A few days later...

"Kyuhyun-ssi, could you please repeat that again?"

"Doctor, I think something is definitely, really wrong with me."

Lying on a plush recliner, Kyuhyun confessed his sin to a psychiatrist. Doctor Park Jungsu nodded and smiled kindly to let him continue.

"... Recently, I reunited with my best friend who ghosted and left me in the dark to study abroad during college. That night at the reunion party, I found out for the first time that my best friend was actually gay. I learned that he dated a guy whom he almost got married to and I also ran into him kissing some random dude from the party. Doctor, what I saw and learned bothered me a great deal..."

"How did it make you feel?"

"I, I didn't like it... I felt uneasy and anxious. My chest tightened and my stomach flipped, especially when I saw my best friend kissed another man..."

"So? Seeing your best friend and another man, both being men, getting intimate made you feel uneasy?"

"Yes. I'm worried that I might be homophobic without realizing it. But there's something strange about it."

"What is it? Can you describe what is strange?"

"Yes. So, erm... That night, I managed to convince my best friend to ride my car and invite me into his hotel room. Then, we slept together in one bed like how we used to do when we were kids. A-And, I, I..."

"Kyuhyun-ssi, you can stop if you don't want to do it."

"No... I must get to the bottom of this issue because I want to be with my best friend with a sincere heart! So... After we got in bed, my best friend fell asleep first but I was still excited about meeting him again after four years. So, well, I kinda liked watching him? Erm... I-I accidentally saw his chest and s and got ... Doctor Park, could it be that I have an internalized homophobia...?"

Kyuhyun blushed hard and pinched his thigh to distract his mind from recalling the image. Doctor Park nodded thoughtfully while reading his note. Then, the gentle psychiatrist smiled at him.

"Kyuhyun-ssi, if you're comfortable with sharing, could you please tell me the name of your best friend?"

"Of course. His name is Kim Jongwoon. He's the most beautiful and kind-hearted person I've ever met. I'm so lucky to meet and be his friend."

"What a small world..." 

"Doctor Park?"

"Oh, nothing. So, you're suspecting that you might be both homoual and homophobic?"

"Or maybe I'm just homophobic and abnormal... I mean, I only ever dated girls and no sane person would have erted thoughts about their best friends..."

"Kyuhyun-ssi, first of all, I'd like you to know that you're perfectly normal, just different, and we're going to find out what makes you different. Let's see..."

Doctor Park jotted down something on the paper and handed it to him— a bunch of website names.

"Doctor Park!!? You probably wouldn't...?"

"Your assumption is correct. Kyuhyun-ssi, I want you to visit these sites and watch at least twenty gay adult videos on each site. Then, thoroughly note how you feel about them and come see me again a week later."

Kyuhyun accepted the note and went home dumbly. He never watched gay and never even considered watching it. However, he shouldn't run away if he wanted to face his dearest best friend honestly. After spending a few hours steeling his nerves, he finally sat down and dutifully completed the given task. The first few videos made him feel uncomfortable to see how it goes between two men. A few more videos later, however, he slowly got used to it and even started to feel a bit curious and intrigued. By the time he went through all the given sites, he no longer felt uncanny and came to appreciate a different side of love and . He wrote every thought he had while watching the videos as the doctor instructed him for their next session. Just as he was about to close the browser, Kyuhyun came across a recommended video that made him blush hard.

...A actor who quite resembled Jongwoon.

Of course, his best friend is way prettier but Kyuhyun couldn't deny the resemblance at first glance. Curiosity got the best of him and he checked out the said actor's channel. Most of their videos were homemade with a point of view of the Top doing the Bottom. As if a devil whispered to him, Kyuhyun clicked to watch their video... And the next one... And the next one... And the next next one... Before long, he spent an hour just watching this channel alone. His brain subconsciously replaced the actor in the videos with an image of Jongwoon staring ahead with hearted eyes and a coquettish smile, calling his name sensually. He didn't even realize that he was touching himself until a sudden ringtone broke his immersion. Kyuhyun answered the call angrily without looking at the screen.

"State your business in thirty seconds or I'll end the call."

"...Is this a bad timing? I can call later..."

