He looks exhausted. I think it's a bad day."

 

The blonde paused and Yamaguchi saw the concern crossing over his face. His eyes wandered to the living room automatically but he stopped himself from going there right away.

 

"Sho is with him." the green-haired added.

 

It was so little and yet so much said. In short, Yamaguchi understood and acknowledged his concern but there was no reason to worry. Someone was already there with him and looking out for him. And Tsukishima nodded at that.

 

They finished setting up the meal and by the time the table was set, Tsukishima approached the couch, leaning over the back a bit off to the side, so as not to startle Kageyama or overwhelm him by suddenly being too close.

 

"Dinner is ready."

 

Hinata smiled up at him gently, before carefully untangling himself from Kageyama's embrace.

 

"Tobio? Do you think you'll be able to eat something right now?" Tsukishima's voice was soft.

He waited until the raven slowly shook his head, now hugging his arms around himself tightly instead of holding onto another. The blonde nodded slowly and watched as Hinata got up to sit down next to Yamaguchi at the table.

 

"Alright, I will set a plate aside for you. You can join any time you like or go if it gets too much here." he offered and turned around to join the other two as well.

 

The first few times this happened, Kageyama's apathy, silence, and most significantly his refusal to eat, had concerned him more than he had been able to express. It still did to some degree but now he knew that this was more or less simply a matter of their setter being overwhelmed.

 

There was no deeper underlying issue aside from the way his brain was and always had been wired a little differently. In the same way that Hinata needed a certain amount of exercise each day to feel happy and good.

 

Kageyama would eat when he felt better and he would feel better the sooner he got the chance to recover. All he could do at the moment was trust that the setter would communicate his needs honestly.

 

--------

 

Kageyama didn't join them for dinner but he didn't leave either. By the time they were finished, he still sat in the same spot but to Tsukishima's relief the tension in his shoulders seemed to have eased a bit and he didn't seem to need to hide away anymore as badly.

 

They hadn't made concrete plans for the evening yet but considering the turn of events they could easily adjust whatever ideas they had to match the situation. Besides they'd profit from going to bed on time for once.

 

"Hey, Tobio? I'm tired, do you want to go to bed with me?" Yamaguchi asked.

 

Tsukishima knew that wasn't entirely true. Yamaguchi was from all of them the most of a night owl, the polar opposite of Hinata.

 

Kageyama nodded slowly and Yamaguchi smiled, though added:

"If it gets too much or if it helps you in any way you could also sleep in the other bedroom if you like."

 

'The other bedroom' was one of the smarter decisions they made when finally buying a house together. With four people in a relationship, with sometimes vastly different sleep schedules, and needs, such as for closeness or space, it was nice to have options.

 

May that be that they slept in pairs on occasion or that one of them preferred to sleep alone for a night. It wasn't about tension or fights. Tsukishima saw it as a strength that they were able to accommodate each others' needs and a sign of trust not to interpret anything into the actions and that if a problem arose it would be addressed directly instead of trying to make a point through vague or passive-aggressive gestures. Kageyama denied Yamaguchi's idea of sleeping separately and followed him upstairs as they fell into their evening routines easily. Meanwhile, Hinata finished cleaning the dishes while Tsukishima wiped down the table.

 

"Do you think something happened?" the ginger spoke up again.

 

 

 

"Hm?"

 

 

 

"With Tobio I mean, to you know... trigger this."

 

 

 

"I don't know. Could be that he is just exhausted or frustrated because he missed one too many serves today at practice.

"The two of you aren't exactly known for being kind to yourselves when it comes to volleyball," Tsukishima replied.

 

 

 

Hinata made a non-committal sound instead of protesting as the taller had expected. He sighed, reading the spiker's worry in his silence. He put the cloth aside in favour of wrapping his arms around the smaller.

 

 

 

"Don't worry too much," he said, which sounded blatantly hypocritical coming from him of all people. Despite his spiky exterior — not to say outright hostile attitude at times — Tsukishima was known for fussing over his husbands, particularly when he deemed them sick or in distress.

 

 

 

Now he pressed a kiss to the ginger hair, in an attempt to calm Hinata and alleviate the spiker's concern as he basked in the closeness of their embrace for a bit.

 

 

 

"I trust he will tell us /if/ something happened. More likely than not, it was just a bad day," he reassured him.

 

 

 

"I don't like when he gets bad days," Hinata mumbled into his shirt and Tsukishima nodded in sympathy.

 

 

 

"Me neither.

"I don't like when you get bad days either or Tadashi for that matter. If I could I'd make sure you're safe and sound at all times and happy."

 

 

 

Hinata leaned up and pulled him down by his collar to press their lips together before smiling into the kiss.

 

"You can be so soft." he teased.

 

 

 

A chuckle mixed with a small noise of defiance resonated in Tsukishima's chest.

 

"Only for you."

It had meant to sound like protest but came out resonating as a promise and Hinata's smile brightened.

 

 

 

"Come on, let's give our grumpy cat some cuddles." the smaller suggested and Tsukishima laughed at the nickname, as he followed suit. They'd be okay. He was sure of it.

 

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Podfic/Audiobook/Video version - Your Silence