I am not using italics for this chapter because it is all a flashback

**

(May 2016)

10.10 AM
To : Joohyun unnie
Can we meet at lunchtime, unnie?

11.30 AM
To: Joohyun unnie
Please let me know when you’re free.

11.50 AM
To: Joohyun unnie
Why aren’t you replying?
You’ve already read my messages.

Seungwan sighed for the nth time. Professor Kim, who was droning on about contemporary art, couldn’t hold her focus at the moment. She kept glancing at her phone screen. The read receipts on her chat bubbles indicated that Joohyun had already read her messages, but there was no reply.

After what happened last night, Seungwan couldn’t sleep at all. The remnants of her exhaustion were still evident on her face. She almost missed her morning class today, and her disheveled hair was proof that she didn’t even have time to comb it because she was in such a hurry.

When she got home last night, all she did was clear her mind and think hard, and she came to the conclusion that she was in love with Joohyun. She was really in love with her.

Ever since they met, she couldn’t deny that she had already felt thousands of butterflies in her stomach. In fact, for the past 2 months, Seungwan had unknowingly made Joohyun a part of her routine. She had lunch with Joohyun, studied with Joohyun, hung out with Joohyun—it was all about Joohyun.

What happened last night further solidified her desire to have the older girl be more than just a senior. She wanted the older girl to be her lover. Seeing how Joohyun also gave her signals further convinced her that the feeling was mutual.

“Hey, Seungwan, focus. Why have you been staring at your phone all this time?” The long-haired girl next to her reprimanded.

Seungwan snapped out of her reverie, her fingers clenching together again. Sooyoung, who saw this, frowned.

“Wan, do you want to talk after this?” Sooyoung’s tone sounded worried about her friend.

The shorter girl hesitated. Before she could open , Sooyoung spoke again.

“Is it about that Irene sunbaenim?”

Seungwan’s eyes widened in surprise when she heard Sooyoung. How did her friend know the source of her anxiety? Did she unknowingly say her thoughts out loud?

“You’re so easy to read, Seungwan-ah…” Sooyoung once again answered Seungwan’s unspoken question.

Giving up because Sooyoung could see through her, Seungwan finally spoke up, “Well…actually last night something happened…”

Sooyoung’s expression changed. She was very interested to hear about Seungwan’s relationship development after she successfully provoked their senior.

“Okay, now it’s getting interesting. Spill the tea…”

Seungwan took a deep breath, “I’ll tell you after this…”

**

“So, after what happened last night, Irene sunbaenim didn’t reply to your chat?” Sooyoung asked, busy chewing on her kimbab at the cafetaria.

Seungwan was still staring at her phone with sadness. Joohyun really didn’t respond to her. Was her senior angry about what happened last night? But Seungwan was sure there was no anger in Joohyun’s eyes. After all, Joohyun was the one who started it all.

“Yeah…” Seungwan replied shortly.

“I think she’s scared…” the taller girl once again expressed her opinion.

“Scared of what?” This time, Seungwan was confused by Sooyoung’s words.

Sooyoung shook her head in disbelief at how inexperienced her friend was.

“You guys practically made out without any status, plus she was the one who initiated it, so what do you think?” She gave Seungwan a rhetorical question.

“I think? What?” Seungwan repeated Sooyoung’s question dumbfoundedly.

Sighing in frustration, Sooyoung massaged her temples, signaling that she had had enough patience with her idiot friend when it came to love matters.

“She’s not ready to see you, idiot!”

“But I’m sure our feelings are mutual!” Seungwan exclaimed, unable to believe that Joohyun was currently avoiding her.

“Seungwan, my smartest and richest friend ever, love is not just a matter of whether your feelings are mutual. It’s something complex…” Sooyoung felt proud of her wise words.

“So what do you think I should do? I really need to talk to her.” Seungwan sighed sadly again as she glanced at the chat room with no replies.

“What do you want to talk about?”

“Umm…” Seungwan was fidgeting her fingers, “confessing maybe?” She sounded unsure.

Sooyoung stared at Seungwan for a moment, watching how her friend sounded hesitant.

“Do you really want to confess your feelings to her?” Sooyoung asked carefully.

Seungwan nodded, though she sounded unsure. Her eyes, however, were filled with determination.

“Hmm, to be honest, I don’t want to discourage you, but seeing how she’s even avoiding you now, she’s probably also confused…” Sooyoung tried to explain her opinion carefully. She didn’t want to hurt her friend’s feelings, but on the other hand, she also wanted her friend to be happy and be with the girl of her dreams.

Actually, Sooyoung had already suspected this since the first time she saw how their senior behaved when she was with Seungwan. To Sooyoung, Joohyun’s eyes screamed ‘You’re mine, Seungwan!’ but at the same time, they also implied ‘but I’m so stupid, I don’t know if I really like you or if I’m ready to commit to a relationship.’

“I’m sure our feelings are mutual.” Seungwan was adamant about what she felt.

“Well, if you really feel the need to talk to her, try to meet her.” Sooyoung gave up.