"Jongwoon!? N-No! Everytime is a perfect time for you! What's wrong?"

"Are you free tonight? I want to see you... Kyuhyun..."

"Of course, of course! Where are you? Give me ten minutes and I'll pick you up!"

"I'm in front of your apartment now."

"What?"

As if to prove that it wasn't a joke, a knock at the front door came up at the same time Kyuhyun heard it on the call. !! His best friend suddenly dropped by his place when he was watching gay !! One with an actor that looked like his best friend, even!!

"Kyuhyun? Are you busy now? I can leave if that's the case..."

"No! I'm totally free! Just, five! Gimme five minutes!!"

Ending the call, Kyuhyun hurriedly closed the sites and cleared the internet history for good measure. After that, he cleaned up the discarded tissues and changed the trash bag to hide the shameful evidence. Finally, he ashamedly rubbed one off in the bathroom with the aid of an imaginary Jongwoon his name. After checking in front of a mirror for the umpteenth time that he looked presentable and not indecent, Kyuhyun happily welcomed his best friend into his apartment. Jongwoon in a simple white t-shirt and fitting black jeans stepped inside while dragging a suitcase with him. Then, the dark-haired man headed to the bedroom and flopped down on the mattress, before snatching a pillow to hug and rolling around; all the while Kyuhyun just stared at his best friend with a huge grin. He sure missed a sleepover with Jongwoon! A few minutes later, Jongwoon sat up and pouted at him.

"Kyuhyun, can you help me...?"

"Of course! I can do anything for you!"

"Then, can I stay here with you for the time being?"

"Sure— Wait, staying here? As in... You'll move and live here with me...?"

"Yes. You see, I'm running out of money so I can't stay at the hotel anymore. Asking Jongjin is out of the question. My cousin, Heechul hyung, is also out of the question because he already lives with his boyfriend. I could stay with my parents but I didn't want to bother them with my unique lifestyle. That's why... I can't think of anyone else but you... Kyuhyun, my best friend, will you help me?"

"Of course!! You can live here as long as you want! Welcome to my humble abode~"

Although he felt that Jongwoon strangely stressed the phrase "My best friend", he happily welcomed the other party to his home. He even made room in a wardrobe for his friend's clothes and helped put away his friend's belongings while Jongwoon watched him quietly on the bed.

"By the way, Jongwoon, what did you mean by a unique lifestyle? Are you talking about how you like to stay up late?"

"Sort of. I'm going to be out most of the time to look for a future husband and might come home late, so I don't want to bother Appa and Eomma."

"I see— YOU WHAT!!?"

Kyuhyun dropped his housemate's clothes but was too shocked to pick it up. His head snapped to look at the other man in disbelief but Jongwoon just smiled sweetly at him.

"I'll be seeing a lot of men on a blind date to find a man to marry and settle down with~ In fact, I already made an appointment with some hot guys~"

"Y-You want to get married? Isn't it too soon for our age?"

"Nope~ I can't bother my best friend forever, right? That's why I'm looking for a good guy to look after me~"

"I don't mind taking care of you..."

"But I do. Don't worry though! I promise I'll introduce my future husband to you first before anyone else~ After all, you're my precious best friend, right?"

Technically, he should be happy that his best friend thought so highly of him but he felt frustrated instead. Noticing his sour mood, Jongwoon left the bed to squeeze him in a bear hug and glanced up at him, and Kyuhyun frowned at his acting-up heartbeat.

"Kyuhyun~ Are you worried that I might be deceived by bad guys?"

"When have I never worried about you...?"

"I know you'd be like this. That's why I'm going to show you the guy whom I'll be seeing!"

Kyuhyun felt like he had just taken a bitter med but couldn't swallow it. He barely managed to gulp when his best friend showed him an Instagram account of the so-called blind date partner: an average-looking guy named Choi Siwon.

"This is Choi Siwon-ssi and he's around our age. I've been chatting with him not long after the reunion party and we agreed to meet next week. His profile is as eye-catching as his appearance! He runs an estate agency and sponsors a few charity organizations. His hobbies are exercising, yachting, reading, and hiking. He goes to a church every Sunday and volunteers at an orphanage when he has time. Most importantly, he's very handsome. Look at his six pack, hehe~"

"He's too good to be true. It must be a romance scam!"

"I was wondering about that too but we had a video call before. Look, isn't he good-looking?"

The bitterness simmered in his stomach and spread irritation over his chest when Jongwoon showed the chat history to him. Apart from casual conversations, his best friend sent many cute selcas to the other party and many pictures made him want to put his best friend in a sack and keep him in a basement. Jongwoon dressed too revealing!!

"What good-looking? He's just a horse!"

"Well, luckily for me then, I like horses~"

"Jongwoon... I thought you liked penguins the most...?"

"Penguins used to come first in my heart but that changed after a certain penguin hurt my feelings."

While Kyuhyun was thinking about which penguin his best friend talked about, Jongwoon got a call from the said horse and the man ignored him to chat amicably with Choi Siwon, much to his annoyance.

****************************************

"Kyuhyun-ssi, you come back earlier than our appointment. Did something happen?"

"Doctor Park, as I thought, I'm homophobic."

"Oh? What makes you reach such a conclusion?"

"I completed the given task and watched gay on those websites. I was fine with them, even fascinated by some. However, I felt uneasy when I saw two men being chummy in real life. I'm okay with homouality only if it doesn't occur in front of me!"

"Do you happen to witness a male-male couple?"

"Yes. My best friend chatted with his blind date partner in my presence and it made me feel so uncomfortable, especially in my chest."

The fountain pen in the male doctor's hand stopped and Park Jungsu looked up with a somewhat restrained smile.

"Kyuhyun-ssi, have you ever considered that your best friend is the cause of everything?"

"Jongwoon? Are you saying that he's homophobic? But he seems casual about dating men, too casual, in my opinion."

"No... I'm saying that you only have these feelings when your best friend is involved."

"He's my best friend. Obviously, I'm worried about him."

"Kyuhyun-ssi, let's try an imaginary scenario. Could you please close your eyes? Thank you. Now, imagine that you're walking in a public park and you see two men kissing. How do you feel?"

"I should mind my own business and don't bother them."

"Will you feel the same way about a male-female or female-female couple?"

"Yes. I mean, cool, they're happy and in love. You do you."

"What if it was your best friend who kissed another man?"

"I'll punch that 's face."

"..."

"Doctor Park?"

"...What if your best friend kissed a woman?"

"I shouldn't punch women so I'll persuade Jongwoon to change his mind. Clearly, she's up to no good!"

"..."

"Doctor Park?"

Park Jungsu sighed loudly and took off his glasses to rub the bridge of his nose.

"Kyuhyun-ssi... Do you really not get it? You're upset not because of the gender, but because of your best friend mingling with someone else."

"Well, he's my best—"

"Now, imagine Jongwoon-ssi standing in front of you in a white tuxedo. A translucent bridal veil covers half of his face, revealing his smiling lips. Both of you say "I do" to a priest and walk down the aisle hand in hand among your families and friends. You carry him to your shared bedroom and gently lay him down on the bed. While Jongwoon-ssi is underneath you, you kiss him and feel his body up until he moans your name..."

Silence.

"Doctor Park?'

"... Kyuhyun-ssi, you're grinning while having an ."

"..."

"..."

"...But that doesn't make sense! I've only ever dated girls and I don't think of my best friend that way!"

"Kyuhyun-ssi, uality is a wide spectrum and everyone can fall anywhere within it. Maybe you're biual but never explore the other side of your preference. Or maybe you've only ever loved your best friend but you didn't realize it until you were about to lose him to someone else."

"That..."

"Why don't you accompany your best friend to his blind date? You might discover something new about your feelings and uality."

"I... Understood..."

.

.

.

.

.

.

"So? Why are you tagging along with me to my blind date again?"

"... Can't I come because I'm worried about you? What if that horse guy is really a bad guy?"

"You worry too much but I appreciate it, Kyuhyun."