“How? She’s not replying to my chats…” Seungwan’s lips pouted.

Sooyoung gave her a deadpan stare, unable to believe how her genius friend could become a super duper idiot when dealing with Joohyun.

“Seungwan, you’ve practically been a part of her routine lately. You should know better where you can find that girl, no?”

“Oh…”

As if waking up from a long sleep, she realized that she had memorized Bae Joohyun’s schedule for the past 2 months. It shouldn’t be difficult to find where the girl was.

“OMG! I just realized it, Sooyoung! Thank you, I have to find her now!” Seungwan hurriedly slung her backpack and stood up to leave.

Sooyoung could only shake her head and say, “I just hope you don’t get hurt, Wan-ah…”

(Night, In front of Joohyun’s Apartment)

Seungwan ended up waiting for Joohyun in front of her apartment building, squatting down in front of the building access. She had been trying to find the girl since noon. She visited the business school building, even met with Taeyeon to ask about Joohyun’s whereabouts, but to no avail.

She had waited in front of the convenience store, remembering that Joohyun had a night shift today, but Joohyun never showed up. She only found out that Joohyun had taken a leave from her shift that day after the store manager saw Seungwan sitting outside for 2 hours.

Her only hope at the moment was this apartment. After all, Joohyun would definitely come home to her apartment. She knew the girl’s schedule; Joohyun wouldn’t come home before 10 PM. Seungwan glanced at her watch, the hands pointing to 10:15 PM. Joohyun should be arriving soon.

Sure enough, not long after, the familiar figure that Seungwan had been looking for all day finally appeared. Joohyun looked surprised to see Seungwan waiting in front of her apartment building.

Joohyun’s steps stopped for a moment, as if she was hesitant to continue her remaining 20-meter journey home. However, Seungwan, who saw this, immediately ran towards Joohyun. She didn’t want to miss this opportunity.

“Unnie…” Seungwan gasped for breath after sprinting.

“Hmm, yeah?” Joohyun seemed reluctant to accept Seungwan’s presence at the moment. However, she could no longer avoid her.

“Where have you been all day? You didn’t even reply to my messages.” Seungwan pouted, her tone clearly disappointed.

Joohyun remained silent, unable to answer. She couldn’t possibly tell Seungwan that she had been deliberately avoiding the younger.

Seeing Joohyun who was just silent, Seungwan took the initiative to pull Joohyun’s wrist and walked her to the park near the apartment. They both sat on a bench. Silence reigned for a few minutes before Seungwan finally opened .

“Can we talk?”

“We are talking now…” Joohyun replied coldly.

Seungwan scratched her nape, confused by Joohyun’s attitude. She didn’t know what was wrong.

“I want to talk about last night…” Seungwan opened the conversation again.

**

“We are talking now…” Joohyun didn’t mean to be cold, but those words just came out. A wave of guilt washed over her as she saw Seungwan’s confused expression.

She really felt like she had done her best playing hide and seek to avoid Seungwan today. Knowing how Seungwan memorized her schedule, she deliberately avoided the places Seungwan would go. She didn’t expect Seungwan to come to her apartment.

“I want to talk about last night…”

Joohyun’s jaw clenched at Seungwan’s words. She had already guessed what she wanted to talk about, but she wasn’t ready and wasn’t in the mood to discuss this. Joohyun was too confused about her own feelings.

She turned her face to Seungwan, and she didn’t like seeing Seungwan’s eyes looking at her with such hope.

“I don’t think there’s anything to talk about, Seungwan-ah.” Joohyun's voice was a hoarse whisper, the lie scraping against .

Hope shattered in Seungwan's eyes. It was like watching a star collapse, the light dying from the center outward. Quickly, Joohyun averted her gaze, a coward to the end.

“Why? I thought…we had something special?” Seungwan’s voice cracked, barely above a whisper. A thick silence hung between them.

Joohyun remained a statue, a beautiful, unfeeling thing.  All she could offer right now was this brutal distance. She wasn't ready, not for anything real, not for any kind of relationship.

“I..I like you, unnie, not as a junior-senior, I like you as someone special, as someone I want to spend the rest of my time with…” Each word from Seungwan’s lips was a shard of glass, cutting deep, the confession raw and bleeding.

The older girl struggled to swallow the lump in before finally speaking, “The rest of what? We’re still young, Seungwan-ah, whatever happened last night was just a mistake. We don’t need to talk about it anymore, okay? You’re just confused.”

Seungwan’s heart sank at Joohyun’s words. Mistake? How could those fevered moments, that spark no one could deny, be a mistake? How could Joohyun say that when it was her lips that started the wildfire in Seungwan's heart? She was 100% aware that she wasn’t confused, she was very sure of what she felt, and she was also 100% sure that her senior had the same feelings.

“Why are you so sure that it was just a mistake? You were the one who started it first?!” Seungwan’s voice rose, edged with an anger she'd never allowed herself before.

Surprise flickered in the sculpted lines of Joohyun's face – she hadn't expected rebellion, not this Seungwan who was always so soft, so reverent.

“We just got carried away,