Kyuhyun beamed and leaned into his friend's small hand on his cheek. In truth, he came here per his psychiatrist's suggestion to explore his feelings. He still doubted that he loved Jongwoon romantically but it wouldn't hurt to check. So, here he is, sitting opposite the gorgeous black-haired man in an aesthetic Italian dining place. They came earlier than the appointment so Choi Siwon didn't arrive yet. During the wait, he noticed many people, men and women (especially men), glancing in their direction and Jongwoon always smiled back, even waving and giving a cute wink. In the end, Kyuhyun couldn't stand seeing those blushing people gawking at his best friend and tried to avert the man's attention back to him.

"Hey, is it just me or people are staring at you?"

"They're probably my fans~"

"Your what?"

"I got bored and lonely during my time in France so I started doing a vlog. Here, you can subscribe to my channel!"

Kyuhyun took his friend's phone and checked out a channel named "Yessay" with almost a million subscribers. Most of the content was about Jongwoon's life in France and his visits to cafes and museums. He checked the comment section and frowned after finding out that the majority of them were people praising his best friend's beauty or outfight flirting. In the past, he was the only one who got to appreciate Jongwoon's gorgeous looks and kind soul. Seeing Jongwoon become sort of a celeb, however, put him in a bad mood for some reason.

"Excuse me, are you Jongwoon?"

"Omo, hello, Siwon!"

Hearing the name that annoyed him, Kyuhyun quickly looked up and was ready to shoot down the so-called blind date partner of his best friend. However, he was rendered speechless after seeing what Choi Siwon looked like— taller than him, more muscular than him, more handsome than him, and probably more well-off than him too. His damaged ego suffered more injuries when Jongwoon happily stood up to hug the newcomer, even exchanging a kiss on the cheek! Kyuhyun secretly snarled at the damn horse but quickly schooled his expression into an innocent one when both men looked at him.

"Jongwoon, this person is...?"

"His name is Cho Kyuhyun. You know, my best friend whom I often tell you about!"

"I see! Nice to meet you, Cho Kyuhyun-ssi, Jongwoon's best friend." 

Choi Siwon offered his hand to him and Kyuhyun shook it while smiling politely. However, his gaze was anything but polite. He really, really didn't like this guy, especially the way he emphasized the word "Best Friend". A plan quickly formed in his mind and Kyuhyun turned to pout at the shortest man among them. He grasped the man's smaller hand and spoke up pitifully (as much as he could pull off.)

"Jongwoon... I suddenly feel weird like I'm about to catch a cold. Can we go back to our home?"

"Kyuhyun..."

Kyuhyun was about to smirk in triumph, seeing his best friend evidently waver, but Jongwoon just smiled apologetically and shook his head.

"I'm sorry, Kyuhyun, but I already promised Siwon to have dinner with him. You can go home first and get some rest. Don't force—"

"No! I didn't force myself. I'll wait here and only go home with you, Jongwoon."

"Aww, aren't you the sweetest best friend? Thanks, Kyuhyun! I'll definitely enjoy my time to the fullest~"

Kyuhyun thought that his best friend would definitely soften at his puppy eyes but Jongwoon just giggled amusedly. Then, his friend fondly caressed his cheeks and left to join Choi Siwon at another table. He gasped dumbfounded at the failure. Jongwoon never said no to his puppy eyes before!! Kyuhyun further slumped into the chair and openly glared from afar at the thief who stole his best friend. For some twisted coincidence, Jongwoon's seat happened to face in his direction so he clearly saw everytime his beloved best friend beam or chuckle in a good mood at whatever the horse said. The more he saw them together, the more frustrated he felt. However, he didn't know why he felt like that. Choi Siwon seemed to genuinely like his best friend. Shouldn't he be happy for his best friend?

Choi Siwon whispered something in Jongwoon's ear and the smaller man blushed madly.

Kyuhyun had to pinch his thigh to stop himself from bolting to their table and snatching his best friend away. He had seen many men flirting with Jongwoon and vice versa (much to his dislike) but Jongwoon never blushed like that before... Did Jongwoon... Really like Choi Siwon...?

"Pfft, how can that be? Jongwoon can't love anyone more than me—"

As soon as that sentence escaped his lips, realization struck him like a lightning bolt. Kyuhyun stared at his own hands and then at Jongwoon whose cute small hand was in Choi Siwon's hold. He wants to make Jongwoon happy and he wants to monopolize Jongwoon's attention plus affection, and he couldn't achieve that simply by being a good friend. He wanted to be Jongwoon's boyfriend. He loved Jongwoon more than a friend and wanted to do many questionable things that friends normally wouldn't do.

He wanted Jongwoon to only look at him and say only his name.

Although he discovered his true feelings, Kyuhyun didn't make any move to interrupt the two men's date, not that he didn't want to but he couldn't bring himself to; not when Jongwoon looked genuinely happy chatting with Choi Siwon. Panic began to mock him through a little voice in his head that it was too late to win his best friend's heart. Jongwoon already had someone else occupying his mind...

"Kyuhyun, are you alright? Your face is pale..."

"Jongwoon...?"

Kyuhyun blinked quizzically when he looked up to see the black-haired man who stole his heart standing next to his seat. Choi Siwon was nowhere to be seen. Jongwoon observed his expression with care and worry written on his face. Jongwoon's small hands which he adored so much never stopped caressing his face tenderly.

"Why are you forcing yourself to stay here...? Let's go home, our home."

"What about your date? Choi Siwon?"

"None of that matters now. C'mon, lean on me if you don't feel good."

Jongwoon helped him up and put his arm around his body to support him. Kyuhyun felt his heart almost give in due to the overloaded joy. His best friend dropped everything to be by his side as soon as he felt down. Maybe he still has a chance to win—

"Jongwoon, let me give you two a ride home."

"Thanks, Siwon. I promise I'll make it up later."

"It's fine. Just give me a toast at our next meeting as we agreed."

Choi Siwon who waited outside of the restaurant winked playfully at Jongwoon and chuckled when the shorter man pouted while blushing, much to Kyuhyun's greatest annoyance. He didn't bother to act civil this time and openly glared at the love rival. At the same time, his hand rested intimately on Jongwoon's hip grasped the slender figure firmer as if to challenge the other party. However, Choi Siwon just snorted amusedly and shook his head without any comments. The tallest one among them ignored him to smirk at (still-blushing) Jongwoon.

"I think our next meeting might be sooner than we expected. I'm eagerly looking forward to your invitation, Jongwoon~"

"...I hope your prediction is correct then."

Kyuhyun didn't understand what the two men talked about but he couldn't care less about it. After all, he will make sure that no second meeting between his beloved future boyfriend and Choi Siwon ever happens.

***************************************

"Jongwoon, are you really going to date Choi Siwon?"

The first thing Kyuhyun did after coming home was confirm that he still had a chance. Although his best friend did choose him back then, he didn't miss the way Jongwoon and Choi Siwon kept staring at each other in the car; the former blushing and pouting while the latter smirking teasingly.

"Hmm... I don't know. Should I? What do you think?"

Kyuhyun pondered what to answer. Should he be honest and confess here? What if Jongwoon didn't like him that way and got angry for getting in the way of his happiness? Time... He needs time to make sure that the feeling is mutual... Finally making a decision, Kyuhyun carefully hugged the shorter man from behind and tightened his arms around the thin waist after Jongwoon made no move to push him away.

"...Can you wait and see a few more weeks? Let's take time to see if that guy is really worthy of being your partner or not!"

"You want time? How long should I wait?"

"Erm, as long you can hold off? I need— I mean, we need a lot of time to thoroughly get to know someone!"

"Waiting again, huh?"

Jongwoon's chuckle sounded ironic and melancholic but when the smaller man turned around, his best friend's smile was nothing short of sunshine and joy. Jongwoon beamed and returned the hug while giving him an answer.

"It seems like I'm fated to keep waiting but what can I do? After all, I'm the biggest fool in this situation."

"Jongwoon?"

His dear best friend didn't elaborate on his cryptic message, just humming while putting his head on his shoulder.

****************************************

Author's note:

Dense Kyu finally got un-dense! 🥳 Took him a lot of time and a visit to psychiatrist Teuk (who may or may not play a big role in the story). Will JW really go on a date with Siwon? How will Kyu try to win his "best friend" heart? (Or did he ever have to? 👀)

Look forward to the end next week! 

Take care and love you!   <3